Clare

I sat at the picnic table under the tree, writing about everything that is going on. I guess this is my therapy. Lately I've been going through quite a few diaries. Without anyone to talk to this is the only way I can vent my frustrations. While I was writing I realized someone else had approached the table.

"Fitz?"

"Hello Saint Clare."

"When did you get back? What do you want?"

"I just got back and I want to apologize for calling you a bitch when I was about to stab Eli. I didn't mean it."

"Well thanks… I guess."

"I'm trying to change my life around and to do that I need to right the wrongs so I'm apologizing to everyone I've ever wronged and I figure if I get the little apologies out of the way then the big ones will be less crazy."

"Well I appreciate your apology."

After our brief conversation he got up from the table, and once again I was alone with my thoughts. I remembered days when I spent my lunch period working on battle bots and chatting with Alli, but long gone are those days.

After writing the last line of my entry I went inside the building, to my locker. I got my jacket and fixed my lip gloss. When I closed my locker door Eli was standing there with a devious smile on his face. I jumped.

"Why are you so jumpy?"

"I didn't know you were there."

"Oh… well how are you today?"

"I'm fine. Yourself?"

"Good… Hey wanna go out tonight?"

"Sure."

"Great… Oh, what did Fitz want?"

"What?"

"Fitz, I saw him talking to you outside. What'd he want?

"Oh nothing."

"Didn't look like nothing… you were smiling too much for it to be nothing."

"Eli why are you making a big deal out of this? He just apologized for calling me a bitch that night when he almost stabbed you."

"How noble of him."

"Why are you mad?"

"I'm not…Should I be?"

"No…"

"What were you writing about in that journal of yours?"

"Stuff…"

"What kind of stuff? Secret loves?"

"No."

"Let me see it."

"No, it's personal."

"Give it to me."

"No!"

With one swift movement he'd taken the journal out of my hand and pulled into a hug… This isn't any hug though, it's a trap. His fingers were intertwined with mine only because he was twisting mine in painful way. I wanted to yell out in pain, but I couldn't bring myself to cause the scene

"I could break your fingers you know? Then you couldn't write about your secret boyfriend"

"Please don't. There is nobody else, only you…"

He stopped twisting my fingers and then he whispered in my ear "if you're lying to me…" there was never anything else. With that said he kissed me on the cheek and walked away, my journal in hand. When things are great there's nothing better but…he's so destructive right now. I just don't know what to do but he's all I have to hold onto. Without him I'll be all alone… So I get a few bumps and bruises… I'll be fine. It really doesn't hurt that bad. I guess I just bruise easy or something… I'll be fine.

I went to my math class and that was a small relief for me. I didn't have to think about anything except the problems. Good old logic, that's what I need right now. Just the remedy to get rid of my stress.

After math finally came the end of the day. I'm starving! I walked out of the building to see Eli standing in front of Morty in front of the steps. He opened to door for me and handed me back my journal. I couldn't read his mood. He didn't look happy or upset; he was a blank emotional canvas.

"So where are we going?"

He simply shrugged his shoulders. My heart started to pound out of my chest. He won't tell me where we are headed and he won't speak to me. I hope this doesn't end up like last time. I feel like I'm going to puke.

We finally pulled into a graveyard. Oh my god, is he going to kill me? Has he dug my grave already? I was going crazy and by now it showed on my face. I was in the passenger's seat crying. He just looked over at me and stared until my sobbing came to an end. I wonder how he'll do it?

"Well make it quick."

"What?"

"You're going to murder me aren't you?"

"No…"

"Then why are we here?"

"Don't know Clare. I just wanted to come here."

"Oh."

"I wouldn't murder you…unless you..."

"Unless I what?"

"Clare, you know I can't live without you. Do you even comprehend how damn crazy you make me?"

"I can guess."

"So I'm the monster?"

"What?"

"In your journal… I'm the green eyed monster."

"Don't know what you are talking about."

"Really Clare! It says right here, today the green eyed monster, when on his best days is mild tempered, released his flames on me today burning all but my soul to a crisp."

"…."

"You better answer me."

"No."

"No?"

"No!"

"Fine. Get out."

"What? No!"

"Get out of my fucking car!"

"Eli no, why are you being such an ass!"

"I don't know… Am I going to have to remove you?"

"Please, I don't even know where we are."

"Not my problem. If you'd just answer the fucking question then this wouldn't be happening Clare. You make things so hard."

"Okay yes! I was talking about you for this reason! You're so destructive."

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry I hurt you that way Clare. Here's your journal back."

