Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews!

Chapter 2

"Hello," Johanna said softly as she answered the phone early the next morning.

"Hey," Jim said quietly.

Her gaze flicked to the clock. "It's 4:30 in the morning in Chicago…why aren't you asleep?" she asked. "You have to be in court in a few hours."

"I couldn't sleep," he replied. "You should still be in bed for a little while too."

"Yeah, well…apparently you knew I wouldn't be or you wouldn't have called at the crack of dawn."

"Did I wake you?"

"No…I'm just getting ready for work."

"It's kind of early…you don't have to be at work until eight."

"Yeah; well…I have things to do."

"You didn't get them all done last night?"

"If you must know, I got the laundry done and the bathroom cleaned."

He was quiet for a long moment. "I'm sorry about last night."

Johanna cast a quick glance at the bed to check on Katie and saw that she was still sleeping soundly and so she left the room once more; returning to the step she had sat on hours before during their last conversation. "It's alright, it's my fault."

"How do you figure?" Jim asked.

"I keep asking you the same questions and it makes you feel like you're being nagged…I'm sorry. I won't ask anymore; you can tell me when you know."

"You're my wife…you're supposed to ask."

"I'm not so sure about that some days," she admitted. "Did you need anything else?"

"Are you in a hurry to get me off the phone?"

"No…I just…"

"You're still mad."

"I'm not mad, Jim…I'm just tired and I guess last night I was just lonely but I'm over it. Everything is fine, I'm just trying to think of something fun for Katie and I to do tonight that's holiday themed."

"You're over missing me?" he asked.

"Yeah; you made it pretty easy to get over last night…Chicago seemed like a really good place for you to be."

"I'm sorry…I had a few drinks while I was out because I needed to blow off steam and I think it made me act like an ass towards you."

"That's alright, I'm used to it," she replied.

He sighed deeply. "Listen…don't give up the job at Columbia."

"Why not? You don't want me to take it…and I don't want to cause problems between us over it. I feel like we already have problems."

"We've just had a rough year, Jo," he told her. "Our jobs have changed…like you said, we're not in the same building for work anymore so we don't see each other as much as we're used to…and now I'm traveling. It's the holiday season and I'm not there to help you get things taken care of…I know you do a lot and I never meant to make it seem like you don't. Let's face it, everything would fall apart if you weren't taking care of it and that's the truth."

"It'll just make things worse…I shouldn't have taken the job in the first place. You were right, we didn't discuss it."

"It doesn't matter," he remarked quietly. "I didn't discuss my job with you…I didn't have to take the promotion."

"What?" she asked.

"I didn't have to take it, Jo…I had the choice to decline and keep going as I was…but they said I could move up, start taking these bigger cases, get more money, better benefits for us and Katie. I didn't discuss it with you…I didn't tell you there was the option of declining, so I guess it's only fair that you did the same thing."

"It kind of seems like you don't tell me a lot of things lately, Jim," she murmured.

"I just…I guess I was afraid you wouldn't want me to take the promotion."

"I'd never stand in the way of something you wanted," she replied. "I thought you knew me better than that."

"Well I remember that job offer I got before and you weren't too happy about that."

"That job was in another state…and I didn't want you to leave because I wanted you to be here with me…and we weren't even together then. I wouldn't have stood in your way if you had decided to take it. It would've killed me inside but I would've seen you off at the airport, so don't blame me, Jim."

"I'm not blaming you…I just wanted this promotion and I guess I wanted to take it without any chance that you might say something that would make me think about it more. You have tried to talk to me about the offer from Columbia and I have put you off until you had no choice but to give an answer…it's something you want so you should do it."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because…you want it."

"I'm not so sure it's a good idea anymore," Johanna admitted.

"Why?"

"Because…like you said, it's more time away from Katie and I have enough to do, especially with you implying that you're not going to be around…I probably couldn't handle it," she answered; his words from the night before making her doubt herself and her abilities.

"You only feel that way because of me," he replied. "I said stupid things and now you don't want to do it…but I didn't mean it, Jo. It's important to you and I want you to take it."

"I already took it…but I feel like I was hasty now and that it's going to be an issue in the long run between us. I know you…you're only telling me to take it because you know it's what I wanted to hear."

"All that matters is that I'm telling you to take it," he remarked.

"What about what you said last night? You said I had bitten off more than I could chew and I'd regret it."

"I could be wrong," Jim told her.

"So you don't think I can do it?"

Her husband sighed deeply. "I don't know, Johanna. It's not even something you've ever mentioned wanting to do in the past."

