When Time Stops
Chapter 2: That Same Self Strain
As Naruto waited for little Kakashi to finish his single bowl of instant miso ramen, he happily concluded that dinner was especially delicious – if his five barren bowls were any sign.
"So, I was thinking, Kakashi-chan, tomorrow we'll just stay in bed all day and not do anything at all. We'll just relax and read boring history books."
Kakashi's eyes grew wide and slightly panicked, "N-no! Nii-chan! We can't do that tomorrow! We have important things to do tomorrow!"
Naruto smiled slyly, "Whatever would we have planned for tomorrow Kakashi-chan?"
"Nii-chan!" Kakashi yelled, smiling and nearly standing up in his chair, "Tomorrow's my birthday!" He exclaimed, motioning wildly with his hands.
"Ooh~!" Naruto exaggerated, "I guess, we might do something maybe." He gave a lopsided grin.
Kakashi mirrored the blonde's grin, giving his brother a look saying he played around too much.
"Now, off to bed! Else you won't have enough energy to read through all twelve volumes of Konohagakure's History tomorrow!"
Kakashi jumped off his chair and dashed to his room across from Naruto's. They had moved into Kakashi's slightly larger apartment shortly after they had returned from the mission, in favor of the extra bedroom which Tsunade recommended for privacy later on as Kakashi grew up. Naruto followed at a slower pace, walking into the room to find his little Kakashi already tucked under the covers and looking at him expectantly.
He smiled, remembering his own childhood and how nice it might have been to have someone feed him dinner and tuck him into bed each night. Taking care of Kakashi made him realize just how much he missed the little things in his childhood, like someone to come home to and someone who would pick him up when he fell - someone to care. He took pride in knowing that he was helping Kakashi in this way; every kid should have someone who loves them and looks after them. He knew what it was like, and he had heard that Kakashi had grown up in a similar fashion, both parent dying when he was very young. In fact, Naruto realized as he sat on the side of the small twin bed, tucking in the sheets on both sides of the little figure beside him, he had never heard Kakashi talk of any family or significant other.
"Nii-chan, will there be presents?" Kakashi asked excitedly, pulling Naruto out of his thoughts.
The blond looked to his young sensei, smiling. Kakashi was his family; the man had been almost like a father since he, Sakura, and Sasuke had become a team. At that point, Kakashi had also gained his very own family. He was sure that his Kakashi-sensei felt the same way. "Maybe a pet bookworm or two," Naruto replied seriously and chuckled when Kakashi stuck his tongue out at him. "Goodnight, buddy," he messed his fingers through the strands of silver-blond hair, "sleep tight."
"'Night, Nii-chan," Kakashi hummed happily, snuggling into his pillow.
Naruto retreated silently, closing the door without a sound.
Naruto startled awake in the middle of the night, his hearing trained to hear strange noises while sleeping. THe sound of tiny feet running across the wooden floorboards and then the sound of a door opening caused him to open his eyes to see his little silver-haired charge step cautiously into his room. He sat up in bed to see Kakashi peeking around the door, eyes puffy and red, and lip quivering.
"Kakashi?" Naruto gasped tossing his legs over the side of the bed, "Come here, what's wrong?" He held his arms out, inviting the teary eyed child into them. Kakashi rushed forward and threw himself into Naruto's arms, burying his face into the older man's shirt. Naruto picked up the small, shaking boy and set him on his leg, letting Kakashi sniffle against his chest while he wrapped both arms around him tightly, holding him close. "Shhh, it's alright now, Kashi," he soothed, rubbing his back softly, lips pressed onto the top of his head.
"I-I had a really bad d-dream…" the boy sobbed, voice hitching in mid-sentence.
Naruto frowned. All of Kakashi's dreams so far had been about his first childhood. He wondered what had caused this reaction out of the boy.
Kakashi sniffled and looked desperately into Naruto's eyes, searching for some sort of answer.
Naruto stared back, very worried and confused. He softly combed the silver hair off of the boy's clammy skin.
"M-mom was sick and now she won't wake up; dad said that she's dead." He weakly sat on Naruto's lap, lip quivering and looking like he was struggling not to burst into tears.
Naruto frowned, petting Kakashi, at a loss for what to do to make him feel better. Death was a painful thing, something that all ninja learned at a very young age. Kakashi was too young to have to go through it though. It felt wrong that Kakashi had to live through such pain for the second time in his life.
"D-dad said that I can't cry..." Kakashi told Naruto, looking at the blond with large, watery, hurt eyes, his voice shaky and soft, "a strong ninja never shows his emotions."
Naruto felt like he had been punched in the gut. How could anyone tell a child that they couldn't cry. "Oh, Kakashi," Naruto started, feeling saddened at Kakashi's grief. "It's okay to cry in your brother's arms," he said softly, puling Kakashi into his chest and holding him tightly there as he began to sob uncontrollably.
