Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt
Disclaimer: Very much not JKR. Praise her.
Lily comes to work at Peter's restaurant, Herbology, under the enigmatic head chef Remus Lupin. A tale of Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt. RLxSB JPxLE
A week later, and Remus's communication skills were vastly improving. He had grown to like Lily's company, and their working relationship was healthy and understanding... usually.
Remus's mouth opened and closed a few times as he struggled to find the right words to say. Finally, he looked up from the onions he was chopping, and turned to face Lily. "Sirius... he's, um, he's picking me up after work today. I'll introduce you, if you'd like."
Lily looked very confused for a moment, before smiling softly. "Sure. Sounds good. What time do you finish?"
"Twelve. Officially."
"Unofficially?"
Remus considered. "Ten-thirty. Pete won't mind us closing early."
Lily smiled, but Remus had already returned to chopping vegetables for the soup.
(-)
At 8.30pm that evening, the rush had hugely died down, and Remus and Lily were wiping down the stainless steel tops and packing away the unused foods.
Gradually, Lily became aware of a man, who was leaning against the wall next to the metal chain curtain leading to the kitchen. He had dark hair pulled back into a ponytail, and wore mossy-green checked felt trousers, an old band t-shirt, faded leather boots, and a biker jacket. He grinned through shaded grey eyes and supple lips at Lily.
"Hi, there, sweetheart. How about a drink when you finish?"
Lily blinked. "I'm busy tonight."
He clicked his tongue good-naturedly. "Tomorrow, perhaps?"
She frowned, and looked to Remus for help, who was staring at the man with disapproval written all over his face. He set his knife down on the chopping board in front of him, and walked over to the chain curtain, pushing it aside and leaning against it.
"You're meant to ask a lady's name before asking her out on a date," Remus informed the slightly shorter man.
"My apologies," said the man. He looked past Remus to Lily. "Do you have a pretty name to match your face, love?"
"Now you sound like a pervert," Remus noted, dryly.
The man turned back to the head chef, his expression bright. "Jealous?" he inquired, slyly.
"Yes," said Remus, simply. He turned to Lily. "Lily, this is my supposedly better half, but you can call him 'Sirius'."
Lily smiled, and stepped forwards to greet him. "Hi."
"Hi, yourself," said Sirius, giving her a short, friendly hug. "Remus, I'm afraid that I've painted the bathroom."
"Good – it needed a coat of paint," said Remus.
Sirius swallowed. "It's not exactly one all-over colour..."
"What did you draw?"
"It's cool," Sirius hastily assured his partner.
"What?"
"A pirate ship," Sirius mumbled.
"Oh, for fuck's sake..."
"It's really cool, though!"
"I'm sure," said Remus, his lips tight.
Sirius smiled fondly at his boyfriend, and wrapped an arm around his waist, nuzzling his cheek. "Hi."
"Hi," said Remus, not offering an arm in return. He simply stood completely still, though his expression was warmer than Lily had ever seen it before. Not quite a smile, but the corners of his mouth were definitely a little lifted.
Sirius pressed the tiniest of kisses to Remus's cheek, before pulling away slightly as he turned to Lily. "He looks like a grumpy bugger, doesn't he?"
"A little," Lily admitted.
Remus looked betrayed.
Sirius touched his hand to Remus's face, pulling the corners of his mouth up with his fingers. The expression looked very foreign on Remus's stony face. Sirius removed his hand, and Remus's face returned to normal.
Sirius huffed irritatedly. "Can't you manage a smile for me, love?"
Remus raised an eyebrow.
"Pretty please?"
The corner of the chef's mouth twitched up briefly in offering.
Sirius sighed. "That was pathetic."
Remus blinked slowly at him.
Sirius made an exaggerated kissy face at him, earning a small, rather lop-sided smile in response. Sirius looked delighted, and hugged Remus close again, before releasing him fully.
"Can we leave now?" Sirius inquired.
Remus glanced at the kitchen clock. "Half an hour; we still need to finish cleaning."
"Cleaning's boring," said Sirius, sounding confused.
"I know your thoughts on the matter," murmured Remus. "You want a drink, cigarette?"
"Please."
"Which?"
Sirius pulled an adorable face, and Remus sighed, before handing him his pack of cigarettes.
"Go and ask Pete for a drink."
Sirius saluted him, winked at Lily, and wandered back to the bar, whistling.
"So, that's Sirius," said Lily.
"Indeed."
(-)
"Remus, your bloody boyfriend is eating all of the ice-cubes," Peter announced, as he walked into the kitchen. Though his tone was irritated, his expression was good-natured.
"Just keep him away from the cocktail umbrellas and he won't wreak havoc," Remus replied, as he finished wiping down the worktops with antibacterial cleaner.
"Gotcha." Peter disappeared back to the bar.
