Dusty dirt rose in little clouds, swirling around Petra's ankles. She forced her dragging feet forward, throwing a hopeless glance back at the forest. It was a tiny front of green in the distance. Turning ahead again, she couldn't even see the wall.
How long have we been walking? She rifled through the hours, realizing she'd lost count. Too much. This is boring. Pointless.
It was a while since anyone had spoken. Petra's heart grew heavy in her chest. In front of her, silhouetted against the setting sun, Erd and Gunter's backs. She couldn't see Auruo, but his footfalls sounded heavily behind her.
The sky was clear, and the sparse trees around them stretched shadows across the wind-scraped land; but clouds of gloom seemed to hang over their heads. A fog of despondency.
All at once, it was too much for Petra. Her boots skidded to a stop over the dry earth.
"Okay. Just… stop." She sensed Auruo as he caught up to her, and her head dropped. "Everyone- stop."
The others faced her. Now, as she stared, her weary face mirrored those of the rest.
"What are we doing?" Petra wondered. "We're walking back to the wall. It could take days…" What am I trying to say? "I just… why? What's the point anymore?"
Gunter shook his head, furious. "Don't talk like that. We can't give up!"
"Give up on what?"
"Petra's right." Erd cut in. "What exactly are we trying to do? There must be a reason we're still here. You've all heard stories about ghosts. We must have unfinished business. Why haven't we truly died?"
"I mean, does anyone really want to die?" Petra muttered. "Apart from Auruo?"
"I didn't want to die, it just happened!" Auruo scowled. "Jeez. Maybe we're all just stuck here for no reason."
"You could be right." Gunter admitted. "Then maybe we're stuck here. Maybe- ugh. We shouldn't think about it. Just… walk. Walk."
He turned away, carefully guarding his stricken look. Petra saw it anyway. She caught the worry, stored in the creases around his lips.
Trudging through the barren, neverending landscape. Every step was a useless thing. Why was she talking them? What was the point? Levi… if you could see me now. She almost laughed. I can't believe- I can't believe that I ever thought… that when we got back…
Oh, that one hurt. It was a slight twinge in her chest, just like always- but suddenly it was spreading. Static danced before her vision.
I thought…
The weight pulled her down. Petra didn't collaspe- rather, crumpled slowly. Like a puppet whose strings were cut, one by one. She sank gently-
A pair of strong hands closed around her middle, holding her steady as her head lolled forward. A rush of air as she was lowered onto the ground.
"What happened?"
"Is she okay?"
"She's fine." Auruo's deep, stony voice by her head. "Just tired."
"We don't get tired anymore."
"Not that kind of tired, dimwit."
Twin tears wound down Petra's cheeks, leaking from her deadened eyes. A dreadful silence in response.
Her hair was suddenly flowing freely, streaming past her cheek as she was lifted by a pair of steady arms.
"I can carry her. Let's keep going."
In the back of her mind, she realized that it was Auruo carrying her. Embarrassment registered slowly.
Why can't I just keep going, like the rest of them? Her eyelids began to close. Is it because they had nothing left to lose? Lashes fluttered against her cheeks. Nothing left to lose… no, they must have had something… Erd… and Gunter...
She became aware of a sweet scent, not unlike cinnamon. It clung to the warmth of Auruo's coat.
What did he have to lose?
A question among many. They swam around her head, circling like birds of prey, picking apart her resolve until she was just a sad jumble of limbs and anxious breaths.
When she floated out of her daze, it was almost morning again. The sun's first rays leaked across the horizon. She moved, shifting her head, and held a forearm over her head.
"Ugh…"
Wait a minute. Her arm dropped, as she realized- We aren't moving?
"Huh?" Shock sparked through her fingers, and her eyes opened wide-
"Oh, hey." Auruo looked down at her. "Look who's finally decided to join us."
Not only were they not moving, she realized- they were sitting. She tumbled from Auruo's arms, dropping the short distance to the ground. "What's going on?" They were all sitting. "Why aren't you walking?"
An uncomfortable pause. Erd was the first to break it.
"Gunter, why don't you tell her?"
Gunter glowered. "No."
"Gunter made a friend."
"Shut up!"
Petra raised an eyebrow. "A friend?"
"An enemy, really." Auruo added, smirking. "A terrible foe."
Gunter's eyes narrowed. "I said, shut-"
"A tree." Erd finished. "He got into a fight with a tree.
"What?"
"Gunter took his anger out on a tree." Erd explained. "And apparently we can still get hurt. And it was a very violent fight."
Petra's head tilted. "Why'd you do that, Gunter?"
"No reason."
"Hm."
She glanced towards the direction of the wall.
"When are we walking again?"
"Just when the pain wears off." Erd sighed. "It's going to take a while, anyway. There's no point in rushing."
"Damn. Sorry about all this, guys."
"That's okay. You were just… angry." Petra paused. "Well- why were you angry, anyway?"
"I was just thinking… that the female titan got away. That we failed our mission. I can't believe it. Aren't we supposed to be the most capable?"
"The most capable…" Petra's voice trailed off.
"There's no way we could've predicted that titan's strength." Erd added. "Nothing we could've done. We did our best."
