Family Shame:
Somewhere I Belong
By Princess Alexandria
Princess_alex24@hotmail.com
A/N: The theme song for this piece is Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park.
1988
Corrine stared at the resume she'd just finished typing and held it closer to verify that she'd done this one without typos, like the last one. She'd just graduated with her Bachelor's in History that Spring and her celebratory vacation with Thomas in London had been eye opening to say the least. This resume was different than all the other one's she'd sent out before graduating. This one had some of her less known skills on it. This one was special.
Her heart hammered in her chest as she carefully folded it and put it in an envelope to keep it safe. She had job offers she hadn't responded to yet, because she wanted this one. This job was exactly what she needed. Her eyes glittered dangerously as she grabbed her jacket and purse. They hadn't listed an opening, there was no job listing. Corrine was just going to march in there and do her best to get it anyhow, hoping that they didn't freak out when they saw this resume.
It was starting to get dark as she made her way across town to Soho and a little shop. The Demon once told her magic was real, so Corrine didn't scoff at the fact that a magic shop existed in London. When she'd been with Thomas earlier that month she'd insisted that they check In To The Mystic out when they found that shop and that's when she realized something. Her family's journals weren't all correct. There were gargoyles still living in London. She'd been stunned.
The only friend she still had from her old life was Thomas and he had to go home after the month long visit in England. Corrine was left alone to figure out what to do with her life and her degree now. She'd majored in History, not a very marketable major, but she'd minored in computers as well, so she had some skills to sell. Hopefully those and her unique background would get her foot in the door.
The bell rang as she walked into the store and the unicorn female glanced up from her place behind the register. It looked like the female was doing their books. It had to be Una, the name was so ridiculously appropriate for her. Corrine's heart beat quickened as she walked up to the female she was sure was the manager of this place. This was a huge risk she was taking, but maybe, just maybe she'd be able to make up for some of what her family had done. It was all she could do, try to make amends. Try to gain forgiveness for the blood her ancestors had spilled.
"Hi, can I help you?" the female's voice was a bit older sounding than Corrine had estimated her age, but then she looked nothing like the Demon. It was strange how very different they did look.
"Are you Una?" Corrine asked politely. She was positive she was right, but it seemed the thing to say. When she got a nod to that she stood a little straighter. "I'd like to apply for a job." Corrine kept her head high and looked into slightly surprised eyes. There were no other customers here now. Wednesdays were probably a slow night.
"Do you know anything about magic?" Una started, but Corrine could already see that she was thinking of a way to send her away.
"No, not a thing." Corrine pulled out her envelope and handed her resume to the female. Her expression didn't show the nervousness she felt at doing this. She could easily be killed for her family's crimes as well tonight.
The female was just giving the resume a cursory glance, and Corrine could tell the moment she got to the new section. The part that outlined her training as a Canmore, her weapons training, and her heritage. The red glow in her eyes clearly marked the female as a gargoyle and not a human in a very elaborate costume, like they tried to claim they were.
"I come from a long line of monsters." Corrine's voice shook a little as she prayed for a chance. "but I refuse to be one." She swallowed as the tense silence was getting to her. "Please, I could get better paying jobs. I could get jobs with more prestige." She looked into the disbelieving eyes of the female before her. "but I want to work for a gargoyle. I'll take any little job you have."
She didn't resist as Una grabbed her and dragged her out of the shop when another customer came in. She made no attempt to pull free of the iron grip as she was dragged down into the cellar. A lion like gargoyle was left in charge of the store as this female took her away. Corrine hadn't expected this to be easy, and hadn't armed herself before coming here so that when she was searched she would appear harmless. "Canmore. I can't believe a Canmore just came into our store and announced herself like this." The female tossed Corrine a bit roughly towards the wall. "What are you up to?"
