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. . .
For the next few days, I felt like I was walking on air.
Everyone in the house noticed the change, and most of them were still a bit worried about it, as Bella had gone into full detail more than once about what it had been like with Renesmee. I'd willingly suffer the pain she'd described, if it meant I could have another child. One of my own flesh and blood.
Every time I came into Carlisle's study to check on him, he would warn me. So many things could go wrong, and I listened to each and every one of them. I knew very well what he was implying - he didn't want me to suffer the loss of another child, if it didn't work. And he didn't want to put me through that pain. I'd assured him I'd be fine, but the more I thought about it, the more I wondered just what I would do if something did go wrong.
In a few short days, I'd find out if having a breakdown over the loss of another child was necessary.
Carlisle had decided we'd attempt it this weekend, when the others would be going to visit the Denali coven. Due to that fact, Carlisle would be starting work next Monday at the hospital, and I had was to start helping lead work on the renovation of an old home not far from the center of this little town that very same day.
One question I kept asking myself though, was why. Immortal children were forbidden in our world - no doubt if this did work, the Volturi would be bearing down on us once more, and this time, probably would not be so willing to spare our lives. Why would Carlisle be researching such a thing? It occurred to me that he'd once said he'd always wanted to give me everything I wanted. I wanted a family, so he married me. I wanted a getaway for just the two of us, so he bought me an island. I'd wanted children, so he'd turned Rosalie and Emmett, and allowed Jasper and Alice to live with us, to become a real family.
I didn't realize that his intentions with the latter would stretch this far.
I found concentrating on even the tiniest of things was difficult for me. I'd tried to go back to my drawings, but I couldn't think of what to draw. So I had settled to curling up on the couch next to Emmett, watching a football game. The 49ers and the Chargers were at it, the Chargers leading by six points in the middle of the third quarter. I'd never been into sports, but I often betted against Emmett on who would win. Currently, I was winning.
"I think you talk to Alice before you bet me." He eyed me cautiously from his place in the armchair as the game went to commercial.
"You forget the 49ers have lost most of their games this season." I pointed out to him. He frowned slightly, but continued to eye me.
"The Chargers have done just as bad."
"They're two wins ahead."
He grumbled and I merely smirked as the game came back on. I never really had been into sports, but I loved to mess with Emmett when it came to them. He'd probably pay me back for it later - if everything went well over the weekend, we were heading out on Sunday to a field just east to play a game of baseball, because a storm was rolling in. The others had been getting antsy about it because we hadn't played in so long, and since Renesmee was finally able to play, I had promised we could go.
I couldn't wait.
By the time Saturday night had rolled around, I was more anxious than anything. Alice had decided to take everyone except for Edward into Anchorage to see a movie - Edward had grudgingly volunteered to help Carlisle with whatever he needed, mostly because he wanted to make sure nothing went wrong. I kept assuring them both that I trusted them completely, and nothing would ever go wrong.
As I changed in our room, Carlisle was pacing, almost nervously, as Edward had gone into Carlisle's study to gather what we'd need.
"You're making me dizzy." I warned him quietly, tugging on a loose tank-top. He'd said to dress in something comfortable.
"Esme, we shouldn't be doing this." He said quietly, suddenly at my side, his hands on my waist.
"You're the one who researched it."
"It was just meant to be research, a side project. I never intended to use it until I was sure it was successful."
"We're going to find out shortly if it is, aren't we?" I asked and turned to face him, resting my hands on his shoulders in an attempt to calm him. If anyone should have been nervous, it was me, but instead, all I could think about was how happy I would be if this worked.
"I'm going to tell you right now that it's going to be very, very painful. I don't like seeing you in pain, Esme." He rested his forehead against mine and I merely nodded.
"I'll be fine." I promised. After all, it couldn't be worse than jumping off a cliff, right? I'd shattered almost every bone in my body when I'd fallen and that had hurt. The worst pain I'd felt in my entire life, up until I'd spent three days being changed into a vampire. I couldn't imagine worse pain than that.
Meeting his gaze for a long moment, I pulled myself from his arms to finish changing.
"Tell me what you're going to be doing." I said, hoping that at least if he told me about the process, he'd feel at least a bit better about doing it. I could see that he was afraid - of causing me pain, physically and emotionally. And of the fact that if he did succeed, we'd be facing the Volturi. That was why Edward had been so opposed to it in the first place, as I'd come to learn. But we could defeat them, if it turned into a fight. I wouldn't let them lay a hand on any member of my family without going through me first.
