(A/N)
she finally updates a month later with a chapter that had already been prewritten...go me! i have actually worked on this fic a bit and figured i needed to hurry up and update already
this one's a bit shorter just bc i wanted to keep the introduction to the emails its own chapter. they will end up sprinkled throughout the story, so there won't be such email-heavy and plot-light chapters later (i think)
i made some edits bc i decided that it doesn't make sense for me to say evan's gay when his and zoe's relationship its so prominent in the musical, so i made him bi instead. i hope that doesn't upset yall. perhaps it's just my bi ass (lmao bias) that thinks it's a good idea but we're rolling with it
this site won't let me add the end of the email addresses so just imagine the gmail dot com at the end of "fromodd2even" and "itskindofafunnystory"
i hope yall enjoy this!
Evan drummed his fingers against the keys on the keyboard, impatient for the laptop to boot up. As soon as he had arrived home, he had rushed to his room. Heidi wasn't even home yet, so he didn't see any issue. Except for maybe the fact that his stomach had been filled with nerves, and not even with the normal pain. This time, it was more like butterflies. He was planning on looking for that Tumblr post and maybe even trying to contact the original poster. Somehow trying this online gave him different nerves than if he had to do it in person.
Suddenly a large picture of a lizard popped up (he had taken it years ago, at some theme park, and he thought it extremely calming to see this animal in the middle of a manmade area looking completely fine), and he rushed to type in his password. Evan barely shut down his computer completely, choosing the hibernate option so that all of his tabs would stay open, and so Tumblr was already open.
All he had to do was search for the school blog, ran by an anonymous student. The posts were moderated by the owner, so he knew that there wouldn't be too much clutter to sort through if it was a recent enough submission. Scrolling past a few selfies of some sports team, Evan noticed a different post. This was purely text, except for a picture of a large orchard. He read it quickly.
I think you could say that I'm more lonely than most people, which I fucking hate, but I also think we all know what some of that feels like. How even when you know someone's gestures, you don't know their thoughts, and how people are like houses with vast rooms and tiny windows. How you yourself can feel exposed, but also like nobody gets you.
Evan held his breath as he read the next part.
The worst thing to feel exposed about and at the same time hidden is the fact that I'm gay and if people knew they'd just hate me even more.
No way...oh no, what if the reason Zoe had told him about this post because she could tell? What if everybody could tell? Evan tried to brush this off, maybe she had been talking about the loneliness part of it all.
I feel like I'm the least understood, that people have no clue what my life is actually fucking like, they just label me and write me off. There's a giant field and various clearings between people, and I guess we're all supposed to find a tree worth climbing, but I just feel like that one sad tree in the middle of the field all alone.
Evan let out his breath. From his short rambling earlier, Zoe had somehow connected him to someone who seemed to feel the exact same way as him. Even though he wasn't being talked to directly, this post was the closest he had ever felt to being understood. He smiled at the reference to forests and trees, and the picture of the orchard — whoever had written it seemed to have a similar interest.
For a moment, all he did was look at the picture of the orchard. It was a breathtaking field, but that wasn't exactly was caught his eye. The part that did was the line of trees surrounding it, trees that towered above everything else. He could just imagine being high up in one of those, separated from everything else. His gaze was soon drawn to a solitary tree in the middle of the field, and everything about the anonymous student's post just clicked. Evan knew exactly what the poster was saying.
Evan closed his eyes for a second before typing a response to the post.
THIS.
fromodd2even
He had a secret email account, separate from his personal and school emails, that he used for things like Tumblr and other accounts he didn't want Heidi to see. She wasn't overbearing in what he did online, but just in case she decided to check, she did know his personal email's password.
This account was the perfect way for him to contact the poster — he had obviously been anonymous for a reason, and Evan wasn't exactly looking to out himself either, just connect with the other person.
Hitting post, he took a deep breath and watched the post go through. Now, all he could do was hope the moderator approved his reply and wait.
An hour later, Evan's computer dinged.
