i. haruno sakura;
"What about this one?" He asks as he points to a character on the screen.
They're sitting at the dinning room table. He had initially been working on paperwork before his daughter had come gallivanting in. Paperwork that he should be working on but a small break wouldn't hurt anyone. Or at least, that's what he tells himself. His daughter, only thirteen at this time, has found a new show that she is passionate about and swears that it is "the greatest thing on television." Sho has his doubts on the validity of this, "the greatest thing on television" sounds rather subjective after all, but he goes along with her word lest they get into another pointless argument. She is currently telling him about the characters.
"Eh. She's alright." His daughter says, nose wrinkling lightly.
Sho raises an eyebrow at her before looking back at the screen. The pink haired girl is yelling at another character for saying something idiotic. He agrees that it was idiotic. Her passion is admirable, in his opinion. "That's not convincing."
"Well..." She trails off, just as a dark haired boy arrives on the screen and the once passionate and yelling girl transforms into a lovesick, heart-eyed, "Sasuke-kun~" and suddenly he understands what she means.
"Ah. I see."
His daughter giggles at his reaction, and then says "She's not so bad. She gets better later on and all but.." She shrugs and states in a blunt tone, "She's a useless waste of potential. There is so much she could do if she stopped going all Sasuke-kun-this and Sasuke-kun-that! I mean, you could blame it on the writing but it's really annoying when three hundred episodes down the line and she's still obsessed with her childhood crush. Like, come on girl! You could be crushing skulls right now instead."
For a moment Sho sees a glimpse of himself in his daughter's assessment of the character, and he can't help but feel a little proud of her. Of course, the moment is gone once she starts to ramble, but the pride is still there. Though her rather graphic and violent comment has him frowning, a lecture on the tip of his tongue. She's only thirteen, should she really be saying such things?
And then she says; "I mean, Naruto is so much better, anyway? So, like, why?"
Sho rolls his eyes, and he starts to lose interest in the conversation as she begins to list off the merits of "NaruSaku" vs "SasuSaku." The argument sounds rather redundant to him, so he focuses more on what he has to do for work the next day. Once the episode is finished Sho shoos his daughter away so he can complete his paperwork.
He doesn't notice the look of disappointment she sends him on her way out.
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.
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Being a baby is, literally, a giant shit-show.
So it's a good thing that he doesn't remember most of it.
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When things cognitively click in place, Sho is a little bit older than two years old.
Of course, the minute he realizes - truly and actually is capable of acknowledging -thathe is a child - a toddler - he promptly takes a two minute cool down.
Because it's not everyday when you realize that you're physically a two year old who is mentally a thirty-eight year old. Because it's not everyday that you suddenly realize and remember that you are not just Sakura the toddler, but Sho the thirty-eight year old man who was once a lawyer and once had a wife and a daughter. Because it's not everyday when you realize that you are a two year old who can remember the past two years in a vague sort of way, but can also remember his past life as if it were yesterday. So he pauses everything that he's doing, takes a deep breath-
- and then sits down and writes.
Panicking over his current circumstances would get him nowhere. The whole situation is entirely bizarre and ridiculous that he can't wrap his mind around it. Perhaps it's because he physically or mentally cannot handle the sudden inflow of information.. All he knows is that he is now a two year old little girl with obnoxious pink hair. But regardless of how illogical and far fetched it is, Sho knows that he has to keep a clear head and plan. So instead of panicking he grabs a nearby colouring book that he is aware his "parents" got for him. He flips to the back and writes down what he remembers from the conversation he had with the being that called itself a "God."
Sho refuses to call that thing a god, so instead he names them X.
He writes down the conversation he had with X, slightly thankful that this body is old enough to wield a pencil.
There's likely a medical and/or psychological reason for why he's only truly beginning to remember and function at the mental level of an adult now, after two years. But Sho is not a doctor nor is he a psychologist (he doubts that a first year university psychology course counts) so he can't really say what caused the leap in years. Because he remembers the birth. It was quite horrifying, though it honestly could have been the confusion and shock over finding out that X was not, in fact, a phony. (That he, Iwazumi Sho, had been wrong.) He remembers the past two years but he doesn't at the same time. Like he was stuck in a fog and that he only just got out of.
It's for the best, Sho would have driven himself mad if he was stuck in the body of a baby at a full adult mental function.
He reads over the conversation with X multiple times, analyzing every sentence - every word - for anything that might hint that things aren't what they seem. That he didn't really just meet with some being that forced his... soul? Brain..?.. inside the body of a baby. For any loopholes or clues that might allow for him to make use of.
But no matter how he looks and twists the conversation, it would genuinely appear that he is being punished for his healthy sense of skepticism.