"Essentially, vampires body's can't form to accommodate the child when it's growing, which is one of the main problems. That, and a vampire's body can't provide nutrition in the form of regular food, because our digestive systems can't digest normal human food." He said slowly, facing the window of our room as I pulled on a pair of old shorts that were paint covered - I usually wore them in the summer when I was helping repaint the exterior of old houses I restored.
"All right." I nodded for him to continue. I had already known that.
"A normal human pregnant woman's embryo survives because their bodies release a certain type of hormone that nourishes the embryo. One of the first things I'll be doing is injecting that particular hormone into your body in large amounts - I'm not entirely sure how your body will react, but I'm crossing my fingers that it won't be in a negative way." He said and sighed, raking a hand through his hair before continuing.
"If that hormone works like the way I think it will, it will allow your body to form to be able to actually carry the child while its growing - it will be painful, as vampire skin isn't meant to be stretched like that, but it will work. Your diet will have to be changed - you'll have to feed much, much more frequently, and vitamins not normally found in blood will have to be mixed in." His gaze met mine slowly. "It's going to be hell."
"As you've seemed to make perfectly clear." I replied quietly. It was going to be hell, but I was prepared to endure it. At least, however, it wouldn't be long - Bella's barely lasted half the term of a normal pregnancy and her child had only been half vampire. Mine would be full vampire.
"Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?" He asked me as Edward came in, holding a small, thin silver case by the handle.
"Yes." I replied, and then glanced to my son, who gave a slight nod.
"Everything will be fine, mom." He said and gave me a crooked smile. I returned the smile as Carlisle took the case and opened it - three syringes were inside, and I assumed these were the hormones that Carlisle would inject me with. As he set them on the small bedside table, I moved to sit on the bed, propping my back up against the pillows. Edward moved to the other side, sitting next to me and taking my hand in his. He lightly squeezed it reassuringly. He hadn't wanted this done, but at least he was going to support me through it. And I appreciated it.
My eyes closed as Carlisle lifted my shirt, tugging my shorts down enough to where my entire stomach was exposed. I had never liked needles as a human, and it was a fear that had carried over into my vampire life.
"Esme, these needles won't break your skin."
My eyes opened and I met his steady gaze. If the needles wouldn't penetrate my marble skin, then what -?
"I'm going to have to bite you." He said slowly, watching for my reaction. Almost unconsciously, I ran my fingers along the raised bit of flesh in the crescent shape along my neck. After a long moment, I nodded, realizing I probably wouldn't feel much of it. Shutting my eyes again, Edward seemed to read my thoughts, giving my hand another light squeeze for reassurance.
I could feel the tiny prick and the tug of skin after hearing the sound of ripping flesh. It burned more than anything, but I didn't say anything, merely clenched my jaw. I could hear the clinking of metal against metal as Carlisle reached for the first syringe, and then the second, and the third. His lips pressed against the place he had bitten, leaving venom behind to seal the cut. I heard him sigh heavily before I opened my eyes.
Edward was already beside Carlisle, gathering up the syringes and placing them back into the case.
"I'll take these back to your study. Then I think I'll go out hunting for a while." He said quietly, glancing at Carlisle, then at me.
"Catch a mountain lion for me." I called after him. I heard a soft chuckle come from him, even though he was already halfway down the hall.
"Now what?" I asked, looking back at Carlisle, who gave a gentle smile.
"Now comes step two." He murmured. "Which I hope you find much more enjoyable than step one." He added, suddenly next to me and pulling me into his arms.
"I think I just might."
When the others returned home that night, they acted as if nothing was different, that nothing had changed. In reality, it hadn't, but they all knew what had happened, and from the odd looks Jasper kept making at the television as he pretended to pay attention, I knew he was receiving a mix of emotions from each member of my family, including myself.
For the rest of the night and into the early hours of Sunday morning, I watched Emmett, Edward, and Alice teach Renesmee exactly how we played our game of baseball. Renesmee was going to take my place as referee for the game. Bella was going to play - it would be her first game. I would be taking part in the game this time, so we'd have even teams. It was rare I played, but considering the elated mood I was in, I was actually looking forward to it.
