"Eddy" Emmett whispered, his voice cracking in that sad way that they always have in moveis, "I'm sure we can work this out together like 2 grown men…"
"Your making me sound like a homo, and no!! You slept with Bella and I can't ever forgive you for that!!!" Edward screamed, shaking his fist in the air in a threatening manner way to ward off the evil emmet.
"I'm soz bro" he replied. Emet took a step forward to rest his huge bear hands on eddy's skinny shoulders as a sign of comfort and friendship and an apologise becoz he was sorry that he upset his brother.
"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" screamed Edward angrily as he walked out the house and into the forest becoz he needed some time to get away from the others and clear his mind.
As he came to a rest beside a tree, he sat down and put his head in his hands. Silent tears of agony slide down his beautiful face. "Bella has betrayed me" he whispered into the stony silence, the darkness of the forest seemed to be mocking him.
"why bella!?" he yelled into the darkness. His voice echoing.
"WHyWhyWhy!?!?!?!" reapeated Edward, slamming his bunched up hands into the nearest tree trunk, it would have hurt anyone else but Edward was a vampire so it doesn't hurt him but also becoz he can't feel pain and pain is for weaklings and Edward isn't a weakling.
He continued to cry into the night, "aghhhh"
His love for Bella would forever be unrequited now, although he had broken up with her he hadn't meant any of it it was just a tactic to get her to become more clingy and then marry him. Stupid selfish bitch had to fuck up everything.
"Edward"
Edward gasps and looks into the darkness "Hello who are you plz dont try to rip me apart if your one of those awful werewolves!"
"don't be dumb you fucktard. I am a mythical creature and I am here to help you with your problems." Said the beast as it came into view, Edward screamed as he saw it had a hundred eyes and 5 legs and 3 tails. It was purple becoz purple is a color only kings can wear and this monster was the king of beasts.
"My name is Hellarigia, but you may call me Hel for short." It deep voiced boomed because it was loud. Edward squeled like a little girl but didn't because he was a boy no wait he was a man and men don't scream like little girls unless that shit turns your happy dial to overload.
"My gf ditched me and now I am single and lonely, like wtf." He cried, tears of angst streaming down face.
"It is ok coz I will get u a new 1." Hel waved his magic want with his bloody teeth and smiled and then there was a puff of white and pink and sparkles and then magic happened. Suddenly Edward was no longer single and then he was taken becoz he had a girlfriend who was a girl but really wasn't coz it was just Hel in disguise.
(Hel actually has a crush on Edward too, but I don't write slash, so we gender swapped him for the time)
"BELLA!!!!! YOU'VE CUM BACK TO ME!!!" Edward scream ed. (it's not really bella its Hel in disguise DUH!!!)
"I am Bella" Hel squealed in his fake accent that sounded like a porn star who had just deep throated a banana and a hot dog at the same time… WITHOUT KETCHUP.
Edward smiled and ran his pale white ghostly hands through his oily bronze locks, he hair glimmered in the moonlight but you couldn't really see coz it was dark but I'm sure if you had a flash light you would have been able to see.
"You are so beautiful, and even tho u are a human I still love you even if you can't suck blood sexily in the same way I can." Edward whispered with tears in his face and pooring down his eyes.
"I luv you 2!." Replied Hel who was disguised as Bella. They made out for a few minutes and it was gross becoz Edward didn't know that he was really kissing a man who was pretending to be the love of his life, and the love of his life had actually broken up with him by cheating on him with his goddamn brother, DAMNIT!!!!!
After a beautiful make out sesh under the starry moon Edward gave Bella a once in a life time offer, "Bella, I is allowing you to visit Jakob becoz you have just prooved that you luv me most of all and I don't think you'd cheat on me again you stupid little bitch. Yes or no?"
"Of cause I wanna see Jacob coz he's my bestfriend" Hel as Bella said with passion in her/his heart. Hel was doing a good job of pretendning to be the one and only Isabella Swan, but he wasn't that great becoz he was a dude and dudes don't know jack shit about chicks and the way we roll.
"K lets go to Jacob." Edward sed dragging bella/hel back inside his awesome car. They speeded of to La Puish and then they ended up their, Jakob was out the front doing some wolf business with the other wolfs.
As soon as the duo got out of Edward car Jacob sniffed the air and strated screaming. He pointed accusingly at Bella with his supermassive paw and yelled "THAT'S NOT BELLA! THAT IS HEL! AN EVIL IMPOSTER DEMON WHO WILL RAPE YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!"
Edward of cause did not believe one ounce of the bullshit that was spewing out of the werewolves demonic mouth becoz he was a stupid gay little faggot who thought he was friends with Edwards girl.
(omg I so prefer Edward over Jacob, Jacobs so gay and I prefer vampires becoz they're sexy as hell and werewolves are just hairy and need to shave heaps!)
"fuck you, dirty liar, your just a dirty lying liar. Why should I believe nythng u say?" Edward shouted back, holding a grinning Hel close to him. Hel was gloating in his victory, alas his magic wood soon wear off and he'd be back to being the same old Hellish monster.
"BECOZ OF THIS!" screeched the werewolffe Jacob, holding up a piece of paper that no one could read coz it was written in old style writing and no one can read that stuff.
"What da fuck does that say?" said the bunch of scrinkly retarded werewolves, obvs they were too dumb to actually read.
"This peace of paper/parchment says that the thing over there is actually an old monster pretending to b Bella, it's real name is actually Hel and it will eventoolly pozess your body 1 night when ur sleeping and you won't know."
Edward was dumbstruck with jakobs words and decided to belive him "I belive you!" he said, his beautifull voice magnificent and starstrukking.
"NOOOO!" shouted Hel whos was coming undone and revealing himself underneath for the monsta that he really was, his plan had been ruined by a stupid bunch of wolfs!
"I WILL BE BACK!" he yelled as he sprint off into the night, trails of bellas clothing being left behind as it trailed neatly behind his 3 tails that followed closely behind him.
Edward was deeply afraid now, the monster had threatened to return. Behold the fear and angst of the situation at hand!!!