"That doesn't mean that it doesn't interest me or that I can't do it. It might open more doors for me."

"I don't think you need a permanent second job."

"I didn't mean as a permanent second job…I meant it was something I could consider if I felt like I needed a career change."

"You're a lawyer, Jo; you wouldn't be happy teaching full time, not to mention that it would be a pay drop for you."

"It would be more stable hours and longer breaks to be with Katie."

"Katie will be starting school before long."

"Yeah…and those breaks would coincide with mine."

"Stick with what you know and what you trained for," Jim stated. "By all means, take this job for a semester but don't look at it as if it's going to be something that makes you give up practicing law."

"I didn't say I wanted to give up practicing law; I'm just thinking about the positives; I'd have something to fall back on if I felt like it was time to step away. Like right now…I've had a very slow three months, and I'm starting to worry that the business will never pick up."

"I make enough to take care of us; you don't need to worry about things being slow," he retorted. "I've told you to relax about it a hundred times."

"It's not about the money, Jim. It's about me being bored. I feel like I'd be better off being home this month; at least I'd have things ready for Christmas."

"Christmas will be fine, work will be fine. If you want to go do the teaching thing at Columbia, go do it, but don't make it into something more than it is…and think about what you're going to do if it does turn out to be too much for you."

Johanna scoffed. "You're so reassuring and supportive lately."

"I told you to take the damn job; I can't tell you if you can handle it or not because I don't know until you do it. I don't know if you'll like it or if you'll be good at it. I assume you will be; you taught Katie her ABCs and how to count and got her to memorize your mother's phone number, so I'm sure you'll manage…but if you still think you should back out of it, that's fine too."

"I'm sure it is," she murmured.

"I don't know what you want, Johanna."

"Nothing," she said quietly; wishing that she could say that she wanted everything she couldn't have at the moment…security, his assurance, his faith in her…his love…his presence.

"I guess it's a decision you have to make on your own, Jo," her husband remarked.

Like everything else, it seemed like. "Are you back in court today or is there a continuance so you can work out whatever it is that's going on with this thing."

"We're not due in court until ten," he answered. "We'll spend a couple hours working on some things before hand."

"I hope it works out for you."

"What's on your agenda today?"

"I have a couple appointments this morning and then just small things to take care of. I'm glad it's Friday, I won't have to worry about running out of things to do at my desk for the next two days. What are you going to do for the weekend? Because I don't believe for a minute that the three of you are going to spend the whole time working."

"We're going to pine for our wives," Jim said flippantly.

"That should take care of five minutes," she replied as she rose from the step she as sitting on. "I'm going to go; I want to finish getting ready for work and look over a few things before I get Katie up and breakfast started."

"Tell her I love her."

"You should've called last night when she was awake and told her yourself…then maybe she wouldn't have dreamed that she couldn't find you."

"I'll call her tonight," he said sharply.

"Maybe you should hold off on your drinks until you do that," she suggested.

"You know, I just wanted to talk to you this morning, clear up things from last night. I didn't want a temperance lecture."

"I wasn't offering one. I love you; try and get a little sleep so you'll be good to go for court," she told him.

"I'll try," Jim remarked. "Be careful getting to work."

"I will," she answered, waiting for him to say that he loved her too but all she heard was the click of the line as he hung up the phone and her heart throbbed painfully in response. There were moments when she wondered if his feelings for her had changed…and as her eyes blurred with tears, she wondered what she'd do if they had.

"Mommy," Katie said awhile later as she picked up a spoonful of cereal from her bowl.

"What, sweetheart?" Johanna asked as she put the orange juice back in the fridge.

"Did Daddy call?"

Johanna breathed deeply; she didn't want to lie to her but she also knew that her daughter wouldn't be happy to know that she had missed her father's call. "Yes, he called."

"Why didn't he talk to me?"

"Because he called really late and you were already sleeping," she explained.

Katie dipped her spoon back into her bowl, a frown on her lips. "Why did he call after I was asleep? Didn't he want to talk to me?"

She moved across the kitchen and sat down next to her daughter, brushing her hand over her chestnut colored curls. "Of course he wanted to talk to you; he was really disappointed that he didn't get to," she told her, the next lie forming on her tongue but it had to be done. "He didn't get to call until after you were asleep because he had to work late; but he's really sorry and he told me to tell you that he loves you."

"Will he call tonight?" Katie asked.

Jim had said that he would but she was afraid to say so, after all, going out and blowing off steam might once again be more important. "He's going to try really hard to call before you go to bed tonight, okay?"

"Okay."

