A/N: I had a snow-day today, so you guys are getting another chapter right away! I've got about two more written so far, and the surprise ending! We'll see how fast the story from here to there grows legs and runs away with me. Also, I used up most of my good material in the first chapter, so these next ones aren't so much on the Humor side of the scale as the Adventure side. I hope you like it!
Previously: Puck's helping Finn and Blaine in their quest to rescue Rachel from the evil Sir Karofsky. A dryad named Kurt and Artie the hermit have joined in their quest to find Karofsky's secret castle.
Puck's Dry-ad Spell
Chapter 2 – Crunchy Toast
After sending Puck back to get the horses, Finn and Blaine helped Artie up onto Finn's white mount and attached the guy's rolling chair to Blaine's mount. Everyone else was walking from there on out, which struck Puck as a colossally sucky idea, but whatever. He wasn't in charge, so he just followed directions and watched as both knights huffed and puffed alongside him, unused to such exercise. By silent agreement, Puck and Kurt scouted ahead a few hundred feet, making sure the horses could get through the path.
"You seem at home in the woods," Kurt pointed out a little before dusk. "I'm impressed."
"Yeah, well," Puck replied, clearing a big branch away from the trail, "I grew up out here until my father abandoned me in town with my mother." He wasn't quite sure why he told Kurt about his asshole dad, but it did feel nice saying it out loud with such animosity.
Kurt just nodded and stayed silent for a few more moments before saying, "I know of a clearing we could spend the night in. It's not too much further ahead."
"What's it gonna cost us?" Puck asked the guy, hoping he wasn't still going to demand a sacrifice-by-kiss. Nature spirits could be awfully single-minded when they wanted to be.
Kurt smiled that devilish smile again and said, "Nothing from me. It's the witches the clearing belongs to that might ask a price."
"Isn't there anywhere else we could stay, man?" Puck demanded, knowing witches were much more trouble than they were worth. "Another clearing?"
Kurt shook his head. "By the time we make it past their territory, it'll be midnight. We might as well tackle them head-on."
"Fine," Puck sighed, "lead the way."
Kurt smirked again and pranced back to consult with Artie, helping him find the horse trail to this witches' clearing. As they approached, Kurt called ahead, "Yoo-hoo! Ladies? I come bearing gifts."
"What gifts?" Finn asked Blaine, who just shrugged.
In the middle of the clearing sat a big cottage, which was painted pink of all colors, its thatch roof dyed dark purple. What sort of witches were these? The last witch Puck had met liked torturing people in dark dungeon-like auditoriums with metal underwear and unending dance rehearsals. She'd taken his daughter and turned him into this. As soon as he finished his sentence and became a knight, Puck was going to go looking for that witch and repay her for what she had done. With his fists.
The "witch" to emerge from the pink house was tall and blonde, with a dumb smile and bright blue, tilted eyes. She wore a red and white frock that only fell to her mid-thigh and Puck thanked whoever had shrunk her clothes, because the view was crunchy toast.
"Hi, Kurt!" the witch called, running up to meet them and taking one of the dryad's hands in hers and rubbing it against her cheek. "Who are your friends?"
"Brittany," Kurt began, frowning and pulling his hand out of her grasp, "you remember Artie, the hermit?" The witch nodded, leaning her head against Kurt's shoulder. "And these are men from Kinley and Dalton. They're looking for the Lady Rachel."
"I know her," Brittany said, holding tight onto Kurt's arm. "Those sweaters she wears make her look home-schooled."
Kurt whispered into Brittany's ear for a minute until a pained look of slight understanding crossed her face. "I mean, she looks uneducated, like the rest of us, here in 'ye olde times.'"
"Hey," Finn complained. "Rachel's cool!"
"Finn, that's mean," Brittany insisted, and Puck had no idea how this woman could possibly be a witch. She was pretty and dumb as a post, any wealthy land owner's wet dream for a trophy wife.
"Sweetie?" Kurt asked the blonde, drawing her attention. "Where's Santana?"
"I think she's putting things in Mercedes' food today. She should be back soon."
"May we come in to wait for her? I'm sure Artie's back could use a break after being up on that horse all afternoon."
"For sure," Artie agreed, looking down at Puck for some sort of appreciation of his "tough" attitude. Puck shrugged in response, hoping Brittany's Santana wasn't the same Santana he'd been involved with before becoming this.