( Unless this is all just a dream and he is in an induced coma, but he highly doubts that. )
Even after finding himself as a two year old girl, Sho is stubborn in his beliefs. The concept of gods is a ridiculous waste of time and brain cells. This is something that he will stand by unless there is undeniable proof, and this? No. He's not convinced. But, perhaps, he was a little arrogant to believe that humans were the alpha species. At least, his world's variant of human are not the strongest. His daughter's favourite television show is a world where humans wield life energy to breathe fire and walk on water. Abilities that would have them heralded as Gods in his world. So, no. He was not convinced and he would continue to not be convinced until there was further evidence.
Unfortunately that did not help him with his current predicament. Even if he found a way to get back to his old world all there was left waiting for him was a corpse... and maybe X. Perhaps there was a way to bring himself back from the dead, after all if it is possible for him to be reborn as a child then it should be equally as possible for him to go home to his old body. But- the whole plan would be based on speculation and theory. Such a baseless and vague scheme was not favoured by Sho. Plus, if going by what X said, Sho doubted there would be an easy way to get back to his home. More than likely X, and whoever they align with, is the only way for him to return.
At least, if Sho had been in X's shoes, he would have made sure that he was the only escape. There would have been nothing more pleasant than to see the other on their knees, given no other choice in order to return. Having them merciless and in the palm of his hand sounded like the ideal arrangement. Not only that, but no matter what he chooses to do, Sho is essentially losing. He could go along with X's punishment for him, and he would lose. He could plead for forgiveness and shout out his newborn faith, and he would lose. Yet fighting against the circumstances would also only lead him to losing against X. Regardless- it is the perfect set-up, one that Sho himself would have been happy to create. However, since it is himself that is at mercy of another, the circumstances are incredibly inconvenient.
Sho is not one to succumb and surrender easily; he abhors the thought of submitting to X. To the thing that scorned him for his logic and cynicism, to the thing that had thought it funny to make him a little girl so to inspire faith. Losing is not a concept that he very easily accepts. But he values efficiency and making good use of his time and energy. He knows when something is a wasted effort, knows when to cut his losses and focus on an alternative goal that holds a higher chance of success. If a way out of his predicament arose then he would fight tooth and nail to grasp at it. But fight and struggle as he might, with his current knowledge and his current status as a little girl- things weren't optimistic.
As annoying and hapless as it was, it would seem that the best course of action would be to rebuild himself in this world.
It would take time and effort, and he would have to let go of his past possessions.. Not to mention there were some glaringly obvious hurdles he would have to overcome and get used to... But Sho could do it. X wanted to show him that he would gain faith? That he didn't love his daughter? Did they expect him to crumble to his knees simply because he was forced into unfortunate circumstances? Well X chose the wrong person to experiment on. He would show them that he was not a force to be reckoned with.
With renewed vigour, Sho wrote down everything he remembered of "Naruto" in his clumsy writing.
.
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He doesn't remember much, which is aggravating, but it's a start.
Setting down the pencil, he begins to scheme.
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The Haruno couple are a kind duo.
They are your typical opposites-attract marriage, with Kizashi being the optimistic and bubbly half and Mebuki being the serious and stern type. They bicker and banter more often than they talk casually, to the point where they are well known for their bouts of wordplay. They tend to fight over the littlest of things, but no matter the circumstances they always make up. Their passion and fury is akin to flame; hot and scorching, but short lived. It's obvious that they love each other dearly, the only thing competing for their love is for little "Sakura."
For the most part, Sho is impassive to their bickering. He has no qualms with staying quiet while they converse, in fact he rather considers himself lucky. Kizashi and Mebuki dominate conversations, leaving little to be said by anyone else. Intense individuals, they often get away with themselves and forget that there are others around. Sho takes this to his advantage; he watches, silent, but with a sharp eye. It's not uncommon for children to be quiet, especially in loud households like this, so he uses their assumption that he is shy to hide his intelligence and maturity.
In all honesty, he likes them. They are simple and passionate.
It's something to take note of for future reference, in case he ever needs to manipulate them. Because although he has a fondness for the couple who have nursed him and taken care of him for the past two years, they are not his parents. Sho's parents are gone, from this world and his last. He looks at Mebuki and Kizashi and thinks caretakers. Because that is what they are. The biological parents of his new body they may be, but he does not have the attachment to them like he does his own parents from the old world. Sho doubts that he will ever look at them with the love and passion that he knows they deserve, but feels no guilt over this. It was not his idea to high jack the body of a baby. That is all on X.