She pressed a kiss against her temple. "It'll be okay. Finish your cereal so we can go. I bet Grandma has some Christmas things for you to help with today."

Katie nodded. "Grandma said we were going to make fudge for her to take to Church tomorrow for a sale; and maybe a cake too."

"Well that will be fun for you; you like helping Grandma bake, don't you?"

"Uh huh; she said I can have some fudge…and lick icing off the spoon," her daughter said with a grin.

Johanna laughed. "Sounds like you're going to have a good day. If I get off work early; and I'm not promising I will; but if I do, I'll come pick you up and we'll go see if you can find something to spend your birthday money on and then we'll go back to Grandma's for dinner."

"What if I pick something Santa's bringing me?" Katie asked.

"Well, you're supposed to look for something that you didn't ask Santa for," she replied; but come to think of it, her daughter, like most four year olds, had asked for nearly everything but they'd give it a shot anyway. "Now finish your cereal, we really do have to leave soon."

"How come you only ate toast, Mommy?"

She sighed a little, thinking of the knot in her stomach that had been there for longer than she cared to remember. "My stomach is a little upset this morning."

"Maybe you should stay with me and Grandma and she can take care of you cause she's your mommy," Katie suggested.

Johanna smiled. "I would very much like to stay home with you and Grandma but I have to go to work; I'll be okay, I promise," she told her, a sense of longing welling up within her at the idea of going home to her mother. It wasn't a bad idea, it was just too bad she couldn't go through with it.

"What's the schedule look like for the rest this afternoon?" Johanna asked Sharon.

"Your appointments are finished for today," her secretary replied. "The papers that needed filed with the court have been taken care of and the depositions you need for the Magruder case have been scheduled for after the New Year."

"So we don't really have anything urgent to do for the rest of the day?"

"Yeah, that's about the size of it…business is slow."

"Don't remind me," Johanna muttered.

Sharon gave her a sympathetic smile. "It'll pick up, Jo…you know things always lag around the holidays."

"Yeah; but not this much."

"Well…it's going to take time for people to find us."

Johanna sat down in one of the chairs in front of Sharon's desk. "I just wish we could go back to Roche's," she whispered.

Sharon sighed. "If he hadn't retired and allowed things to fall into Carl and Stanley's greedy little hands, we'd probably still be there…but once Roche was gone, we didn't stand a chance. He liked you…Stanley doesn't…Stanley hates you with a passion."

"Yes, I'm aware of that," Johanna remarked dryly.

"They don't like a lot of people, Jo; that's why we're here with Mark, Cathy, Frances and Maggie. It's why Karen had to go to the Devonshire firm and so did Amelia. It's why Adam is at that new firm…not to mention the other assistants, secretaries and lawyers I haven't named that got threw out with us."

"I know; it's just hard not to take it personally," she replied. "I have a good record…I gave them nine years!"

"I know," Sharon sighed; "You've told me a thousand times like I wasn't there with you every day of those nine years with the exception of my honeymoon and maternity leave."

Johanna frowned. "I guess I annoy you too."

"You don't annoy me; I just don't see any reason to keep harping on it. You can't change what happened so just accept it and move on."

"I'm sorry I mentioned it," she replied. "I'm going to look for a program to help me get rid of my nagging nuisance problem."

"Oh boy," Sharon muttered. "Who set you off? Is it that time of the month?"

"No, that was last week."

Her secretary nodded. "That explains last week's bitchiness. What's this week's excuse? Is it getting to you that Jim isn't home to grab you once in awhile?"

"No," she said sharply.

"It is," Sharon stated. "You're cranky from lack of…martial affection."

Johanna rolled her eyes. "Right, Sharon; lack of sex is at the top of my list of worries right now. I mean I only feel like my career is circling the drain. I've got Christmas breathing down my neck and I'm nowhere near ready for it, nor do I feel all that Christmassy. My husband has been gone for fifteen days and doesn't know when he's coming home and he doesn't seem the least bit bothered by it…in fact he seems to be having a good time…of course why wouldn't he be? He doesn't have to be a husband and father in Chicago. I took the job at Columbia only to have my husband tell me that he doesn't think I can handle it and that he doesn't want to take his share of the parenting responsibilities so that I can do it so I'm going to have to back out of it and I know when I do that they won't ever ask again. So not only is the career I have going down the tubes, I can't even get a feel for a new one because the only career that matters is Jim's while I do everything else myself. I feel like my marriage is going downhill and that I'm on my own as a parent right now…so yeah, lack of sex isn't really on the top of my list of worries right now."

"Maybe it would help the marriage tension," Sharon quipped.