Corrine looked down, away from the angry red eyes and the cold voice. She could hear the robe being tossed off of Una and glanced back up. The pick flowing dress and womanly form that none of the customers ever saw was framed by feathered wings. That was different. Corrine looked at the dress and the stance and had the impression of a Lady, someone of stature. "Redemption… to make up for some of it." She gritted her teeth. "Please Ma'am, I just want to make a difference." Corrine kept her tone overly formal and polite. She was the beggar here and she knew it.
Una's eyeridge arched and she gave Corrine an odd look when Corrine called her Ma'am. The stare after that made Corrine feel like she should say more.
"I don't want to be like them and I'm hunter trained. I can help keep them away. I can tell you all the secrets we use to find you."
"Secrets that you used to find us this time?" The female wasn't sounding very convinced of Corrine's honesty.
"I stumbled across this store last week. I wanted to see what a magic store was like. That's how I found you. Nothing more." Corrine took a deep breath. "Someone once told me magic was real, I had to see." She hadn't talked about the Demon ever, with anyone, but she'd thought about her every day since that night on the rooftop. The Demon was right. She was a Canmore and it was a huge strike against her, but Corrine could overcome that. She'd spend her life overcoming that if she had to and if she had to pay for crimes she never committed to get there she'd do it. It would serve to relieve her guilt and her father would have been horrified by what she was doing if he were still alive. Both were reason enough in her mind to betray her family heritage to these gargoyles.
The other reason she was here was because she'd realized something while she was away at college. If the Demon wanted information about her family she had it years before she stopped seeing Corrine. She had all that she needed before she went out and avenged Corrine's rape. So the Demon had lied to her, but maybe it wasn't about what the Demon said she lied about. Maybe, just maybe it was that the Demon wanted to discourage her affections. But even if she had used Corrine, she'd saved her as well.
The Demon had claimed she wanted to kill off the Canmore line, but it had been four and a half years and no move had been made against her family. It looked like that was empty threats, so the hunt still went on without Corrine as Robyn and Jon followed Jason in his bloodthirsty quest for revenge; a revenge that served no purpose and in all truth was undeserved. They didn't know that the Demon had killed their father to protect someone else that night and Corrine never told them. They'd claim she was a liar anyhow.
The Demon must not have realized that in order for Corrine to not become a hunter she'd have to reject her family. She was as clanless as the Demon now. She never called them. Never told them where she was. She'd done her best to just disappear off the radar. Thomas was the only person she had contact with from her old life. It was the only way. She loved Robyn and Jon, and really even though she hated Jason, she loved him too, but she couldn't be around them. They tried so hard to get her to accept the ancient feud and she couldn't.
They'd also want the journals she'd taken with her when she left and she had no intention of giving them back. She had over three hundred years of history hidden in the closet of her apartment. Three hundred years of Canmores' hunts and notes on the Demon. She'd read them all a few times over. She'd even spent a good deal of her free time in college translating the ancient wording and inputting it into a computer so that when these fragile journals finally turned to dust she'd have a more permanent record of the crimes her family committed. Some things should never be forgotten. She wished the older journals hadn't been destroyed in a fire in 1675.
Reading about the Demon, even in such a slanted and negative way, made her feel like she understood more about where the Demon had been and why she was the way she was. Corrine could also see how the journals could help in the hunt if looked at all together. She didn't want the Canmores to have that information about the apparent migration habits of Demona. Looking at those journals it was clear that she could have predicted the Demon's leaving Paris from these records, and she could predict that the Demon would return to Paris. She always did. With the information she had she could easily take up the hunt. She could find the Demon and talk to her. Corrine wanted to, but not before she'd shown that her name could be overcome. She wanted to be able to go to the Demon and show her she had nothing in common with the people that hunted her. This London clan could give her that. Her dreams could be realized and she'd fight hard to get the opportunity. She wanted to prove to the Demon once and for all that saving that five year old in the forest was a good move.
When the female moved towards Corrine with rope Corrine just held her hands out for the gargoyle. It seemed to startle the unicornlike gargoyle that Corrine was submitting but really this was the only way. Gargoyles feared her family so she was going to have to prove they had nothing to fear from her. "I need to talk to the others." The female told her as she tied her up. She wasn't sounding quite as hostile. "If this is a trick you won't ever leave this cellar."
