Fool Me Once…Fool Me Twice
Chapter 2: I Think (more like hope) I'm Gonna Like It Here
My eyes hurt when I opened them, feeling much more dry than usual. I assumed that it was the contacts that I didn't get to take out that were causing the problem. However, once I rubbed my eyes a couple of times and saw that I wasn't in my usual bed, the memories from last night flooded back in. "Whatever that hankie was drenched in really knocked me out." I mumbled, shaking my head to try and clear it.
The Joker and Harley didn't necessarily kidnap me, I thought trying to give them the benefit of doubt, but I had absolutely no idea where I was. The room I was in reminded me of a five-star hotel room. The walls were cream, and the trim was white, but there was nothing hanging on them. A large window covered a whole wall, with floral curtains to close them. From my place on the bed, I could see that the view was uptown part of the city, including the park. A simple white desk with a purple upholstered chair was in front of the window. There was a violet chandelier lamp on the left corner and my backpack was on top of it.
On the opposite wall was a white wooden vanity. The mirror looked like it folded into three pieces, and had floral decals on the wood. There was also a small, furry white vanity stool underneath. A closet was next to it, and the sliding door was open. There were no clothes inside, not even any hangers. The bed I was laying in was ginormous – a full for sure. It had a matching bedframe with the vanity, with the flowers carved in and everything. There were so many white pillows on the bed, I didn't know how I slept fine. A light purple, floral patterned comforter was what I was laying on top of and man it was soft. A nightstand was on the left side of the bed, and the digital alarm clock told me it was two in the afternoon on Sunday.
I noticed that my shoes were off of my feet, and so was my jean jacket. Both of them were at the foot of my bed, and I also noticed that my phone was missing. While I was moving pillows in order to look for the phone, I heard the door swing open. I must've squeaked in surprise because the person who walked into the room was giggling in a high pitch. "Mornin' Bernadette!" Harley smiled, holding some clothes in her arms.
Once I realized who it was, I calmed down a bit. "Oh, good morning Harley." I said politely, "And, uh, you can call me Bernie." I insisted.
Her smile grew and she came to sit on the stool at the vanity. "Bernie, how cute!" Harley said, "I'm glad you finally woke up. That mix must've been a little too heavy for someone as tiny as yourself."
"Do you always do that?" I asked, genuinely curious.
She shrugged, "We couldn't let you know where the penthouse is Bern." Harley explained, "But I'm sure Mista J won't have you under every time." I tried not to react to the shortened version of my nickname. "I brought you some clothes to change into!" She smiled, holding out the clothes for me to see. The shirt was a silk, burgundy men's dress shirt. The pants were charcoal grey sweatpants with the word ARKHAM in white print.
"Oh, you didn't have to do that." I said, taking the clothes from her.
Harley nodded her head, a serious look on her face. "Yes, we did." She said bluntly, "Your clothes could still have droplets of that chemical on them, and we can't take the risk of the chemical entering anyone's systems by accident."
I thought that was a good enough reason. "Okay. Well, thanks Harley." I stood up from the bed and thought that she would leave, but she just kept staring at me. "Umm…C-can I get some privacy?" I asked, unsure about why she wasn't leaving.
"Sure!" The blonde woman laughed. I sighed in relief when I thought she was going to get up and leave, I shook my head once I saw that all she was going to do was turn around and face the wall.
A blush formed on my cheeks as I became embarrassed and self-conscious. I never liked my body, the tiny flaws that I spot in front of a mirror add up to leave a big scar in my mind. Plus, I was nothing compared to Harley Quinn. She was gorgeous, and she knew it. While I changed quickly, I could hear her hum a tune with a grin on her face.
I cleared my throat to tell her I was done getting dressed, only leaving the top button undone. Harley turned around and came to grab my clothes from where I folded them on the bed. "I'll show you where the laundry chute on our way down for brunch. Mista J is waitin' for us." She stuffed the clothes under her arm and came to unbutton another two buttons on the shirt, which made me uncomfortable. Once she turned around, I buttoned one of them back up.
