Sorry for the delay, truly I am. But I had midterms all this week and the boat is still not fixed. So I have had 0 time to myself. But now my family's at my brothers basketball game, then they are going to a party so I have a couple hours to myself:D

So here it is:

Disclaimer: *looks in mirror and sees that she is not Donald Belisarius* no, don't own it.

I blinked.

Nothing happened. Nothing ever happened.

The gun wasn't loaded. I knew that.

I was actually kinda glad I pulled the trigger of my unloaded gun. It meant that the depression stage was almost over.

Now, more depression.

Well, it was more of a second 'missing' stage.

I missed her smile.

I missed her sarcastic remarks.

I missed her messed up idioms.

I missed her crazy ninja moves.

I missed her eyes.

I missed her banter.

I missed her evil threats.

I missed her laugh.

I missed her driving.

I missed her bathroom talks.

I missed her voice.

I missed her subtle glances.

I missed her D minus pep talks.

I missed her necklace.

I missed her presence.

I missed her.

And then cried. Something I, Tony Dinozzo, almost never did.

I sat on my hardwood floor, leaning against the wall, and cried.

And cried.

And cried.

And cried.

Then I got up. Put my jacket on and went for a walk.

It was the only thing that cured my depression.

It was the only thing that triggered the next step.

Hallucination.

I walked down the quite D.C streets. It was 2430. Most people were asleep. Most shops were closed. But I walked anyway.

Something caught my eye. I looked across the street and saw her.

Ziva standing there with that beautiful smirk on her face.

A car passed, she was gone.

A let out a heavy sigh and kept on walking.

Looking at the ground I saw her name, written in chalk. I blinked a few times. It was gone.

I saw her in the woman I bumped into.

I saw her in the necklace on a display.

I saw her in a manikin in a store window.

I saw her in a passing car.

I saw her in my reflection.

I saw her when I closed my eyes.

*

I saw her name on a sign for pizza.

I saw her name in the apartment lights.

I saw her name carved on a tree.

I saw her name on a license plate.

I saw her name on a street sign.

I saw her name in the stars.

I needed a shower. I just did. Showers relaxed me. They helped me think.

So, I took one. Nothing very exciting happened so I won't elaborate.

I lay in bed, Toni at my feet.

The next step took its course.

What happens now?

Now what?

Will we get a new team member? Will she be a woman? Will she have a personality? Will she replace Ziva? Will I ever stop thinking about Ziva? Will I ever be the same? Will the team ever be the same? Will I ever find a woman that made me feel this happy? Will my new partner have my back? Will I be able to trust her? What if she turns out to be a double agent or something? Will Gibbs take forever to get used to her? Will the team work as efficiently? Will it ever be the same? Will this hurt feeling ever go away?

Anger

I was ready for this stage.

After Kate's death I needed to get a new wall. And when Paula died I pretty much destroyed all my plates and glasses.

So I bought a punching bag and hung it from my ceiling. I bought it after Jeanne left and it came in great use when Jenny died.

Every time a new thought or person I should be angry at I took a swing.

This was also my blaming stage. Blamed everyone and everything. Including myself.

I was mad at Michael, for coming to America.

I was mad at Michael, for making me kill him.

I was mad at Ziva, for not trusting me .

I was mad at myself, for letting Ziva not trust me.

I was mad at Gibbs, for letting her stay.

I was mad at Ziva, for staying.

I was mad at the Damocles, for sinking.

I was mad at the weather, for making a storm.

I was mad at the sea, for mercilessly taking Ziva.

I was mad at myself, for letting myself sink into the cycle again.

I was mad.

I walked into my room, changed into my pajamas, and jumped into bed, Toni at my feet.

I fell asleep quickly, desperate for the next stage to take it's course, it was the only stage that made me feel happy.

OoOoOoOoO what's the next stage? And why is Tony happy? Ok, so you know the drill! Leave me a review and tell me what you think of it. I'm going to start writing in more of a storyish format in a chapter or two and I'll probably go into a little AR, not sure yet.

A/N: If anyone wants a spoiler summary for a couple of new things I'm working on review or PM me and I'll send it to you, then tell me what you think:D

A/N: Hopefully the next chapter will be up sooner! All mistakes are mine, I'm looking for a beta.