"I know." Corrine spoke softly. She could go her whole life and never find other gargoyles. These were her only chance. She needed them. When she was left alone Corrine leaned against the wall behind her a sighed. She was gambling an awful lot on their honor.
The cellar was cold, damp, most likely rat infested. Corrine was grateful when the door opened again and two gargoyles came down to her.
"So Canmore." Corrine felt like cringing at being called that. "You really came here for a job?" The female still sounded a bit disbelieving, but less so than before.
"Yes Ma'am." She stood as tall as she could as the two gargoyles watched her. "I am good with computers, am willing to start anywhere," She started to treat this like an interview. She'd had a few of those. The female cut her off.
"I checked your address. You really do live there." Corrine was glad she'd opted to rent an apartment for the summer even though she had to use her father's blood money to do. It gave her a legitimacy she apparently needed. "You know I'm Una and this is Leo." The introductions were tense.
"I'm Corrine." She nodded at the male politely. This was surreal to conduct an interview while tied up in the cellar, but whatever it took.
"We don't hire humans here. We run this place ourselves." Una spoke with a bit of a clip.
"But I know what ye are." Corrine heard some of her own accent leaking through and tried to calm herself down. "It wouldn't be a matter of keeping me in the dark on that."
"This shop has been in our clan for generations." Una glared at her. "It survived the war and kept our clan feed. I am not pleased that you've found it. I surely won't give a Canmore access to it and our clan."
Corrine felt her hopes crashing. "But I'm not like them. I'll never be like them." She needed this clan to prove herself. "I've even cut off my ties to them. I've rejected them."
"And I'm supposed to believe that. I'm supposed to believe it is just a coincidence that you came to me on a Breeding year?"
"Breeding year?" Corrine was puzzled about that. She'd never heard that they had years for such things. She'd always assumed that they could breed whenever like most humans. The records she had never mentioned this. The Demon sure hadn't.
Una leaned against a crate in the crowded cellar and crossed her arms in front of her. Leo leaned against the wall. Corrine sighed as she noticed the poses. This was going to be an interrogation. "Your resume is really more impressive than we'd need for a stock girl and you know nothing of magic so you couldn't be a sales clerk." Una was clearly the leader of this group. Her sarcasm was thick as she talked about Corrine's qualifications.
"I'm fine with a lower status position." Corrine stared into Una's eyes. "My working for you would torment a lot of my family's ghosts, and I find that high on my list of things to do. I'd take any menial job you offered if I could work here with you." Her voice was steady and calm. She wasn't as frightened as she'd been sitting alone in the dank cellar. She also realized that the hostility of the female actually comforted her a bit. She was used to that and she could work with it. Demona had her well trained. A slight smirk came to her lips at that thought.
"What did your father tell you that you couldn't stay out late on a school night and now you want to rebel? I can't trust my clan to a child that is only doing this to piss off daddy."
Corrine didn't like the turn of the conversation and her face paled a little. "He was a monster and he wouldn't have cared…" She started and then went quiet. Her jaw clenched and she looked away. It wasn't right that she'd have to expose her past that much to gain their trust. She didn't need pity to get her in the door. "the Demon's killing him was a good thing." Was all she allowed of her real feelings. She could see she'd made both gargoyles uncomfortable with that comment and the moment of silence was awkward. Corrine hoped that they'd just drop it. "Look, I have my own money. My inheritance. You wouldn't need to pay me much and I'd feel like I was…" Corrine looked up at them. "There are some debts you can't ever repay, but not trying is a betrayal. I could go my entire life and never see another gargoyle, and if that happens I'll never get a chance to try."
"Your guilt isn't my responsibility hunter."