With that, I followed one half of the infamous duo out of that room in my borrowed clothes. The chute was outside of the bathroom, a silver slot for the clothes to slide down. "I can show you the rest of the place once we're done with brunch!" Harley said, taking my hand and leading to the glass staircase. Just from walking around the short amount so far, I could see that the style was pretty…eccentric. Expensive looking abstract paintings were on the eggplant colored walls.
At the bottom of the staircase were two growling creatures. After a moment, I could tell that they were hyenas. Freaking HYENAS! I couldn't help but squeeze Harley's hand in fright and I ducked behind her. "Aw, don't be scared of Bud and Lou!" The blonde woman said, pulling me from behind her, "They're sweeties! They just need to get to know you a little better." A whistle from Quinn caused them to scatter, going into a different room completely.
We walked through what I assumed was the family room. It had a lot of large couches and some reclining chairs, but was an absolute mess. Papers, pillows, garbage: all of it was thrown around the room. There was also a white, grand piano in the corner that, thankfully, looked untouched. "Fran comes around three to clean the place." Harley said when she must have noticed me taking in the mess.
Going through a set of French doors, Harley led me into the dining room. It was a long room, with a ten-person rectangular table in the center. The glass table was spotless and most of the plush looking chairs were occupied. The people there already looked like they worked for the Joker, and I only recognized one of them, the one they called Frost. There were two open seats by the head of the table, where the Joker sat, and that's were Harley dragged me to. She placed a kiss on the man's cheek before taking the seat next to him. I assumed that I got the last empty chair next to her.
The others in the room were already working on their breakfasts. None of them seemed to have too much manners other than the bearded man and the Joker. I could feel my heart begin to race while I sat there and saw all of the judging eyes on me.
Harley placed a plate full of food in front of me with a smile. There was a stack of pancakes with berries for eyes and a piece of bacon for a smile. "Boys, this is Bernie." She introduced, filling her own plate with some food, "She's workin' with Mista J and I for a while."
I gave them all a shy smile. The new information didn't seem to change too much, because they were still glaring at me. "Bernie, you can go to them for anythin' if we're not here, hon." Harley said, giving me a reassuring smile, "Go to me and Mista J first, then to Frost, and then the rest of the boys." I quietly nodded to her, showing that I understood.
My eyes followed her hands as I watched her cut into her own pancakes. The pit in my stomach was growing and the eyes watching me wasn't helping. "Aren't you gonna eat Bern?" Harley asked, pointing to my plate with her fork.
"Y-Yeah," I stuttered, quickly picking up my own utensils, "I am."
The pancakes cut great and I could see that they were super fluffy. After one bite, I could tell that whoever made these knew their way around a kitchen. My eyes were wide with how good they were and I heard a familiar giggle next to me. "Arnie makes a great brunch." She smiled, pinching my cheek, "Right, Puddin'?" The blonde woman asked.
He grunted in response, not looking up from a stack of papers to his right. I knew that I wouldn't be able to stomach a lot of the breakfast in front of me, but I would try. After flipping through the stack of papers next to him quickly, the Joker began speaking to the rest of the table. Mainly the henchmen. It wasn't anything I thought I'd be involved in: business meetings with a couple gangs in Gotham, plans for expanding the Smile and Grin, and going over some numbers. A few of them would verbally respond here and there, but most of the answers were nods.
"Then we have Bernie." The Joker said, causing me to look up from my plate and in his direction, "Since Joe's incident with sharing his research with family, he'll no long be working for us." I didn't think I was replacing someone, but I guess that would make sense. The Joker was a busy man, and someone had to have found all that information about me.
"No offense Mr. J," The man sitting next to Frost said, "but this kid doesn't look like they could fight there way out of a paper bag."
The man next to me also put up a hand, wanting to add something. "And she's just a kid." His voice was gruff, "Isn't she still in school? What does she know about the empire you've got built up Mista J?"
