Disclaimer: don't own anything
I make sure the shower is turned up hot as I stand under the spray, it's nearly unbearable, just the way I like it. I begin to scrub my body hard to stop myself feeling so darn dirty; chocolate is hard to wash away, no kidding. I am not in the best of moods, I lost. Do I ever win? I think ruefully. Sometimes, but often it doesn't matter who wins the match, it's who wins after the match that matters. I can hear Nidia moving around in the locker room, she's got some rock music on really loudly and she's singing along to it, she isn't half bad. The brown slime is slowly peeling away from me now and swirling down the plug hole, I can let out my breath now and breathe properly.
"Hey Dawn can I use some that perfume?" Nidia's voice cuts roughly through her music
"The one that you like so much? Sure it's in my bag" I call back to her
"Thanks"
I hear her unzipping my bag and pulling the bottle out. No one else shares with us, it's just me and Nidia. Surprised? Most people are. They can't work out what I'd have in common with a trailer trash rookie. They'd be even more surprised to find out that Nidia and I are best friends. We're like night and day on the surface, but that's just skin deep, like most things around here. But we're similar; we like the same things, have the same thoughts and are treated in the same way. We're shoved to the side by the others; labelled as useless sluts who nobody gives a thought to. It was tough for Nidia coming here, barely having paid her dues; the other divas treat her like garbage. She toughened up quickly, all she needed was Jamie by her side and she was fine but one day we ended up sharing a locker room together and have done ever since. I'm proud of her, getting in the ring and kicking ass, it's what she was born to do.
I step out the shower and wrap a thick white towel around myself. Nidia's sat on the bench, meticulously applying black eyeliner. I smile at her as I drop my towel and pick out my clothes. My grey lingerie is practically ruined but I pack it into my bag anyway. I know I looked good out there; sexy lingerie and smothered in chocolate; every guy's dream. I didn't feel that way when I was being suplexed into the pool, then dumped on the outside and pinned for the win. I saw Torrie's smirk as she strutted back up the ramp playing to the crowd. They love her. Me? I crawled off the floor and made my way back with as much dignity as one can when covered in slime in your underwear and guys are yelling obscene things at you. The sniggering and laughing backstage was loud enough so that it became a buzz as I made my way down the corridors back to here. I couldn't smile, I just glared. No one spoke to me. They just smiled widely, nudging each other as I passed.
"What's up Dawn?" Nidia chirps as she begins plucking her eyebrows "you're down, people giving you shit again?"
"Just the usual" I tell her as I picked out some fresh underwear from my bag, white this time and simple, no stockings "another chick fight lost and more humiliation gained"
"We're put in the box, we live the life" replied Nidia "we have to live with it, you wanna come out with me and Jamie? You're more than welcome"
"Thanks Dia but three is definitely a crowd" I reply, pulling on a pair of white pants
"Oh Jamie says the more the merrier" shrugs Nidia "I mean, I don't mind and who knows, it might make you feel better"
"I'll leave it for now, ok?" I answer
"Sure thing"
She packs her make up away and zips her bags up. There's a knock at the door and Nidia turns to me smiling.
"That's my baby, see you next week" she says, pulling me into a hug and kissing my cheek
I hug her back and wave as she disappears out the door. She really is a sweetheart; we've learned to look out for each other, as tight as two wrestling circuit sisters can be. We both did the indies but I had the extra experience in ECW I guess. It's good to have a friend though. No one can do it totally alone.
I have little of my costume to pack away, Torrie ripped most of it off as well as more of my self respect. These matches are the ones that I'm supposed to excel at, supposedly without any ring training; it's all I can offer. That's what makes me mad, I need ring training and I don't get it so I'm stuck toiling through chick fights. It's a vicious circle.