She glared at her. "Yeah; if he ever decides to come home, I'll see if I can arrange it since you think that's the cure to every problem in the universe."

Sharon leaned back in her chair and studied her friend for a long moment. "What's going on, Jo?"

She shrugged. "I don't know…everything feels wrong and Christmas just seems to be magnifying the feeling. Jim left on the first so I have everything to do for the holiday and it's not always easy to do it all myself when he's not here to help occupy Katie. He calls and we either fight or we don't say much because he doesn't really tell me anything anymore. Ever since he got that promotion, it's all work for him and when he's not at work, he wants to be out 'blowing off steam' with his friends. If I ask when he's coming home or what he's doing, I'm nagging. When I mention something about Katie, it's either 'she'll be fine' or 'she always wants you anyway'. I get reminded that he's the one making the most money and he has to say it like I don't contribute at all…and then when I told him I took the other job; he gets mad. I just can't win lately…I don't know what's going on…we were fine all summer and then things have just slowly started to deteriorate. He knew since early November about this trip to Chicago and he didn't bother to tell me until three days before he was leaving. It was supposed to be four days…then a week…now he doesn't know when he'll be back. I asked if he'll be home for Christmas; he claims he will be but can't promise that he won't have to go back to Chicago afterwards…and you know, I'm a nag for asking."

"It's probably just the stress of the job," Sharon replied. "I'm sure he does need to blow off steam."

"He used to do that with me," she remarked tartly.

"Well…maybe he needs to do it another way right now. Just relax, it'll be fine."

"I don't want my husband out drinking every night, Sharon."

"You're probably just exaggerating it," her friend told her. "So he's going out a little more than usual; this time of year seems to inspire that; everyone is stressed. Maybe we should go out for drinks."

"Oh sure; I'll just let Katie home alone and meet you at the bar at six."

Sharon rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you can find a sitter."

"I don't want to find a sitter. I want my life to be normal again."

"Chill out and it will be," her friend replied. "You let everything get to you; come on, it's Christmas, a time to be happy."

It was hard to be happy when you felt like your life was on the verge of falling apart, Johanna thought to herself.

"Come on, Jo," Sharon went on. "I'm sure it's not as bad as you make it seem."

"I didn't know you lived in my house and knew what went on behind closed doors."

Sharon's brow rose. "Okay; you're not ready for rational thinking. What else is going on that makes you think everything is collapsing?"

She shook her head; her friend clearly didn't want to wade through the issues like they normally did. Sharon was in the mood to be dismissive…probably hoping they were closing up the office early since she had asked about the schedule. She rose from the chair, smoothing a wrinkle from her skirt as she did so. "I'm going to finish up a few things and get out of here before two."

"What are you doing after work?" Sharon asked.

"I'm going to go put up the Christmas lights my baby wants on the porch that her father didn't hang up before he left. Then I'm going to go get her and take her to spend her birthday money from her uncle and aunt and then we're going to have dinner at my mother's, go home, watch Christmas cartoons before she goes to bed. I'll then wrap more gifts and think up tomorrow's entertainment…because the only thing that matters right now is giving Katie a good Christmas regardless of who's here and who isn't."

"Do you want me to come help you with the lights?"

"No; I'm fine on my own," Johanna replied.

"Jo," Sharon said as she watched her walk back toward the inner office. "I feel like you're mad at me now."

"I'm not mad…I just sometimes don't know why I bother telling you anything," she remarked. "You're as bad as Jim; oh you're exaggerating, you just need to relax, don't worry…well I do worry; I worked my ass off to build up my reputation as a lawyer and then I get kicked to the curb like a piece of garbage and I don't care if I wasn't the only one, it still bothers me and I'm allowed to be bothered by it…I'm allowed to be bothered by the fact that I don't have the case load I'm used to having. I'm allowed to be bothered by the fact that my husband seems to be rubbing his bigger paycheck in my face to justify everything he does lately. I'm allowed to worry about my marriage and if my husband's feelings for me have changed…because I feel like they have, but no one wants to hear it so I just carry it alone like I do everything else because I get tired of being branded an exaggerator, or dramatic, nagging, and whatever else you all can think up. My New Year's resolution is going to be keeping my mouth shut; because while I'm expected to listen to everyone else's problems and be appropriately sympathetic with worthwhile advice; I don't get that same courtesy in return."

Sharon got up from her chair and followed Johanna into her office. "Okay, maybe I've been falling down on the job in the friendship area. Let's talk about it; get it all out."

"Don't worry about it, Sharon; I'll be fine, I always am."

