Guys and Dolls
Chapter 2
Opening
Hermit chuckles at the crowd that had already arrived an hour before the show started. This was definitely going to be successful. He went through a nearby door back to the rec room. The actors were already getting tin their costumes. The elderly man made his way through the chaos until he arrived at Cream who was just finishing her eyeliner. He waited until she finished to tap her on the shoulder.
"Are you ready?" he asked.
She nodded as Hermit placed a finger on the top of her head. Then radiating energy that was similar to light shined and faded. Now instead of a childlike Cream, there was a Cream that looked to be sixteen years old. Since many of the actors were physically too young for their parts, Hermit had to use light powers to 'transform' them so to speak. He left to the others as Cream looked again at her aged form and made a cute face. She couldn't help but blush as she remembered what had happen during the play practices.
Hermit was standing before them once again, again with the TV behind him.
"Well ladies and gentlemen, the time has finally come. All these weeks of practice shall come together in this show. Let's not let our fans down now!"
"YEAH!" they all cheered with fists in the air. They jumped up and left to their positions.
Hermit looked on with a smile. Curtain call was nearing, so he'll have to be ready. If you looked really hard though, you could see that the Hermit began to sweat. Where was it? Then the door swung open as Cheese flew in with a disc in his hand.
Hermit sighed in relief. "It's about time you got here! Did you get it all set up?"
"Chao chao!" Cheese said happily as he handed the disc over. It read 'Bloopers of the Sonic version of Guys and Dolls! See the famous heroes do infamous screw ups!'
"Are you sure?" Hermit insisted as he took the disc, "DVD's, Blu-ray discs and podcasts?"
"Chao!" Cheese said with a smile.
"Excellent," he said in Mr. Burns style. "I sell them; you get 80 percent of the profit, like we agreed."
The crowd murmured restlessly as the time came. Onto the stage came the Hermit, now in a classic black tuxedo.
"Ladies and gentlemen," he said through a mike, "welcome to the show. A quick reminder that all recording devices are to be turned off and any phones must be turned off. For this Sonic themed parody of Guys and Dolls, the main roles are as followed. Nathan Detroit shall be played by Sonic, Adelade shall be played by Amy Rose, Sky Masterson shall be played by Jet and Sarah Brown will be played by Cream. Supporting roles include Miles Prower as Nicely Nicely Johnson, Charmy as Benny Southstreet, Knuckles as Lieutenant Brannigan, Big as Uncle Arvide, Wave as Harry the Horse and Storm as Big Julie. Now please sit back, relax, and enjoy the 1940's romance known as Guys and Dolls."
With that, Hermit left the stage and the curtain went up.
When you see a guy,
Reach for stars in the sky,
You can bet that he's doing it for some doll,
When you spot a John waiting out in the rain,
Chances are he's insane, as only a John can be for a Jane.
When you meet a gent,
Paying all kinds of rent
For a flat that could flatten the Taj Mahal,
Call it sad, call it funny,
But it's better than even money that the guy's only doing it for some doll.
Your eyes are the eyes, of a woman in love,
And oh, how they give you away.
Why try to deny, you're a woman in love,
When I know very well what I say?
As the beginning chorus ended, the lights on the stage went on. There were countless anonymous extras that sprang to life in an old fashion style of Station Square. But the stage itself was so big and the views constantly changed with no signs of the previous view existing, like they were watching a live movie.
It was late morning and action was high as normal. Many people walked about the streets, each doing their own thing. One group of tourists was being led by a guide, when a couple from Texas was stopped by a young man. He took their souvenir photo and then showed them a note that was an I.O.U. for their picture. The man gave him a coin as a tip and left. The boy tore the note in half with a smug look while two girls noticed the scam from the background. The came forward and struck a pose. He took their picture and showed them another note. The girls then took the note and ripped it in his face.
