Author's Note: Even though Jareth and Sarah seem to be stalking me at the moment, they are not mine. (I wish - at least in Jareth's case) It seems that some of you have actually enjoyed my odd little musings. Really this is just a bit of fun to relax my brain in between complex music stuff. Enjoy!

Ridiculous

Interview 6th September, 2008
8:00 PM
Transcribed by Quillerella, who was surprised in the middle of her homework by Sarah, the Goblin Queen.

Ahem. Don't look so shocked, you should have known I'd be coming. After all, if my husband is visiting you, why can't I? Why are you looking so nervous? I'll bet Jareth told you that I'd never find out about the Internet and all of those stories, including your little transcriptions. What does he know? I lived in the Aboveground. My silly fool. He should know better. And I am also aware that he did not properly pass on my message (at this point she is glaring at me so fiercely that I have to look away).

Don't try to talk me out of it. There are thousands of girls drooling all over my husband and I don't like it one bit. It's not fair - of course I still say it. Only when the situation really isn't fair. And this isn't. He's mine. I won him. The rest of you can just keep your fantasies in your heads, thank you very much. Didn't Jareth tell you how we ended up together? Oh I see. He was being intentionally vague. I'll bet he was trying to encourage all of you little authoresses out there. That man! He's in for it when I get home! Anyways, no it wasn't exactly the most romantic of circumstances. I was going out for a run early morning and I took a shortcut through the bushes around my house and tripped over Jareth! He had been camping out around my house, spying on me, it seemed. No it's not really that romantic when you think about it, it's downright creepy. Of course I was fascinated by him still, so it wasn't super creepy. But I was very annoyed. So I challenged him to a game of chess, which is actually quite different Underground. It is played with six pieces instead, and the board is more like a squiggly line of intersecting circles. I told him that if I won, I would be able to order him around however I wanted. He wanted me to be Queen if he won.

I did win the chess game! I'm not just the Queen because Jareth beat me in a stupid game of chess! I trumped him! Anyways, back to the story, I started ordering Jareth around to do everything I could imagine: my homework, my chores, cleaning out the pet cages and the gutters...but he always did the work so willingly and blissfully. And I liked looking at him. I couldn't help but talk to him as he worked. Soon I started making drinks for him while he magicked away the ring around my bathtub and used glitter to scrub around my toilet. And I realised that he was just the most fascinating man that would ever come across my path. And that was it, really. We got married and the rest, as they say, is history.

God no, I'm not going to give you all the gory details. I don't need to feed any of you more fuel for the fire. Ask me something else, so that these readers understand the mature woman and Queen I have become.

My favourite colour is emerald green. That also happense to be the colour of my favourite gown. It is obviously floor length, with a wide skirt that is bunched up artisically and held with sparkling crystals. The sleeves end at my elbows and the neckline is deep and square. I wear it to all of my official outings with Jareth.

My favourite thing to do is put on an old pair of sweatpants and read in Jareth's garden. I like to read by myself, because Jareth tends to distract me when we read together, although that is very fun. We pore through Underground History books and I sit in his lap. I brought my sweatpants from home. I couldn't live without those! Although the silk nightgowns are very comfy...

My favourite drink would definitely be Krilberry juice. The closest thing I can compare it to is a cross between kiwis, raspberries, and salmonberries. It is electric green in colour and extremely tasty, as well as highly nutritious.

My favourite food is still chocolate. I don't know what Jareth sees in his cheese and pickles, although I have recently found that imitating the Nutella spread and slathering the chocolate over bacon is quite tasty as well as stress-relieving.

What do you mean, "Isn't your favourite thing Jareth?" ? I hope he didn't say anything that gross to you, really it's a little over-used for him. Of course I love Jareth very much, and that's why I'm here to turn all of you wannabes away, but I'm not going to start gushing like a pre-pubescent teenage girl. I don't care if people love to read fluff. I don't do fluff anymore. Except for my fluffy pillows. They make a remarkably good little nest for snuggling in. Ugh. Yes we snuggle. Why is our love life of such interest to you? I don't understand. If you aren't making up girls for Jareth to be with, you're obsessing over every detail of our lives together. You can't expect me to tell you every little thing that goes on in our lives. And I'll make sure that Jareth doesn't come back either.

By the way, you spilled your bag of Doritos when I visited. It's all over your English homework. If I were you, I'd clean that up.

The Goblin Queen vanishes in a small puff of green smoke, much less showy than her husband, leaving me to clean up the mess I made when she startled me.
Interview Completed 9:00 PM

Well there we have it. I know people were interested in a visit from Sarah, so there we have it. She is jealous of us, my friends. But Jareth has visited me again and assured us that we have his permission to continue. He wishes me to transcribe some of his childhood memories next time...let me know what you thought!