With the midmorning sun on their backs, the two teenagers rush back to the Weapon Development Lab—only to see a familiar sight.

"Reyn!" Shulk gasps.

"Reyn!"

"Reyn, what are you doing?!" Panting hard from his sprint back to the colony, Shulk grabs at the Monado in his friend's baffled hands. "That's mine!"

"I didn't think I'd get caught—!" Reyn stammers something and points to his friend's back. "B-But you already have one that's super more cool and fancy! And besides, I need to cut my vegetables again, let go, Shulk!"

They scream as Reyn goes to tear it from the fragile Bunniv's tough grip, and he loses control, the Monado exploding with a power they've commonly seen before and thrashing the poor kid around. "Help, help me! Gah, I hate it when this happens, I screwed up my nuts last time I tried to use it! Shulk, I thought you fixed it!"

"I am a very busy person."

Fiora shrieks and cowers as the Monado cuts her and a little machine in half, blood spurting from the metal parts—oh wait.

She pauses as Reyn grunts, tripping as his sword abruptly deactivates and drops him to the ground. "Oh, I'm not dead. Fake-out, players, hahahahaha!"

"No, but that red herring will become an actual event soon," Shulk mutters quietly back, breaking out into thin coughs. She doesn't hear him, though Reyn chuckles, then grows silent and furrows his brow. As Shulk's eyes fixate upon the ruined piece of technology, he lets out an anguished sob of agony, pain, and that gut-wrenching deadness of heartbreak. "OH MY BIONIS, MY PRECIOUS BABY!"

The girl blushes. "Oh, thank you, Shulk, I um—"

Shulk picks up one half of the machine and cradles it against his chest. "Oh, my poor child, what did that horrible id man do to you?!"

"What?! W-What about me, I could have died! I mean, I didn't, but I could've!" she says.

"Horrible id man?! What's an id man?!"

Shulk only scoffs at both his friends' outcries. "Well, you didn't, so… B-But this! This amazing, cherished, technological marvel! You will never know the hole in my heart that Reyn's Monado wielding left! This is not replaceable!"

"Not replaceable?! I am sorry, Shulk, have you lived in a hole your entire life? Homs are not replaceable, you are the Kenny Rohan of Colony 9, that machine is replaceable, you can fix that machine!"

"You're totally replaceable, Fiora. In fact, I was just musing recently how the Mechonis Journal's article on Core Units was all very fascinating! That Egil scientist is such a smart lady, I'd love to meet her someday!" He turns to glare at Reyn. "But enough about that! Reyn, what were you doing?!"

Reyn rubs the back of his head sheepishly. "Um, I wanted to ask you for a favor, but you weren't here, so I'm like, I'm gonna take this opportunity to fondle the Monado again! I almost never get this chance, yeah?"

"Seriously…?" Shulk replies, staring at his friend as if he's this freakish person. "The one time I get out of the lab, and you try to touch my precious child?! Son of a Dickson, freaking Murphy's Law…" As he stands, stroking the blade of the Monado in his pasty hands, the incredibly-dangerous weapon reactivates at Shulk's careless smack of it against its stand. The boy wonder, with a moan that he often makes when trying to release constipation, doubles over at the Monado's abrupt weightiness. "Oh, Bionis, it's happening again…!" His irises glow a sci-fi blue, and his face explodes with light!

Frightening flashforwards greet his vision.

"Look at you! Worthless without the Monado!"

Shulk shouts back, "Can no one see my Monado III?!"

A purple giant leans forward, and the scene shifts to an angry, big-breasted woman clutching an ether rifle. "Until I've scrapped each and every one of you Colony 9 boys!" As she speaks, the scene flashes again to a grey, mechanical-looking man whose mouth moves in tandem with "Colony 9 boys."

Shulk sees an old man who strangely isn't Dickson and a hot girl who definitely isn't Dickson.

"So, of course, I want to get my revenge!" Shulk jabs his thumb at his butt. "I got a sunburn on my bum, for Reyn sakes!"

Another old man—who still wasn't Dickson, shockingly—with heavy headwings glances behind him.

"Your blade…it did not cut deep enough."

"This all seems very familiar…"

A giant faced mechon plunges elongated claws into a vehicle. Shulk screams, "NooooOOOOOoooOOooOo!" as the mechon retracts them, crimson blood dripping from the metal. "The machines really are real!"

"Stop screaming, or else I'll kill her for realsies!" it says in a totally evil voice.

"NOOOOOOOoooooOOOooooOOOOO!"

"Shulk! Shulk! Are you okay?!" Reyn outcries. "Your face just exploded!"

He gasps back the scream and recoils. "No, no, it's okay, I just had too much caffeine." With a groan, Shulk stands and presses a hand against his back, cracking it. Fiora flinches at the grating and popping noises that remind her a bit too much of the time she had to help out Jan for her Littlepon Merit Badge.

"Remind me never to drink Dickson's coffee again," Reyn mutters.