"Jo; I honestly didn't realize you were this upset…I mean you enjoyed your time off over the summer; so did I. It's not your fault that business is slow and you didn't get kicked out of Roche because of your record; you got kicked out because idiots are in charge now…which is why our husbands are still employed there. I'm sure everything will get back on track work wise. I also didn't realize that you and Jim were having issues."

Johanna scoffed. "Really? I've only mentioned it to you several times; you listen to me about as well as he does lately."

"I'm sorry; I've been distracted thinking about my anniversary back in October and trying to find a fresh way of celebrating it…and then thinking about the holidays and the usual battle of whose family gets what part of the day and all the preparations that go into everything. You're not the only one with holiday stress and things to do."

"I never said I was; all I said was that I have to do it all alone with Jim out of town."

"Yeah; but you say that like you don't do it all on your own every other year…because when you think about it, you do."

"No, I don't," she retorted. "Jim takes Katie shopping for gifts for her grandfathers and for me. When I need some time alone to get gifts wrapped, he takes her to visit someone or on errands with him so I don't have to do it all in the middle of the night. He helps get the stuff out so I can decorate. He runs to the store for me if I need things when I'm doing the holiday baking and cooking. He keeps Katie while I go shopping so I don't have to dump her on her grandmother. I'm used to that; and this year he isn't here so I have to juggle it…that's why I'm in my office on my lunch break ordering the stuff Katie circled in the Wish Book."

"So what are you going to get for Christmas if Jim isn't here to go shopping?"

Johanna met her eye. "I'm guessing nothing," she replied; "But I don't care about that. I just want Katie to have a good Christmas and she's worried that her daddy isn't going to be there; so I need to keep her occupied; so if I can get out of here early on the days leading up to Christmas so I can go do things with her and maybe also accomplish more of my to do list, then that's what I'm going to do."

"Maybe we can do something over the weekend," Sharon suggested.

"I'm not going out drinking," she retorted.

"No, not drinking…maybe we can take the girls to go do something."

"You don't have to do that; we're fine."

"I know you're fine," Sharon said slowly. "It wasn't a pity offering."

"Felt like it."

Sharon sighed. "Maybe this is why Jim drinks."

Johanna's gaze jerked to her face as she swallowed back words she knew she would regret saying to her friend. She opened and closed her mouth twice, trying to find the right response but the only thing she could allow to cross her lips was the idea she'd been having for awhile now. "I'm sure it is me," she said softly.

"I'm sorry, Jo; I shouldn't have said that…I didn't mean it."

"It's okay; I just…I need to go. I'm going to finish up my paperwork at home. Take care of whatever you need to finish and turn on the answering machine and lock up the office. I'll see you Monday."

"Jo," Sharon said, gentling her tone, "Talk to me."

"What for?" she laughed, tears choking her voice. "You don't care and no matter what I say, I'm just exaggerating or whatever. Like I said, I get enough of that from my husband; I don't need it from my secretary."

Sharon's eyes widened. "Your secretary? I thought I was your friend."

"You are," Johanna said.

"Then why did you say secretary?"

"Well…you are my secretary."

"But I was your friend first!"

"Relax, Sharon; I didn't mean anything by it."

"Oh," Sharon said; "I see…a little face slap to get even, okay. I'm sorry that I didn't take your issues as seriously as you wanted me to, I just know that you and Jim always work things out…and let's face it, it's not out of the norm for the two of you to fight so that's probably why I didn't pay much mind to the things you've mentioned."

"It's okay," Johanna replied as she set about packing up her briefcase. "I'm sure I'll feel better next week."

"So it's a definite no on doing something with the kids this weekend?"

"I don't know, Sharon; give me a call if you think of something."

Her secretary was silent for a few moments as she watched her finish packing her briefcase and then moved to the closet and got her coat and purse. "Mark might not like you leaving at 12:30."

"It's Friday," Johanna replied. "I have no clients coming in, nor have I left the building for my lunch hour the last two weeks. I doubt he'll care and I doubt anyone will need me; especially if you turn on the machine and go home after your work is done like I told you. I'm going to run to the store and then go home, I'll be there for a little while if something urgent comes up."

"I thought you were going to go get Katie."

"I am after I take care of some things at home that I can do faster if she's not there, okay?"

"It's your business," Sharon replied. "But maybe you should tell Mark you're leaving because Katie doesn't feel good or something."

"I'm not going to lie about my kid being sick. I'll tell him the truth; if he has a problem with it, then I'll come back down here and sit until four or until I can sneak out of the building undetected."