I got her again though. I assured her last week that I'd leave her dear old dad alone, she didn't believe me and she shouldn't have done, I walked through the door tonight with Al on my arm. I'm not going to give up on this; it's too much fun watching her get madder and madder. I'm a diva, she should know by now we live to use and abuse. She's hardly Miss Sweet and Innocent, whatever she says. Does anyone remember when she first got here how she seduced Mr Mcmahon and how she tried to take Jeff Hardy away from Trish? But now of course she's perfect. That's why I'm intend on giving her what she deserves, I don't pretend the past hasn't happened, I embrace it. She pretends she's always been this way but I know she hasn't. Didn't anyone tell her that Xena the Warrior Princess isn't a blonde with pigtails but a beautiful tough brunette? Guess not.
As I gather my bags together, my cell rings and as I pull it out my bag, I smile when I see that it's Lance
"Hello Dawn" his precise serious voice sounds in my ear "how are you?"
"I've been better" I reply, not bothering to pretend otherwise, I never do with Lance because he can always see through me
"What's the problem? You fought tonight, it was an admirable effort"
"Lance, I lost, bottom line"
"I believe you are still continuing a relationship with Mr Al Wilson?"
"Yeah"
"Then you haven't lost, you're still stringing Miss Wilson along, you're the winner, not her"
"Oh God Lance, why aren't you on Smackdown? You always make me feel like I can achieve anything, I have Nidia to talk to but no one wants to ring train me and I need to be Lance, otherwise I can't compete"
"You have the basics you just need to build"
"There aren't any builders around here Lance, last time I looked"
"Look closer"
We talk for a while longer, about Raw, how he's doing - he thinks he and William Regal have great things destined for them as a team, I know that whatever matches he gets served, Lance'll always come out on top, it's just the way he is, training in the Dungeon does that to you. He's worried about me, I know he is, I can tell in his voice, it makes me smile, a lot actually. I really do miss having him around but there isn't any way we can be on the same show unless one of us is traded. I know that for him his greatest chances for success are on Raw so I'm not going to ask him to make that sacrifice. I couldn't ever do that.
I hang up with a heavier heart that I started with. Talking to him reminds how much I miss him, just having his presence in the room calmed me down, he just has that aura. He always knows what I say to make me laugh, it's his dry sense of humour that cracks me up.
I get up and walk out of the locker room with my bags and nearly collide with Matt Hardy. He jumps back a little and smiles at me, looking disgustingly cheerful. I don't want to hear it now. I still haven't forgiven him for making me take a Stink Face just so that he didn't have to. I had no choice; I was pulled in front of him. Torrie nearly winded herself laughing, I wish she had done and fallen off the apron. That would have been funny. A reminder of another one of humiliations. Great, now I feel even worse.
I'm about to walk away when he grabs my hand and begins speaking
"Dawn, you look like you could do with some cheering up" he begins "so I think you need a dose of Mattitude to make you look at the world differently"
I stand, arms crossed, eyebrow raised. I really don't need this right now but I haven't got the energy to put up a fight and besides, there's no stopping him
"And I, Matt Hardy Version 1, the innovator of Mattitude will give it to you! Just watch me, how I go about life, how I turn everything around for it to go my way and help other people, one day maybe you'll be as big star as me"
That does it. I rear back and slap him as hard as I can across his face. His cheek turns a very satisfying red colour as he holds it and looks at me in disbelief. Yes I am a bitch and damn proud of it. In this place, it's the only way to survive.
"Look Hardy, I don't need your pathetic advice, I am already a star so just go shove your Mattitude down someone else's throat, ok?"
I don't wait for an answer; I just walk, head high, ignoring the people who stare as they pass me. But inside, something is crumbling. I know that if I don't find an answer soon, something irreversible will break, something that can't be fixed the diva way. I don't care about Al but I do care about hurting Torrie. I don't care for catfights, I had enough of them in ECW when I was always caught up fighting Francine, the so called 'Queen of Extreme'. I kept trying to tell her, honey I don't know which world you're living on but here, I'm the Queen. She never listened but she saw what I did, I moved on after the Impact Players splintered. I made the best of what I had, I commented which gave me the chance to scout for talent and then picked upSteve Corino, helping him capture gold. I moved on. Like I have to here. Nothing is going to stop me.