Questions and comments from the others filled the room and I just looked down at my plate. They weren't helping with my confidence, and I had to agree with some of their statements. I wasn't violent at all. I didn't know how to fight or even defend myself if I had to. I also needed to graduate high school. I was still in the first semester of my sophomore year, so I wasn't even halfway done.
Finally, I raised my hand up a little, waiting to see if the Joker would notice. "Puddin'," Harley called, noticing my hand poking up from the table a little, "I think Bern would like to say somethin'."
The room grew quiet when she said that, and I felt all eyes on me. "M-Mr. J," I began, swallowing the lump in my throat, "I-I would still like to go to sc-school, sir." I stuttered quietly, looking him in the eyes.
It was dead silent after I spoke, and I was panicking that I already screwed up. Not even day one and I messed up. "Bernie, you and I will talk about the details in private once Harls gives you the tour." He decided with a stone face. There wasn't anger in his voice, which caused me to slump in my chair in relief.
Brunch finished shortly after that, with only about half of my plate eaten. Joker was out of the room first, with Frost and the other men leaving a couple minutes after. I was about to ask where to take my plate, but Harley stood from her chair with her hands on her hips. "Tour guide Harley, at your service!" She chirped, giving a fake salute.
That made a small smile come to my lips and I stood to follow her. Besides, it wasn't like anyone else picked up after themselves.
"Let's start here!" Harley smiled, gesturing to the room, "This is the dinning room! Arnie cooks every meal, then we eat in here. It's empty otherwise." She took my hand and led me out of the room through what looked like a restaurant's kitchen door. Low and behold, behind the door was the kitchen. It was a professional chef's kitchen, including the sink, fridge, and stove. "This is the kitchen. Arnie always keeps the fridge, freezer, and pantry stocked. You'll never go hungry here!"
Harley didn't stay too long, even though I would've liked to see the appliances for baking. We walked out from another door and were back in the messy family room. She didn't waste time in there, assuming that I've already seen it.
There was another room next to the dining room, which looked to be the quietest room in the house. "Here's the library." She said, plopping down on the leather couch. That's when I noticed her pet hyenas come out from underneath a table and lay at her feet just like a dog would do. Three of the four walls were covered with shelves and shelves of books. The fourth wall was blank. "Mista J likes to come in here when he needs time to think." Harley explained quietly.
The blonde woman jumped from the chair before I could go and find a book to thumb through. We were off to the next destination. We peeped into a huge bathroom that had a rainfall, walk-in shower and marble tiling. She seemed much more excited about the indoor pool and hot tub. The whole room was surrounded by windows and didn't seem like it was ever used. "We just got this room finished!" Harley gushed, grabbing me by the arm in excitement. "Puddin' said we can throw a party to break it in!" If her idea of a party was anything like the club, I did not want to be part of that.
Moving right along, tour guide Harley brought me back through the family room and back up the stairs. We passed the bedroom I slept in and peeped in quickly to the room next to it. It looked similar to the bathroom downstairs, including the shower. The only difference was the marble was white in here and there was a small port-hole window. Harley pointed out a couple more guest rooms and the linen closest.
Our next room we went into was a game room. It looked like a mini arcade in there: pinball machines, retro video games, new video games, a pool table, a dart board, and a bar were just some of the features. "The boys are either in here or the family room." Harley said, turning on a neon sign that was on the wall, "Don't worry too much 'bout learnin' their names. Mista J seems to replace them a little too often."
That sent a chill down my spine. If those guys were easily replaceable, how easy was I to replace? The blonde clown didn't let me think too much about it because we were back in the hall and reaching the end of it. "Our room is down here." She smiled, pointing to a closed door. "Puddin' doesn't like anyone else in there, so it's off limits. Same thing for his office." Harley explained in a quiet and serious voice. "Unless he wants you there, you stay out."
