ALEX STRIDER:
Bored of the Rings
An Alex Rider-Lord of the Rings Parody
Written by Nathan Labonté
Including parodies of Santa Clause, Back to the Future, Harry Potter, James Bond, the Olympics, and MORE!
It gets interesting as we move to Middle-Earth, where Bilbo Baggins is preparing a party to celebrate his eleventy-first (111) birthday! We'll hear from the wise Gaffer, plus Frodo's a frogand Gandalf is a ninja.
Chapter 2: FREE FOOD!
All the people in the Shire were very excited. Bilbo Baggins was going to throw a party. But not like the boring party that was thrown at the Green Dragon, a big party with fireworks and tents and food and all that good stuff that hobbits love. Of course, the Gaffer had something or two to say about this.
"We all know Bilbo's queer, there's no doubt about that. I know as well as you. But still, there's only one thing to say about the party: FREE FOOD!" The other hobbits nodded and applauded. The Gaffer's words were always recognized as the wise thing to say, and so all the hobbits from the Shire to Bree were repeating over and over again: FREE FOOD!
Gandalf came down the main lane a few days before the party. Frodo, hiding in a nearby bush, jumped out and yelled "SURPRISE!" The horses on Gandalf's carriage were scared and reared, tipping the chariot back. Gandalf fell back, landing and doing a back somersault. He jumped up and shouted out a bunch of Elfish words, turning Frodo into a frog. Frodo shot out his tongue at Gandalf, hitting him directly on the nose. Gandalf muttered a few words, turning Frodo back into a hobbit and holding him up to eye level. "Who's this?" Gandalf said. "I seem to have forgotten my eye-glasses!"
Frodo smiled. "AO!" Gandalf dropped Frodo. "Frodo! Why, it's been a long time since I've seen you!" Frodo just frowned, rubbing his head, and said, "You're late."
"I am never late, nor early. I arrive precisely on time!" Frodo laughed. "What about the time–"
"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Gandalf yelled. His contacts popped out. "Do you want me to turn you into a frog?" They both started laughing uncontrollably. They didn't stop until they arrived back at Bag End. Bilbo gave Frodo the evil eye.
When the inhabitants of Hobbiton heard that Gandalf had arrived, they all jumped up and said FREE FOOD! That was, until old Gaffer said more in a press conference that aired all the way from Hobbiton to the furthest reaches of the East. Saruman even invited Sauron over for a popcorn party, but he just replied with 'I CAN SEEEE YOU!' Everyone from the Grey Haven to Gollum tuned on to Channel 45 to see what the Gaffer had to say.
"Well, you know Mr. Bilbo Baggins as well as I do. And we know that there are queer folk. We all know that hobbits have hair on their feet. But I get off track. Mr. Bilbo Baggins certainly knows how to throw a party. Even though queer folk pour in – dwarves and who-knows-what – I can see a wonderful party full of food, and presents – presents for all. My Sam has been in there, and he knows everything about the party. And I'm not gonna tell you, HAHAHAHAHAHA! OH! And there'll be fireworks! Final word about it, I say: TOMORROW!"
And so, all the hobbits went up to Bilbo and yelled TOMORROW, while they wanted to actually say 'My, those are some beautiful fireworks!'
PLEASE give reviews! MUST HAVE! More to come later, I hope you're laughing. In the future of this story: Winnie the Pooh, The Biggest Loser, Iron Man, and A WHOLE LOT MORE!(By the way, future means DISTANT future. Some of these won't be until the end.)