Remus sighed, and looked at Lily. "Are you sure you want to come for a drink with us? He can be a bit much sometimes..."
"He seems fun," she assured him.
He made a grumbling noise in his throat, but nodded jerkily, and began to check that he had switched off all of the appliances. Once satisfied, he went to lock the storeroom, and found Sirius lying on top of one of the large freezers.
"Oi. Shift."
Sirius grumbled, but obeyed. "Oddly comfortable."
"Mm-hmm."
"You mean you've never snuck off for a quick snooze?"
Remus raised an eyebrow, and refused to dignify the query with an answer. He ushered Sirius out, and locked the doors securely.
"Why can't you stay put in the bar?" Remus inquired, as they walked back into the kitchen.
"Petey was getting pissed off."
"Do you blame him?" Remus walked into the locker-room, and put the plug in the sink. He turned the tap on, and took off his chef shirt as he waited for the bowl to fill.
"You smell like a chip," Sirius commented, taking the shirt from him.
"You sure know how to make a guy feel special." Remus turned the tap off, and rolled up his cotton t-shirt sleeves to his elbows.
"You have more clothes in your locker, right?"
"Yeah." Remus bent over the sink to splash his face with cold water, and wash out his aching eyes.
Sirius broke into Remus's locker with a swift, sharp elbow, and hung the chef shirt up with the others. He found a neatly folded pair of jeans and a dark blue shirt at the bottom of the locker, and passed them to his lover, along with his long, black trench coat.
"Cheers," said Remus, changing his shirt. He hesitated slightly, catching Sirius's eye in the mirror above the sink. "Good day?"
"Small talk from Remus? What is the world coming to?" Sirius joked, grinning.
Remus rolled his eyes, and set to changing his chef pants to jeans.
"Day was all right," said Sirius, "actually got quite a bit done. The flat's a bit of a mess, though, of course."
"Naturally."
Sirius smiled. "When's your next evening off? I want to paint you again."
Remus turned, leaning with his back to the sink. "I'm off on Sunday, but find yourself a prettier, more patient model."
"But I like painting you," said Sirius, bottom lip quivering pitifully.
"Tough. This pirate ship in the bathroom had better be good."
"It's brilliant, I assure you."
Lily emerged from the toilets, dressed in a long, cream coat over a knitted olive dress and black boots. She smiled at the men.
"Ooh la la," said Sirius, with a low whistle. "If only I were straight..."
Remus flicked his ear.
Sirius yelped and cursed. "Jealous wench. Can we leave already?"
Remus grumbled low in his throat, and shut his locker. Sirius held the door open for Lily, and closed it pointedly in Remus's face, before scurrying off.
"See you tomorrow, guys and galls," said Peter, as they trooped out into the bar.
"Goodbye, darling," said Sirius, blowing him a flamboyant kiss.
Remus slapped the back of his boyfriend's head, earning a snort from Peter as they left the restaurant.
"Where are we off to, chickens?" Sirius inquired of his companions, lighting a cigarette.
Remus didn't answer, but stole the lit cigarette.
Sirius lit another, and looked to Lily expectantly.
"The George?" she suggested.
Sirius wrinkled his nose.
"Sirius dated the barman there," Remus explained.
"No way! Which one?"
Sirius grinned guiltily. "Teddy."
"Teddy's gay?"
"Seemed pretty gay to me."
"Next suggestion?" Remus inquired.
"Junction?"
"Agreed," said Sirius, and they set off in a westerly direction. "Remus, Reg called earlier. He wants to come round on Wednesday night-"
"No."
"What? Why not?"
"Because Reg steals stuff."
Sirius looked very confused. "What?"
"One of my Buddhas."
"The china one?"
"Yes."
"Thank fuck – I thought I'd lost that."
"Well, you did. Indirectly." Remus sounded unimpressed.
"OK, I'll get it back. No Reg on Wednesday. Drommy called, too. She wants some more landscapes from me for the display."
At this, Remus visibly brightened. "That's good. When does she want them by?"
"End of the month."
Remus frowned at his lover as they entered the pub. "So you spent the day painting a pirate ship on the bathroom wall instead?"
"My creative flow was blocked," Sirius replied, a little grumpily.
"Hmm." Remus turned to Lily. "Sorry, Lily. Red?"
"Can I have a Bud, please?"
"You most certainly can." Remus disappeared off to the bar, while Sirius and Lily found a table.
"I'm making a terrible first impression, aren't I?" Sirius asked Lily, once they had sat down.
"No, no," she assured him, shrugging out of her coat. "I think you're brilliant."
"Remus must be more complimentary about me than I thought, then," said Sirius, with a smirk.
"I think he spoke the truth."
Sirius looked over at his boyfriend, who was making the barmaid laugh. "What a slut."
