THINNER

SUMMARY:
He stood in front of the bathroom mirror and stared at his reflection. His hands shook as he pinched the skin on his stomach. His breath was heavy and a tear trickled down his face.

Why couldn't he be like his brothers? Have a lean frame like Joe or a wiry body like Nick? Why did his thighs look humongous and why was he so ugly?

He put his hands to his eyes and sobbed. Pulling his fingers away he looked at his reddened eyelids in the mirror, coughed a few times, and then wiped his hands on his pants. He stared at himself hard and he decided one thing.

He needed to become thinner.

2.

"Um... Kevin?" Joe looks worriedly at him. "You haven't even like touched your salad." Joe pokes the piece of lettuce stabbed by Kevin's fork. "And since when have you gone all 'vegetarian' on us?"

Kevin stares at the piece of lettuce and reluctantly brings it up to his mouth, making sure that it has no dressing on it first. He readjusts his bandana and looks at Joe. "I don't know really. I just don't think I should eat meat anymore."

"Why not?" Nick says, stuffing his face with a burger. "Come on Kevin, we're going on tonight; you have to eat something."

"No," Kevin says flatly. "I'm not hungry."

Right then his stomach decides to emit a loud growl.

Joe looks skeptically at him. "Your stomach sounds kind of hungry."

Kevin sighs, his mind flashing back to the morning. 155? He'd lost practically no weight for so much puking and starving. He'd just to have to try harder, he'd decided.

But the smell from Nick's cheeseburger is nauseating and his head is spinning. Kevin puts a tomato in his mouth.

"I don't know, you guys. Meat just... really grosses me out right now. I mean, I don't know, I don't want to eat cows anymore," he says lamely.

Nick stares at him. Nick dips his cheeseburger into some ketchup and takes another bite.

Kevin's stomach whines again.

He finishes the salad, telling himself he won't eat later.

-

The show is over and Kevin's back is full of sweat. His head is spinning and sweat drips from his face. He goes to the bathroom and washes the cold sweat off his face with even colder water.

His body needs food. His body needs energy.

But all Kevin can bring himself to drink is water.

His brothers are waiting for him to get in line for the Meet and Greet and he joins them.

They look at him and don't say anything. They all just start smiling for the fans.

Picture after picture after picture.

The lights flash bright on their faces and Kevin's mind drifts away. He realizes how dizzy he is and stables himself by grabbing onto the table hard. The world seems to be spinning and he can't keep anything in focus. He leans over and heaves until the salad comes out and there's a scream from the horrified girl standing next to him. He hears himself try to apologize wildly and sees Joe run over and yell at Nick to get paper towels but the whole time he's not really there.

Kevin's not really there.

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