Oh honey, I don't think I feel so very okay right now... Now, get out of my head again, don't wake up the sleeping dogs in there... They might produce much more (almost) angstless fluff in this literary hug I'm writing myself. You obviously got the idea of a sequel lodged inside my thoughts. And I'm in serious, serious need of something, anything angst- and heartbreakless. For now. 'Cos life sucks.
2.
It's amazing to witness just how at home Sofia seems to feel at my place. She places her car keys with mine in the bowl by the door and hangs her jacket over a hook before she turns left to the kitchenette, drinking right from the tab again.
"Sorry, so thirsty from those salty nuts."
This time I brush the drops away from her chin. She freezes at the touch and I know exactly why, because it's obviously the same thing I'm experiencing. It's like a current is running through us. She captures my hand and pulls me in and I back her against the sink, my hands placed firmly on the counter at each side of her hips, trapping her there before our mouths crash together. For a minute there's nothing I can do or think, there's a hunger consuming us that I hadn't realised was there before. We kiss each other breathless, her hands roaming my back, my sides, touch places she has never touched before, but strategically avoiding any hot spots. She's good, she's subtle, but demanding, needy, but restrained enough to enjoy the journey. I arch my back and groan, leaning forward into her body, covering it with mine. I want her, now, with the same mad intensity I had once before. Closer, naked, fast and inside me. I push away a bit, break the kiss but let my mouth hover very close to hers. Teasing. She tries to capture my lips again but I lean back, don't let her close the minimal distance. It's a dance, a game. Her eyes sparkle as her tongue darts out and brushes my upper lip. I allow it for half a second, then dodge the contact again and she growls, tangles her hand in my hair and pulls gently.
Her stare is wild and the want is clear now in her eyes and I know mine reflect the same need.
But... This is not what it's about. This is not all it is supposed to be about.
I groan again when I realise that in a moment, I'm going to hate myself for what I'm about to do.
But Sofia has already seen the change in my eyes.
She closes her eyes quickly, pressing them shut, then takes a deep breath.
"Too much, too soon." She huffs without increasing the distance between our faces.
I sigh. And nod, dropping my head onto her shoulder. She hugs me tight to herself.
"It's really not that I don't really, really want you right now. But I want you to know that that's not what it's about for me, I don't want you to be afraid that I'm taking advantage of you, that all I want is a quick lay and that's it. We've almost been there once." I mumble into her shirt. Damn, I feel really guilty for having let this spin out of control so quickly. But then I feel her body shake and rumbling laughter erupt from her throat.
"Sara, really? We practically assaulted each other that one night and you left me high and dry. Then it took us so long to even talk about what was happening and you left again, but that time I knew what it was all about. You've taken your time to come to the decision you made tonight and I'm very aware of where you stand now. You said it. This is real. So, no, I'm not afraid you're going to run away anymore. And I'm perfectly fine with what you suggested earlier, but to be honest, you might have wanted me for some time too now, consciously or not, but I've been there way longer."
She stretches the second last word and laughs again.
"And after the last couple of minutes, I'm going to explode if you don't do something about this fucking tension. I swear the minute you fall asleep I'm going to take care of it myself if you don't. And I'm not gonna wake you up to watch."
My head whips up and I face her sporting the smuggest smirk I have ever seen on her face.
"Not that I'm opposed to the general idea, but damn it Sara, I'd rather have you-" She braces herself, realising what she was just about to blurt out.
I gulp and though I am looking at her, I'm not. The scenario I have in mind clouds my actual vision.
By now she snorts with laughter.
"Earth to Sara?"
I blink, twice and feel a certain heat creep into my cheeks. Oh, I'm so busted. Sofia kisses me again, lightly. "All in good time, okay?" And she chuckles again while pressing another kiss to my smiling lips.
"Okay, I'm going to take the lead now and you have nothing else to do but go with it. Come one."
She tugs at my hand and makes a beeline for my bedroom.
"Sofia-"
"Shush."
"Did you just-"
"Shush you? Yes."
She heads straight for my shirt drawer and I'm not even surprised at her familiarity with my place anymore. She's slept here before, on the couch, but anyway, she's taken numerous showers here, we've eaten, talked and watched movies here as well as at her place. I actually like it that we know each other's spaces that well already. Less awkwardness.
We know each other. We're friends. I've told her things I wouldn't tell someone I've just met or considered as relationship material. Even after her initial confession, we've talked about pretty personal stuff. Now this does feel a little awkward after all.
I get shaken out of my thoughts as a tank top hits my head.
"Hey, dreamer. I'm going to take a shower now. I'll be quick so you can get one, too, before the warm water runs out."
