Bucky's life has been incredibly interesting.
Growing up, he was the big one and Steve was his skinny best friend who always wrote checks his ass couldn't cash
In the 40's he was enlisted but a couple of months later was captured by Hydra. He was tested on and used as a lab rat for their devious experiments. Tortured & battered, he truly thought he was gonna die in the hands of the Nazi organization... until he was woken up by Steve. Who was 6'5 and jacked now.
Having been rescued by his best friend, He worked along side him until that one fateful day where Hydra blew him off of a speeding train moving through the mountains and recovered the remains.
Over the years following, he was brainwashed and used as a hydra assassin named "The Winter Soldier." They used him at will, freezing & unfreezing him to serve them.
And that's what he did. He killed innocents, destroyed legacies, and shaped the world in Hydra's image.
There are two specific points he remembers vividly during his time as the Winter Soldier.
December 16th, 1991… & April 6th, 2014
The day he killed Howard & Maria Stark…
& the day his Best Friend pulled him out of the darkness.
One minute he was tearing through Shield agents to comply with Hydra's mission.
Next minute, he was pulling his best friend out of the Potomac.
Broken memories and forgotten dreams plaguing his mind for the following two years until that rodent Zemo made his life a living hell
He posed as him. Blamed a bombing on him, used the goddamn trigger words to turn him into the Winter Soldier again, all to use that to not only break up the Avengers, but tear apart the friendship that was formed between Tony & Steve
Tony?
Stark?
He didn't know what he should call him at this point.
He really didn't know the guy all that well.
They fought at the airport, then he found them in Siberia, worked with them for all of 5 minutes before Zemo played that stupid video and ended the alliance.
He tried to kill him in Siberia. Which is understandable seeing as how he was within arms length of the man who murdered his parents.
It was pure rage and anger and it blinded Tony & he kept fighting until Steve beat him.
Steve grabbed him and they escaped the frozen tundra
He remembers feeling guilty about causing so much strife between Steve & Tony.
He also remembers Steve being sad for a few days. It was almost like clockwork watching Steve leave for some "air" when in reality he just wanted to cry freely.
Bucky didn't stop thinking about Howard & Maria Stark until they got back to Wakanda & was put back under.
After that fateful day, he thought he'd never see Tony again.
He wanted the opportunity to at least get to apologize when Tony wasn't letting rage answer all of his questions
But it wasn't for another 7 years before he'd see Stark again. Wielding the Infinity Stones and snapping away Thanos & his forces before succumbing to his injuries.
Life always had a funny way of kicking Bucky right in the ass
But here he was, at the funeral of the man (who's parents he killed) who saved the universe...
Sam asked him if he was gonna wear a suit earlier but he just shrugged his shoulders.
"I don't know"
And that was the truth.
He didn't know what to think.
Would he have even wanted Bucky there?
Would he have given him the opportunity to apologize?
It was all just too much to think about.
And now an apology would fall of deaf ears.
He stood toward the back with Sam, & Wanda and watched the veil float out to the end of the river until they couldn't see it anymore.
All the heroes and their families slowly walked back into the lake house but Bucky hesitated
"You coming" Sam asked
Bucky nodded silently before responding
"Nah I think I'm good here for now"
Sam nodded before following Wanda and the rest of the heroes into the lake house behind Pepper & their daughter
He sat there & stared at the lake for what seemed like hours. It was peaceful & quiet. He could see why someone like Tony would want to live here. Away from the noise of New York City
"Hey what are you doing out here? Everyone's inside."
The young but familiar voice snapped James out of his thoughts and he turned toward where the sound came from.
He couldn't be older than 16
"Your voice... it's really familiar"
"Yeah we uh... we met in Germany" Peter said and it finally dawned on Bucky who that was
"You're that Spider... kid from the airport aren't you?"
"Spider-Man" Peter corrected him begrudgingly
"...But my friends call me Peter"
A small smile crept upon Bucky's face.
Friends
Steve is his best friend. I guess Shuri & T'Challa were his friends too. Him & Sam seemed to just bark at each other & he didn't know Wanda that well but I guess they were his friends too.
"Bucky"
"Wait... you're the-"
"Winter Soldier... Yeah" Bucky quietly and guiltily responded, hoping to God he didn't kill this kids parents as well.
"I was going to say the howling commando with the cool metal arm... but I guess that name works too"
Bucky was immediately caught off guard. It was very rare (or never) that people remembered him as a commando
"Oh. Yeah. That was me."
Buck nodded before turning his head back toward the river. He moved the edge of his coat over to him and Peter decided to sit down.
There was a long silence before Peter spoke up.
"I can't believe he's really gone."
Bucky didn't know how to answer that.
"Was he family to you?"
"Not by blood. But he was my mentor and kind of a surrogate dad to me"
Bucky nodded along while Peter spoke about his relationship with Tony, somehow becoming really interested in this kids life.
"Where's your real dad?" Bucky questioned
Peter slightly deflated at that question but answered the super soldier.
"I uh... I never actually knew my parents. My aunt & uncle took me in when I was 3 and I never saw them again."
Bucky digested the answer and started to feel bad for the kid. Being abandoned by your parents at 3 must have sucked.
"So that lady is your aunt I'm assuming"
"Yeah, that's my Aunt May. One of the greatest people I know"
"Where's your uncle?" Bucky asked & almost immediately wanted to take back after seeing Peter flinch lightly.
Peter swallowed thickly and turned away
"Hey Peter, sorry if that hit a nerve I didn't mean to make you upset" Bucky apologized.
"No, no it's okay" he reassured the former Assassin.
"My uncle he died in 2015."
"I did something really stupid when I was a kid & he paid the price for my selfishness..."
Bucky felt compelled to comfort the kid as silent tears started to slowly fall down his face
Peter wasn't sure why he said what he said, but he felt oddly comfortable with him.
He wiped his eyes quickly and apologized for crying.
"Don't apologize kid, I get it." The super soldier consoled
"I've done things too. Hurt people. Destroyed families. And I know that I wasn't in control but... sometimes it feels like it was me who did those things. Sometimes it feels like I'm not in control now."
The guilt in Bucky's voice was palpable. He had no idea why he was pouring his heart out to this kid. But he felt strangely comfortable with Peter. He was a kid who couldn't judge him based on his past
Peter looked up at him slowly.
"When My Uncle Ben died, I didn't know how to channel my guilt and grief, so I decided to use my powers for good and become Spider-Man." Peter lamented
"And Mr. Stark. He… he helped me find my way and figure out how to be a hero."
"I don't know if I can be that" Bucky doubted
"You can be whoever you want. I know it's hard to let go of the things you may have done. I watched my uncle die because of my own selfishness. I made a choice to be who I am now, you can make a choice too."
"It was cool to meet you Bucky"
Peter got up and left him sitting there.
Bucky sat there by himself for what felt like hours.
Tony Stark taught a kid to channel his grief into truly being something good.
Tony Stark taught a kid how to be a hero
Bucky smiled to himself before standing up.
He never got a chance to apologize for killing Stark's parents, and causing the death of so many others... but maybe... today. He could become something more. Better than who he used to be.
A Hero