They walked off to a nearby store, seeing two men who were staring at a sign ad next to the door of a beautiful woman in a dress. The girls posed for them men, who looked at the girls once before looking back at the ad. The girls got ticked and went into the store.
In front of the store was a man holding a panel selling corsages. Then a blind man tapped by with a sign that stated his disability. He then quickly stood next to the seller, who opened his panel to show a chart for horse racing bets. The 'blind' man made his mark on a betting panel and slipped the seller some money before leaving, the seller closing the panel quickly.
The two girls then came out of the store with beautiful figure hugging outfits and posed for the men again. The men noticed them and rapidly glanced between the two images. The men then stood up and offered their arms to the ladies, who then took the offer and led them off to siphon their next meal.
As they walked on, they moved to the side to make way for an athlete in red, jumping rope down the sidewalk as his trainer kept count and time. Then two more girls came from the nearby movie theater, saw the athlete and immediately opened their autograph books to him. The athlete happily stopped, pulled out a pen and signed the books. The ladies looked at the signatures with giggles as they patted the athlete's back in thanks. However the athlete was already so exhausted that he collapsed when they patted him.
Up the block, a man and a woman came out with a box. The woman stood by innocently as the man tried to gather everyone's attention. He then pulled out a human like puppet made out of what seemed like material similar to a kite. He secretly hung an invisible string onto the girl, making the puppet seem to float in the air. After a second of nothing happening, he nudged the girl. She then not so noticeably shook, making the puppet seem to move on its own. The couple then panicked and tucked the puppet into the box, pulled out a handle and an overhead cover, now making it look like a baby carriage. They strolled along like a happy couple, but they were still recognized by the cop. The chase went on until the couple went into the subway system, causing the cop to give up.
Beside the subway entrance, there was a legitimate booth selling race horse scratch sheets used for betting. As men came out of the subway, they would take a scratch sheet and leave the payment on the table, the proprietor paying more attention to his newspaper. One guy tried to be coy and snake the payments, only to have his hand stopped by the proprietor with another rolled up newspaper.
The man ran back a bit and turned his attention to a row of payphones. He checked each one's change slot, looking for anything of monetary value. He came to the last one and found something. His happy face grew as he pulled it out, only to chuck it to the ground in disgust at the discovery that it was a penny. He left in a sulk as other men came and filled up all of the booths. They paid the amount and dialed a number, only to see the cop coming so they all hanged up and hid their scratch sheets, mocking innocence. Once the cop was out of sight, they paid the phones and continued.
Over offstage, Sonic (who was dressed up in a dark blue suit) turned to Hermit who stood at the stage controls.
"Hey Hermit, I just realized, where did you get all the people to play all these extras?"
"Uh… nowhere in particular."
Inside a service closet behind them, hundreds of Dusk Nobodies from Kingdom Hearts were transforming into countless and anonymous extras.
Back onstage, out of the store next to the payphones, Wave came out dressed in a white suit; the outfit almost making her look like a male. She came out, reading a scratch sheet of her own. She so into it however that she was walking into the street, causing many cars on the road to stop inches from her and honk in anger. She stopped next to the same crowd of tourists, who now seemed to count the floors of the Empire State Building. Then a man came next to the Texan tourist and pointed his attention upward. While the Texan tried to see what was so important, the man quickly dove his hand into the other's pocket and pulled out a priceless gold watch and stuffed into his pants pocket. The Texan left as the chain of the watch stuck out of the thief's pocket. Wave then moved on, still not looking from her scratch sheet as she took the watch by the chain and put it in her pocket. Just as she left, the Texan came back, seeing how the man stole his watch. A chase then began with the thief in front, followed by the Texan and his wife, then the cop, and finally the tourist group.
The chase seemed to follow Wave, as she then stopped in the middle of the side walk. The 'corsage' seller also notices the cop and left along with another man who placing his bet at the time. The thief went around Wave, as well as the scamming couple, the 'blind' man, the cop and the tourists. As the crowd finishes, Wave takes a final sip of her cappuccino and stretches her arm out just in time for her cup to be knocked by the jogging athlete, knocking the exhausted man unconscious. She then takes her leave, the watch then taken by two nearby ladies who then hide it in their bosom.