She saunters over and now barefoot, she gets up on her tiptoes to kiss me again. And what a kiss. If I was to guess, the kiss said 'I wouldn't mind if you followed me into that shower of yours.'
"Did Red get your tongue? What's the matter, Sara?"
What's the matter? I'm completely overwhelmed here! Hello? Made life-changing decision, took new girlfriend home without hesitation, made out in the kitchen, stopped just to be told that there was no more stopping tonight and then said brand new girlfriend took over my apartment. That's the matter.
Girlfriend? I. Have. A. Girlfriend. Okay- don't freak, just don't freak.
"Hey, are you okay?"
I hear Sofia's voice like through a thick fog, distant and fuzzy. I'm having trouble breathing, I'm-
Shit!
"Whoa, hey, sit down, come one, sit down, head between your knees. Sara! Sara, listen, I think you're having something like a panic attack. Sara, you're freakin' scaring me, sit down now."
I take a controlled, slow and rattling breath and my vision is still blurry, Sofia's voice still faint but I'm not hyperventilating anymore. There's no reason for this, I got this. I got this.
"I'm fine. I was just-"
Sofia exhales soundly as I focus on her again and send her a weak smile.
"God! Good. What just happened?" She asks tentatively.
"I think I'm gonna settle for cuddling tonight. I'm sorry. It's just more to process for me than I thought. I really didn't want to scare you, the reality of the situation just kinda crashed down on me. Feel free to do whatever you feel the need to do, but please wait until I've fallen asleep, I don't even want to imagine that right now."
Sofia snickers and captures my hands in hers.
"Hey, I was kinda just joking when I said that. Just tell me what you need right now. No pressure at all. And if you need me to leave for tonight, you can tell me. It's okay, it is a lot to take in after all... you know."
"No, I don't want you to leave, I need you here. Just- let's just get into bed and sleep. We can take a shower in the morning. I just wanna feel you close to me, so don't leave."
"Which side of the bed to you usually sleep in?"
Sofia asks as she picks up the just discarded shirt and walks to the foot of the bed.
I pause.
"Uh, left to middle, I'd say. I do shift a lot. I got used to sleeping alone in a big bed."
She looks at me, the turns and approaches the right side of my bed before catching my gaze again. Then she starts to undress herself.
I'm rooted to the spot, I know I'm staring unabashed, but I can't help myself. She unbuttons her blouse, lets it slide down her arms, then grabs the hem of her undershirt and pulls it over her head.
With a smile, she turns her back towards me and unclasps her bra, discards it onto the growing heap of clothes on the floor, picks up the sleep shirt and slips into it. I involuntarily groan in disappointment as the expanse of lightly tanned skin is covered again so quickly. She makes quick work of her pants and steps out of them before she turns to face me again.
What she sees when she looks at me does obviously seem to amuse her. She crosses the distance between us quickly and pecks me on the cheek.
"Better. At least now some of the colour has returned to your face. Your turn."
I clear my throat and look at her stunned.
"Er, okay. Why do you get to wear a big shirt and I only get a tight tank top?"
She grins.
"The truth?"
"Duh. Of course."
"Because you look hot in those."
"Fair enough."
I seem to have found my equilibrium again. I slowly walk over to my side of the bed and undress exactly the same way Sofia just had. And she gazes at me just as intensely as I just stared at her.
"You have amazing legs. Amazing."
"Sofia."
Her eyes find mine again after they seem to be contemplating just how quickly they want to look away from my legs.
"Bed."
"Oh, yeah."
As she slips under the covers beside me and scoots closer, it's the warmth that's radiating from her body that reaches me first. She leaves a bit of space between us, but leans down to kiss me. A long, tender, sweet kiss. I pull her in and our legs entangle almost automatically, the first touch of skin on skin exiting, breathtaking, but also oddly calming. I'm on my back now and Sofia is curled into my side, her head resting on my shoulder, my hand in her hair, hers on my stomach, under the covers, but above the tank.
"Can you sleep like this?"
"Hmm..." she murmurs.
"This feels good. Right."
"It'd feel much better if we weren't wearing any clothes."
"Hey."
"Mm, okay. Hold me?"
I lift my head up and frown.
"Erm, I already do."
"Right." She snuggles deeper into my arms.
"But I could kiss you again."
"I'm irresistible." She states proudly and wriggles a bit against my side.
"Don't overdo it. A good night kiss."
There's some more kissing. Some more shifting to find the right position. I breathe in and memorize that scent. I feel content and calmed. I'm good. Then I'm out like a light.
I just couldn't help myself. Next wait's gonna be much longer. Despite anything any review could contain. Don't let that stop you from writing them though.