Naruto held the grieving boy for a long while afterward, gently rocking the shaking figure in his arms. After many long minutes had passed, which seemed like forever and no time at all, Kakashi regained enough composure to stifle his tears enough to talk.
"Naruto-nii," He mumbled into Naruto's, now soiled, pajama shirt.
"Hm?" Naruto replied softly, not trusting his voice to stay strong.
"Is it true..is mommy really gone?"
Naruto sadly nodded, "Yeah, Kashi, its true…" tightening his arms around the boy.
A weak, helpless cry slipped undesirably through Kakashi's quivering mouth. Naruto felt powerless and desperate. He continued to rock and cradle, to soothe and rub the child's back until Kakashi had cried himself out and lay weakly against the blond.
"C'mon," Naruto said softly into the silver head of hair, "How about you sleep with me tonight, okay?"
Kakashi nodded halfheartedly and allowed Naruto to lay him down in the bed and pull covers up over them both. Curled up into Naruto's chest, with a pair of trusted and strong arms holding him tightly and comforting him, sleep found him quickly, tears still sliding down his cheeks.
Naruto only slept a few hours after that. He woke early, walking out into the kitchen where he made himself a cup of tea and slumped into the couch, thinking over Kakashi's dreams and how they would affect him. He sat on there for hours, lost in his thoughts, only to be brought out of them hours later by a tap on the door.
He frowned momentarily and glanced at his mostly full cup of tea, cold by now. He sighed, setting it aside on the coffee table and pushing himself up, his limbs protesting in the process from such a long time sitting still. He trudged over to the door, opening is and greeting his guest with an unenthusiastic, "Oh, hey Sakura."
Her green eyes widened slightly, looking him up and down, "My god, Naruto, what's wrong? You look terrible!" His hair was a mess, dark bags under his eyes, and still wearing his pajamas wich were wrinkles and a little soiled looking.
He motioned for her to come in, walking into the kitchen to prepare two new cups of tea as she sat against the edge of the kitchen table.
"Long night," Naruto explained as he poured the tea into each cup. He set the tea pot down, grabbing both cups and handing one to his teammate, "Kakashi had another dream about his first childhood. He found his dead. She has been sick for some time now. And his dad, the bastard, told Kakashi he couldn't cry about it…"
Sakura gasped, "Oh, poor Kakashi, is he alright?" She asked, the worry evident on her face.
"I don't know, he's still asleep; he must have cried for two hours last night." Naruto held his cup of tea between cupped hands, letting the liquids warmth fade into his palms and travel up his arms, warming him up and hoping that it might help to wake him up. He stared down at the liquid, thoughts clouding his mind.
She looked sadly at her teammate, "And you?"
"I'm…worried. He keeps having these dreams from his past, and if it continues, then there's going to be a lot of nights like last night." He looked at Sakura, frowning. "What's it going to do to him? It'll be like living two lives and every night he'll have to relive the past. His mother is gone now and his father won't be around much longer either; he's still got quite a few left to go. And all these things…they really did happen; when he asks I have to tell him that it's true. What am I supposed to tell him, Sakura?" He looked at her desperately. His eyes, usually a sparkling blue, lacked their luster and seemed dull and defeated.
She set her tea aside and reached out to him, grabbing his hand and holding it in two of hers. She gave him a small comforting smile, "For now, nothing, he's too young to understand. Next time, it'll be his father and he'll have to grieve just like he did last night. Next it will be Obito and he'll be old enough and strong enough to understand and handle all this information. You should explain it to him then, about what happened and why he's having these dreams, okay? By then, maybe he can come to accept his 'double-life' and use this opportunity as a second chance at life."
Naruto nodded unsurly.
"For now just be there for him, answer his questions to the best of your ability; you're all he's got. He needs you, Naruto." She smiled.
"Heh, yeah…" he half-smiled back.
The door to Naruto's bedroom creaked open and faint, slow patters came down the end of the hall where a small frail Kakashi peered around. His little swollen eyes glanced back and forth between Sakura and Naruto uneasily.
Naruto smiled, realizing the boy's unwillingness to be seen in a weak state. His father had told him that Hatake do not cry and he could understand the boy's unwillingness to disobey his father by showing his weakened emotional state. He patted his lap softly and Kakashi ran to him. Naruto picked him up and held him in his lap. "Nii…" Kakashi whined softly," my head hurts and my eyes hurt."
Naruto looked over to Sakura, silently asking for her help. She nodded with a smile.
"It'll go away, Kakashi-chan," he gave the boy a tight squeeze. "Aren't you going to say hi to Sakura-chan?"
Kakashi only gave Sakura a doubtful, untrusting glance.