The Haruno's are not all that well adept at hiding their sadness from their "daughter". In the weeks following his rise from the fog of the baby years, the couple starts to look at Sho with a sort of wistfulness that is hardly subtle. Because Sho is not the most affectionate person, and never will be. Because Sho is not the same mindless baby that was there weeks prior, even though technically it was him, but not. He will never be the daughter they so desire, and Sho has little intention to be anything but himself in this world that he has been forced into. He has no time to waste his energy on playing house to make the couple happy; not when this world is so dangerous and X had promised "true hardship."
But it's hard to ignore their hurt. It would be a bad investment to have them suspicious or do anything drastic, so he gives the bare minimum. Even though he knows it's not enough. He can see the looks they give each other when he forgets or responds to the name "Sakura" too late. The frowns they give when he accidentally uses male pronouns. How he fumbles in his awkward body and gets frustrated at things that he should be able to do but she can't, or the moments when he is stuck staring at his reflection because it is so wrong. The glances they exchange when he says something that is too advanced for a "child" his age.
As a father, he can relate in a way. He can empathize and he can imagine the struggle they are going through. What if his daughter withdrew and started to act strange? If she acted indifferent to him and his wife, as if the were nothing to her after spending all that time, energy, and money to make sure she was healthy and safe? He would have been frustrated, he would have been confused. It would have been difficult.
But Sho doesn't have a daughter anymore thanks to X. He doesn't have a wife, his pillar of stability and second council. His parents are but a fleeting memory with no graves or urns to represent their presence anymore. So any guilt or any pity for the Haruno's that may linger at the back of his mind is wiped away- this situation is not his fault. He should not be held accountable for not loving a pair of strangers who want more out of him than he can give. Everything has been taken from him, and there is little love in Sho after this. All there is left is a calm sort of anger that lingers, eating up his grief and confusion. And with that anger comes ambition and drive - but there is little room left over for love.
It's an unfortunate situation for them, but Sho refuses to act as though he loves them like parents. They do not deserve such falsities. In turn, he can tell that his impassive and indifferent attitude towards them affects them greatly.
He can't really find it in himself to care, not when there were more important things at hand.
.
.
.
The first thing on his to-do-list is to acquire a book, or a journal, that he can write in. It isn't exactly the safest place to keep incriminating and personal information written out in a colouring book, of all things. Secretive, perhaps, but Sho wants something that will warrant a greater security. It's surprisingly easy to convince Mebuki to do so. It's likely because he doesn't ask for much, and the Haruno couple are desperate for their "daughter's" love. He supposes that it is a helpful, if not a bit heartless, way to get what he wants. Though it's unintentional. But if his caretakers are willing to get him a book then he is more than happy to accept it.
Mebuki ends up choosing a horrifyingly bright pink diary the size of his palm, and Sho would have straight up denied it if it weren't for the little lock holding the covers together. Still not the safest thing to have, but it's small enough to keep on his person at all times and he'll know if someone breaks into it. The key is going to have to stay on him at all times as well, and Sho has been considering his sock or perhaps a secret pocket.
It's only a temporary solution, until he has more mobility and independence to find something more secure.
"Don't touch." He tells the Haruno's that night at dinner, then hugs the hideous thing to his chest in an exaggeration of his possessiveness over the diary. He needs to drive home the point to them that he doesn't want them to look at it, but it's hard when he is only two years old and blackmail or threats would be suspicious. Not to mention he doubt that anyone would feel threatened or take him seriously, not when he's so adorable and pink. "Mine."
It gets a laugh out of the couple, and Mebuki says, "Don't worry, Sakura. That's your diary- only for your eyes to see. Keep it in a secret place, okay?"
Sho gives a short nod, but can't help but narrow his eyes. He's not sure if their laughter was at him being a child, or of disbelief that he would believe they would do such a thing. Had it been his own daughter in the past world, he likely would have read her diary. He's not sure if the Haruno's would, though. They are honest people, but if they are concerned enough for their "daughter" they might cross the line. He'll have to keep a careful eye on them.
Kazashi leans towards him and false-whispers, "Don't worry, you can definitely trust me!" then adds a wink for good measure.
"Don't tell your father, okay? He'll definitely snoop." Mebuki states solemnly, and Sho is sent in a spiral over whether she is being serious or not.
With a loud affronted noise, Kazashi points at his wife as says, "I would not! You think I'd snoop to such low levels?" There's a pregnant pause before he looks around, "Get it? Snoop, stoop-"
Resting her chin in her hand and elbow on the table, Mebuki cuts him off with a loud sigh, "He'd use it to write all his terrible jokes, for later use. How cruel."
"Hey!" Kazashi pouts, "I'll have you know that my jokes are great."
Dinner continues like that, the Haruno's lightly bickering and Sho remaining silent a he eats his meal. It's not until they are nearly done their dinner when Mebuki turns to him with a smile, the first one he has seen in the past week, and asks, "You really like it, then?"