"Well, well, well," a woman's voice said smugly as she entered the clearing behind them. "If it isn't Brittany's homo boyfriend and … Puck? What the fuck are you doing here?"
Damn. It was the same Santana. She had the same light-brown skin and the same severely pulled back black hair. Strangely, she was wearing the same high skirt as Brittany and he regretted for just a minute skipping out on her. "Hey, babe. When did you become a witch?"
"I've always been one," Santana sneered, looking him up and down as she moved to Brittany's side, slipping an arm around the taller girl's waist. "I don't know if it's the legs or the new hair-cut, but I'm totally not turned on by you right now. What happened to you?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," Puck insisted through gritted teeth, stalking up so he could whisper in her ear. "These dudes don't know about what I used to be, and I'd like to keep it that way. Please, Santana? For old time's sake?"
Giving him an assessing look, Santana whispered back, "It'll cost you. Come to Britt's and my room tonight, once your boyfriends are asleep."
"They're not-!" Puck protested, but he knew that hard look in Santana's eyes. Could he really go through with whatever she wanted from him? The real question was, could he back out now when he was so close to being able to become what he needed to be to get his daughter back? "I'll be there," he agreed.
"Great," Santana replied with a seductive smile. "C'mon in, boys. Make yourselves at home for the night."
After a heavy meal of pasta, Puck was sure he didn't want to pay whatever price Santana wanted from him, but after seeing her weave a spell before dinner to get the fire going and then sizzle a stray mouse with it, he didn't want to cross her. She could probably put a hex on his junk or something, and no one wanted that.
Finn, Blaine and Artie all slept on cots, while Kurt and Puck got the floor near the fire, which at least was better than sleeping outside again. Puck was sure everyone was asleep when he sat up to go meet Santana, but Kurt sat up too, asking, "Everything alright, Puck?"
"Go back to sleep, Kurt," Puck replied in the same derisive tone. The dude had been looking at him funny all evening and Puck was sick of it. He just wanted to go get whatever Santana wanted done with so he could get some sleep and get everyone going first thing in the morning.
"Not until you tell me," Kurt whispered, following Puck through the darkened room with light, silent steps. "You are the same Puck, aren't you? You know, it took me and my father two days to get all that lawn furniture off our roof."
Puck laughed softly at the memory. He hadn't known whose house he was pranking at the time, but it had been a lot of fun imagining the expressions on their faces when they saw what he had done. It hadn't been much longer before he met Princess Quinn. "I'm not him anymore," Puck insisted. "And even if I was, Finn and Blaine never knew about all that. They've only even known me as human."
"You want to keep it that way," Kurt observed, nodding his head. Then, he gave an impressed little smile and said, "It's not many of us who can pass for human in their world."
"It's not many of us who become fully human, either," Puck sighed. "Now be a good boy and go back to bed. I've got some business to attend to."
"Don't let it get too loud, Noah," Kurt drawled. "I need my beauty sleep."
Puck wanted to say something glib, but he was worried about what sort of payment Santana wanted, so all he could manage was a dirty smirk before leaving Kurt chuckling as Puck pushed open the door.
After rekindling some old memories with Santana and making some new ones with her friend, Puck returned to his bedroll exhausted. Finn stirred and gave him an odd look, but everyone else stayed asleep. Only after a minute did he realize he was alone on the floor and Kurt had found his way into Blaine's cot and was snuggled around the knight in a way that looked innocent, but made Puck feel oddly jealous. Besides, it wasn't like Blaine could do his romantic-guy thing and kiss Kurt without risking several lifetimes of torture. At least, not until Karofsky was gone. Everyone, including Santana and Brittany, seemed to agree that killing Karofsky would lift Kurt's curse and leave him free to kiss anyone.
Whatever, it wasn't like Puck cared about the guy. He cared about getting his daughter back, and that was about it, friendships with Finn and Blaine and even Kurt were beside the point.
Santana cornered Puck alone the next morning, while he was getting the horses ready for the day. "You're really helping those losers, Puck, aren't you? This isn't one of your long-cons?"
Sadly, Puck shook his head. "I know it's lame, but it's something I've gotta do."
"But," she said softly, approaching him and running her hand up and over his head, "I miss you. The real you."
