Strange Acquaintance
"Have I told you about the time I meet a rather queer elfish king?" Gandalf was saying to the snail on his hat which he seemed to have adopted. Bilbo looked ahead to the front of the company. Dwalin and Balin were riding just in front of a fuming Thorin and his troublesome nephew.
"Really I don't know what came into you?" said the king gruffly, "And you Balin letting him get away with it". Kili laughed oblivious to his uncle's tone of voice.
"You're just mad because you ate the frog Uncle", Bilbo heard Fili say making sure he was far enough away from his uncle to dodge any blows but close enough to protect his little brother from his uncle's rage. But Thorin seemed to have only put on an unpleasant performance to uphold his kingly status and rebuke his nephew for his troublesome ways. Bilbo watched as Thorin deflated a little as his shoulders hunched forward.
"I can still taste the vile creature in my mouth", he muttered darkly. Kili laughed aloud as his uncle glowered at him, though the glower was a light and humours one, not as nearly threatening as it could have been. A couple of feet ahead Dwalin was still picking the flowers out of his beard grumbling to his brother about troublesome dwarfs and their need to pick on their fellow company members. Bilbo heard a low mutter about the need to respect your elders and the need to keep grubby paws to themselves. The little hobbit shook his head who knew dwarfs could be so touchy and at that precise moment there was a loud crack as Dwalin's head broke a small branch in two. There were a few short laughs before the dwarfs returned to their private conversations. But Bilbo was rather concerned about the twinkle that he had seen briefly in Dwalin's eye.
It wasn't long before they had reached midday and as they were all tired from the mornings rather eventful happenings. Gandalf was still talking to the snail and Bilbo was amazed that the wizard had not run out of conversation.
"And would you believe it my dear sir?" Gandalf said thrusting his staff in a dramatic representation of his story, "I merely waved my staff and they were gone, scurrying like rabbits in the wind tails between their hind legs. That will teach them to mess with a wizard when he was practising his spells. I believe it wasn't until later that afternoon when they changed back to their original forms, but they did make such cute rabbits, my dear sir you would have laughed". Kili and Fili grunted into their small meals and Bilbo could immediately tell that they wanted to forget that period of their lives forever. Dwalin however grunted in annoyance.
"Must you keep talking to that slimy creature?" he grumbled tearing another flower from his beard. One down another hundred to go, Bilbo counted mentally. Gandalf looked at the dwarf horrified.
"Why Mr Dwalin, Bartumus is no slimy creature and like yourself he possesses feelings. I would suggest you take back that rather rude remark".
"Okay, okay I take it back. The snail is not a slimy creature", Dwalin said through gritted teeth. Bilbo thought quietly to himself that from all his experiences with Dwalin, the dwarf was not the kind to take back a remark about anything but when facing Gandalf Dwalin was weary of the ever menacing staff. Bilbo couldn't blame him from what he had heard from Fili and Kili no one wanted to be on the receiving end on one of Gandalf's spells, good or bad.
"Much better", the wizard said returning to his conversation with the snail, Bartumus.
"He named the snail?" Bilbo heard Bofur whisper to Nori, "Why on earth did he name the snail?"
"Well it wasn't because he was going along with Kili's prank", Nori whispered back, "I mean this is going too far even for him". Bofur nodded in agreement.
"Gandalf is batty enough as it is and I don't think that this snail thing is good for him", the toymaker said picking at his axe, "I mean if we do run into a pack of orks I don't want our only wizard to be too obsessed with his snails to do anything. Besides I think he will drive Dwalin crazy before the end of this quest". Bilbo had to agree. He prayed that they would never be unfortunate enough to run across a pack of orks, but in the worst case scenario he had always imagined Gandalf saving the day.
"Let us just hope that this is all a simple faze and he will soon grow out of it", Dori added.
Soon they were on the road again with Dwalin and Gloin riding in front, followed by Fili and Kili, then Thorin and Balin, Bilbo and Bofur, Gandalf and poor Ori (for the unfortunate dwarf had to listen to Gandalf's rather uninteresting account of his life), Dori and Nori, Oin and Bifur and finally Bombur bringing up the rear.
"One of these days someone else must go last", complained the overweight dwarf bitterly, "Then they can see how much they like it". The small hobbit and other dwarfs ignored him as they rode on merrily through the woods. Bilbo had struck up a conversation with Bofur.
"So were you always a toymaker?" he asked.
"Aye", Bofur replied, "I'm sure some of the younger lads can tell you of the times they had playing with my fine creations. Though I also help in the mines a lot these days. Always in need of extra weapons us dwarfs", he said taking a draught from his private flask, before turning it upside down its contents all gone.
"Curse that troublesome lad", Bofur said replacing the flask with another, "One of these days someone is going to need to teach him a lesson".
"Yes, believe that is so", the hobbit said his hair still sticky with the snail slime. There was a large crack then a yelp further ahead and Bilbo looked to see Thorin on the ground pinned down by a rather large branch. Kili and Fili were laughing as Dwalin blushed in horror.
"I am so sorry, my king", he said as he hurried to help Thorin up, "I did not anticipate that Kili would doge the branch so fast". That caused the two brothers to laugh even harder.
"Do not fear Dwalin", Thorin said as he brushed himself off, "I believe my nephews will be laughing on the other side of their faces once I am done with them". Fili and Kili stopped laughing abruptly and urged their ponies to run ahead as quickly as they could, Thorin in hot pursuit. For the next half hour the company took advantage of the situation allowing themselves a short break as Thorin chased his two nephews down until he was short of breath, then they were on their way Dwalin now seated next to Gandalf in what might have been punishment as Thorin knew very well about the dwarf's annoyance at the snail.