"Thank you."

He put his head on the steering wheel and I heard sniffles coming from him. He was crying. Soon he looked at me with eye liner dripping down his face; his brilliant green eyes were glistening from the tears.

"I guess you'll wanna leave now?"

"Leave this place?"

"No Clare, leave me."

"No."

"God I love you."

"I love you too."

I slid over to him and placed my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me and then he lifted my chin and he kissed me. It's like my body was set aflame. He looked into my eyes and it was like seeing my Eli. The one who, just a few months ago, taught me how to take flight and free myself. The one who became the first and only to penetrate my body in that way…

The kiss deepened and my body went from a flame to a cloud. I feared I might float away if he didn't hold onto me. But he was holding onto me, tight. The more intense the kissing got, the less vertical I became. Before I knew it I was lying down and Eli's weight being on top of me was taking my breath away.

I heard him unzip his pants. He just pulled up my skirt and I slipped out of my panties. He went inside me and I gasped a little. I guess it's always a surprise. I held onto him tight as he went gave me deep strokes that sent shivers up my spine and down my fingertips. Then I erupted and it was like someone sent me flying through the air, and then let me fall back to the Earth. The feeling was incredible. Eli came soon after me and once everything was all cleaned up we sat in Morty and he held me.

We went to a pizza place after the cuddling. He's a supreme pizza person and I'm a pepperoni pizza person, so we got half and half. It's like the cheese was extra gooey and extra…yummy. Eli and I sat at the table joking and playing around. Then he started tickling me and he hit a sore spot.

"Ouch."

"I'm so sorry Clare."

"It's okay. It's just a bruise."

"Where?"

"My lower back."

When nobody was looking he looked at the bruise. I jumped when he touched it because he startled me. After seeing it he hugged me and apologized to me a million more times before ordering us a toffee sundae for dessert. We shared the sweet treat and then he dropped me off at home. We kissed and then I got out of the car. I went into the house to see only clothes scattered on the floor in a trail to my mother's bedroom. Guess she's busy.

I went into the bathroom and took a shower. I changed into my fluffiest pajamas and then I lay down on the bed. Eli texted me telling me goodnight. I smiled and then I turned out the lights and went to sleep. I like it when things are this way. Only one thing bothers me right now… He came inside me today.

Eli

I didn't use a condom when Clare and I had sex today. What am I worrying about though? I mean there is always the morning after pill. I'll just that for Clare and have her take it, crisis averted.

After I showered I wrapped the towel around my waist and I walked into my bedroom. I put on my night pants and sat on the bed. The more I thought about the prospect of Clare having a baby by me…The more appealing the idea became. It would ensure we were bonded forever and then it would be a million times more complicated for her to leave me. Fuck that morning after pill… let the fertilization process begin in her.

When I was in the middle of my pondering there was a knock at my door. My parents weren't there luckily. They never are which isn't always bad. I have a lot of time to myself in the peace and quiet to think. When I answered the door it was Declan Coyne.

"Eli… I'm looking for Her… You know… Corrine"

"Come in here, I'll give you her number."

So, I sell drugs. Big freaking deal. Most people don't know. Not even Adam and Clare know. I gave Declan two grams of coke and he paid me one hundred and thirty dollars. Cocaine is a hell of a drug and Declan Coyne is addicted, but he's got the money to keep up the habit. He's spinning out of control quick though. My guess is that he'll overdose by a year's time and he'll either die or be sent to rehab before he can get through his trust fund and start squandering daddy's money.

After he left I put the money in a safe and I hid the drugs back in the floorboard and I nailed it down. When I finished that there was another knock at the door. I went down and Fitz was standing there. He looked a lot… nicer than I remember.

"Emo boy… I mean Eli; I would like to apologize to you."

"You kidding?"

"No dude, look I'm trying to make a change just accept the apology."

"Fine go."

"I'm sorry I bullied you and pulled a knife on you. It was immature and stupid."

"Well uh thanks Fitz."

"Glad that's done with. We ain't dating or anything."

When that was done with I went up to my room and I finally got some silence. I popped open a bottle of Jack Daniels and I went bottoms up on it. It was a tiny bottle but it still made my head spin. This is the drink of real men. Whiskey…. At least for a moment it made me forget what I read in that journal today. She called me a monster, a destroyer, a land shark. It hurt my feelings to know I hurt her enough for her to feel that way. For fuck's sake is there any way out of this bloody fucking revolving door?

Hey people please leave a review if you read it... tell me what you think! lol. Love you all =)