"This is the real me now," Puck answered, batting her hand away. Having to put up with her and Brittany the night before was bad enough, for some absolutely wuss-tacular reason. Usually, a threesome was like, on the top of his to-do list, but knowing now that both girls still had magic and he didn't made him feel … inadequate or something. And there was nothing inadequate about Puckzilla.
Santana scoffed before giving him that beautiful smile and saying, "You should stay here with me and Brit. Seriously."
"Seriously," Puck shot back as he pushed past her," no."
"But why-?"
"Because I've got a daughter, alright?" Puck cried, turning on her and wishing he still had the magic to cast like an itching curse or to make her hair fall out or something.
"Oh, ew," she frowned. "Yeah, you go deal with that. Gross."
After bidding Brittany and Santana farewell, Puck and his companions traveled for two days before getting close to where Artie's antique map said Sir Karofsky's secret castle should be. Kurt mostly ignored Puck in favor of speaking and flirting with Blaine, Finn couldn't talk about anything but Rachel, and Artie was … Well, it was the first time he had really been out in the world for a very long time. When they'd run across a village and stopped for fresh supplies in the market, Artie gaped at everything. ("They've got that new game, yo!")
Puck remembered a similar feeling when he was young and could finally maintain his human appearance permanently. He'd had such a good time exploring the city with his father, never having guessed it would be the last time he saw the guy. Damn bastard abandoned Puck with his human mother and ran far, far away. Puck's mother said it was a quest, but Puck knew his father had left because he couldn't stand the fact that Puck was half human. All his life, Puck had hated it, too. And now he was completely human. Ordinary. Boring.
All of a sudden, as the knights and their companions were walking on a road between two farmers' fields, they were surrounded by witches wearing the same short dresses Santana and Brittany had been wearing. And leading the company? A tall blonde woman, older than the rest and wearing a much less revealing red outfit, stepped forward. "Well, well. If it isn't King William of Kinley's men. What are you doing all the way out here, boys?"
"With all due, like, respect, it's none of your business Countess Sue," Finn called across the distance, holding himself up very tall. Puck had only heard stories about the countess and her army of witches, but he knew this was one badass lady, so he drew his sword as well. A lot of good it would do against magic spells, but maybe he could fight off enough of them to get Kurt up on Artie's horse and get both of them to safety. He'd have to sacrifice Finn and Blaine, but they'd be happy to die fighting for a righteous cause, wouldn't they?
Santana, the traitorous bitch, stepped up to Sue's right side, smirking as she said, "They think they're going to thwart your plans for Lady Rachel, Countess."
"What?" Sue cried, frowning deeply, but not looking too surprised. Puck wished she would just cut the crap and get to the point, but he kept his mouth shut. He did pull Kurt to stand behind him, in any case, because who knew what a practitioner of the dark arts like Countess Sue could do to any of them? "That just won't do, now will it?"
"No, Countess," a smaller woman with strange features and a squint said from beside her leader.
"Becky," Sue said, looking down at the strange-looking girl, "take them to Karofsky's castle, and show them the dungeons!"
"Yes, Countess Sue," Becky replied, snapping her fingers as the Countess walked away and the other witches moved in.
Sauntering toward them, Santana suggested, "You might as well put down your weapons, boys. We all know you're not gonna win."
Shit, she was right. Puck looked around, but he saw the ways all the witches were writhing with magic and ready to strike them down if they made so much as a tiny movement to thwart Sue's rule. Finn must have realized it was hopeless as well, because he was the first to carefully lay down his sword and raise his hands. As Puck followed, setting his sword and his bag on the ground, he whispered over his shoulder to Kurt, "Hey, dude? Anything you can do to help us out, here?"
"I am a wood nymph, Puck," Kurt hissed, "not a sorcerer. I could maybe give Santana a leafy make-over or call up a few woodland friends, but with the nearest tree being that apple tree four hundred yards away, I'd say we're screwed."
Puck nodded and put his hands up in surrender as well, letting the witches tie him and Kurt together with magical ropes. All four of their hands were bundled together, but their feet were hobbled separately, thank god. Practically holding hands with the dryad was closer to Kurt than Puck was comfortable being and it had nothing to do with how easy it was now to stare into those pretty eyes. Nothing at all.
Santana pulled the last knot tight herself and said, "I don't care what the spells say. You're still Puck, the satyr, and I won't have you making mischief and ruining all our plans. These ropes will keep either of you from doing magic, so don't even think about trying it."
