"Here's the mail Pa." Hoss ambled into the house one evening in mid summer. This was the busiest time of the year, and the Cartwrights were all tired from the day's work. Ben was trying to get the paperwork up to date. Adam had just returned from the range and was removing his chaps in preparation for a bath. Joe was by the cold hearth trying to re-stitch some tack, while Hop Sing bustled between the kitchen and the dining table.
"Anything for me?" Adam asked as he dumped his dusty chaps on the sideboard.
"Missa Adam, you take those to bathhouse. Hop Sing sick of cleaning up after messy men." Adam, as tough as any cowboy on the range, quickly whipped the clothing behind his back to appease the little Chinese cook. If the men he commanded could see him now, Ben chuckled to himself.
"Nope, ain't no mail for you big brother. Not even nothin' from that fancy woman in San Francisco who sends you perfumed letters."
"Oh, what's this?" Ben teased. Adam frowned and rushed over to Hoss.
"Nothing Pa, and she's not a fancy woman. She runs a very respectable bookstore and let's me know when she gets books in I'm looking for." Adam defended himself much to Hoss's amusement.
"Yeah, sure, brother, like books is what's on your mind when you go to San Francisco."
"Now you just hold on a minute-"
"-Boys, boys. Let's not start anything tonight," said Ben. They became silent but gave each other a 'we'll continue this later' stare. Hoss knew Adam didn't like to have his private life discussed, and he felt like teasing his sibling.
Joe, out of the argument for once, spoke up from the sofa where he was sitting.
"Was there any mail for me then, Hoss?"
"Now who would be writing to you, younger brother?" Adam crossed his arms, still glaring at Hoss.
"As a matter of fact, Little Joe, there is a letter for you." Hoss shuffled the correspondence and threw a letter across the room. It fluttered down to settle on the edge of the sofa.
"Really? For me?" Joe was just as surprised as anyone else was. Adam couldn't help himself and added.
"You mean one of Joe's friends actually learned how to write? It's a miracle."
"Adam!" Ben's even but commanding voice broke in and Adam, unhappy with the situation, started his retreat towards the bathhouse.
"I wonder who it's from?" Joe tore the letter open, ignoring his brother's smart remarks.
"Well maybe you've got yourself a secret admirer," Hoss offered.
Hoss and Ben waited for Joe to read the first few lines. They watched him closely to see if they could guess who had written the letter. Adam's departure to the kitchen was slowed as he too watched his brother.
"Well?"
"Umm, oh, Pa it's a business letter." Joe smiled and looked at his father.
"A business letter . . .to you?" Hoss burst out laughing.
"Yes to me!" Joe stood up and strode proudly over to his heckling brother. "I'll have you know it's from Mr Rowan, the gentleman I did the cattle deal with."
"Don't tell me he's reneging," Adam asked from the kitchen door.
"No! He's coming to visit as a matter of fact. He says he was so impressed with me he wants to spend a week at the ranch to see the operation. What do you think, Pa?"
"Oh, er well, we're pretty busy at the moment, but I suppose we can make time. Make sure you write to him and tell him we might be out on the range a lot of the time. I also have to make that trip to Carson City for the rail contract. But, it would be advantageous for him to see the ranch, of course. I'm sure you'd look after him if he comes in my absence."
"Of course, Pa!" Joe smiled smugly at his brothers. "I'll go upstairs and get started on the reply right away." Joe turned and ran up the stairs two at a time. Hoss and Adam had no comeback now. He was being taken seriously at last.
It wasn't until Joe got to his room and read the end of the letter that his stomach began to churn in a sickening way. He'd forgotten about the first part of his conversation with Mr Rowan.
My wife needs to take a vacation and I'm sure the mountain air will be excellent for her. She's also most anxious to meet your wives. She's very interested in how ranching men treat their women and what tasks they have to perform to survive in the relative wilderness. I also look forward to meeting your brothers and their wives as well as your lovely lady. Please let me know if the first of next month is a convenient time to visit. It will be so nice to stay with a traditional family, if only for a few days.
Regards, Alan Rowan.
Joe read the passage over and over again but there was no changing it to read any better. Mr Rowan was coming out not only to see the cattle, but to inspect his family and their 'wives'. He gulped dramatically as he thought of the humiliation of explaining that they had no wives. That was unthinkable. As soon as he found out that Joe had lied, he would take the contract away and humiliate him and his family. He had to fix it somehow.
As Joe thought about his predicament during dinner, he turned more and more pale. Adam was the first to notice that Joe was off his food and looking mighty ill about something. With his brother's frequent glances, Hoss took notice also and recognized Joe's odd behavior. Ben thankfully didn't seem to catch on.
After dinner, Joe excused himself and went out to the barn to put away the tack he'd been working on. As if of the one mind, Adam and Hoss trailed after him, determined to find out what was going on. They found Joe leaning on a post moaning, holding his head as if it were ready to burst from too much thinking.
