Being here in this room in this city, I am fairly certain no amount of alcohol will pacify me. Snapping open my first bottle as I enter the room my throat burns with my first sip, Not nearly as much as my temper burns though. I take another huge swig and close my eyes gritting my teeth and willing myself not to scream. I throw my bag on the bed hearing the other pints of liquor clink together. I hope I haven't broken any I am going to need every drop of that liquid courage to make it through this night without breaking. Swinging off the bottle again I reach into the bag to pull out another bottle, turning to offer it to Dean I notice he has no interest in it. He has already thrown himself on the bed as he attempts to fight back his sobs. Oh well more for me. I hate it when he is like this soon he will be completely lost in his own thoughts and won't even know I am here. Tipping back the bottle once again I empty the contents in one guzzle; I throw my arm back then pitch the bottle at the wall, hard! I see Dean jump as the sound snaps him out of his daze and I somehow know that he is still alright that way. I turn around and snap open the cap from my second bottle grabbing the bag off the bed and hearing the clank of the bottles hitting each other again. Taking another large sip I grit my teeth again and head for the chair in the corner.

Taking another swig off my bottle I can't help but notice this second bottle is much smoother. The taste is welcoming now. It almost cooling now as it slides down my throat. Finishing off the second bottle I chuck it against the wall. It's empty like me. As I crack open bottle three I realize this liquid is not going to fulfill me, I don't care though I have very little to care about thats each sip I take clarity swims through me and I know for sure that one of the only things I do care about are on the bed in front of me crumbling like bottle number three just did when it hit the wall. Bottle four had a even more welcoming taste as I willed myself to slow down a bit before this chair becomes my bed tonight.

Mumbling to myself I swear I will get revenge, not for the chair shot or the beat down but for the way that he made Dean feel. I no longer see the point in nursing this bottle. I need to just get it over with. I need to get enough alcohol in me that I can just pass out before I do something dumb. I just want this night to end. I want to go to sleep and wake up and have this be a nightmare. I know I won't have that happen though and I know that the next few weeks will be very tough. Bottle four meets the wall with another crash and I see Dean slightly jump again.

I can't open bottle five fast enough my mouth has almost gone dry. Its only been moments since my last sip but my body longs for the taste. Dean barely said anything at all on the drive over here. I could barely stand to look at him because of the look of disappointment on his face. After all I knew enough about Dean to know he felt as if it was his fault. As much as he has been hurt before by people he always blamed himself for it. The crash of bottle five warranted enough of a reaction from him that he actually turned to look at me. As my eyes locked on his I tried to convey to him that it would all be alright without saying a word. I couldn't control myself any longer though and I started to laugh. He looked at me as if I was crazy. Maybe I was but tonight had to be the night when I could manage to put my emotions into words. I forced myself to stand trying to steady myself once I was on my feet and made my way over to the bed.

I tore my clothes off not knowing what else to do. Hoping Dean would see my nakedness as my attempt to expose my soul. He looks up at me confused. "Undress" I command as I help him to his feet. He stands there and slowly takes both hands tangling his long slender fingers into the hem of his shirt he raises it to expose his chest as he pulls it off, messing his hair even more as he slips it off over his head. I can't control myself and I work eagerly on his belt buckle, Determined to get his jeans off, making swift work of my mission I then tug his boxers down. I feel his body become tense, he has no need to worry though. I don't want to fuck him, I just want to hold him and feel his skin against mine. I just want him to know I care and hold him as he hopefully allows him self to sleep and get some much needed rest.

I make him get on the bed and lay his head on my chest as I embrace him and slowly run my fingertips up and down his spine. I feel him relax into me and I confess that it was always him. "Dean we may not always seem like we are on the same page but the one thing I wish we would agree upon is who I couldn't help but stare at that first night in this room." He sighs, "It was you, I only saw you" "You are what matters to me now and I am glad that it wasn't you who betrayed me"! I lean in and smell his hair, Mmmm peaches, he always smelled so sweet. I run my fingers through his hair attempting to tame it. I feel him relax against me and his breathing has slowed. He sleeping whispers against my chest "I love you" And I quickly answer "I love you more." He may not believe me but I always have.