All I could do was nod. She smiled, patting my head before opening another door. Inside was a spiral staircase. Harley went first and I followed behind a few paces back. At the top of the stairs was another room. It looked like a sun room, with all the walls being class and it seemed like some plants were thriving in the little amount of sun that Gotham gets. There were wicker chairs and couches, along with a wet bar and flat screen TV. "No one really comes up here." Harley said in a bored voice, "But Fran still cleans it, so don't worry about a mess up here." I really like the room; the plants were colorful, the view of the city was crazy, and if Harley was right, no one would disturb you up here.
We left the room too soon, in my opinion, and went back down to the second floor. "You already know where your room is Bern, and if Puddin' lets you stick around for a while, we can do it up how you like!" That made me smile. Harley seemed excited that I was staying with them, and wasn't mean like I thought she could've been based on her reputation. We stopped in front of a door and I assumed that this was the Joker's office. "Here's where the tour ends hon."
"Thanks for showing me around Harley." I smiled, "I would've gotten lost without you giving me the tour."
Her smile grew and she wrapped me into a hug before I could react. "Aw Bernie! It was no problem!" She cooed, shaking me a bit. "Now, this is where I leave ya!" The blonde knocked on the door, indicating that we were outside, "I've got some shopping to do and Puddin' is waitin' for you!"
Harley opened the door and walked right in. I stayed at the door, not wanting to intrude until I was asked to. "Puddin', Bernie's here to see ya." She sang, wrapping her arms over his shoulders. He was sitting behind his desk, and let her climb right into his lap with a low chuckle. It seemed like they were a little distracted with each other, and I was getting a little embarrassed just standing there and watching.
I saw Harley gesture me to come in with her finger, so I walked in slowly and kept my eyes to the ground. The office had one wall of just a window, like the guest room I was in. There was also a conference table in the middle of the room. His desk was in a corner and looked like it was pushed there. There were also papers littered everywhere, organized chaos. There was a couch in front of the desk, just like at the club. After what seemed like too long for it to just be a kiss goodbye, they finally broke it off. "I'll be back later you two." Quinn said, coming from behind the desk.
Once she was gone, with the Joker watching her leave with a dopy smile on his face, I head the door close behind her. He shook his head and then looked at me with a still unsure look. "Sit down Bern." The Joker said, pointing to the couch. I sat down slowly, fiddling with the button on the selves nervously. The sound of papers being shuffled around made me look up at the desk. Mr. J was shaking his head while looking over what was written.
"You've got a lot to learn kid."
"E-Excuse me?"
He let out a low chuckle, setting the papers on the desk. "You wear your emotions on your sleeves." The Joker explained, "That can get you killed in a world like this."
I felt my face heat up in embarrassment. Growing up where I did should've taught me to be more careful with the expressions that I show people, but it didn't. I was a shy, anxious girl and just wanted to get out of Gotham with the first chance I had. "I-I'll try harder sir." I said quietly.
"You'll have to." The Joker stressed firmly, "There's no way you'll make it working with me if you don't." He warned. "On that topic, you'll also have to learn some self-defense. There's no way I'm trusting you with a gun." He said bluntly, "But, you can't count on someone comin' to save you."
I nodded, understating that I needed to be able to keep myself safe. I was also grateful that I wouldn't have to learn how to use a gun. "Like Karate or something?"
The Joker shrugged, "Something like that. Frost and Harls will take care of it." He said.
Again, I nodded and tried to calm my voice so that it wouldn't tremble. "Ok, I-I'll try my best Mr. J."
"That's what I like to hear Bernie." The clown grinned, moving on to another stack of paper, "You'll be workin' with us now, but as the brains, not brawn." He continued, "No offense sweet cheeks, but you've got nothin' when it comes to strength."
"So, what am I supposed to be doing exactly?"
"Research." The Joker said, "You've got some talent kid, more than Joe ever had. I'd like to see what it'll do to help out the business." The brief complement made me feel a little better about being there.
It was nice to be reassured about my purpose. "I-I can give you the spreadsheet that I've got for the stores that I've gone to." I offered, "An-And teach you how to use the different tools to get into the security systems without them going off."
He wrote something down on a sheet, not looking up. "That's what I like to hear." The Joker commented, "And Frost will hook you up with a new phone. Your old one was somehow smashed to bits last night…" Something told me that it wasn't an accident that my phone was broken after being kidnapped. But, I wasn't going to say anything to the clown king of crime. I was just thankful that I'd be getting another one.
"Now, about your…other life."
"Mr. J," I interrupted, causing him to look up with a scowl on his face, "I really want to go to school." I pleaded, "I-I know that it's probably not convenient for you, an-and I'm probably asking for a lot, but-"
The Joker held up a hand, causing me to stop talking. "You'll go to school." He said, handing me a piece of paper. It looked like my school records, but there were some phone numbers and names changed by the emergency contacts. "From this point forward, you've got a new aunt and uncle lookin' after you." He gestured to himself when he was 'uncle' and I assumed that meant Harley was supposed to play my aunt. "But there's nothin' more. I can't have you runnin' around this city anymore."
"Thank you, Mr. J." I smiled earnestly. My body relaxed when I learned that I was going to be able to keep going to school. If I disappeared completely, I knew there would be more commotion.
He just waved it off, "Don't say I never do anything for you. And don't interrupt me when I'm talking again." He looked serious about that one, and all I could do was nod quietly. The Joker leaned back in his chair, finally putting down the papers and pen in his hands and looking at me. I tried to look more relaxed than I actually felt, but I didn't think it was going to fool him. "And now Harls is out shopping for you, so there shouldn't have to worry about clothes."
"She didn't have to do that." I mumbled, fiddling with the buttons again.
Mr. J laughed, low and chilling. "Oh yes she did. Our styles clashed, and if you're working for me, you're going to blend in." He started clicking away on his phone, thumbs going quickly across the screen. "Now it's just the question of needing to go back to your apartment?"
I let out a sigh, nodding quickly. "My equipment is all there still Mr. J. An-And some things for school." I said.
His thumbs were flying across the phone again, and I looked down at my lap. "I'll have Johnny and his boys take you once we're done here. Only grab what you absolutely need. Nothing else, got it?"
I nodded quickly, "Of course Mr. J, I understand."
He gave me a nod too, then started looking me over like I was in the middle of an inspection. It was making me a little uncomfortable, just being stared at by the most notorious criminal in Gotham, but it was his home, his business. I was just working with him now. "Don't disappoint me kid. I've got a lot riding on your abilities."
"I promise Mr. J," I assured him, "I'll do everything I can to help you out." I held out my pinky as a gesture for a pinky promise. I know that they're childish, but it was the most I could do to show him that I meant my loyalty at the moment.
The Joker took it a little roughly and with a loud laugh. "Time will hold the truth kid." He let go, and I took my hand back quickly. "We're done here Bernie. Go down and let the boys know you're ready to go. And make it a quick trip."
I jumped from my spot quickly and left the room. "Yes Mr. J. I-I'll see you later…I guess." With that, I left the office and closed the door behind me.
There was noise coming from the family room and the closer I got, I could tell that it was from the TV. From the top of the stairs, I could see the henchmen all on the furniture, snacks in their hands and laughter coming from their mouths. I had to take a few calming breaths before walking down.
It didn't help my confidence that once I reached the bottom of the stairs, I saw that everyone stopped talking and muted the TV. "Um…sorry, b-but Mr. J says th-that we're going to my apartment." I muttered, looking at Frost.
Wordlessly, he stood and the others followed. I knew that this was going to be an uncomfortable ride, but I was appreciative it was getting done.
000
We were back in under an hour, and I still had no idea where the penthouse actually was. I knew that it was fifteen minutes from the apartment, but I didn't know what direction we went because I was in the back of a white van with no windows in the back.