"Outstanding," Kurt huffed, pulling on the ropes a little until Puck gave him a look.
"So the other night meant nothing?" Puck asked. "I paid you for safe passage and you went back on your word. This blows!"
"You paid me," the witch smirked, running her hand over Puck's shoulders as she circled them, "not to tell anyone what you are. And I haven't."
Kurt cut in then with his high voice, asking, "Where's Brittany? She wouldn't like you doing this. I'm her friend!"
"I gave her a unicorn to keep her busy," Santana rolled her eyes. "By the time she thinks to call you, it'll be too late. She'll forget you, dryad. She always does."
A sadly shocked expression passed over Kurt's face before he controlled it, his plump lips pressed into a thin line and his chin held high. As Santana walked away, chuckling her evil laugh, Becky and the countess' other minions piled all five travelers into the back of a covered wagon, its only window barred with steel.
"Fuck," Puck muttered, dropping to the hay-covered floor of the wagon beside Artie, which had the (almost) unintentional effect of pulling Kurt down with him.
"Unless they're using magic to speed the process, which I don't think they're doing," Artie said, straining to see as much as he could out the window from his sitting position on the floor, "it'll be at least four or five hours until we get there."
"Until we get to Karofsky's deep and scary dungeon," Finn sighed.
Blaine put on an unworried face and crouched beside Finn to pat the knight's shoulder with his bound hands. "At least we'll be close to Lady Rachel."
"As we're tortured and killed," Puck scoffed, pulling his hands so Kurt almost fell in his lap and gave him a dirty look. This whole being bound to a nymph? Not as much fun as Puck would have thought.
"What would Countess Sue want with Lady Rachel?" Finn asked, his head in his hands slowly rocking back and forth like he couldn't believe they'd been captured. Puck wondered why, if Sue's plans for Rachel were so important, the dudes trying to rescue her hadn't been caught up until now.
"Well," Kurt asked, wiggling around and pulling on Puck's hands as he tried to get comfortable on the floorboards beside Puck, "what do we know about Countess Sue? She's obviously working with Sir Karofsky."
"She hates King William," Finn sighed, finally looking up from his hands. "I mean, all us knights know she's been trying to take over Kinley forever."
Artie spoke up next, saying, "Though her guilt was never proven, many aristocrats thought her guilty of poisoning King Figgins. Only the line of inheritance kept her from taking power then and there."
"Seems like I've seen Sue talking to Princess Quinn on more than one occasion," Sir Blaine said, and Puck's heart fell. He knew he wasn't good enough for the princess and that she and William's son, Prince Sam, were betrothed now, but it still hurt to think of her because she was his daughter's mother. "They could be working together."
"No!" Finn insisted. "Even though some bad things happened," he shot a disdainful look toward Puck, "Quinn is a good person. She wouldn't work with the countess!"
Puck scoffed, but he didn't say anything else. It wasn't Quinn's fault that a witch had stolen Beth from him, but she hadn't done shut to help him find their daughter, either. It was almost like she'd ... holy crap! "Quinn's forgotten what happened! That's why she wouldn't help me! That's why I'm stuck with you punks! That's why she's dating Sam! Sue's witches made her forget me, and now they're using her to get close to King William! Oh, this is fucking garbage!"
"Why do you care so much about King William?" Kurt asked with a sneer, tugging on their hands again. "I thought you weren't the type to have allegiances, someone who would just be out for himself."
"You don't know me," Puck insisted before lowering his voice so only Kurt could hear. "You don't know what it's like, living with them all the time. You have to choose sides, and King William has only ever been good to me. He believes in me."
"You sound like one of them," Kurt whispered back, a tone in his voice like that was a bad thing.
"I am one of them," Puck replied angrily, before turning away so he didn't have to look at Kurt anymore.
"Whispering in the corner now?" Blaine asked with his eyebrow raised questioningly. "Are you okay, Kurt?"
Out of the corner of his eye, Puck saw Kurt smile coyly at Blaine and reply softly, "Never better."
"C'mon guys," Finn ordered, standing up as the cart bumped along and looking at each of them in turn. "We have to come up with a plan. Some way to escape before we get to Karofsky's dungeon."
"Yeah," Blaine agreed with an upbeat smile. "We can totally do this."
"Well, you guys have fun dreaming up the impossible," Puck scoffed. "I'm taking a fucking nap."
Please review!