"Oh, c'mon, it's only Sakura-chan. She'll be upset if you don't go give her a hug."
Kakashi looked up at the blond and pouted, then glanced shyly at the pink headed girl. Slowly, he slid of Naruto's lap and trekked to the side of the table, head lowered, and leaned into Sakura, letting her be in charge of the hugging. Sakura hugged him tight and activated her healing chakra, undetectable to little Kakashi, easily nudging away the boy's discomforts.
Naruto mouthed a soundless 'thank you'.
She nodded. "I heard that someone is turning four today." Sakura said suddenly.
Kakashi pulled back and looked up at her with anticipating eyes, "I'm four years old today, Sakura." He explained, as if anyone else could possibly be turning four on this day.
"You are?" She gasped.
Kakashi nodded.
"Then maybe…just maybe…I should give those presents over there to you." She pointed innocently towards the front door where a bag and two boxes of wrapped gifts lay.
Excitement built in Kakashi's face, a half grin growing although his eyes didn't shine quite as brightly as they had even the day before. He rushed to the presents, 'ooh'ing and 'aww'ing over them.
"Bring them over here, Kakashi-chan, aren't you going to open them?" Naruto encouraged, smiling at the joy that the gifts brought his young sensei.
Kakashi carried each present, one at a time, to Naruto, who put them on the table. Kakashi then took his seat on Naruto's lap and pulled one of the presents closer, delicately peeling back the wrapping. He gasped when he opened the lid of the box.
Naruto smiled, "What is it, Kashi?"
"It's a kunai holster!" He exclaimed pulling it out of the box and holding it up to have a better look at it.
Naruto put on a face of mock terror, "Sakura-chan! Are you insinuating that my boy be a strong, dangerous ninja? I would never allow it!"
Sakura giggled.
Kakashi looked up at him, determination evident in his tone, "Nii, of course I'm going to be a strong, dangerous ninja! Stronger than you and dad..." He grew silent, his face turning hurt and eyes glazing, remembering his parents and the horrors his dream held for him.
Naruto winced.
"Your mom and dad would be so proud of you, Kakashi-chan," Sakura smiled. She reached forward and stroked his cheek lovingly for good measure. "Your parents will be proud to have such an incredibly strong, and powerful son."
Kakashi smiled back a little. He set the holster down and moved on to the next present. He unwrapped a pair of blue ninja-like sandals and a little navy and gray ninja outfit. He was ecstatic and rushed to go put everything on, returning only a few minutes later, clad in his new attire. Naruto tried to hide a smile to himself, noticing that the shirt and pants were a little bit too big. Kakashi didn't seem to care or even notice, though. His eyes shined with happiness.
"You look like a scary ninja to me; I wouldn't wanna fight you." Naruto admitted.
They returned home late that night from Kakashi's surprise birthday party. Naruto was struggling to carry all the present inside the house and Kakashi dragged along behind, clenching a fist of Naruto's jacket; Kakashi had been birthday-partied out. The blond was surprised the newly four-year old was still awake and standing. He quickly set down all the presents beside the couch, including the present he had giving to Kakashi, a set of wooden kunai to put into the holster Sakura had given him earlier that day – they had coordinated presents.
"Okay, here we go," Naruto picked up the half-asleep boy, holding him with one arm on his side, "off to bed with you." He walked into Kakashi's bedroom and began laying him down, but the boy grabbed on to him tighter and whined. "Kakashi," Naruto sighed exasperatedly, also very tired from little sleep the night before. He tried again with more of the same result; he was in no such mood. "Kakashi, use your words."
"I don't want to go to sleep, Nii."
Naruto softened. Kakashi knew that going to sleep meant having another dream, and he was scared of what might happen this time in his dream. "You have to go to sleep, Kashi," Naruto said tenderly.
Kakashi shook his head, tucking it into the crook of Naruto's neck, "With you…"
"Alright, alright," he peeled the small boy off of him, setting him carefully on the floor, "go change into your pajamas and brush your teeth, and then you can sleep with me."
Kakashi tiredly went to change and get ready for bed and crawled onto Naruto's bed while the blond was busy doing the same in the bathroom. Naruto returned to his room to find an already sleeping boy laying in his bed, silver tuft of hair sprawled over the pillows, legs tucked up against his chest, and little fists curled in front of his face.
"Ah, thank you so much for watching Kakashi, Sakura-chan!"
Naruto followed Sakura into her quaint living room. Kakashi remained at the door, dressed in the ninja outfit Sakura had given him on his birthday nearly five months prior. It still didn't fit quite right. He examined the place from the entry. A small living room; one well worn couch; a large coffee table; a nice light, good for long hours of study; a bright, although small, kitchen off to the right; a toilet and bedroom door to the left; one exit; two adjacent windows. The place was small and suitable for a single occupant.