Once we got there, I was fast to pack my things up in a suitcase. A couple outfits that I know I would be comfortable wearing to school, even though Harley was buying me clothes too. I also tossed in some pajamas for good measure. My glasses, brush, and toiletries bag also made it into the suitcase. I also ran around the house to grab the money that was hidden. I packed up the equipment from the family room too, watching the men in my apartment with my prefrail vision. I also made sure to stuff all of my school supplies into my backpack I brought. Then there were some things that I don't think Mr. J would call a necessity, but I still wanted. The first was my grandmother's jewelry box. Another thing I brought was the framed picture on my dresser. It was of my grandparents and I at Christmas last year. We were all smiling in our matching sweaters in front of the Lee's Christmas tree. Finally, as a last thought, I grabbed my Prism Pal toy. I used to collect Prism Pals when I was a little girl, getting a new one for my birthday and Christmas every year. The only one I kept was the first one I ever got – a yellow bear with a big sun on the tummy. It was called Sunshine Bear, but I called him Sunny.
When everything was packed up, and the bags were brought to the van, I locked up the apartment for what I was beginning to wonder was the last time.
We got back to the penthouse around eight and Frost brought my bags up without being asked. I thanked him when he put them down, and he just left. I set up my things, noticing that Harley took the liberty of putting her purchases away in the closet and dresser. There looked to be a lot of crop tops, high heels, and tight dresses in the mix. I put my clothes away too, seeing the comparison of designer clothes next to good will clothes. I also put my toiletries on the vanity and set up my school supplies on the desk. The equipment bag stayed packed up and next to the door. I didn't know what the Joker wanted done with them, so I thought just having them in one place was the best option.
All of the money went in the bottom of the closet, not knowing where to hide them while I was here. Sunny took a spot on the bed next to the pillows while the framed picture and music box made a home on the night stand.
The room seemed a little homier once I got my things situated. I was feeling better about everything, so I decided to go downstairs and see if there was something I was supposed to be doing. When I got down there, it looked like the Joker and Frost were getting ready to leave with the other men, dressed for business. "A-Are we going somewhere?" I asked, causing them to turn from their conversation and look at me.
"We're going somewhere, not you." The clown king said, fixing the collar on his shirt, "There's business I gotta get done Bernie."
My shoulder slumped in disappointment, and I nodded my head sadly. "Oh…alright." I whispered.
The sound of heels coming down the glass staircase made me turn around. Harley was coming down in a very short, red velvet dress with black heels and huge hoop earrings. Mr. J must have been the one to whistle at her because she did a little spin before coming to us. "Aw, does someone have a case of FOMO?" Harley teased, taking a clutch from Frost's hands. "Don't worry Bern, we'll be back later!" She cooed, pinching my cheeks.
When she let go, I rubbed them to try and get the sting out. No one said anything else and I watched them leave the penthouse. I thought that with would be a little more 'teamwork' and a little less 'behind the scenes'. But, I assumed I just needed to earn their trust a little more before I would be allowed to join them.
After shaking myself from my pity party, I went back into the guest room to change into some pajamas and get to work on research for the clown king of crime. I wanted to be on his good side, and I thought that getting ahead would help. The pajamas were nothing special, flannel pants with an extra-large band t-shirt.
I found some scratch paper I could use, a few colorful pens, and my equipment bag. With all of this in hand, I went down to the now clean and quiet family room to start. In about an hour, I wrote out detailed instructions about how each piece works and how to use it. Then, I spent another half hour writing step by step on how the returns would work at each store. At ten o'clock, I decided that my work was good enough and decided to try and stay awake for Joker and Harley, wanting to show them myself what I got done.
In order to keep myself awake, I turned on the TV to some comedy channel and flopped down in front of it. I placed my laptop on my lap and started a spreadsheet on stores that I thought would be of interest for the infamous clowns. Jewelry stores, computer stores, art stores, and even some museums that I thought had good exhibits. My eyes grew tired after a while and I decided to put my glasses on so that they wouldn't get dry again.
With the black plastic frames on my face, and hair up in a bun, I went back downstairs and saw that it was almost midnight. I didn't think it would hurt to rest my eyes for a little while, and decided to lay down on couch and watch the TV.