Gunter raised his head. "You still don't look too thrilled, Erd."
"Can't say I am." He gave a slight smile. "But I've got to help you all now. That's my duty. You'd rip each other to shreds if I didn't, anyway."
"I don't doubt it." Petra muttered. She turned to Auruo. "What about you, then?"
"What about me?"
They all gave him pointed looks, and he scoffed.
"Do I have to be part of the feelings circle now, too?"
Their stares persisted, and he rolled his eyes.
"What do you want me to say?"
Erd gave a shrug. "Anything. We'll be here a while."
"Well, don't have anything to say." Auruo crossed his arms. "I'm fine. I have nowhere else to be."
The condemning looks continued, and a flash of annoyance twisted his lips. "Don't look at me like that! I'm not weak." A hand spread patriotically across his chest. "I'm a soldier. I've done my duty, killed many titans. Now I'm just waiting for my next chance."
Petra gave him an unimpressed look. "Uh-huh."
"Of course!"
"Yeah, yeah. Keep telling yourself that."
"I rather think I will!"
"I think my leg's fine now." Gunter interrupted. "Should we get going?"
Erd nodded, and they all stood up, stretching.
Petra's eyes slid towards the side a little-
"Hey!"
Two horses were tied together, bound from their harnesses. Their heads tossed as they struggled to separate.
"Those horses…" Petra looked eagerly to the rest of them. "They're trained to go back to the wall! But…" A sudden anguish. "We can't untie them."
"We can't," Erd said thoughtfully, "But maybe we can influence them."
"Influence?"
Erd strode to one of them, laying a hand on its back. It stilled. "It can sense us." He put his hand on the other one. "Animals can sense ghosts, remember? Basic folklore."
"Erd, you genius!" Petra laughed, a delighted spark in her voice.
Auruo rolled his eyes again, grumbling. But his sight moved to her, trailing across her smile. Petra noticed his glance. She became still, turning ever-so-slightly. It was his usual dry look- but no, it wasn't at all. That was just a simple layer. Behind it, a restless apprehension… no- what was that? Her head swiveled the slightest bit more-
And all of a sudden, his eyes snapped to hers- closed- immediately moved away, towards the horizon. Petra glanced after his turned face. Admittedly, she was curious. A little confused. A little worried.
Auruo…?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Two horses rode up to the edge of wall rose.
There were a few soldiers on the wall, keeping watch. They were all equally confused.
"Hey." one said, squinting. "Pass me the binoculars, will you?"
The other soldier complied, passing them to him. He held them up gazing through them.
"Huh." The soldier passed the binoculars back. "Take a look."
"They're- horses?"
"Yeah."
A tentative pause.
"They're tied together."
"Mm."
"There's no one on them. That's strange. How'd they even get here?"
"I think we should tell someone. I mean- horses are horses, right?"
"I guess." The other sighed, turning."Hey, guys? We've got some horses out there. Can we get them in?"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Petra slid off her horse, giving it a pat on the mane. The gate rumbled gravely as it closed once more behind them, and she let out a slow breath.
I'm home.
The horses were led away, and she watched with wistful eyes.
I'm home, but it'll never be the same.
Gunter's voice sounded behind her. "Okay- we're in town now. We should see more ghosts, right?"
"How can we even tell who's a ghost?" Auruo complained.
"That's easy." Erd advanced along the road. "We call out. If anyone notices us, they're a ghost."
Everyone followed him. Petra cupped her hands around her mouth.
"Hey! Anyone!"
The rest joined in.
"Hello?"
"This is the special operations squad! Can anyone hear us?"
"We need help!"
"Hello?"
Life swirled around them, like a flowing river. Endless groups of people, talking and laughing as they passed. The scent of bread and sunlight lingered in the morning air. Fresh light, gentle shadows.
In the middle of it all, Petra lingered and watched. It was like a physical pain. Echoes of the life she would never be part of again… her hands dropped. The calls of her friends reverberated in her ears.
What's the point?
She slowed down, staring longingly at the passerby. So many faces. They were so real.
They can't see me. Her breath caught. I'm not real anymore, am I?
"Petra." Gunter noticed her pause. "Did you see something?"
Petra shook her head. "No. I was just thinking."
"Thinking?" Erd stopped, glancing back. "About what?"
"Look at all these people!" Her voice shook a little, but her tone was strong. "They've got their whole lives ahead of them… they've got so much."
She gazed towards a family. A mother and father, holding their child's hands. They laughed, swinging him by his arms.
"What have we got?" She said softly. "What have I got?"
The squad looked at each other. Answered in unison.
"You've got us!"
"-me."
Petra froze for a second. She turned slowly, hands on her hips.
"Alright, who said that?"
"Well, we all said-"
"No." Petra curiously cocked her head. "'Me'. One of you said 'you've got me'. Who was it?"
A brief silence.
"Wasn't me." Erd said.
Auruo looked to Gunter. "Wasn't me either. Guess that means you, Gunter."
"No, I didn't say it either!"
Petra shot them an accusing look. "One of you is lying." Eventually she sighed, shaking her head. "Guess I'll never know. Should we keep searching, then?"
Their shouts echoed off the cobblestones.