Sho gives another nod, "Aaa. It's very.. pink."
"I thought you might like it," She says with a fond smile, misinterpreting what he meant.
Sho wants to ask why she assumes such a thing, because he is physically a female? Because he has pink hair now, or is named "Sakura"? He doesn't bother correcting her, as his irritation is misplaced. Just because he is aggravated and ill-accustomed with his new body doesn't give him the right to bark at anyone. The Haruno's are good people, and taking out his frustrations on them would do no one any good.
So instead he shrugs and says, "I like green better," and tucks the diary away.
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Later that night Sho cracks open the diary and doodles some pictures and writes some sloppy kanji on the first couple pages. Then he skips to the middle of the diary and repeats what he had written in the colouring pages, word for word. Then he includes any other details or information that he had forgotten to add the first time. He only gets frustrated four times over the quality of his child-body function with it's weak muscles and his childish hand writing, so he counts it as a success.
After that, he sneaks into the living room and lights a candle over a bowl. He takes the colouring pages and burns them, and only notices that Mebuki is watching when he has them all burning in the bowl. Sho watches her watch him, and no words are spoken.
"They were ugly." He tells her in explanation, but she only stares in response.
There's a long silence before she says, "Make sure to clean the bowl." and then she is gone.
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A month later, Sho finds himself staring into a mirror.
It's something that he has been doing a lot as of late, ever since he found himself in this new body. Which the Haruno's had undoubtedly noted upon- if the new mirror in his room had anything to say on the matter. He was glad for the new piece of furniture, though he felt a bit irked that he hadn't be subtle in this. A child shouldn't be so interested in their appearance at this age, usually they went through this stage when they were younger. But he couldn't help it. Even now, it was a foreign and strange experience to look into a reflective surface and see this. Sho had never been especially vain over his appearance, but it had been his and... now it was not.
Sho is starting to come to the understanding that letting go of the past is easier said than done, which is simply unacceptable.
He needs to drive in the fact that this - the pink haired, green eyed, female - is Sho now. His past self is no longer Sho. He no longer has dark hair and dark eyes. If he wants to continue on in this life without a hitch, if he wants to go through with his plans, he needs to become comfortable and acknowledge this new body of his. It will take longer than he had initially anticipated, but he has hope that he will manage to overcome this hurdle soon.
While deep in thought, Sho lifts up a hand to brush the bangs out of his face. Although young, his parents have already started to style his hair, and Sho honestly cannot stand the bangs. Parted in the middle, and long enough to get in his line of sight - all he can think is that they only accentuate his forehead. Sho holds some judgment towards the Haruno's for such a choice of haircut, but it's such a minuscule thing. He'll just grow them out and fix the parting soon. Honestly, it's quite concerning -and thought provoking- how the part and the bangs are the only feature in his new female body that aggravate him. And now, you know, the fact that he is now female. But he supposes that there are greater things to worry about.
Like the fact that he is now living in a society that praises and worships the usage of ninja. As in people who sabotage, kill, spy, and infiltrate for a living.
( There's honestly something ironic about this that has Sho's lips curling in distaste.
It looks odd on this toddler's face. )
Although the Haruno's are a simple civilian clan with less exposure to the ninja world than other clans, the subtle bias and conditioning is still present in their everyday activities. He could write an analytical essay about how his simple colouring book with its ninja pictures is an example of indoctrination on both a psychological and social level. About how half of his toys are some sort of plastic weapon, how ninja are hailed as saviours. Sho has only been outside a few times, but the fact that there are almost constantly kids playing "ninja" and throwing around weapons is definitely desensitization at it's finest. Sho is both apprehensive and excited to see how riddled and rotten the schooling system is with bias and propaganda.
However, when it comes down to it Sho has more of an issue with that fact that he is Haruno Sakura than he does with the fact that he is now female.
He doesn't remember much about what his daughter had said about Haruno Sakura. The only thing he can remember with crystal clarity is that his daughter had called her "useless" and a "waste of potential." Though, he's also fairly certain that his daughter hadn't liked the character, so he's not certain as to how accurate the statement is...
But it doesn't bode well with Sho.
Not that it matters at the end of the day. Sho is not Sakura, and he has little intention to be "useless" or a "waste of potential." He'll make use of every ounce of promise they have, and turn them into something that will make X regret ever putting the two of them together.
wow thank you all so much for all the responses! this ended up getting better feedback than anticipated, so hopefully this chapter lives up to it. be prepared for time skips next chapter, as i get pretty bored during the toddler years. i'm pretty sure i got all the thought processes that i wanted, so i don't think there is any need to drag it on anymore.
this was tentatively edited, but i wanted to get it out today. i'll fix her up a bit later o vo/