Corrine felt humiliated and desperate. "I know it's because of my family that I won't be able to find…" Her words trailed off as she took a deep breath. "I know that. I'm just asking you to please at least seriously consider me. I can work days doing errands, I'm…" Corrine's eyes pleaded with her and the gargoyle looked a bit surprised at that. "I'm not like the others." She managed to stop the rest of her words from coming out. The ones that said that even the Demon knows this. Her body tensed up for a moment as she thought it. She never talked about the Demon. Never. It was something she learned very young.
They kicked her out. It could have been worse. They could have kept her locked up. Corrine stared at the door to the store and the gargoyle watching her clearly wanting her to walk away. It was late. She'd tried to talk them into letting her stay, but they tired of her quickly. Corrine just stood there for a while staring at the sign that Una turned to say closed, knowing the door was locked. She felt rejected and it hurt, but they couldn't know how badly she needed this. Corrine stood taller and turned to walk away. She'd just have to make them understand. They had this shop a long time. She knew where they were now. She'd keep trying.
A few days later she stood outside that shop again. Friday night had to be a busy night for a magic shop. With customers around she wasn't likely to get thrown out if she didn't appear to be a bother. She had to take a deep breath before opening the door. The first person she saw was a woman shopping there. Her eyes traveled over the shop to find three customers. Perfect. Leo looked up from the register and his eyes widened. Corrine gave him a tense smile and walked up to him. "Hi."
"What are you doing here?" He asked under his breath, clearly worried about the other humans hearing them.
"I wanted to know what I should read if I wanted to learn enough to work at a magic shop." Corrine glanced at the shop and the bookshelf. "Do you know which books I should get?" She asked a bit more loudly when one woman got closer to them. Leo just stared at her a bit irritated but them walked her to the bookshelf. His selection seemed rather random. He was just trying to get her out of there. Corrine could tell that much. She felt a bit evil as she took the books and started to look through them first before deciding whether to buy them or not. He had to leave to help another customer and Corrine put one book back that clearly wouldn't help her know more so she could work there. It was probably an insult that he'd disguised. One didn't need to know about the Salem Witch Trials to work here.
She had a decent pile of books set aside to buy when she heard a familiar voice behind her and looked up to see the other customers were gone. "I told you to leave."
"I'm a customer today." Corrine turned to see the disapproval in Una's eyes. Her voice got softer. "I need to learn about magic. Are these books a good choice?"
"Why are you doing this?" Una stared at her.
"I told you why." Corrine glanced at her books. "I need to learn more about magic. Am I on the right track?" Una glanced at her books and took one off the pile, only to replace it with a different book.
"I still won't hire you. Studying up won't make a difference."
Corrine gave a confident smile to the gargoyle. "We'll see." She wished she was as confident as she tried to sound, but it clearly startled Una, so that was good. She didn't push it then, she just purchased her items and left. If she could only become a regular customer for a while, she'd do that until they finally hired her.
A week later Corrine brought one of the books back. It had several bookmarks in it where she had questions. Not really important questions, just excuses to come back. Una noticed her as soon as she came in the door and her eyes narrowed. At least they didn't glow or that might have alarmed the woman she was currently helping.
She was studying these books like they were for a class in college. She worked very hard to understand the basic principles but it was harder than History had been. She also accepted a small position to help her pay for food. While she was rusty, she still had her skills as a hunter and knew self defense well enough to teach it. She taught three afternoons a week. It was a position she could quit easily since a new class started up every six weeks and it would help to get her back into fighting shape. She'd neglected that in college. One of the bigger perks of her new job was a key to the workout room and she could use it to practice again. If she were advertising herself as hunter trained to the gargoyles she needed to keep up that training.
She had money, lots of money, but she didn't like to spend that money if she didn't need to. She did however, make sure it was her father's money she spent in this store. Vengeance was hard to get when the man was dead, but she did what she could. She also felt better about using his money to pay for the apartment, because she was staying in London now to be near gargoyles. She'd planned to move away after the summer, back to America, but she'd be staying here now.
