Author's Note: I will sort of continue this especially since Rescued is close to being finished. This chapter has slight mention of non-consent, just a mention. I'm not sure how long this story will be, probably not all too long. I'm mostly doing this one to cover Toki and Skwisgaar's back stories and I will also start on another story touching on pre-Dethklok and early part of the band type things.
"Why do you hate your mom so much?" Toki asked looking at Skwisgaar.
He grabbed the vodka bottle from the blond haired man, took a long drink, and then handed it back. They sat on Skwisgaar's bed and had spent the better part of half an hour just sitting and drinking, up until now they had been talking about music and how Skwisgaar hated a lot of the younger man's taste in it.
"She's a whore" He answered simply.
Toki sighed dramatically, he slid down on the mattress, and grabbed the bottle from his friend.
"That's a dumb reason Skwisgaar, I told you about my family."
Skwisgaar scoffed at that, "Yeah right, you barely told me shit about your family."
It wasn't like he really wanted to hear all that much, the small summarized amount that he did know about still made him angry to think about.
"I could go into more detail if you'd like. I want to know about you though, then more about me."
Skwisgaar watched him take another drink, too long of a drink, and grabbed the bottle away from the younger man. He shot him a warning glance before he had the chance to whine; he swore to the Gods that the brunette drank too damn much.
"Fine, what do you want to know?"
"She ever get married, after you were born?"
"Yeah a couple of times, one of them was a real nice guy. He worked in lumber, very loyal and very nice to me...I got along with him well, but she cheated on him and well he left. That's how a lot of them ended up leaving. I hated most of the guys."
"Why didn't you like the other guys?" Toki asked being cautious to not cross a line.
"Mostly one night stands, she fucked a lot of married men. Men who fathered boys I went to school with, as you can guess that was um problematic."
He remembered one of his best friends approaching him rage in his dark brown eyes, before he could ask what was wrong his friend had punched him so hard in the face it had broken his nose and knocked him out. He had been bullied a good bit some for his feminine looks, but a lot of it because of his mother's habit of screwing nearly every man nearing legal age and even some close to death.
"Sorry about that, I was home schooled."
Skwisgaar raised an eyebrow confused, he swore that Toki had mentioned high school once. The younger man noticed the confused look, he pulled himself into a better sitting position.
"I lied, a little; I went to high school a little...A little bit before I ran away, it's one of the reasons I ran away. I would sneak out the best I could and go to the school near by. They didn't like it."
"What kind of things did your parents teach you?"
"The bible; anything to do with God or Gods. Any God basically, just anything to scare me. Taught me how everything was wrong and dangerous, it was a shock when I went to a real school."
The older man laughed, "I bet, what did they do when they found out about you going to school?"
He didn't want to know, but he had to ask.
"My dad took me to the basement room and punished me while mom read bible verses and then I spent a week in the punishment hole."
He started getting that vacant look all over again, Skwisgaar placed his hand over Toki's hand catching his attention.
"Sorry, um what were you saying about your mom again?"
"She's a bitch, what more is there to say?"
"Probably a lot, you acted like you'd puke whenever she was around."
Skwisgaar shoved Toki away so that he could flop down onto the bed, he surrendered the nearly empty vodka bottle back to the rhythm guitarist.
"She was horrible; she called me names. Used to tell me I was like a girl, weak, and I was nothing. Said no woman would want me, her men used to say things like that to me. They'd say my hair was too long, say I looked like a girl, and that I was queer. Some of them would beat on me when they were drunk, she found it funny, but she was drunk too. She didn't remember by the morning, just ask why I had bruises."
It had been part of his breaking point, if he hadn't found that guitar then he never would have had the courage to just leave and go to the states.
"I'm really sorry to hear that, that's horrible."
The blond was sick of talking about it, but his head was spinning. He knew once Toki was on a subject he found interesting he wouldn't back off and Skwisgaar wasn't sure he wanted to hear anymore about the torture of his childhood. Instead the lead guitarist closed his eyes, he let out a long breath.
"Wanna hear about my first time having sex? It was with this woman, I was thirteen. She was way fucking older, some stupid MILF bitch...I knew what sex was, but I didn't know if I wanted to have it; she liked me, found me pretty. We were alone and she...It wasn't great, wasn't even any fucking god. I just remember being really confused and disgusted by her and myself."
He'd hated her, he couldn't even remember her name. That's how he'd started though; he could enjoy sex, he loved sex. Just something about older women, the married women who cheated on their husbands just to screw a rock star, the women who reminded him of his mother or the bitch who had sex with him when he was a teenager. He hated them in his own way, but he gave them what they wanted even if it made him feel disgust.
Toki crawled over to him, he lay down on his side facing the older guitarist.
"That's really horrible, I didn't know about that."
"Nobody does, well now you do." He smiled despite the sad worried look Toki was giving him.
He ran his fingers back through the younger man's hair, it felt soft.
"No more past things right now, yeah...Just right now things."
Toki nodded humming in agreement with what his friend had said, he nuzzled against the palm of Skwisgaar's hand when it was placed on his cheek. They stared at each other, both of them drunker than five circles of Hell and had just spent a good amount of time sharing things their friends didn't know because they chose not to. Skwisgaar took a deep breath holding it, he closed the inch or two of space between them pressing his lips against Toki's. He held it for a second before breaking away releasing the breath he'd been holding. The younger man smiled lazily at him, he kissed Skwisgaar placing a hand against his chest his fingers curling in the material of his shirt. He nipped at the blond haired man's lower lip before breaking away.
"First kiss with a guy?"
"Shut up you idiot" Skwisgaar whispered smiling at him.
They fell asleep curled up against each other, keeping their arms wrapped around each others thin bodies like some silent form of protection from their pasts.