"She's just being friendly," Lily defended the barmaid.
Sirius blinked, and turned back to Lily. "Not her, darlin'; my charming snookums bringing in the beers."
Remus sat down, and handed out the bottles. They tapped them together wordlessly.
"Lily, my dear, where did you work before joining my dearest?" Sirius inquired.
"A little café, Rose's."
"Cute little cream teas," said Sirius, with a nod.
"Precisely."
"And why did you leave?"
"Bored of it," Lily replied, simply.
"Fair enough... I could never hold a job down." He took a long pull from his bottle, making the liquid within it slosh like lava. "I tried being a waiter, cashier, barman, labourer, chef, gardener, taxi driver..." He counted them all off on his fingers. "Oh, tattoo artist. Lorry driver. Mechanic."
"And you ended up unemployed. Nice one," said Remus, dryly.
"I'm self-employed, darling," Sirius reminded him.
Remus raised an eyebrow.
Sirius glared at him.
Lily took a sip of beer.
Remus placed his empty bottle on the table. "Your round, sweetie-pie."
Sirius patted his pockets, and made a face. "Remmy-kins, you may have to help me out a little..."
Remus sighed, but shoved a bank-note into his boyfriend's hand.
Sirius rolled his shoulders -eyes fixed on the barmaid- and made a beeline for the bar.
"Christ, he's just embarrassing himself..." Remus muttered, picking up a beermat to play with. "Why does he continually believe that he's irresistible to the entire population?"
"Why are the gay guys the best looking?" Lily asked, with a sigh.
Remus flicked the beermat at her elbow. "Don't generalize; I could introduce you to my uncle's partner... wow."
"Most of them, then..."
"My uncle's not the best himself," admitted Remus. He paused. "He looks rather a lot like Blackbeard."
Lily nearly choked.
"Remus, what did you say to her?" Sirius demanded, as he returned with three beers. "Or did you just freeze all of the oxygen with your frosty demeanour?"
"Fucking charmer," said Remus, with a frown. He picked up his bottle and toasted a rather flushed-looking Lily. "Sirius, did you meet my Uncle Fenrir?"
"Peg-leg?"
"Yeah."
"Then, yes. He was awesome."
Remus raised his eyebrows critically. "He hates everyone, he wears biker leathers despite the fact that he travels by bus, and he's essentially a fucking pirate despite the fact that he gets sea-sick!" Remus paused, remembering. "And he threw a plate at you."
"Ah. Yes. I remember now." Sirius took a swig of beer. "Your entire family is mental."
"You're a fine one to talk..."
"Any crazy aunties in your humble family?" Sirius inquired of Lily.
"Aunt Helen has nineteen cats?"
"Qualifies," said Sirius, with a shrug.
"Why are your family mental?" she asked him.
Sirius looked terribly uncomfortable all of a sudden. "Well, umm..."
"His mother tried to kill me," announced Remus, with no hint of a joke.
"Like, aim to kill kind of killing," added Sirius. "With a fucking big knife."
"Why?" Lily asked, appalled.
"Because she's a bitch," said Sirius, coldly.
"Because the circumstances in which she found out about myself and Sirius were... a little... well, they left a little to be desired," said Remus.
Lily looked at Sirius queryingly.
"She was away for the week. He was cooking breakfast. I was in the bath. There was plenty of nakedness."
Remus raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend, but made no comment.
"Not really ideal circumstances, then," summarised Lily.
"Indeed," muttered Remus, finishing his bottle smoothly. "I was wearing an apron."
"Yes," said Sirius, "hers. Around your hips. And you were covered in hickeys."
"No changes there, then," muttered Remus, stealing Sirius's bottle.
"Certainly not. I wouldn't have it any other way." Sirius winked elaborately at his partner.
Lily smiled at their carefree antics.
"Which way do you swing, Lily-flower?" Sirius asked her, taking a pull from his bottle.
"I'm straight," she replied.
"Single?"
"Yep."
"How?" he demanded.
Lily laughed.
"Looking for anyone in particular?"
"There's no rush, but I'd like to."
"I'll put my mind to it, my dear," Sirius promised.
Remus was looking thoughtful. "Sirius, what's your friend's name?"
"Which one? You'll have to be specific, Rem."
"Lanky with glasses. He came round a few times before declaring that I was too creepy." Remus considered. "He wore a t-shirt with 'Reindeer are for life, not just for Christmas' written on it."
"Oh. James."
"Yes, James," said Remus. "Is he still single and needy?"
"Decidedly so. I'll talk to him tomorrow, how's that, Lils?"
"Single, needy and lanky. Sounds perfect."
(-)
Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far: Mizzi, owl-eats-waffles, .chan.x and Kimmimaru. You're all awesome!
Thoughts on this chapter? And Happy Valentines!
xx