Yesterday I was sentenced to be suspended for three days, so I'm gonna have alot of time to work on these stories.

Review!

Thanks to Pheonix Reece for the idea.

Russell dimmed the lights in the resturant, for Disco and Mime were asleep. He returned to his stool. "Now, I didn't always live in The Happy Forest. In fact I've only been here for 20 years out of my life. I was born and Raised in The North."

Cuddles sat in awe. He'd heard stories of The bitter landscape, thinking there was only snow and cannibalistic bears. Now knowing Russell was a citizen of the North, just gave his views a swift kick in the ass.

"Well, begining around my seventh Birthday, the rules for living changed. Because the Sea bears are often unpredictable, and hostile, most sea travelers stayed on a floating port away from the reach of sea bears, which was where I lived for a while. Then, when I was seven, the bear society slaughtered most of the cannibals and hostiles, so their economy would bloom. And it did! I moved to land, the first time I touched the Earth I now call home.

When I was 16, I had an arranged marriage with a bear named Kaati. By this time, I had many friends. And they got me kicked out of my home!"

Russell walks on board his ship the S. S. Montijo. He was greeted by a tremendous polar bear (sea bear) with massive raw-hide gloves. He pats Russell on the back. "So where's we goin' now?"

Russell laughs. "Well, I heard that there is a naturalist skunk sanctuary down towards the South, Igloo."

"What about your wife?" Igloo asks. Russell shrugs.

"Would you rather eat fresh fish or spoiled clams?" He replies in response. Both break out laughing. A platypus walks by, carrying a barrel of salted meat.

"How mature..." he mutters sarcastically, with an Australian accent. Igloo gives him a smack to the back, making him drop the barrel.

"Lighten up Monty. Nude girls wandering around beautiful forests!" Igloo bellows. Monty sweeps the strips of meat and grains of salt back into the barrel.

"You mean I left My house in the desert to see naked girls in the North?" He asks. Russell leaps infront of Monty.

"You survive in the South. You live in the North!" He exclaims. "We're the last of the pirates! Screw Carribea! We're the Pirates of Saskatchewan!"

"Yeah, and I'm guessing you think the Southerners are innocent sissies?" Monty asks.

"Have you ever eaten cold, pure fish before in the South?" Russell demands.

"Eh, I guess you're right." Monty mumbles. Russell gives Monty a hug, and Igloo scoops both of them up in a bear hug. "Excuse me, but this is horribly uncomfortable." Both let go, letting Monty drop to the floor. "Does your wife know that secret?"

Russell glances around. "I'm not a pirate if your not a mixed kid."

"It's only part panda. nNo one would know..." Monty grunts.

"Lets stop bickering and plunder some naked skunks!" Igloo intervenes.

"If I didn't see money coming from this, I'd think we'd have had no moral values at all!" Monty laughs sarcastically.

"Agreed." Russell chirps. "I think we need more men to plunder successfully."

Monty glances around, looking at his scrawny body, then at Russell's juevenille whiskers and long arms, the at Igloo's massive, flabby body. "Yeah..."

A month later, SS Montijo docks back at Russell's hometown. 50 drunk men, Monty, Igloo, and Russell all stumble to the tavern, Russell proclaiming it was on him.

Less than 10 minutes later, even Monty is a tipsy mess waiting to fall into the water. Russell and the men all stumble towards the closest inn.

Just as quickly they swarm the streets, refused to enter the Inns. "Where *hiccup* do weeeee ga-o?" Igloo asks.

Without thinking, Russell answers:"My wife lives around the corner."

Kaati wakes up to see Monty sitting at the foot of her bed. She glares at him, stunned. "You're a beaut' when ya sleep!" She runs out of bed, only to find lazy drunken seamen everywhere.

Russell wakes up on the Saint Bernard's doghouse, to Kaati screaming her head off. He rushes in to see her fuming. "There are seamen wall to wall! Your seamen got into my soup, mair, pants, and made the dog pregnant!" Igloo walks by, the Saint Bernard under his arm.

"Not my fault."

Kaati wags a finger at Russell. "Now I'm a very patient wife. But seamen are covering everything in sight! I don't want to see you darken my door way again. Clean up all your seamen, and come round my way no more!" She yells throwing Russell out the door. Next to him land Monty and Igloo. He hears Kaati pump a shotgun, and the rest flee into the horrible white landscape.

Monty turns to Russell, and Russell turns to Igloo. He stands up, dusts himself off and puts his hands on his sides. "Well. We don't have enough people to be good pirates."

Russell snickers, unsheathing his sword "Who said pirates are good?"

"What happens next, Russell?" Toothy asks eagerly.

"One second. Mime, you can join us!" he hollers. Mime appears from behind a booth."Well, lets get Disco out before he has a wet dream on the countertop before I continue." Toothy and Cuddles push Disco Bear off the table where he fell asleep.

"You can go home, tubby!" they yell. Disco lethargically crawls from the resturant.

"Some other night, ladies!" he cries, as he exits.

The next chapters will take longer to write, and will be much more violent.

Sorry for the sick jokes, they fit the song!

Gute nacht!