I make sure the shower is turned up hot as I stand under the spray, it's nearly unbearable, just the way I like it. I begin to scrub my body hard to stop myself feeling so darn dirty; chocolate is hard to wash away, no kidding. I am not in the best of moods, I lost. Do I ever win? I think ruefully. Sometimes, but often it doesn't matter who wins the match, it's who wins after the match that matters. I can hear Nidia moving around in the locker room, she's got some rock music on really loudly and she's singing along to it, she isn't half bad. The brown slime is slowly peeling away from me now and swirling down the plug hole, I can let out my breath now and breathe properly.
"Hey Dawn can I use some that perfume?" Nidia's voice cuts roughly through her music
"The one that you like so much? Sure it's in my bag" I call back to her
"Thanks"
I hear her unzipping my bag and pulling the bottle out. No one else shares with us, it's just me and Nidia. Surprised? Most people are. They can't work out what I'd have in common with a trailer trash rookie. They'd be even more surprised to find out that Nidia and I are best friends. We're like night and day on the surface, but that's just skin deep, like most things around here. But we're similar; we like the same things, have the same thoughts and are treated in the same way. We're shoved to the side by the others; labelled as useless sluts who nobody gives a thought to. It was tough for Nidia coming here, barely having paid her dues; the other divas treat her like garbage. She toughened up quickly, all she needed was Jamie by her side and she was fine but one day we ended up sharing a locker room together and have done ever since. I'm proud of her, getting in the ring and kicking ass, it's what she was born to do.
I step out the shower and wrap a thick white towel around myself. Nidia's sat on the bench, meticulously applying black eyeliner. I smile at her as I drop my towel and pick out my clothes. My grey lingerie is practically ruined but I pack it into my bag anyway. I know I looked good out there; sexy lingerie and smothered in chocolate; every guy's dream. I didn't feel that way when I was being suplexed into the pool, then dumped on the outside and pinned for the win. I saw Torrie's smirk as she strutted back up the ramp playing to the crowd. They love her. Me? I crawled off the floor and made my way back with as much dignity as one can when covered in slime in your underwear and guys are yelling obscene things at you. The sniggering and laughing backstage was loud enough so that it became a buzz as I made my way down the corridors back to here. I couldn't smile, I just glared. No one spoke to me. They just smiled widely, nudging each other as I passed.
"What's up Dawn?" Nidia chirps as she begins plucking her eyebrows "you're down, people giving you shit again?"
"Just the usual" I tell her as I picked out some fresh underwear from my bag, white this time and simple, no stockings "another chick fight lost and more humiliation gained"
"We're put in the box, we live the life" replied Nidia "we have to live with it, you wanna come out with me and Jamie? You're more than welcome"
"Thanks Dia but three is definitely a crowd" I reply, pulling on a pair of white pants
"Oh Jamie says the more the merrier" shrugs Nidia "I mean, I don't mind and who knows, it might make you feel better"
"I'll leave it for now, ok?" I answer
"Sure thing"
She packs her make up away and zips her bags up. There's a knock at the door and Nidia turns to me smiling.
"That's my baby, see you next week" she says, pulling me into a hug and kissing my cheek
I hug her back and wave as she disappears out the door. She really is a sweetheart; we've learned to look out for each other, as tight as two wrestling circuit sisters can be. We both did the indies but I had the extra experience in ECW I guess. It's good to have a friend though. No one can do it totally alone.
I have little of my costume to pack away, Torrie ripped most of it off as well as more of my self respect. These matches are the ones that I'm supposed to excel at, supposedly without any ring training; it's all I can offer. That's what makes me mad, I need ring training and I don't get it so I'm stuck toiling through chick fights. It's a vicious circle.