"Okay Joe, out with it!" Adam sidled up next to him and crossed his arms.
"Yeah, Little Joe. We know you're worried about somethin". What you done?"
"What gives you that idea? You two are always on my back about somethin'!"
"And with good reason," Adam replied evenly. "If you've done something really dumb you'd better tell us now before Pa finds out."
"That's right Joe," added Hoss.
Joe looked up at his two bigger brothers. It wasn't fair. He'd finally done something worthy, and now he was going to lose all the hard won respect he'd gained. But he couldn't think of a way out of the situation. Perhaps three heads were better than one. If they lost the beef contract, that would be far worse than taking flack from his brothers, wouldn't it?
"Okay." He gulped and turned pale.
"Just tell us from the beginning. Nice and slow," said Adam.
"Well, it's like this. You know that beef contract I got?" His brothers nodded. "Well, I kind of had to tell a little white lie to get it."
"Like what?" Adam frowned. It wasn't like Joe to lie. And what on earth would he have had to say? The stock was good, the price was fair, and they always delivered on time.
"Mr Rowan wouldn't buy from us unless he thought . . . we were good . . .family men," Joe stammered.
"Huh, what did he mean? We're a family." Hoss cocked his head to the side and scratched his forehead. Adam had a terrible idea he knew what Rowan meant.
"Yes, Joe, just what did he mean by 'family' men?"
"He only likes to deal with . . . married men." Joe gulped and plonked himself down on an upturned crate.
"Huh?" Hoss still looked perplexed.
"Which means, little brother, you told him we were all married to get the deal?" Adam scowled.
"Not really, I never actually said it! But I guess I didn't tell him we weren't either."
"But you knew you were letting him think we were married." Adam sighed. He'd come across men like Rowan before. Usually, Adam could talk them round, but of course Joe had little experience with such obstacles in the way of business.
"Yeah, I guess I did, but there didn't seem any harm in it. Who'd a guessed he'd come out here and want to meet up with us all . . . and our 'wives'," Joe squeaked.
"Oh Lordy!" Hoss exclaimed. "He's comin" here and expectin' to find us with wives?"
"Yep, and he's bringin' his own wife to meet 'em."
"Well, there's no way out Joe; you'll have to write him and tell him the truth," said Adam.
"I can't do that! He'll cancel the beef contract. You know how Pa is counting on that money to expand the ranch operations. I heard him say just this morning he's already put some of the money up as security on that piece of land down by Snake Creek."
"He's got a point there, Adam," said Hoss. "We can't afford to lose that contract. Not only that, Rowan might be so mad about this he could tell the other buyers not to deal with us too. You know how those Frisco men can stick together."
Adam sighed and started pacing the barn. He put his hand to his chin and began to think.
"If we can't tell Rowan the truth he'll find out soon enough when he arrives."
"Yeah, I mean we can hardly make wives appear out of nowhere can we?" Hoss chuckled, but Joe's face lit up like fireworks on the fourth of July.
"Why not?"
"Why not what?" Adam said, spinning around hoping he was wrong about Joe's new plan.
"Why can't we get some wives? I don't mean real ones. We could . . . rent some."
"Rent wives? Are you mad?"
"Why not? There's a stage load of new saloon gals comin' in next week. I heard Harvey at the Bucket of Blood talkin' about it."
Adam barely held his temper in check. He walked up beside his young brother and willed his hands not to wring his neck. In a severely controlled voice, he replied.
"Look, Joe, it's very simple. We can't 'rent' wives. We can't pretend to be people we're not. It's not honest or fair. You get that hair-brained scheme out of your head right now."
"But what are we going to do about Mr Rowan?"
"I'll take care of Mr Rowan. I'll simply tell him the truth and talk him round. I've had to make my share of convincing arguments over the last few years."
"Adam's right, Joe. It'd be better all round just to "fess up."
"And Pa?"
Adam smiled at his brother's worried tone.
"If we do this right, there might not be any need to involve Pa. Especially if he's out of town."
Joe turned a helpless shade of green all over again. He would owe Adam big time for this. That was assuming Adam could talk Mr Rowan around. If he couldn't, well it just didn't bear thinking about!
"All right. I'll leave it to you." Joe slumped onto a bale of hay and contemplated a grim future if things didn't work out the way Adam thought.
Long after Adam left the barn, Joe was still chewing over the situation. No matter how much he thought about it, he couldn't see the formidable Mr Rowan being satisfied by anything less than Cartwright wives. Joe knew Adam was good at swaying an argument, but surely he couldn't fix this problem. There was only one real way out of the situation, and Joe had to take action.
He'd ride down to the Bucket of Blood first chance he got to see about the new girls coming in. Surely it wouldn't hurt to run his idea past a few of them, would it?