And here...we focus on Ryan's personal struggle that he has yet to tell everyone. He's a college freshman, but his personal life is taking a much bigger course.
Chapter 2: Ryan's Struggle
At Ryan's room, he just locked himself in the room, away from everyone and he just felt really bad for shutting the others out, but at some point...he felt as if they may never understand what he's having to deal with the fact that he's being picked on in college because he's book smart...but that he's also bisexual.
Fear crept into the college freshman's mind as if he'll be rejected by the pack if any of his 'peers' reject him of his sexuality in college and it got completely severe to a point where he can't cope with it and and just gave in to the fact that he'll never amount to anything, despite having between a perfect 4.5 or a 5.0 grade point average.
He laid down on his bed and just looked at the ceiling for a second, almost as if he's at the end of his rope and just wants nothing more than to end his life once and for all. But what good would that do? Suicide could never be on his mind, but for some reason...it crept inside of him like a spiderweb and each chance he gets, he just couldn't picture himself dying.
Ryan lets out a very big sigh and said to himself, "Nobody could really understand what I'm going through...and what I'm dealing with. I know both Mana and Jojo are bi and I definitely know Casper and Justin are bi and it's easy for me to relate to them...but I don't think the others can really accept me as I am now."
He can actually hear the voices on his head from all the college jocks and seniors picking at him in every chance he gets and he's so fed up with being picked on as a victim that's being targeted by his sexuality rather than his brains.
'You're a fucking faggot!'
'You should be a nerd fairy!'
'I didn't know that there could be a college where gays and fags unite!'
'So what do you do? Homework first, then bang on a dude later?'
'Man, the whole fucking world would be a better place if you just fucking kill yourself!'
All the echoes of those voices and laughter literally got under his skin and he just broke down and started crying...all because the pain was so deeper than anything and there was no outlet to just let his emotions go or to tell someone about his situation. He sighed deeply, sat up, pulled up a razor and proceeded to cut himself in the wrists.
Ryan was wincing at the pain as he was doing so, but he could care less because it was the only way to just dull the pain away by causing more harm to himself than ever before and that nobody could see what he has to go through. The last thing he would want to do is let someone else know about his struggle and what he's had to deal with, not even his pack members.
After only 10 minutes of cutting himself, he takes a paper towel and wiped off all the blood off of himself and on the floor, but it was a little impossible to get all the blood stains off because the splatters can go dry in an instant and someone would most likely suspect it and that's the one thing he doesn't want to have happen.
Soon after that, he pulls out his guitar and just started playing it and begins to sing one of his favorite songs on both his Whopod and on the radio that he can easily relate to...especially to his love interest.
All along it was a fever
A cold sweated, hot-headed believer
I threw my hands in the air
and said 'show me something'
He said, 'If you dare, come a little closer'
Round and around and around and around we go
Ohh, now tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know
Not really sure how to think about it
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
And it takes me all the way
I want you to stay...
It's not much of the life you're living
It's not just something you take, it's given
Round and around and around and around we go
Ohh, now tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know
Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
And it takes me all the way
I want you to stay...
Ooh-hoo, the reason I hold on
Ooh-hoo, is I need this hole gone
But funny you're the broken one
but I'm the only one who needed saving
Cause when you never see the light
It's hard to know which one of us is caving
Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
And it takes me all the way
I want you to stay...
Stay...
I want you to stay
Ohhhh...
Ryan held onto that last note while his voice was breaking down tearfully and after one final strum, he lets all the tears flow down from his face and juts let every string of emotions go and he lets out a big sigh and felt like he needs some comforting. So...he picks up his Who-phone and starts calling someone he's close with to help him.
"Hey, Kendall. I'm so glad you're home. Listen, can I hang at your house?"
"Sure, Ry. I'll leave the door open for you."
"Thanks. I'll be right over in a few minutes." Ryan responded.
30 minutes later
Ryan comes across the street, a little close to the Who University and when he came across this dilapidated, yet decent house, he saw his lover; a 19 year old male, wearing just a grey T-shirt and baggy pants and has spiky hair with red and blue dye on both sides, his fringe covering parts of his left eye and has a few tattoos on his stomach and arms.
"Hey, you." Kendall said, greeting Ryan.
"Hi, Kenny. I'm glad you're still here." Ryan said, embracing him.
Both boys came over and kissed each other passionately on the lips for 2 whole minutes and Ryan definitely felt more comfortable when he's around Kendall and looked to him more as his very own soul mate and as they looked at each other when they broke off the kiss, Kendall took one look at him and said, "You're looking good, Ry."
"So do you." Ryan said, with a giggle.
"Come inside. It's a little chilly out here." Kendall added, with a warm hospitality.
Ryan snickered in response and he said, "Well, I'm the only one in a hoodie. Who are you gonna judge?"
BTW, the song is 'Stay' from Rihanna. If you haven't heard of it, please do so! The character Kendall is Ryan's boyfriend because he's also bisexual, but is also a comforting figure for him when it comes to dealing with his sexuality. It came off as an inspiration whenever me and Whozonegirl did some role-playing and I thought it'd be a great contribution to the fic...as a test. Kendall is 19 and Ryan is 18, but I'll let you guys be the judge. And for those who think that I'm a homophobe, I'm not, never have been and never will be. I have friends that are bi and they're still my friends regardless...so to all those homophobe jerks...butt out. Stay tuned for more and see what Kendall and Ryan are up to!