"Jo; you're kind of on edge today; maybe you just need to…you know…relax. I'm sure Jim will be home soon and I'm sure Katie will have a nice Christmas no matter what does or doesn't get done. Work will straighten out and if you want the job at Columbia keep it…but does that involve me in any way? Because I'm really not looking for a second job, I have a life outside of work."

"No, Sharon; I promise it won't involve you in any way. I told you, I'm going to have to back out anyway. Jim's going to be traveling a lot and even when he's not, he didn't like the idea of having to come home and sit with Katie while I go teach, so don't worry, no one's asking anything of you."

"If you want the job, keep it. Drop Katie off at my house, she can play with Molly while you teach your class; it's not a big deal."

"I'll see you later," Johanna said as she hurried toward the door, feeling like she was suffocating with every second she stayed there. She just needed to get away from that office where there was so little to do…and from her friend who was irritating her raw nerves more than she was helping to soothe them.

"I'll call you later," Sharon called after her.

She could hardly wait for that call, she thought to herself as she continued down the hallway, knowing she had to check in with Mark before she headed out but she hated the formality just the same. In fact she seemed to hate a lot of things that week. His door was open but Frances wasn't at her desk so she moved into his office and knocked on the open inner door.

"What can I do for you, Jo?" Mark asked as he looked up from a paper he was studying.

"I was wondering if you mind if I go ahead and leave for the day? I don't have anymore clients on my schedule and I can finish up my paperwork after I get Katie to bed tonight. I thought maybe I could get some things done before I have to go pick her up."

Mark nodded. "Yeah; you may as well…at least you showed up for half the day; Maggie didn't come in at all."

"She doesn't have any work to do," Johanna replied. "I talked to her last night; she wrapped her case on Wednesday and doesn't have anything else yet."

"I know…and we're not likely to pick up a lot of work when no one is here if someone does come in."

She shifted on her feet, knowing he wasn't pleased with the idea that his staff was taking half days or days off due to their workloads being so light. "I'm sorry; I'll head back to my office," she said, turning and heading back through the office, her heart sinking with every step. She could've ran to the store and bought some new lights and got them put up around the porch before heading to her mother's and getting Katie so they could run to the toy store before dinner and get her gift from William and Lucinda. Well, there was nothing to be done about it now, she figured as she moved back into her own office.

Sharon looked up with a slight smirk. "I told you that you should've lied."

"Shut up, Sharon," she remarked as she made her way back to the inner office.

"Well, a sick kid is always the key to a successful way out the door."

"Is that really a tidbit you should be sharing with your boss?" Johanna asked; "Because now I'm not going to believe you anytime you say Molly is sick."

"I don't think of you as my boss; I think of you as my friend."

"Well your friend is also your boss and now knows to weigh your excuses with more care."

"Just because you're in a bad mood doesn't mean you need to drag everyone else down with you," Sharon remarked.

"My apologies," Johanna said as she opened the door to her office and flipped on the lights that her secretary had turned off. "I'm going to close the door so I don't inflict my mood on you anymore today."

"Might be a good idea," her secretary stated.

Johanna sighed as she closed the door behind her and moved to her desk to lay her briefcase down before putting her coat and purse back in the closet. She stood there for a moment, looking at her office…it still had that new, awkward feeling to it despite being there every day since the first week of September. Her diplomas were on the wall; law books lined the shelves of the bookcase and a few framed photos were scattered about. She figured maybe she needed to decorate a little more, make it feel more home-like in a work related way. It was a task she'd have to take on in the coming weeks to fill in the gaps on her schedule and keep her from looking for an early exit or she'd probably find herself fired again. She could just imagine how her husband would feel about that.

She went to her desk and opened up her briefcase again, taking out the thin stack of files she had packed; thankful that it was Friday and she wouldn't have to worry about what she could do to keep her occupied at her desk for the next two days. She blew out a breath as she settled down in her chair, maybe she could get the lights put up outside tomorrow…Katie would be home but she was sure she could think up some small job to make her daughter feel helpful. They'd probably have to wait until then to go get something with her birthday money too; the stores would be so crowded after work and her mother was sure to have dinner nearly ready when she got there. Katie would be disappointed but she didn't know what else to do. She couldn't get her in the habit of thinking she could take off work early all the time anyway because she couldn't.

Johanna turned on the small radio that sat on the corner of her desk but frowned as the lyrics of Blue Christmas poured through the speaker. Maybe music wasn't a good idea after all, she thought as she turned it back off. Christmas songs about relationships on the rocks weren't exactly what she needed at the moment…and she was starting to regret skipping lunch again as she was getting hungry. Oh well, she thought as she opened a file and pulled her legal pad and pen closer in case she had to take notes.