"It's…not coffee he makes."

He exhales. "Um, so look, the reason I'm here is that Colonel Vangarre's makin' me go and clean up Tim's mess again. Not only do I have to get new ether canisters, I also hafta put down new sod over the donuts he did with the mobile artillery!" the boy says, his voice climbing into a rant. As he speaks, he moves his hands in the air, and Shulk recalls Vangarre's go-to angry gestures. Then he smirks.

They're two of a kind.

"Shulk! Are you even listening to me?!"

"Ummm, yeah, of course, Reyn." He straightens and puts the Monado back. "Well, I don't really know what to tell—"

"So, you know, I was just hoping I could drag you along too!"

Shulk stops. He inhales, then exhales, then closes his eyes. "What?"

With an outcry, Fiora slams her hands onto her hips. "You're taking my Shulk where now?"

"Your Shulk? He's totally my Shulk, Fiora!" Reyn exclaims. "I've been watching his bum since we became best friends!"

"WHAT?" Shulk bellows, whipping around. "I am no one's Shulk! I am my own homs!"

"Yeah, your own homs long enough to jump into Super Smash Brothers without us!"

"They invited me!"

"They technically invited Zanza!"

The boys fall silent. Their eyes glaze over.

"Anyways, you coming?"

"Yeah, sure."

They walk out. Fiora can only stumble back from the doorway—then she huffs. "They think they're so smart, hah! Trying to get me away from a 'man's job.' Just wait until you biff it when you realize all the ether cylinder containers are, gasp, gone!" With a little hoppity-skip, she follows them like a stealthy Feris. "They'll never see meeeeeee…"

The boys halt at the entrance to Tephra Cave as a female shoe steps out from the shadows. They glance at each other, sweat beginning to bead on their foreheads.

"Son of a— Is that Désirée?" Shulk asks, squinting.

"Crap," Reyn mutters, "I shouldn't have told Emmy Leater that a date to Tephra Cave sounded cool."

Shulk looks up at him in shock. "Wait, she actually asked you out? I didn't think anyone was gonna ask you out!"

"She said we were gonna play! 'Let's do it in Vilia Lake, where no one can hear us over the sound of the rushing waters!' Dude, it's a playdate!"

His friend continues to stare at him. Reyn could swear his irises have shrunken. "Do you even know what she was asking you…?"

"Yeah, to a playdate. What's wrong with you, man?"

Fiora stumbles out. "Reyn!"

Both boys scream. "Definitely not Désirée!" Shulk blurts out.

"F-Fiora!" Reyn says. "What're you doin' here?!"

"How did you get past us, we would have seen you! There's no other way up to Tephra Cave than this path!"

She, attempting to ignore their snipes, smirks and lugs out three canisters from behind her back. "You boys forgot something~."

Reyn snarls an obscenity under his breath and slaps his face. "Son of a Dickson. I thought we checked them!"

"Imagine if we got to Cylinder Hanger then realized our mistake!" Shulk says.

With a disgusted snort, she tosses the heavy canisters the Monado Boy's way. "I wish you did."

As the trio strides into the cave, the outside light casting bright spots on the grey rock pressing in on all sides, crushing them, smothering them, Shulk begins to slouch in further, his hands constantly rubbing his arms over and over and over again.

Then the claustrophobia passes.

They're out.

Or, rather, out in an open area with a gaggle of Bunnivs.

"Aw, they're so cute!" Fiora squeals. "I've never been this far into the cave!"

Shulk and Reyn both stare at her. "Wait, what? You've never been outside of Colony 9 before, ever?" Reyn asks, dumbfounded.

She shrugs. "Yeah, so? Neither has Shulk."

"Actually—"

"I wanna pet the Bunnivs!" the girl blurts out. "Reyn, pet them for me."

"What?! Why me?!"

"Because if they attack, then you'd take the blunt of the aggro and I won't have to worry about dying! I'm only level 14. Don't know why you two are so much stronger, is this a feminism thing?!"

With a snort, Shulk grandiosely walks forward with the air of the true Monado wielder, pulls out his blade, and slaughters the entire group of animals before they could even turn around and bristle their fur. "That went well." The two homs stare at him. He turns back to them and gestures. "What? It's not like they were gonna attack me or anything. Why are you so broken up, Fiora, I'm fine."

Fiora bursts into tears. Reyn pats her shoulder absentmindedly before moving on.

Fiora exhales as the group approaches Mag Mell Ruins, her cheeks lightly flushed from exertion. Shulk gasps for breath before breathing in deep and straightening from his stooped position, his knuckles white against his kneecaps. The color has drained from his sweat-soaked face.

With a laugh, Reyn surveys the area. "Man, what a buncha jokers, huh? I can't believe how easy this place suddenly is!"

"You've never been here before, Reyn," Shulk manages out.

Their eyes glaze over, and Fiora scratches her head. "And you have?"