Wave then arrives at a scratch sheet stand with two others. One was Tails who was in a grey suit and the other was Charmy who was in an orange suit. Music began to play as Tails stepped forward.
Fugue for Tinhorns sung by Tails, Charmy and Wave.
Tails:
I got the horse right here. His name is Paul Revere,
And the guy here says if the weather's clear,
Can do. Can do. This guy says the horse can do.
If he says the horse can do, can do, can do.
Charmy:
I'm picking Valentine, cause on the morning line,
This guy's got him figured at five to nine.
Wave:
But look at Epitaph, he wins it by a half.
According to this here in the telegraph.
Tails:
For Paul Revere I'll bite, I hear his foot's alright.
Of course it all depends if it rained last night.
Charmy:
I'm picking Valentine cause on the morning line,
The guy's got him figured at five to nine.
Wave:
Now just a minute boys, I got the feedbox noise.
It says the great grandfather was equipoise.
Tails:
I tell ya' Paul Revere, now this is no bum steer.
It's from a handicapper that's real sincere.
Charmy:
I'm picking Valentine. The morning works look fine.
You know the jockey's brother is a friend of mine.
Wave:
So make it Epitaph. He wins by a half,
According to this here in the telegraph.
Epithaph!
Charmy:
Valentine!
Tails:
Paul Revere!
All three:
I got the horse,
Right,
Here!
Then a trumpet sounded with the popular horse race song, causing all three to look at their watches in shock. The race was beginning! They ran off to see if their bets were right on the money.
Later on, there was a form of a marching band on a street side with nameless people and animals playing instruments and singing a song. The song itself was being led by two individuals. One was Big, who was playing the drum, and finally Cream who was playing a tambourine.
Band:
Follow the fold and stray no more.
Stray no more,
Stray no more.
Put down the bottle and we'll say no more,
Follow, follow the fold.
Cream:
Before you take another swallow!
Band:
Follow the fold and stray no more.
Stray no more,
Stray no more.
Tear up your poker deck and play no more,
Follow, follow the fold.
Through the meadows,
Where the sun shines.
Out of the darkness,
And the cold.
Cream:
And the sin and shame in which you wallow.
Band:
Follow the fold and stray no more.
Stray no more,
Stray no more.
If you're a sinner and you pray no more,
Follow, follow the fold.
As the band ended, Cream stood up on a box, ready to preach as Tails and Charmy came, walking back from the races where they failed.
"Friends, my name is Cream Rabbit. This no place to make a speech, so I'm not going to try. You don't want to be told how unhappy you are, you don't want to be told about the emptiness of your lives. You who drink too much, you who gamble on cards and dice and horse races. Let us help you not to lose your hard earned money at gambling games and bookie joints."
"Alright, now she has my attention" Charmy said.
"Let us give you the strength to stop your drinking, to stop your gambling," Cream continued.
"And she lost it," Charmy said before leaving with Tails.
"Let us welcome you to the Save a Soul Misson, just around the corner open all day and all night," she spoke.
Then he came up. A simple weasel with a briefcase and stand. "Come to me, come to me, open all day and all night! Cause today, I'm giving away solid gold watches for only a dollar each! That's right, solid gold watches, for only a dollar!"
"Remember," Cream battled, "that all that glitters is not gold. More to be desired are the judgments of heaven! Gold is not enough!"
"Yes it's not enough!" the weasel continued. "All right, for today only, I'll include the watches with ivory top and a genuine magnetic compass! Now whenever you walk about Station Square and wondering where you're going, north, south, east, west, up or down-"
"Yes, where are you going?" Cream interrupted. "Down, down, down? Or up to salvation? Come to the Mission and find out! Absolutely free!"