Ten minutes passed and the only thing she had accomplished was reading the same paragraph three times because her attention wasn't where she needed it. A knock sounded on her door and she groaned internally, she really didn't want another gab session with Sharon at the moment. "What is it, Sharon?" she called out.

"It's not Sharon, it's me," she heard Mark reply.

Oh God, she thought to herself; maybe she was getting fired now. "Come in."

The door opened and Mark stepped inside, closing it behind him. "Jo, you can go like you wanted."

She shook her head. "Oh, that's okay. I shouldn't have asked; I don't have a good reason for leaving early, it's fine."

"Not having much to do is as good a reason as any," he remarked. "I wasn't mad that you asked, I'm not mad about Maggie not coming in either; it's just a case I'm working on, it's annoying me and as Cathy tells me, makes me behave like an irritating ass…which is why Frances isn't hanging around her desk much today."

"It's okay, really," Johanna told him. "I should know better."

"Why? We all slipped out the door one time or another at Roche's and didn't bother to notify him…and he couldn't really keep track there was so many of us; and when he did, that research excuse was as good as gold," Mark said with a laugh.

"Yeah; but things are different now and I can't afford to lose a second job this year."

Mark sat down in a chair across from her desk. "You don't really think I'd fire you for leaving early, do you?"

"Well I've gotten fired for less," she quipped.

He laughed. "I know the feeling…but when Cathy and I asked you to join us, I believe I made it a point to tell you that you could be more flexible with your hours here because I know you have Katie. I know being able to have a little more flexibility is important to you…just like I know you'd never ask to leave early if your desk was swamped with case work. Things are slow right now…and I know it's frustrating when we're all used to being busier."

"I'm fine," Johanna remarked.

Mark smiled. "Your secretary begs to differ."

She rolled her eyes. "You should take things she says or implies with a grain of salt…what did she say?"

"Oh she's just mentioned that you're bored and agitated."

"Oh my God!" Johanna exclaimed. "I never said that! I swear, her Christmas gift from me is going to be my boot kicking her ass out the door."

"No need to get riled," her colleague stated.

"Yes, there is, I never said those things and I don't want someone putting words in my mouth that I didn't say…do you hear me, Sharon?" she said loudly. "Because I know you've probably got your ear pressed to the door, you lying bitch."

"Yeah, I hear ya," Sharon called back; "And I'm so unconcerned about my job right now that I'm not even going to pretend to be looking at the want ads."

Mark's shoulders shook with laughter. "You girls keep the place lively."

"Won't be lively if I kill Sharon for saying things I didn't say."

"Alright, relax; I believe you didn't say it…but I know you've got to be as frustrated as everyone else."

"I'm sure some of my established clients will need me before long," she remarked.

"I'm sure they will; just as I'm sure things will pick up around here."

"I know they will," she answered, pasting a small smile on her face.

"You're giving me that same look Cathy gives me when she's humoring me and sick of hearing me say the same thing for the hundredth time."

She shook her head. "No; I know it'll pick up eventually."

Mark nodded. "So call it a day, go get your stuff done; I know Jim's out of town and Christmas is coming so you've probably got a lot on your plate and every extra minute you can grab is a big help. Whatever it is you have left in those folders can wait until Monday; go on."

"I don't need to go; I'll get things done over the weekend."

"Don't be stubborn; it's an order," Mark stated. "I don't remember the last time you took a lunch break but I'm sure it's been over a week, so basically I owe you some free hours. Take the rest of the day off; go do what you need to do or go play with Katie…or take some time for yourself, whatever it is you need to do. I'm not mad and you don't need to worry about your job."

She worried her bottom lip; she could use the time…and she hadn't been taking those lunch breaks; so basically she had already worked the hours.

"Johanna," Mark said.

"I'm sorry; what?"

"Go; you have things to take care of, go do them. I told you, you're owed the time for all the breaks you haven't taken, okay?"

"If you're sure," she said cautiously.

"I'm positive…and do yourself a favor and leave those files here; they'll keep until Monday, okay?"

She managed a more genuine smile this time. "Alright…I really do have some things to take care of that would be easier to get through before I pick Katie up."

"Then go do it; I'll see you Monday."

"Thanks, Mark."

"No problem, have a nice weekend."

She wished him the same and decided to take his advice and leave her files behind as she got up from her desk to collect her coat and purse once more.

