The First Night

It is 3am and Chandler is certain he has made a huge mistake. "No good deed goes unpunished." He thought to himself. His intentions were good. He wanted to give Monica a break, even if just for one night.

Ever since they brought the twins home from the hospital, while they were still living in the apartment, Monica took the lead seeing to all their needs. She would consistently beat him into the spare bedroom whenever one of the babies would begin to stir. When the twins were asleep, wherever she was, that baby monitor followed. Even when she would walk over to Joey's apartment across the hall just to quickly let Chandler know dinner was ready; the monitor was tight in her grasp.

Chandler didn't mind being second-in-command when it came to the twins. The way he saw it, he was already second-in-command when it comes to everything else; what's one more thing? Besides, Monica had been better prepared to take care of the twins than he was. She had practical experience from all those times she helped Ross with Ben and Rachel with Emma. She read all the baby books she could find, most of them twice. She created color-coded cross-referencing charts, which she tried in vain to explain to her husband. "Chandler, it's easy: if Erica isn't giving you a burp, then you go to the green sheet in the Erica folder. Find the style of burping you are currently trying here along the top and the amount of food she ate down here on the side. When you connect the two you find this box with the page numbers for these three books, listing all the other burping techniques that are optimal for that situation. Then you mark down which one worked with the date and time on this pink sheet so we can reference it the next time. I don't know how much simpler it could be." She might as well have been speaking a foreign language to him.

Monica appeared to have already mastered everything when it came to the twins. Feedings, diapering, swaddling; there wasn't anything it seemed she couldn't do. She had it all down to a tight routine. Every three and a half hours, night or day, she would prepare two new bottles of formula and bring them into their room. Jack, normally the first to stir, would get a quick diaper change and then a feeding. She would burp him, change him again and then place him in the mechanical baby swing at the lowest setting, twisting the musical mobile so it would play its gentle lullaby. While Jack was slowly swaying, lulled into a stupor from a belly full of formula, it would be Erica's turn.

Monica would coo, make exaggerated faces, and talk to both babies at every step. She would smother them with kisses and marvel at their tiny hands and feet. Soon enough, it would be time to put them back down. One last diaper check, a perfect swaddle in their sleep sack, and back to the crib for another three-to-four-hour nap. In Chandler's eyes, it was a forty-five-minute masterpiece. Like a perfectly choreographed ballet or a highly skilled pit crew at the Indy 500, all wrapped up in one amazing woman.

The entire time, Chandler would be there with her, handing over a clean diaper or a burping cloth. Baby powder, gauze, Vaseline, a clean outfit, anything Monica requested he would pull out from the changing table like a surgical assistant. Most of the time, he held one of the twins while Monica tended to the other one. The entire first week, they worked seamlessly as a team. "We are so winning at taking care of babies." she would whisper gleefully as she closed the door behind them.

In these moments, mostly late at night, when they both were tired, holding their children, they would look at each other, smile and share this unspoken, mutual acknowledgment of how lucky they were. How extremely grateful they were to be holding these two babies. It was a long and emotionally draining road getting to this point; filled with doubts and fears that they only shared with each other. Many times, they worried this would never happen for them. That they would never get to be parents. But now, those nights that were filled with such dread have mostly faded away. This afternoon, when they finally arrived at the house, after the last of the movers had gone, it dawned on them that this was it. Everything they had been through over the last two years culminating in this moment. They had their children; they had their new home and they had each other.

Monica didn't skip a beat. With the babies asleep in their room, she began breaking down boxes of kitchenware and organizing the drawers and cabinets; baby monitor never too far from her hands. Chandler took this time to go upstairs and make up their bed, he put some clothes for the next few days in the dresser and set up some towels in the bathroom. When he was finished, he walked over to the nursery to check on the twins.

He stopped short of entering and stood at the doorway, almost fearful that if he moved in any closer, he would disturb their sleep. They had the room painted a pretty shade of yellow. There was a cherry wood crib with a divider in the middle, and a matching changing table with some shelves attached. Two cushioned rocking chairs with ottomans for those nights both parents would have to settle down with a fussy baby. The mechanical swing and the vibrating chair settled against the wall. There were several stuffed animals, lined up on two shelves that were hung from the wall, including two Hugsy penguins, gifts from their Uncle Joey. The walls were adorned with decals of classic Winnie the Pooh characters, Monica picked them out of a catalog, preferring the look of the original character designs. It was important to her that the nursery was ready before they moved in, so throughout the week Ross had helped them with the painting and furniture assembly. As Chandler looked around the room, he couldn't help but feel as though everything was falling into place.

He made his way back downstairs to the kitchen, with thoughts of grabbing some food from a local take-out place for a late supper in his head. As he turned the corner, before he could say anything, he found Monica, at the kitchen table, her head down on her arms, fast asleep. Chandler was used to his wife burning the candle at both ends, but now with the babies, he imagines it must be overwhelming to keep up at her pace.

Chandler checked the time. It was just after eight. He quickly calculated that he had a little over two hours to go before the twins would wake up, looking for a late supper of their own. Chandler crept up to his sleeping wife and pried the baby monitor from her hand. She stirred for a moment and opened her eyes. "Mon, you're exhausted. Why don't you go to bed? We can finish up tomorrow."

"I just need to rest my eyes for a few minutes." And with that, she fell back asleep.

"Well, why don't you rest them in the bedroom." Chandler crouched down and leaned his wife's body into him. As he pulled the chair out, he hooked one arm underneath her thighs and the other around her shoulders. Monica instinctively nestled herself against her husband's chest as he lifted her from the chair. He carried her out of the kitchen and up the stairs to their bedroom. Once he entered the room, he gently laid her down on the bed. He pulled the covers up over her shoulders and placed a kiss on her cheek. Monica made some unintelligible protest but was soon breathing evenly and letting out soft, almost inaudible snores. Chandler looked back at her one more time and closed the door. "Not how I wanted to celebrate our first night, but it'll have to do."

Chandler walked over to one of the spare bedrooms and rustled around in some of the unopened boxes. He dug out a plain white sheet, a fleece blanket and a pillow. He made his way downstairs and set himself up a makeshift bed on the couch in the den. He then entered the kitchen to retrieve the baby monitor and grab a slice of cold pizza from the fridge that he then munched on at the table.

When he finished eating, he decided to set his watch alarm for 10pm. He laid down on the couch, turned up the monitor, and, not ready to fall asleep, grabbed his book from the end table.

His first visit of the night with the twins went well. He was surprised at how much he must have absorbed from watching Monica all week. Chandler was already awake when the alarm on his watch went off and had previously set up the baby bottles with water at room temperature like the books told him too. "I can't believe I remember something from a baby book! I have to tell Monica tomorrow morning." He added the powdered formula and shook the bottles to mix it in and then brought them upstairs. He took turns with the twins and tried to talk as softly as he could. He was determined not to wake Monica up. After about an hour he was done and the babies were back asleep. He did a little victory dance in the hallway and then made his way back to the den.

"This is a piece of cake. I don't know why people complain about babies so much." After setting up some new bottles with water he set his alarm for 2:30am and laid down on the couch to try and get some sleep, still giddy from his victorious first time alone caring for the twins.

A few hours later, Chandler awoke to what sounded like a cat meowing. He rolled over, deciding to ignore it while internally noting that he was missing the din of the city at night that would mask these solitary sounds. He tried to go back to sleep but the noises became louder, like a siren wailing. Suddenly, he sprung up, realizing it was the twins crying over the monitor. "Oh crap!" He got up from the couch and moved as quickly as he could up the stairs and into the nursery. There they were, both babies sobbing and fussing.

Looking into the crib, Chandler saw that Jack had gotten his arm out of the swaddle and was flailing it around, smacking himself. He looked over at Erica, who had spit up all over her side of the crib, soaking the mat in a milk-like substance.

He quickly picked up Erica first. He took off her clothes and dropped them in the laundry basket, cleaned her face and changed her diaper. He then attempted to rock her back to sleep. She wasn't making it easy, still sobbing and cranky. "I know baby girl, how about we sit in the swing." He brought her over to the mechanical swing and set her up hoping the rocking would help. She got a little quieter, but was still fussing about.

"What is it guys? Are you hungry?" Chandler assumed, realizing that they have been getting fed almost every time they woke up. He instinctively went to grab a bottle from the changing table, before it registered with him that he had not prepared the formula, and therefore did not have a bottle ready.

Just as he turned to go back downstairs, Jack began wailing louder than Chandler had ever heard before. He quickly snatched him up while also still making baby talk with Erica. Both babies crying and sobbing he placed Jack on the changing table and removed his diaper. "Okay buddy, lets get you cleaned up and then I'll feed you guys."

He was able to get Jack changed and after snapping up his onesie, he placed him in the vibrating chair. "Okay, look guys. You have to be quiet. Mommy is sleeping and Daddy is prone to panicking. if I start panicking then I start making bad jokes and sweating and nobody wants that. Just wait here so I can get your bottles? Deal?" To Chandler's surprise, it seemed like that worked as both babies began to quiet down.

Chandler returned quickly with freshly made formula, and it seemed like it was just in time as he could see Jack preparing himself for another bout of wailing. He quickly snatched him from the chair and fed him. This seemed to satisfy him as he calmed down. Once he was done, he put Jack back in the chair so he could focus his attention back on Erica, who was still fussing away in the swing.

He picked her up and prepared to feed her when he smelled something foul. "Oh baby." He complained, scrunching up his nose. "We have to do something about that." He carried her over to the changing table. He opened her diaper and froze. "Wait. How do you clean poop off when they have a lady thing? I mean, Jack I get, we have the same equipment. But Erica, you have a…lady thing. What do I do?" Erica just looked up at him, bleary eyed. "Okay. I guess, the number one rule would be to keep the P out of the V? Right?" He starts to carefully clean her, and for a moment feels like he finally has a handle on everything. Just then, Jack begins to cry again. "Oh buddy, give me a break, I'm working with a model I've never had before."

Chandler finally finishes with Erica and carries her over to Jack, sitting in the chair. He turns the nob up on Jacks chair to intensify the undulations which seems to work as Jack quiets back down again. He feeds Erica and places her back in the swing. While both babies seem finally mollified, he changes the crib sheet that Erica had spit up on.

"Okay, I think we're done guys." As if on cue, Jack begins to cry again. Chandler pulls him up and a familiar stench fills his nostrils. "Oh man. You guys must make the same brand or something." He gets Jack over to the table and pulls open the diaper revealing a foul-smelling, tar like substance in it. "The doctor said that this would happen, but oh my God are you babies disgusting." Chandler reached down for a wipe only to find the container empty. "You have to be kidding me." He looks across the room to the box of refills on the floor.

"Okay buddy, lets go for a little walk." He picks Jack up, to carry him, and then, suddenly, he starts to feel warm wetness against his chest. He looks down to a gurgling baby peeing on his stomach. "C'mon dude!" Chandler, without thinking, turns Jack around, but he keeps urinating and starts to get it on the wall. "Did you not hear me say 'c'mon dude' dude?" He turns the baby boy back around and Jack finishes relieving himself on Chandler's shirt.

After a few minutes he finishes cleaning Jack up and settles him back down into the chair. Chandler takes a deep breath and begins to remove his urine-soaked shirt. "How did something so little do all this? Okay, I'll be right back guys." He turns to leave the room and immediately steps in a wet spot on the floor, soaking through his sock. "Dammit. This was a huge mistake, wasn't it."

Chandler goes back downstairs to grab some cleaning supplies and paper towels, and upon returning to the nursery, starts to clean the floor. After a few minutes, still on the floor, he folds his arms and rests his head. "I just need to rest my eyes." A few seconds later he falls asleep on the floor. His nap only lasts for five minutes, and he wakes when he hears one of the twins fussing again. He looks over to see Jack, about to cry again. "C'mon buddy, you just ate, you can't be hungry. Why aren't you sleeping yet."

"Well, he likes the swing more than the chair. Erica likes the chair."

Chandler turns to see a sleepy Monica standing in the doorway. "Hey babe, I'm sorry. Did we wake you."

She yawns and slowly lurches into the room. "That's okay. Why didn't you come and get me to help out?"

Chandler lifts himself up from the floor and rubs his eyes for a moment. "You've been doing so much and I was worried about you. I wanted you to get a good night's sleep. You've been carrying the load for both of us with these two."

Monica makes her way over to Jack and picks him up. She sits down in one of the rocking chairs, cradling him as she starts to sway. "Chandler, that is so sweet, but I haven't been doing it all on my own. You've been with me every time. Helping me out." Monica looks down at her son and makes soft noises as she kisses him on the head.

Chandler takes Erica from the swing and sits with her in the other chair. "Really?"

"Really. Honey, this is too much for one person to do all the time. If I didn't have you to help me, I'd probably be a little lost."

Chandler, visibly taken aback from his wife's statement. "Monica, no you wouldn't. You're so good at this."

She scoffs. "Yes, I would. Chandler. I'm scared out of my mind."

Chandler, looking perplexed. "Why are you scared? You've been perfect."

"I'm worried that they'll get sick, or that I'll forget to do something that will ruin their mood. And sometimes I worry…" Monica looks out the window as she trails off.

"Mon, what is it?"

Tears prickle and begin to fall down her cheeks. Her voice cracks. "I worry that maybe they cry because they know I am not their mother."

Chandler can feel his heart break at that very moment. "Oh Mon. You're the only mother they know. If anything, they cry because they know you're their mother."

Monica snaps her gaze back to her husband, confused and a little insulted. "How is that better?"

Chandler shakes his head. "That's not what I meant. Let me explain. They know that the second they make a sound; you will come running. They know that if they cry, the person who loves them more than anybody else in the entire world is going to be there to sooth them. They cry, because they know their mom – you – will take care of them. They are crying for the only mother they have. They're crying for you."

Monica smiles as more tears slip down her face. "Chandler Bing. If I wasn't holding this baby, I would be all over you right now."

Chandler, looks down, noticing both twins are now asleep. "Well, maybe we put these babies down and see what happens."

Monica smiles and places the now sleeping Jack into the crib, swaddles him tight and leans over to kiss him. She takes Erica from Chandler and does the same for her daughter. She then turns her attention to her husband. "Thanks honey. See, I need you with me to say sweet things like that and keep me from going crazy." She wraps her arms around his neck and begins to kiss him, but pulls back quickly. "Honey. I really want to show my appreciation, but you smell like pee."