"Absolutely free!" the weasel continued, obviously winning. "Absolutely free with the watch for a dollar! Now don't crowd people, don't push! There's plenty of room for everyone!"
"There's plenty of room for everyone in the kingdom of heaven too," Cream said in a fading defeated tone. She turned to the others with a sigh. "Let's go everyone."
"Have you noticed that these people actually stayed for half of your speech this time?" Big asked, trying to spark hope.
"That's because apparently they sell salvation on the streets for a dollar in solid gold with a compass and an ivory top."
"Uh, Cream?" Big asked as the others began to leave. "Do you think those watches are really gold?"
"Mr. Big, please, don't you dare!" Cream said with a pleading tone before leaving. Big 'hmm…'-ed to himself before leaving with the others, beating the drum to their song.
The scene reopens at a barber shop as Wave exits, to the notice of Charmy and Tails.
"Hey! Wave Swallow!" Charmy shouted happily.
Wave however panicked and hid her face against the glass until she turned to see that it was Tails and Charmy. "Charmy Bee! Don't you know not to shout the name of a top gambler into the open air with all the cops around?"
"Sorry, when I saw you I just got too excited and lost my head."
"If it wasn't for the fact that I need you right now, that would've been a fact. Now listen up," she said in a hushed tone as she huddled the two to her. "Me and the others are getting restless. We need to know now. Where will the location for Sonic Hedgehog's crap game be?"
"Well you know how picky boss is!" Charmy said with a shrug. "It's getting really difficult since everywhere is getting too sloppy for his taste."
"Listen, between you and us Wave," Miles 'Tails' Prower said in a hushed tone, "the heat's getting too much for everyone, so they're not as open to Sonic as they were."
"Well he better find a place soon," Wave said irritated. "I'm itching for some action and I have some 5000 rings to back it up."
"5000 rings?!?" Charmy said shocked before looking about for security reasons. "If you don't mind me asking, where'd you get it?"
"Well I have nothing to hide on the matter," Wave said with a smirk. "I collected the reward off of my father." With that, she let them go walked off as Charmy and Tails went into the barber
"Man she's lucky!" Charmy said as Tails grabbed a newspaper and they both sat down. "Nobody wanted my dad for even 5 rings."
"Yeah but I'm more worried for Sonic," Tails said with worry. "Wave isn't the only one getting impatient. There's lots of loose money running around and everybody's looking for something to waste it on." It was at this Charmy noticed something near them and rose in respect while Tails kept going. "If Sonic doesn't find a spot soon-"
That was when Charmy turned Tails's head to the object, causing the kit to stand up as well. Before them stood a certain red echidna with a police badge on his chest and a fedora on his head. And he was staring right at them.
"W-would you look this Charmy," Tails said with a worried stutter. "It's Lieutenant Knuckles Echidna of the Station Square Police Department."
They kept their stance as Knuckles stepped towards them. "Have either of you seen Sonic Hedgehog?"
"Sonic Hedgehog? Which one are we talking about?" Tails spoke while fidgeting.
"Your boss Sonic Hedgehog!" Knuckles clarified, ticked off. "The same Sonic Hedgehog that hosts a floating crap game!"
"Floating?" Charmy said naively. "You mean on a boat?"
"I mean a crap game that moves to a different spot every time so that the police don't break it up!" said the red one.
"It sounds very hard to do," Tails spoke.
"You should know since it's your job to round up the customers," Knuckles said with grinding teeth.
"Especially with a famous cop like you putting on the heat," Tails replied, trying to blow his ego.
"And you can tell that to Sonic himself!" Knuckles said as he began to poke Tails repeatedly. "Tell him that he's not going to find a place, because everybody knows that Knuckles has turned on the heat, and that Knuckles is breathing down everybody's necks!"
Knuckles left through the revolving door, just in time for Sonic in a dark blue suit to enter. He didn't know however that Knuckles came right back in.