Naruto turned around, a flash of reprimand in his expression, "Kashi-chan, come in here, it's just Sakura's house."
Kakashi silently slipped off his ninja sandals and lined them against the wall by the door before he shyly retreated to Naruto's side and slipped his little hand into the blonde's larger one.
"It's no problem, Naruto," she reassured, taking the small satchel of Kakashi's belongings and setting it down on the table, "I'm happy to take care of Kakashi-chan anytime. Now, wheres my hug?" She smiled and held her arms open.
The boy reluctantly stepped forward and allowed himself to be hugged. He quickly retreated to Naruto's side. The older boy shrugged and gave an apologetic smile at the pink-haired girl's look of disappointment.
Naruto crouched down at the solemn boy, examining his childlike features and eyes that were already growing hard. "Sorry to leave you, Kashi, but this mission's really important – S rank." He gave a wink and the boy smiled a bit at that. In the past weeks, the boy had grown more serious and played less with Naruto. He was also becoming more curious about what it meant to be a good ninja and had been practicing almost non-stop with his new wooden kunai (they had been replaced twice already!). On top of that, he had become more inward and less social with anyone who was not Naruto, even to Sakura. Naruto had worried at first, as had Sakura, but everyone who had known Kakashi as a child knew that Kakashi had not acted much like a child even when he was one. "You know Sakura," he reassured Kakashi and himself,, looking into Kakashi's grey eyes "you've been here lots of times before; I know you'll be fine. I'll be back in a few days, alright?"
Kakashi was silent as he stared into Naruto's blue eyes.
"Oookay?" Naruto asked again, this time playfully tickling the boy's ribs.
"Yeah," Kakashi replied, smiling and pushing the older boy's hands away.
Naruto smiled lovingly and gave the boy a big, sloppy kiss on the forehead – which was quickly wiped away with the sleeve of his shirt by said boy. "Bye Kashi-chan, bye Sakura-chan, love you, and I'll be back soon!" He called, waving as he hurried out the door and ran down the street to meet his team on time. Kakashi watched his brother through the window a moment before turning back to the older kunoichi.
"So," she said brightly, hoping her excess zeal would rub off on him "what do you want to do first, Kakashi-chan?" Kakashi had been rather reserved towards her in recent months, something she refused to admit hurt her. SHe was sure she just needed to spend more time with her young sensei. Of course he would never be the mentor she once had, but they could continue to be a team and a family towards each other.
Kakashi sighed and shook his head slightly before he walked over to his bag and pulled out a book about ninja basics, "Sorry, Sakura, I have to study." He said simply as he sat down cross-legged on the couch and flipped his book open to some predestined spot.
She inwardly wondered just how easy it would actually be to rebuild her relationship with her sensei.
Naruto drew circles in the dirt as he slouched next to the camp fire, a distant look on his face. It had been only three days and he couldn't stop worrying about Kakashi. His personality had been changing drastically in the recent days and it didn't sit well with him. The boy was always practicing with his kunai, and when he wasn't practicing, he was reading about strategies, rules, and ninja techniques. He no longer laughed or asked to play ninja with Naruto. He no longer wants to go to the park, and smiles were becoming increasingly difficult to pull out of the young ninja-to-be. He had tried to force Kakashi to stop training and studying so hard, explaining that Kakashi was still only a child and should do more kid things. The silver-haired boy had not responded well to that. Even when being banned from reding ninja books (as best as the young boy could read a book), Kakashi seemed to know more and more information each day. Naruto guessed that he was also learning new information from his first life in his dreams. His eyes were what bothered him the most, though. They no longer held the child-like innocence of a four-year old, but had become hard and calculating, mistrusting and serious. He had gone and spoken with Tsunade about his worries, but she assured him that this was how Kakashi was at this age growing up, from the few times she had seen him thirty years ago.
Still, he also worried about how Kakashi would be with Sakura. His new mood was less caring and he knew that Sakura, although she understood, was hurt by it a little and it made her miss their sensei just a little bit more.
"Naruto-kun.." Hinata mumbled, looking at him worriedly. He made no notice of her, distracted as he was by his thoughts, and she quickly looked down, hiding her embarrassment.
He wondered what he could do to help the situation. Maybe Kakashi and Sakura just needed more time together...
"Naruto!" Shikamaru barked.
The blond jounin snapped his head up in surprise.
"So troublesome.." Shikamaru grumbled, crossing his arms, "This is a delicate mission; please try to pay attention."
Naruto smiled sheepishly, "Sorry."
"This is an S-ranked mission to retrieve classified information from a hidden source in Kumogakure about Akatsuki activities. There will be attacks from either Kumo nin, or even from the Akatsuki themselves, so be at one hundred percent alertness." He eyed both of his team members, "Tomorrow, we begin our mission."
Edited 05/18/13