"Well, of course," replies Shulk proudly. "I go here all the time to do research, did you know that this place used to be a giant airshi—"

"Nope, don't care." Reyn strides past the scientist.

Fiora gives him the strangest of looks. "You managed to survive the trip getting here? You're the glass cannon that couldn't even make it to Colony 9 and train on his own without dying at the start of the game!"

He shrugs. "It's a glitch."

As the trio make their way up the airship stairway, the metal clanging underfoot, Shulk turns down the corridor and sees a sight that stirs his scientific mind. Reyn blinks, confused as to why his friend stopped. "What's up, Shulk?"

Fiora shoves them both away. "Boys. Come on."

"B-But if I can just clip through this door!"

"Nope!"

With sighs of relief, the group makes it through the ruins and into bright sunlight. Reyn shrugs and makes his way to Cylinder Hanger in the distance. "See, easy."

Fiora scoffs and rolls her eyes. "Yeah, sure, and the next thing we know we'll be a boss battle!"

And sure enough, Reyn comes screaming back up the hill, only to run smack into a green barrier. The blond pair winces as he collapses. Two olden machines slink from the overhang of Cylinder Hanger, their red orbs for eyes blazing crimson.

They begin smacking into Reyn!

"Reyn!" Shulk says.

"Reyn!"

The Monado boy shrugs. "Eh, oh well, he'll suffer. We can't do anything now."

"Yeah."

"Hey, so you want to hit Giorgio's, catch his late-day sales?"

"Mm!" Fiora replies. "I'm so ready to eat, we've been in that cave for hours!"

They walk away as Reyn lets loose mangled shrieks of agony.

As the pair skip-travels back to Cylinder Hanger, they glance around. Fiora narrows her eyes before turning to the entrance into Tephra Cave—where a familiar and just as pathetic sight greets them.

She sighs. "Reyn, really?"

Shulk blanches as he glances behind him. "Dude, not in front of my lady!" he shouts, gesturing wildly to Fiora. She slaps his hand away. Her eyes fall down to Reyn's waist, where she only smirks.

Reyn straightens, blinks, and stutters. "S-sorry, I had to go. Didn't think you guys would come now!" he adds hotly.

"Oh," Fiora replies, "always expect me."

The two boys shudder at her ominous words.

"So, what, we going to beat those things in the hanger or stand around watching Reyn—"

"Okay, okay, we get it!" Reyn cuts in, shoving his pants back up. "Next time I'll hike to the Mechonis to pee!" he adds sarcastically.

The girl walks past him and pats his shoulder. "Your efforts are fruitless. Like I said," She turns a gleaming eye his way. "I'll always be there. Through flood, through famine, through rain, fire, and mechon attacks, by golly, I will hunt you down to the darkest depths of the ocean and find you."

"Even through death?" Shulk pipes in.

"Oh, especially through death."

"Then you can be the first to enrage those things!" Joyfully, the Boy Wonder shoves Fiora forward, and as she stumbles, she grabs Shulk's sweater and pulls him along after her. Reyn yips and follows, only to trip, causing all three to tumble toward Cylinder Hanger. A green barrier suddenly flickers to life!

Shulk pulls out the Monado III and swings it wildly. The strange machines, ivory in color and as angry as the Gem Man when no one stops by his stall, collapse into pieces within the slightest scratch of the blue blade made of light.

The three teenagers stop fighting and blink as they stare down at the limp parts. Shulk croons in happiness and drops to his knees as he shifts through them, muttering incessantly to himself over something or another. A light flares in his eyes, light that hasn't been there since he invented the Scrap Driver.

Reyn blinks, then scowls. "I didn't even get a hit in!"

"How did they beat you?!" Fiora, hysterical, says to him. "I mean, we weren't worried about you at all, but seriously, how?!"

He shrugs. "Um, well, they more like were really, really enthusiastic dogs. They just wanted to lick you, Shulk, you didn't have to harvest them for scrap!"

"W-Well, I could've made a great shield out of them, I FINALLY HAVE INSPIRATION!" Shulk cries, picking up one of the machine's curved armatures and clutching it in his pasty hands. The boy collapses under the part's weight.

Abruptly, the sky grows dark as flames shoot from the colony!

Fiora screams and stumbles back, and the group falls into Shulk. "What's that?!"

From below, sirens of a different sound ring out. The frustrated shrieks of Vangarre also ring out.

"MOVE, YOU IDIOTS! THIS IS THE MECHON SIREN!"

"It's just debris!" someone else shouts back.

As if in response, Vangarre utters something so animalistic that not even Dickson drunk could interpret, and a thump and a drugged groan are the only sounds heard afterward.

"DO I HAVE TO SHOUT?! MOVE, MOVE, YOU'RE ALL A BUNCHA SLACKERS!"

The trio can only stare past the cliff face.

Reader (Guest): That is a very intriguing idea! When I can write it up (hopefully soon), it'll be a fun project!