Chapter 2

Back then...

The first tears started to fall as soon as she reached the shadows underneath the trees. She just left everything behind her. Her whole life. But it was better this way. She didn't know if she could bear the weight of her decisions or if she'd break under it. And she certainly didn't want anyone near her when she found out. Especially not Bellamy. It tore her heart into pieces as she turned her back on him and only then did she realize that she started to love him a long time ago. But there was no turning back now, her decision had been made.

She wandered south for a few months until she reached the coast and stayed there with one of the clans that didn't know her past. At first she missed everyone back at Camp Jaha but soon all those feelings faded into nothingness. She learned from one tribe's priest how to shut out her emotions to numb the pain she felt 24/7. She didn't want to shut everything out but the pain that ate at her heart became unbearable and left her no other choice.

She had travelled along the coast of North America for 5 years when she settled at a cliff with an abandoned, almost intact house. She built a new life alone and stayed as far away from any other humans as possible and every time old emotions started to bubble up, she raised a wall around her mind and shut everything out.

One night during her second winter staying at the small house she was painfully torn from her sleep. Panting she tried to sit upright but realized in horror that none of her limbs worked. Even her eyelids seemed to be glued shut. She knew that she was awake but she had no control over her body whatsoever.

"Clarke.." a small voice in the back of her mind shouted her name, trying to break through her mental barrier. Fear overwhelmed her because she was not in control anymore, she was trapped in her own body. It felt like grave inside of her.

"Clarke!" The voice grew louder as the barrier crumbled away under Clarkes horror.

"Who is this?" Clarke couldn't voice her words aloud so she tried talking in her mind.

"You don't remember me?" The female voice was even louder now, booming through her head and giving her a major headache.

"No.. That can't be you. NO!" Clarke was swallowed by desperation and panic as she recognized the voice, her emotions flooding back into her mind all at once so it felt like her head might explode any second now.

"It is better this way, Clarke. Shutting everyone and everything out will only tear your soul apart. Your soul is too important." Sorrow was evident in the voice only reminding Clarke of what she said to her a long time ago in a different life. 'Feelings are weaknesses.' "Clarke, I learned it the hard way, don't make the same mistake I did."

"Why are you in my head?" Clarke was beyond confused. She wanted to know why she couldn't move a single muscle in her body and why she was hearing Her voice.

"Deep down you know what's going on. I once told you how it worked. I'm dead, Clarke."

"NO! You.. you can't be dead!"

"But I am."

"Then why are you in my head? This is crazy!" Panting heavily Clarke tried to move again but after a few exhausting tries she stopped accepting that she couldn't move an inch. "Why is this happening?"

"My time is up, Clarke. It needs to be done."

"What needs..."

"Fou Clarke Griffin kom Skaikru yu gonplei ste odon. Gyon op nodotaim a heda kom Trigedakru.

Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim."

Choking Clarke sat up straight on her mattress trying to catch her breath. Her body felt like she didn't take a breath in forever. Her head was throbbing painfully and she clutched her hands to her temples letting her shoulders slouch down. Her life had a new purpose even though she didn't choose it.

Lexa chose her.

She was the commander of the grounders.

Present time

Clarke followed Bellamy into the Ark not hesitating on the threshold. Bellamy noticed her flash of fear as he announced that he was in charge. She had hoped to speak to someone she didn't know so well but the luck was not on her side today.

Bellamy held the door to a small conference room open for her. She stepped in without a look in his direction and instructed her warriors to wait outside not listening to her protests. She took off her mask and turned around to the man she thought she loved but those feelings disappeared a long time ago. Bellamy took a step towards her reaching for her face but letting his arm fall back to his side immediately. "Clarke.. I didn't know you were still alive." His eyes were full of emotions but Clarke couldn't let herself feel.

"I am. Let's talk about business." Her voice stayed cold and distant.

"Why didn't you come back?" Bellamy's eyes pleaded with hers to show any sign of emotion. Clarke turned away from him and took a deep breath.

"It doesn't matter anymore."

Apparently Bellamy saw her actions as a crack in her facade so he pushed deeper. "You left us! Your friends, your only family! You left me! Don't you think I deserve an explanation?"

"I told you why I had to do it. This was in the past. You are in the past. My future is elsewhere." She had to make sure Bellamy understood this. She was not the same person as before, she changed. And there was no space for friends and family in her life, let alone a lover.

To her surprise Bellamy grabbed her hand and intertwined their finger tightly not letting go as Clarke tried to pull her hand away.

"Don't." Her voice was small. Weak.

"I love you Clarke! I loved you longer than you know. I even loved you before I knew I did. I want you back in my life and now that I get the chance to get you back I'm not letting you go again! I made this mistake 10 years ago and I regretted it till today!"

"Don't!" Clarke ripped her hand away from Bellamy's and whirled around surprised of her own actions. She was showing emotions. For the first time in years and she didn't like it at all.

"STOP TRYING! The Clarke you knew is gone! There is only me now, the commander of the grounders and that is all I'll ever be till my fight is over!" Her eyes blazed furious and her hands twitched to the knife on her belt. She considered threatening Bellamy but she couldn't do it.

"I will not negotiate with you like that! Send someone to my camp and I will talk to him. Otherwise there will be consequences and if I were you I wouldn't underestimate us."

Clarke grabbed her mask and stormed out of the room. She ignored Bellamy's shouts as she jumped onto her horse and took off into the woods close followed by her fellow men. She hated fleeing but it was the only way she wouldn't make a huge mistake.

Bellamy wasn't fast enough to stop her but nevertheless a small smile snuck its way onto his face. The old Clarke was still there. He saw it in her eyes. Now that he knew that she lived he wasn't willing to stop trying to get her back. Not until his own fight was over.

"We will meet again."

- translation of Lexa's oath: "Former Clarke Griffin of the sky people, your fight is over. Get back up as the commander of the tree people. May we meet again." -