AN; Hey every-body, thanks for the comment, I think as any writer on this site will agree on, those are always welcome.
And well, hopefully those whom reads have figured what kind of fic this is by now.. there'll be no romance, no pairings and no slash. This is ALL for humour, as should be even more obvious from this chapter.
I turned Usopp into a woman, simply because the thought amused, and because I thought Usopp could have been a great character if he had been a woman but kept all of his usual traits. Oh well, he is also great as he is now! Love him a lot, just as he is in One piece.
But oh well, hope you'll have fun reading. Thanks again. Moonbird.
"This stinks." Usopp hissed. Her hammock had been removed from the mens quarters, and now hung down in the cargo of the ship, among salty fish, barrels of old cola and mouldy biscuits.
A perfectly miserable ending to a perfectly miserable day.
"Stupid cook." Usopp mumbled as he pulled in her thread she had at hand. "Stupid island." She then said as she put a needle through the brown cloth. "Stupid cave, stupid women, stupid, stupid, STUPID!" Usopp at last yelled getting more and more violent with each motion until she at last prick herself in the finger and as a result hauled in pain. "AUWWW!" she hissed waving her finger.
"What on earth is all of that noise?"
Usopp turned his neck around and saw Nami standing right behind him, looking slightly irritated. "What are you doing up here as such and early hour?" Usopp asked. Indeed it was very very early, no-body had risen from bed yet, not even Sanji.
"I had the last night-watch tonight, what about you?" Nami asked annoyed.
"The cargo smells really bad, didn't want to be there longer than absolutely necessary." Usopp told, turning back to her sewing.
"What are you doing?" Nami asked in a blink.
"Expanding my overalls." Usopp informed as she bit over a thread.
"You can do that?" Nami asked.
"Sure, I had to sew them in when I got them the first time around." Usopp told. "I got them from this farmer back at Syrup for helping him out with the crops, and he had gotten to fat for this stack of overalls any-way. Turned out to be the deal of my life, they are perfect practical clothing, I didn't have to worry at all about clothes on my many adventures with these." She mumbled.
"You got a stack of overalls in payment from a farmer?" Nami asked as she wrinkled her nose. "What did you help him with, sweeping dung?" she asked.
"And so what if I did? I lived alone as an orphan on Syrup, only money I got was from what-ever odd job I could come across. Dish-washing, carrying stuff, fixing roofs, cleaning." Usopp shrugged. "Sweeping dung." She at last added a little bitterly at Nami. "It was a living. And it was a perfectly good one to!"
"Explains your enormous skill-set." Nami had to admit.
"Then of cause I had to safe the village now and then." Usopp grinned. "Sea-kings would come to Syrup, and all would call for me, CAPTAIN USOPP!"
Nami rolled her eyes then leaned her head in her hand, indeed, Usopp only looked slightly different, she was absolutely the same underneath that.
Then both got a big startle as a big yell sounded.
"ARRRRRGGGHHHH!"
Wide-eyed Usopp sprung up. "What was that?" she asked.
"It.. I think it came from the mens quarters." Nami swallowed.
The next moment, a roar sounded, a roar of laughter… it sounded like Zoro was laughing loudly, and Luffy was joining into the laughter to.
Nami and Usopp exchanged looks, before they both took a step towards the mens quarters.
They didn't get to far though, before the door was slammed open, and out stumbled a tall lean man, covering his face with his hands. But even then it was obvious that some-thing was dead wrong.
"San-Sanji." Usopp stammered looking at the stumbling men. "YOU'RE GREEN!"
Sanji looked up from his hands, at Nami and Usopp, and revealed, all of him, had become a light green colour, the exact same colour as Zoro's hair.. but it wasn't just Sanji's hair that was green, it was his face, his hands, his lips, all of his skin, green.
"Usopp." Sanji realised. "NAMI-SWAN!" he exclaimed and then fell down on his knees, tears streaming down from his eyes.
Immediately the rest of the male crew poked out their heads to look at Sanji, and then they started to laugh, again, especially Zoro and Luffy.