Now that she knew these gargoyles didn't plan to kill her Corrine felt some of her family arrogance re-enter her walk as she moved towards Una. This may not be a hunt, but some of the same principles applied and she knew those. She would win this eventually. Either that or this shop would see lots of Canmore money. Both were good moves in the right direction.
"I could have you banned from this store." Una hissed a bit once they were alone and that made Corrine's step falter.
"I'm sure you could." Corrine glanced at the older human woman looking at the candles and then back at Una, "But why would you? I'm not doing anything more than shopping."
"To me it looks more like stalking."
Corrine hadn't thought of that. "You said I didn't know enough about magic to be a salesperson." Corrine glanced around at the store meaningfully. "Well I don't know of a better place to learn."
"I won't hire you. You're the child of our killers. Your family is responsible for hundreds of my clansmen dying over the past thousand years. I've heard the stories. All of our hatchlings here the stories. We were hit hardest by your vengeance."
"No, others were hit harder." Corrine looked away, "The French clan is completely gone. You probably don't remember them." This had happened long before her three hundred year journal records, but one of those hunters had written down the victories he remembered reading in the older journals after they were destroyed. "There was also a larger clan in the Netherlands. I'm betting they would have felt they were hit harder. There are no gargoyles to tell stories there." She took a deep breath and stared at Una's broach rather than look her in the eye. "You don't have to tell me what monsters my family was… are. I know. I know better than you do."
Corrine felt any joy she'd felt at being able to walk into the store evaporate, but she pulled the book she'd brought with her up and opened it anyhow. She had a reason for being here. "I wanted to know more about this." She held out the book and Una's penetrating eyes finally fell from Corrine to look at the book. It was opened to the Three Fold law: All good that a person does to another returns three fold in this life; harm is also returned three fold. "Is it generational? Will I have to make up for a thousand years? Or is it only my own actions that I have to pay for?" She could see Una was startled by the question. It was more of a statement really. If this clan expected her to pay for a thousand years of pain she could never manage to it. They needed to see her as an individual.
Una's lips pursed and she looked less than pleased. "If you plan to shop do so, but you are not my apprentice and I don't have time to explain these things. I have a store to run."
Not quite the eye opening that Corrine had been hoping for, but she was still allowed to be a customer. Una walked away to see to the other customer there so Corrine just walked back towards the books again. She actually did want to know if a family vendetta like the one she'd been born into would stain her even though she'd paid so dearly to stay out of it. Her hand moved to caress her nose without her really noticing. It was no longer crooked. The doctor's had done a good job of fixing it.
She left with a new book on Wiccan beliefs and several bookmarks. They overpriced for them here, but that didn't matter. Leo rang her up silently and didn't respond to her nod of thanks. Apparently a Canmore shouldn't expect good customer service.
In spite of the chilly welcome she knew she'd get Corrine stepped up to that store the next Friday. She opened the door and took a step inside, only to find Una staring at her with a book in her hand. The look was far from friendly. Corrine didn't understand the words, but the green glow alarmed her as the magic pushed her back out the door. "You've been banished. You cannot enter our store again." Una stepped up to the door and closed it in Corrine's stunned face.
She reached out for the door with a sinking feeling and found she couldn't reach it. It was like there was a barrier and it was warm and swirling under her fingers but she couldn't see it. Her fingers never got closer to three inches from the door. Magic. Una had used magic to keep her out.
Somewhere I belong – by Linkin Park
When this began
I had nothing to say
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I'd let it all out to find
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me
When all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
Nothing to loose
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own and the fault is my own
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long
Erase all the pain till its gone
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
Like Im close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didnt fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everwhere only to find
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
Cause I cant justify the way everyone is looking at me
Nothing to loose
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own and the fault is my own
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long
Erase all the pain til its gone
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
Like Im close to something real
I want to find something Ive wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
I will never know
Myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel
Anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything
till I break away from me
I will break away
I'll find myself today
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long
Erase all the pain till it's gone
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
Like Im close to something real
I want to find something Ive wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong