When It All Falls Apart
(A Logan Chronicles Story)
Chapter One: Road Trip and Confessions
Authors Note: As usual Veronica Mars © Rob Thomas, lyrics for When It All Falls Apart by the Veronicas. This is a story purely for fun and that is all. Lydia Navarro © Me as well as this story.
Neptune, California
Lydia glanced down at the clock on her dashboard that read it was ten at night, Weevil leaned in the driver's side window as if waiting for something. Logan rested back in the passenger seat analyzing their surroundings. The three had decided it best for Lydia to trade in her car and Weevil took them to his Uncle's auto body shop and junkyard to see what they could find. Currently, Lydia and Logan were sitting in an older Toyota Tercel that had some outside damage but the engine had been completely rebuilt.
"Well?" Weevil questioned to his younger cousin with some impatience "Is this good enough?"
"It's kind of small," Logan answered from his seat but received a glare from Weevil and left his answer at that.
"Well it isn't my car but it is nice," Lydia whispered as she looked over at her Ford Taurus that was parked on the other side of the lot. It was an older model and light blue in color, but she cherished it because she had saved up to buy it herself for her sixteenth birthday. The Tercel was a deep red in color and she smiled weakly "It will work."
"Good," Weevil finally responded then looked over at Logan "Sorry it's not a Maserati Richie Rich."
Logan looked up at him faking insult "I wasn't expecting a Maserati. A Porsche would have worked just as well."
"We should get going," Lydia said taking a deep breath "I'll call once we have crossed over the state border in to Nevada,"
"Ok, and be careful. Do you need any cash?" Weevil asked and Lydia finally looked him in the eye again shaking her head no
"I will be fine Eli. Thank you for everything and I'll miss you" Lydia responded before kissing him on the cheek quickly then looked over at Logan "You ready?"
"As ready as I'll ever be." He shot back with a shrug
Highway
Logan began to flip through the radio stations, having given up on Lydia's sparse music collection. He let out a low growl of frustration before sitting back in defeat, leaving it on a station that played Modern Hits, but was a mix station of some sort. Currently it was playing some country tune but had been The Killers before that. Lydia steadied the car on to the exit ramp leading to Bakersfield, California.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Lydia finally said breaking the silence "Not that it will help much," she amended while keeping focused on the road. Logan gave a short no but stared out his window as memories began to flash in his mind. He remembered the epic speech, reflected on their senior year of high school entirely. The tug of war that was their relationship and let out a deep sigh of regret.
I'm having the day from hell,
it was all going so well (before you came)
And you told me you needed space,
With a kiss on the side my face (not again)
And not to mention (the tears I shed)
But I should have kicked your (ass instead)
I need intervention
Attention to to stop temptation to scream
Lydia looked down at the radio before quickly glancing back up at Logan as she coasted the car to the side of the road then pulled off at a rest stop. She let the silence fill the car but looked out the window up at the stars for a few moments.
Logan felt himself tense at the sudden pit stop and shook his head, more to himself than to Lydia, he had not realized that they had pulled over. He remembered the last thought was about how bad he had hurt Parker in a last attempt to rid himself of the thoughts of loss over Veronica. Yet his path always lead him back to her, from the time Lilly died all the way through to this day, love her or hate her, Logan had always been obsessed with Veronica on some level.
"It's kind of sick," he muttered in to the silence and looked up at Lydia
"What is?" she inquired
"My relationship with Veronica has always been very high highs and very low lows. Does that make sense?" Lydia nodded her head yes before he continued to let it spill out "I have always been drawn to her, first her innocence was a light in my sick, twisted life and refreshing to the counterparts of the Duncan siblings. Then she was my scapegoat for Lilly's murder and she just took it, sure she fought back, but she never let me go unanswered which probably would have been the best thing to do."
"Logan, you don't need to dredge all this up now." Lydia began but faltered when he let out a deep breath "Fine,"
"Nevermind," He then grumbled and Lydia tentatively reached a hand out to him, lying it on his shoulder.
"There is a small town another twenty minutes up, you look like you could use a stop. How about we head there and then you can talk," Lydia suggested "We will have put Neptune an hour behind us and no Sorokin will have connected you to me, yet."
"That sounds good," Logan said with a weak grin and Lydia smiled at him before turning back to start the car. Instead of following Highway 15 up to Las Vegas, she got off on a place called Lake Isabella "Can you do something to take my mind off of stuff though, your music selection sucks!"
"You picked the station!" Lydia shot back then let out a deep breath "Start talking now then, I'll stop and you can get alcohol of your choice, I'll give you the cash for it. We have another twenty minutes!"
Lydia's irritation radiated in her face but she took a deep breath to calm herself. Logan kept silent watching the road and scenery as she coasted the car through back roads to main streets. "What is this place?"
"It is Kern County. Kernville, One of the few small towns in California," Lydia responded before stopping and tossing Logan a twenty. "Get whatever you want, get me a bottle of tequila,"
"Ah, the family similarities are starting to show" Logan responded with a smirk before getting a smack on the shoulder "Just go!"
Lydia then pulled out her cell phone and hit the speed dial two, which connected her to Eli. She crossed her fingers before resting her head against the steering wheel, lying to her cousin never came easy to her. When his familiar voice answered she finally cleared her throat.
"Hey I got tired, so we are still a couple of hours from Las Vegas, but we are in Nevada now. I'm stopping for the night and getting a hotel room," Lydia reported, taking comfort that she at least told him the half-truth.
"What's pretty boydoin?" Weevil asked on the other line
"Sleeping in the passenger seat. He's had a long day Eli, cut him some slack." Lydia quipped in annoyance
"Ok, tell him V is fine. The Sorokin guy hasn't started bothering her yet about her knight in Armani,"
"I don't think he's wearing Armani,"
"You know what I mean." Weevil responded before telling her to be careful and then hanging up the phone.
"Everything alright?" Logan asked as he returned to the car carrying only a bottle of Tequila and a package of disposable shot glasses
Lydia just nodded her head before starting the car, she then looked over at Logan and took a deep breath before getting out of the car and running in to the corner grocery store that they had stopped at. She took a few minutes, Logan assumed she had business of her own to take care of, and when she returned she pulled his car door open.
He gave her a questioning look before she guided him back in to the story and pulled him to a stop. "Not many places still have them," she said half jokingly while passing him a phone card to use "Call V, let her know you are okay then we will head to a hotel for the night."
Logan looked at her but reached his hand out to take the phone card. His mind went back to the look Veronica had given him earlier in the day, he had seen admiration in that look but also hesitancy. She couldn't even look Piz in the eyes before Logan walked out of the food court at Hearst. It already felt like that was ages ago, not just this morning. He pushed in the pin on the back of the card before dialing Veronica's cell number then looking at Lydia.
Lydia took the time to walk away and give him some privacy, it was something that he had to do on his own. She then glanced over her shoulder "Don't tell her where you are going, just that you are okay. Got it?" Logan gave a grim nod but looked at Lydia as if saying "do I look like an idiot?"
The phone rang a few times and Logan half hoped she would not answer an unidentified number, and was half angry that she wasn't picking up her phone. After another ring he heard the voice that had become an anchor to him. She sounded tired, worried, and angry all at the same time.
'cause baby Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
'cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No
"Hello?" She said inquisitively waiting for his response, he froze for a couple seconds before finding his voice
"Hey Ronnie, it's me," Logan said in a quiet voice "Is everything okay for you?"
"Logan?" she whispered "I'm fine but are you crazy calling me. Gory hasn't come knocking yet but who knows when he will..." Veronica's voice trailed off
"I have it covered, I hope" Logan said before glancing back at where Lydia had been standing, but found she had left him entirely alone to get as much privacy as possible here. "Veronica I really am sorry,"
"Stop Logan. I get it, and I have to shoulder part of the blame to. But not now, Piz is here." Veronica said flatly
"Right good old Piz. Sorry for bothering you"
"Are you okay?" Veronica asked after some hesitation and Logan felt a flurry of emotions explode in his heart
"Yes. I took your advice and got the hell out of Neptune. Not that I have much reason to worry about whether I live or die. But I figured, Hey if she cares enough to tell me to leave that is reason enough."
Logan then heard Veronica take a deep breath and clear her throat before whispering "Logan it will take time. But I think we both know where are paths always lead us,"
"How insightful of you Mars." Logan quipped he still felt some anger when he heard Piz's voice in the background. "Well gotta play Genie now. You know vanish and pull the whole your wish is my command thing."
"Logan that isn't fair!" Veronica shouted with irritation but Logan slammed the phone back on the receiver before turning to find a man staring at him
"Sorry," Logan grumbled before side stepping around the security guard and heading off to find Lydia.
Kernville Lodge
Lydia sat tentatively back on the bed while Logan carried his clothes in to the bathroom to grab a quick shower. He had been quiet the whole ride to the Lodge and as she checked them in stayed in the car without argument. That meant the conversation had not gone well with Veronica.
"How the hell did I get roped in to this mess," Lydia whispered to herself "I am so not cut out for the role of Cupid."
"You don't look like a fat baby with wings," Logan stated with a flat tone as he stepped out of the bathroom.
"Funny," Lydia quipped back before sitting up. Logan sat down on the opposite bed before pulling the Tequila and two shot glasses out. He poured them each a drink before tipping his back, not waiting for Lydia to even acknowledge hers.
She threw hers back quickly before making a face as the liquid fire went down her throat "Should have bought some salt and limes," She muttered in complaint. Logan then poured another round of shots and watched as Lydia picked hers up without argument.
"You definitely aren't the twelve year old I remember." Logan said before pouring another round
"Things change," Lydia muttered with a shrug "And yet stay the same." Logan looked at her inquisitively but she didn't feel the need to explain farther. She tapped the bottle with her shot glass and Logan poured another shot for the both of them.
"Ok game time, something to take my mind off of today. You up for twenty questions?" Logan said with a smirk
"Are you serious right now?" Lydia asked with confusion
"Well it is the best way to get reconnected. I assume that if you are stuck with me it'll make things a bit easier," Logan said with a shrug, the liquor was making him feel a bit more relaxed but he still felt the pain. Lydia took the bottle from him and poured some in a glass before heading to the kitchenette where she had put the orange juice she had bought while Logan was on the phone with Veronica.
"Fine with me, but I'll need more liquor." Lydia mumbled before downing the cool citrusy drink before downing pouring another drink "Want one?"
"No I'll stick with doing shots." Logan responded
Three rounds later and the basic questions out of the way Lydia had learned more about Logan's life after Lilly died and why he had become such a jack ass. Logan had learned that Lydia had continued singing for awhile after her mother left but stopped not long after. They had started to get reacquainted with each other and Lydia grew more calm as the liquor and conversation began to take affect. The two intermingled to create a new type of friendship, it was one out of convenience again, but it was there and she looked back at Logan.
"My turn again?" she asked before Logan gave a slurred yes then poured himself another shot "Why'd you do it Logan?"
"Do what?" Logan asked then met her gaze and saw the look of pain cross her face "Oh Dia, please don't go there. Not tonight." but she looked away from him, he cleared his throat and sat up leaning away from the bed all together
"The beach party right? Your freshman year of high school?" Lydia just gave a vague nod and Logan continued "I did genuinely want you there Dia. You have to know that, but then once Dick saw you I had to do something."
"So you treated me like dirt. Logan I knew entering high school that we wouldn't be friends, I learned that early on. But I have to tell you it is far worse to accept reality and then have someone try and prove you wrong only to prove you right in the end." Lydia whispered in reply
"It wasn't like that I swear. Dia, I love Dick he is a great friend. But he is kind of...how do I put this?"
"As his name implies?" Lydia said with a smirk "Ok I get it. Your turn."
"Well let me think. Since you want to play that way...." Logan said while mock rubbing an invisible goatee "Why are you helping me? This is awfully big to repay a favor."
"Simple, we were friends once upon a time. If only for a short while and out of convenience when my mom worked for you, but the point remains that a part of me cared for you. I was happy when you started to date Veronica she leveled you out." Lydia responded with a smile "You were still Logan, but you had a purpose. You were starting to open up to people, possibilities. I want to be friends with the person you are becoming,"
Logan seemed to shut down for a moment at the mention of Veronica and then poured himself another shot. The game came to a halt there when Lydia looked over and saw Logan fighting off some of his inner-demons.
"I love her," He whispered in to the silence before laying back as the walls began to spin. Lydia continued to sit up and watch him over her shoulder "She chose to stick with Piz even after all that."
"Why do you think that is?" Lydia questioned with a calm voice
"Hell if I know."
"Logan think about it. You know her better than anyone." Lydia reasoned with him before pulling herself to turn and face him now, sitting with one leg over the other on her side of the bed.
"Because Piz is safe. Boring, but safe. That's why she started dating him in the first place. Hell if I was her I would date someone like Piznarski after dating me."
"But you did Logan. You dated Parker because she was so different from Veronica. Am I right?"
"What are you Dr. Phil?" Logan said with agitation but grumbled that Lydia had a point. Logan fought the urge to cry, it wasn't him and he only felt comfortable letting loose in front of one person, and that was Veronica. But he couldn't cry to her and so kept it at bay with alcohol. He pulled himself to sit up again while looking around for the Tequila, but when he found it Lydia set her hand over his. The bottle was already half gone, and Logan knew he drank the majority of it.
"So tell me Dr. Dia. What do I do when everything comes crashing down and I have nothing left?" Lydia gave him a weak smile while patting his hand in a caring gesture, although awkward, it still provided him some comfort.
Can it be easier?
Can I just change my life?
'cause it just seems to go bad every time
Will I be mending?
another one ending once again
"I do not believe it was your turn Logan," Lydia said teasingly but then met his gaze "It's not as easy as it sounds but it is a simple concept. When things fall apart and you have nothing left, then you have nothing left to lose. So you pick up the pieces and try to put them back together."
"How do you propose I do that?" Logan muttered in annoyance now
"Logan, you have nothing left to lose. When you put the pieces back together you hope that you have something better then what you had before. Does that make sense?" She said with a deep breath
"I guess, how do you know that though?" Logan now stared in to her medium brown eyes and Lydia gave a small laugh
"Mom told me that, repeatedly, after Dad left." Lydia said and it was the first mention she had said of her father in the whole time Logan had known her
"I think that makes perfect sense," Logan said and felt his eyelids begin to fight a losing battle with the alcohol
"Get some sleep." Lydia urged as she stood to walk and get a glass of water for them both
"Thanks Dia. For you know, helping me start to put the pieces back together already. It's nice to know that I still have a friend like you," He muttered in to the silence before drifting in to a fitful, Tequila induced sleep.
Falls apart
Gotta pick myself up 'cause things are messed up
Lydia watched Logan tossing in his sleep but let him fight out his inner demons in his dreams. She soon curled up in to the over sized armchair by the window and drifted off to sleep herself. This was a battle Logan had to fight on his own, no matter how much help he got in the outside world.
To Be Continued-
End Note: Please review and let me know what you think so far. It gives me inspiration and if you have anything particular you'd like to see happen then please feel free to let me know.