As Usopp looked at Sanji, suddenly the feeling also bubbled up in her throat, and Usopp let out a giggle, that sound evolved to a full laughter as he pointed at Sanji in hysterics. "Take that Sanji!" She yelled as she laughed. "What was it Zeff kept on calling you? Asparagus?" she asked hauling in laughter, almost rolling around on the deck as she held her stomach.
"YOU SHITTY ASS SNIPER!" Sanji yelled as he charged directly for Usopp with a fist clinched in the air.
Immediately Usopp braced herself with her arms, and then… nothing.. Usopp blinked. Nothing had hit her, swallowing Usopp looked up, to realise that Sanji's fist was mere inches away from her head.
Sanji's whole being seemed to be shaking as he held that fist in place, a huge battle going on on his face.
Then Usopp suddenly realised. "You.. you can't hit me." She realised. "YOU ARE PHYSICALLY INABLE TO HURT ME!" she yelled pointing up at Sanji with a big grin splashed all over her face. "Oh this is to good!"
"You… shitty." Sanji hissed chewing on his lips.
"Hah, what are you going to do Sanji?" Usopp asked in a grin as she stood up, hands on her hips in a proud pose. "Kick me? You can't even hit me!" he yelled.
Just then another fist hit Usopp from behind, making her fall on the ground.
"I how-ever, don't have any such problems." Nami hissed, cracking her knuckles as Usopp was nursing a new bump on her head. "Yo, what happened?" she asked.
"I don't know." Luffy shrugged. "Sanji woke me up when he screamed, then I realised he was green."
"Sanji?" Nami asked looking at the cook.
"I don't know!" Sanji exclaimed. "I just woke up, washed my face before I was going to prepare breakfast, and when I looked in the mirror. THIS HAD HAPPENED!" Sanji cried holding up both hands. "How could this happen? What will all the worlds girls think?" he asked.
"Oi, don't get to full of yourself." Nami snorted.
Brook still laughed behind his hand.
"Beside we have weirder looking crew-members on this ship all-ready." Nami pointed out glancing at Brook and Chopper.
Usopp hrmpfed as she thoughtfully held her chin, sitting on the deck with crossed legs. "You don't think this happened because we both went into that cave do you?" he asked looking up at the others.
Every-body halted, as they looked at Usopp.
"I mean." Usopp laughed nervously scratching her hair. "Only me and Sanji seems to be affected, only thing we did different than you guys, was going into the cave, you think maybe it's… it's.." Usopp swallowed. "Cursed?" she asked.
Sanji blinked, then he seemed to grow furious. "THAT SHITTY ASS CAVE!" he yelled. "I'M GOING TO DESTROY IT!" he yelled turning to the shore.
"NOOO!" Usopp yelled thrusting herself at Sanji, holding on unto his back. "IF YOU DO THAT WE MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO RETURN TO NORMAL!" she yelled.
"Does that really matter?" Luffy asked, only to receive a big simultaneous
"YES SHITTY CAPTAIN!"
From both Sanji and Usopp.
Nami groaned deeply, before she pulled Usopp down from Sanji by grabbing the neck of her t-shirt. "You two, calm it." She demanded. "Sanji, go cool down and make us some break-fast." She demanded.
"Hai, Nami-swan." Sanji muttered, looking very very displeased about their current situation.
"Usopp, go take a bath, you stink of mould." Nami told.
"WELL I WOULDN'T IF I HADN'T HAD TO SLEEP IN THE CARGO!" Usopp exclaimed, only to be taken in the ear by Nami.
"Being a girl might get you special favours from the men in this crew, but it wont work on me, so suck it up." Nami hissed.
"Nami sure is scary when she gets like this." Chopper swallowed and Franky, Brook and Luffy nodded.
"I guess I'll have to go take a look at that cave after breakfast then." Zoro snorted. "The quicker we figure this out the better."
"Maybe I should go with you." Chopper asked. "This could be a medical phenomena." They all nodded and it was agreed. To go to the mysterious cave after breakfast.