Once the thunder began to rumble in the distance, we headed outside of town. I doubted we'd even need the thunder around here - if we went out far enough, no one was probably going to be able to hear us. But we wanted to take precautions, just in case.
We split ourselves into teams on the way there - Emmett, Edward, Jasper and Carlisle on one, Rosalie, Bella, Alice, and myself on the other. It was rare we did the guys versus the girls, but we had never been able to do it before because I had always played referee. Now, it was sure to prove an interesting game.
We were up to bat first, so the others spread themselves out across the field. Pulling my hat on and pulling my ponytail through the back of it, I watched as Rosalie prepared to bat. Carlisle was shifting from foot to foot eagerly out in the field, preparing to pitch. I gave a reassuring glance to Bella, who was actually smiling, almost as if she was looking forward to it as well. I knew her aversion to sports.
With a loud cracking sound, Rosalie nailed the ball and two blurs took off after it. It was more difficult to see the balls against the white background of the landscape, but Emmett and Jasper took off after it like it was nothing. I cheered on Rosalie as she ran around the bases, a large grin plastered on her face.
As she came halfway toward home, I saw the ball whiz through the air back toward Edward, but it was too late, as Rosalie had already slide straight into home base.
"Safe!" Renesmee called excitedly from behind us, laughing. Rosalie gave her a high five as Bella stepped up to bat.
She struck out the first time at Carlisle's fast pitch, but nailed it the second time, sending it way off into the distance over first base. She ran in a blur, making no prints in the snow as she rounded first, then second. But the ball was already whizzing back, forcing her to a halt on third base with a triumphant grin. The girl was good, having once been so clumsy that a simple walk across a flat surface proved to be difficult.
I grabbed the bat next, flexing my fingers around the bottom of it. I saw a fleck of movement as Carlisle threw the ball before I swung, the loud crack almost deafening mixed with the claps of thunder above. It would start raining soon, but that would hardly stop us, as it would probably turn to snow before it hit the ground. I took off for first base as Bella ran at the opposite side of the field, heading for home.
My foot touched first, and second, before I heard a yell. Jasper had returned with the ball clutched in his hand, and he was coming toward me. I skidded into third, my fingertips barely touching the base.
"Safe!" Renesmee shouted happily. I grinned at Jasper, who had touched the ball to my leg as I lay in the snow, my fingers holding tight to the base. He eyed me suspiciously, but it was with a small smirk. He extended a hand to help me up before returning the ball to Alice and taking his place back out in the field. I stood on the base, watching as Rosalie stepped back up to bat.
The game continued, even as it continued to sleet across the open area, the rain and snow pelting us. We didn't mind, but after a while, it was becoming increasingly challenging. The guys were ahead by three, and as it was growing dark, we decided to head back. Renesmee was getting tired anyway, her head lolling on Edward's shoulder as he carried her.
When we got back, Bella disappeared into the kitchen as her cell phone rang. I silently slipped out onto the front porch, leaning against the railing, watching the moonlight glint off the cars parked in the driveway.
"You okay?" Alice's voice said quietly from behind me. I nodded, letting out a soft sigh. "Jasper said you're worried."
"I'll be okay." I assured her. "I am worried - this is going to create quite a bit of uproar with the Volturi if this works." I said quietly.
She didn't reply for a long moment, but when she did, she was smiling.
"It will work."
I returned the smile and drew her into a tight hug.
"I love you mom." She murmured, returning the hug. I kissed the top of her head.
"Love you too Alice." She drew back, grinning broadly. "Everything's going to work out."
"I believe you." I told her. Hearing that from Alice made most of my worry disappear. Usually, she was right. But I knew her visions could change unexpectedly, and the future could change. The future was always changing, based on decisions and the actions of everyone involved in it. I knew whatever actions Carlisle and I took were now up to the hands of fate. I would either have a baby, and the Volturi would bear down on us like a cat on it's mouse, or it wouldn't work.
Either one would have consequences to pay.
I heard a shriek from inside. Alarmed, Alice and I both ran back inside to find Renesmee now fully awake, jumping for joy in the middle of the living room, bronze curls bouncing.
"What's going on?" I asked, confused, glancing at Edward's emotionless face and Bella's amused expression.
"Jacob's coming to visit."