FROM: itskindofafunnystory
TO: fromodd2even
DATE: Aug 29 at 5:42 PM
SUBJECT: Hey.
Hey (what do I call you?),
Tell me if I'm reading too much into this, but when you replied "this"...are you the same way as me? I need to know, otherwise I really don't understand why you'd say that and leave your email address.
—Craig (this isn't my real name, I don't really want to share that yet)
FROM: fromodd2even
TO: itskindofafunnystory
DATE: Aug 29 at 5:56 PM
SUBJECT: Re: Hey.
Craig,
Just call me Will. And , well, I'm bi. So it's a little different for me. I pretty much agreed with everything you said, everything you feel. Crazy, right? I know exactly why I left my email, your post just resonated so deeply with me. It's sorta sad to admit that I feel lonely all the time and don't really have friends, but that's just who I am, I guess.
—Will (don't worry, I'm not ready either)
FROM: itskindofafunnystory
TO: fromodd2even
DATE: Aug 29 at 7:02 PM
SUBJECT: Re: Hey.
Will,
Wow, I can't believe there's another closeted LGBT kid at school. You have no idea how hard it's been for me — I can't wait to leave this fucking place. Things used to be okay, I guess, but I realized I was gay in elementary school, and always felt different. I guess other people saw my struggling with my identity as anger issues, and that's what it turned into.
I'm trying to stop that, but I just can't stand school. I guess I should try to help you understand. Everyone else just sees me as an uncaring loser. You probably think the same, you just don't know that that's the same person writing this, because nobody actually knows me. My sister and I used to be close, but she just thinks the same about me as everyone else. My dad has sort of given up on me and my mom still believes in me to the point where she'll tolerate anything, making him strict and her extremely lenient. None of them understand me anymore, and I've never told them (or anyone else) that I'm gay. What the hell is a normal family supposed to be if people think my family is normal, but we're really just a fucking mess?
I hope things have at least been better for you.
—Craig
FROM: fromodd2even
TO: itskindofafunnystory
DATE: Aug 29 at 7:48 PM
SUBJECT: Re: Hey.
Craig,
To be honest, I'm not that much better. I didn't realize I was bi until last year, but I've struggled with anxiety and depression for years. My dad left when I was in elementary school, and my mom is barely at home. So my family doesn't get me either, and I don't have any friends besides this guy who only hangs out with me so his parents will pay for his car insurance. You probably think who you see is just a stuttering mess who can't stand to be around people because he's just some shy wimp. I guess I'm saying the same thing in this email, but at least I can try to explain who I am. If I ever actually talked to you I probably wouldn't be able to get half the words out.
This might sound weird, but I was actually wondering if I could write these letters I do to you, to help me focus on the positives. I don't know, ever since I saw your post, I just feel like you understand more than anyone else.
—Will
FROM: itskindofafunnystory
TO: fromodd2even
DATE: 29 Aug at 8:13 PM
SUBJECT: Re: Hey.
Will,
Go for it. I know exactly what you felt, even though your first response was only one word. Maybe helping you will help me. I think I also tend to focus on negatives, and I have for the majority of my life. Hopefully that will change, but you have to tell me if I'm being a dick. I don't really talk to people.
—Craig
FROM: fromodd2even
TO: itskindofafunnystory
DATE: 29 Aug at 9:22 PM
SUBJECT: Me
Dear Craig,
So today was the first day in awhile that wasn't completely terrible for me. I mean, school sucked, but afterwards I may have made a friend, a real friend.
It's not much for today, but it's a start, and this has just given me another reason to feel genuinely happy for the first time in forever. Don't worry, you haven't been a dick (so far).
At least we both have someone who understands us now.
Sincerely,
Me (Will — sorry, this is just how I usually sign my letters, so I think I'll stick with it)
(A/N)
i will update...at some point? i really thought i was gonna be consistent with this but apparently not, sorry.
yes, their email nom de plumes are will and craig. bonus points if you can guess what each of those reference (but also both of those things are/will be explicitly messaged so maybe just a high five)