"Hey guys!" Sonic called. "Am I glad to see you! I can't really believe that lousy Knuckles! He's such a-"
"Is something wrong Sonic?" Knuckles said with a smirk.
"Lieutenant Knuckles!" Sonic said shocked. "I hope you realize that I wasn't talking about you! There are other lousy Knuckles around here!"
"I hope you realize that you aren't going to win this time Sonic!" Knuckles said with a poke. "I practically got this entire city under my thumb, and it'll be near to impossible for you to hold a game at all, much less get away with one!"
"Well of course you do considering the fact that you have to live off of your own salary now," Sonic retorted. Knuckles just grinded his teeth and walked out.
"Cutting it a bit close don't you think Sonic?" Tails asked, only to be ignored.
"Man. What do the police want with me? I'm just providing entertainment for those who want it; the price for which is a little cut off of every bet. Now is that so wrong?" Sonic ranted.
"Listen boss," Charmy interrupted. "Have you found a spot for the game yet?"
"Have I found a place?" Sonic replied sarcastically as he huddled the boys to him. "Boys, we're holding the crap game at the Music Hall."
"But how are you going to get around the ushers?" Tails asked, calling the bluff.
"Hey, I've tried all the other places. The back of the cigar store, the funeral parlor…" Sonic said defeated.
"You mean they're not going to take a chance knowing that it's you boss?" Charmy asked.
"Knowing that it's me, not a chance" Sonic answered.
"Well how about the Robotnik Garage?" Tails asked. "You did say there will be a game there one day."
"I went to the Robotnik Garage. I talked to Ivo Robotnik himself!" Sonic said exasperated. "And he said that he'll be willing to take a chance… if I give a thousand rings."
"1000 rings!?!?" Tails shouted.
"In advance and only in rings. He won't even take my marker!" Sonic despaired.
"You're marker's no good boss?" Charmy asked confused.
"Don't even joke about that Charmy!" Sonic demanded. "A marker is not just a piece of paper that says 'I owe you 1000 rings signed Sonic Hedgehog'! A marker is your written word which you can't welch on! Not following up your own word as a gambler is worse than not saluting the flag or even slapping your own grandma! My marker's as good as gold and better. It's only because of Knuckles's breath that Ivo doesn't think so. Can't believe I'd ever see this day: me without a livelihood. I mean I've been running the crap game ever since I was a small little hedgehog."
"Well can't you do anything Sonic?" Tails asked.
"No, I can't. I'm broke!" Sonic said depressed. "I don't even have enough to think or even buy Amy a gift today. And do you know what today is?"
"Her birthday?" Charmy guessed.
"Worse," Sonic said with his head down. "It's mine and Amy's fourteenth anniversary."
"Man boss," Charmy gasped. "I know you and Amy have been engaged for a while now, but fourteen years?"
"Well this only makes things worse Sonic!" Tails said as music began. "You have to remember that most of the highest players are in town! The Mobian's in town!"
"Mighty Armadillo!" Charmy added.
"Even Vector Croc!" Tails finished.
"I know!" Sonic shouted. "I can make a fortune off of this game! But to make a fortune, I need a fortune! 1000 rings? Where am I going to get that?"
The Oldest Established sung by Sonic, Charmy, Tails and male chorus.
Tails:
The Robotnik Garage wants a grand.
Charmy:
But we don't have a grand on hand.
Sonic:
And now they've got a lock on the door
On the gym at Public School 84.
Tails:
There's the stokehold behind Ms. Lockheart's bar!
Charmy:
But her friend Mr. Strife ain't a good scout.
Sonic:
And things being how they are,
The back of the police station's out!
Tails:
So the Robotnik Garage is the spot.
All three:
But the 1000 rings we ain't got.
(The barbers and the customers notice the three and sing along as they get out of their seats.)
Male chorus:
Why it's good ol' reliable Sonic!