The weatherman was a liar, Johanna thought to herself as she wrapped strands of lights around the porch railing. The weatherman had said that it would be warmer that afternoon…but she could still see her breath in the air so she had to beg to differ…not to mention that she had to pull her gloves off to get the strands of lights straightened the way she needed so she could work with them correctly. She was sure she would have frostbite by the time she was finished. Of course she only had herself to blame; Katie could've lived without outside lights for one holiday season…but she hated to disappoint her when things were already off enough.

Finally she finished and plugged the lights into the outdoor outlet that Jim had installed the summer after they moved in. She hurried down the steps and down the sidewalk so she could stand by the car and look up at the house to see how it looked despite the sunlight dulling the effect of the colorful lights. It wasn't as neat and evenly spaced as when Jim did it but it would do, she figured. It would be enough to make her daughter happy and that was all that mattered.

The woman who lived next door came outside to check her mail, her gaze straying toward the decorations that Johanna was pondering. "You're decorating kind of late, don't you think?" she stated.

Johanna glanced to the woman. "We've been busy; I was able to get off work early today and get it finished."

The neighbor nodded slightly. "It's a shame about your husband leaving you right at the holidays."

Her brow furrowed. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh everyone knows," she stated; "Everyone saw him leaving with luggage and he's never come back. It's really a shame, especially with you having that little girl."

Outrage flicked across Johanna's face. "My husband didn't leave me!"

The neighbor laughed. "Come now, honey; he's been gone for weeks…if he hasn't come back by now, he's not coming back; but don't worry; you're pretty enough, you'll be able to find someone else in time…maybe even someone who won't mind the kid."

"Oh my God," Johanna stated. "Who the hell is saying these things?!"

"The whole neighborhood knows. I saw him leave and so did AnneMarie across the street. It's alright, it's happens to the best of us; you'll be fine."

"My husband didn't leave me; he's out of town on business!"

The woman smiled. "That old line huh? You don't have to put on for me, dear; I know abandonment when I see it…unless of course he's convinced you that he's on business…in which case, you should know that they all use that line and it's never good. He's not coming back."

"Yes, he is! My husband is away on business. I know exactly where he's at and the colleagues he's with. He's been gone for two weeks, not nearly as many weeks as you want to imply. He will be home as soon as his business is concluded, so feel free to pass that along to the neighborhood," Johanna stated before storming back up the walk.

"Don't get so huffy, dear," her neighbor called out to her. "I've been married three times; the first divorce is always the hardest, after that it's easy."

Johanna quickly hurried into the house, turning off the lights with the switch inside and slamming the door shut behind her. Just what she needed, the whole neighborhood gossiping and believing that she had been abandoned by her husband. It just kept getting better.

And she definitely didn't need thoughts of divorce in her head.

Surely that would never happen…would it? Was Jim really still working on that case? How did she know what he was really doing? She couldn't even say for sure that Zach and Steve were still in Chicago with him…because she no longer worked at the same firm as them. She sighed deeply; that was ridiculous, of course they were all still in Chicago; the neighbors were just busybodies who liked to gossip. Jim would come home…eventually. Hopefully his time away would remind him that he used to enjoy his time with her.

But on the other hand, maybe it would only serve to remind him of the freedom he had before he had gotten married.

Tears stung her eyes; why was this happening? Why did it have to happen now, with Christmas as the backdrop…when she had a little girl depending on her to make everything merry and bright? A tear leaked free and she swiped it away angrily. She didn't have time for tears; she had to get it together, one way or another.

Johanna leaned back against the door, feeling an odd tightness in her chest that scared her, her breaths coming quicker and she fought to control her thoughts, trying to coax herself into calming, telling herself that she was fine, she just needed to breathe normally. Finally she managed to inhale deeply and then she expelled the breath slowly. She repeated the exercise a few times until finally the tightness eased and she felt like she could breath normally again.

She scrubbed her hands over her face; it was just anxiety, she told herself. She'd been there before…like that panicked frenzy she'd been in the days leading up to taking the bar exam; so sure she'd somehow fail; but she hadn't, she had done extremely well. She just needed to remember that…everything was a test right now but she'd manage. Work would have to straighten itself out; she couldn't do anything about a light caseload at the moment. The status of her marriage couldn't really be helped either at the moment seeing as how her husband wasn't available for chats and reassurance; and it didn't seem like he wanted to be either. All she could really do was respect his wishes that she not nag and not ask when he was coming home. She couldn't help that her friends had their own problems and didn't have time to truly lend an ear or give sound advice; she'd have to rely on herself or find someone else to confide in about things that were bothering her. The only thing truly in her control was providing Katie with a nice Christmas…and not only that, but a busy, enjoyable lead up to the holiday. She could do this…she didn't have any other choice.