I got her again though. I assured her last week that I'd leave her dear old dad alone, she didn't believe me and she shouldn't have done, I walked through the door tonight with Al on my arm. I'm not going to give up on this; it's too much fun watching her get madder and madder. I'm a diva, she should know by now we live to use and abuse. She's hardly Miss Sweet and Innocent, whatever she says. Does anyone remember when she first got here how she seduced Mr Mcmahon and how she tried to take Jeff Hardy away from Trish? But now of course she's perfect. That's why I'm intend on giving her what she deserves, I don't pretend the past hasn't happened, I embrace it. She pretends she's always been this way but I know she hasn't. Didn't anyone tell her that Xena the Warrior Princess isn't a blonde with pigtails but a beautiful tough brunette? Guess not.
As I gather my bags together, my cell rings and as I pull it out my bag, I smile when I see that it's Lance
"Hello Dawn" his precise serious voice sounds in my ear "how are you?"
"I've been better" I reply, not bothering to pretend otherwise, I never do with Lance because he can always see through me
"What's the problem? You fought tonight, it was an admirable effort"
"Lance, I lost, bottom line"
"I believe you are still continuing a relationship with Mr Al Wilson?"
"Yeah"
"Then you haven't lost, you're still stringing Miss Wilson along, you're the winner, not her"
"Oh God Lance, why aren't you on Smackdown? You always make me feel like I can achieve anything, I have Nidia to talk to but no one wants to ring train me and I need to be Lance, otherwise I can't compete"
"You have the basics you just need to build"
"There aren't any builders around here Lance, last time I looked"
"Look closer"
We talk for a while longer, about Raw, how he's doing - he thinks he and William Regal have great things destined for them as a team, I know that whatever matches he gets served, Lance'll always come out on top, it's just the way he is, training in the Dungeon does that to you. He's worried about me, I know he is, I can tell in his voice, it makes me smile, a lot actually. I really do miss having him around but there isn't any way we can be on the same show unless one of us is traded. I know that for him his greatest chances for success are on Raw so I'm not going to ask him to make that sacrifice. I couldn't ever do that.
I hang up with a heavier heart that I started with. Talking to him reminds how much I miss him, just having his presence in the room calmed me down, he just has that aura. He always knows what I say to make me laugh, it's his dry sense of humour that cracks me up.
I get up and walk out of the locker room with my bags and nearly collide with Matt Hardy. He jumps back a little and smiles at me, looking disgustingly cheerful. I don't want to hear it now. I still haven't forgiven him for making me take a Stink Face just so that he didn't have to. I had no choice; I was pulled in front of him. Torrie nearly winded herself laughing, I wish she had done and fallen off the apron. That would have been funny. A reminder of another one of humiliations. Great, now I feel even worse.
I'm about to walk away when he grabs my hand and begins speaking
"Dawn, you look like you could do with some cheering up" he begins "so I think you need a dose of Mattitude to make you look at the world differently"
I stand, arms crossed, eyebrow raised. I really don't need this right now but I haven't got the energy to put up a fight and besides, there's no stopping him
"And I, Matt Hardy Version 1, the innovator of Mattitude will give it to you! Just watch me, how I go about life, how I turn everything around for it to go my way and help other people, one day maybe you'll be as big star as me"
That does it. I rear back and slap him as hard as I can across his face. His cheek turns a very satisfying red colour as he holds it and looks at me in disbelief. Yes I am a bitch and damn proud of it. In this place, it's the only way to survive.
"Look Hardy, I don't need your pathetic advice, I am already a star so just go shove your Mattitude down someone else's throat, ok?"
I don't wait for an answer; I just walk, head high, ignoring the people who stare as they pass me. But inside, something is crumbling. I know that if I don't find an answer soon, something irreversible will break, something that can't be fixed the diva way. I don't care about Al but I do care about hurting Torrie. I don't care for catfights, I had enough of them in ECW when I was always caught up fighting Francine, the so called 'Queen of Extreme'. I kept trying to tell her, honey I don't know which world you're living on but here, I'm the Queen. She never listened but she saw what I did, I moved on after the Impact Players splintered. I made the best of what I had, I commented which gave me the chance to scout for talent and then picked upSteve Corino, helping him capture gold. I moved on. Like I have to here. Nothing is going to stop me.