Sonic, Sonic, Sonic Hedgehog!
If you're looking for looking for action,
He'll furnish the spot!
Even when the heat is on it's never too hot!
Not for good ol' reliable Sonic
For it's always just a short walk.
To the oldest established
Permanent floating
Crap game in Station Square.
There are well heeled shooters everywhere, everywhere.
There are well heeled shooters everywhere.
And an awful lot of lettuce
For the fella who can get us,
Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeee…
(Sonic, Tails and Charmy:
If we only had a lousy little grand
We could be a millionaire!)
Male chorus:
That's good ol' reliable Sonic,
Sonic, Sonic, Sonic Hedgehog!
Sonic:
If the size of your bundle,
You want increase,
I'll arrange that you go home in quiet and peace.
Charmy and Tails:
In a hideout provided by Sonic,
Where there are no neighbors to squawk!
Everyone:
It's the oldest established,
Permanent floating,
Crap game in Station Square!
Male chorus:
Where's the action?
Where's the game?
Sonic, Tails and Charmy:
Gotta have the game
Or we'll die from shame.
Everyone:
It's the oldest established,
Permanent floating,
Crap game in Station Square.
"Guys," Sonic announced facing the group amongst him, "thank you for believing in me. Sonic Hedgehog's crap game will float again!"
With that, the trio exited the barber, and the curtain went down to prepare the next settings.
Offstage, the emotions were varied. Hermit was just happy as he maintained the stage controls. Amy stood, anxious to begin in the next scene. Jet stood, confident that he would finally prove his acting superiority over Sonic. Big just stood in the back, enjoying a few cookies and some water. The trio of Omega at the sound systems, Vector at the lights and Espio who was busy getting the props on and off of the stage, were all angry still at the 'employment offer' that Hermit gave them.
But the main problems were with the final two people who were confused. Cream and Wave. The practice wasn't exactly easy on them, but the main problem existed within their current standings with one vulpine sapient. Now, details will be exposed later, but let's just say that the ladies were on the warpath with each other, mostly at the result of the rounds of matchmaker that were played by their director.
Finally, Cheese was sitting in the rec room, preferring not to be in the play instead, he was watching something much funnier.
Excerpt from Hermit on a scene from 'Guys and Dolls Bloopers'…
"When it comes down to all of the incidences that occurred during the making of the musical, it can be divided into four main categories. There were the natural acting accidents, the Jet/Sonic rivalry, the Wave/Tails/Cream situation, and other. Here is one of the best Jet/Sonic moments that had ever happened on set."
"Alright everyone!" Hermit shouted in the rec room. "Scene practice! We'll be practicing the first conversation with Jet and Sonic. Where the heck are they?"
"Sonic said that he was going to take a shower first," Amy reported as she ate a bowl of cereal.
Hermit stared. "And you're in here instead of there? Okay. Where's Jet?"
"Boss said he had to take a shower too," Storm spoke as he prepared some French toast on a skillet. "By the way, you better look out behind you."
"What'd ya mean?" Hermit said intimidated as he turned to see an angry Amy with her mallet raised high. "Oh."
"Just what did you mean by that huh?" she asked demonically. "Are you suggesting that I'm some kind of pervert?"
"…" Hermit began to sweat. "Is it alright if I don't answer that?"
"JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!"
"SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!"
Hermit counted his lucky stars that those two screams distracted Amy from bringing down the mallet. Then from two different doors on opposite ends of the room busted Jet and Sonic, both wet and with a towel around their waist. But there was one thing different about the both of them that were causing everyone to erupt and roll on the floor laughing. Both Jet's feathers and Sonic's fur were now bright, frilly pink. They immediately assaulted each other in a wrestling match in the middle of the room. This of course caused them to lose their towels and Amy to blush and faint at the sight of her crush 'naked'.
Hermit snickered on as he made his way to Tails and handed him the other half of the 200 ring payment as Cheese began to take pictures for blackmail.