A/N: Hey! So, I know it's been a while, but I promise you, I have been writing. I write every chance I get, but it's finding the time to type it all up and edit it that's the problem. I'm going to try and update at least once a month because I really like this story and I don't want you guys giving up on it because I'm taking too long!
As it says in the first chapter, this story is loosely based off of "Something Borrowed" by Emily Giffen. But I am trying to do a lot of things differently. Hopefully, for any of you who have read that book, you will like the different things I am going to be changing.
Thanks again for all the support! I never expected this story to get so many reviews--especially as a one-shot! You guys are the best!
Alice's hands were trembling as she wrapped a sheet around her, taking in the scene before her. Jasper was sprawled out on her bed. Naked. Jasper—as in her best friend's fiancé Jasper. I am so screwed. She pulled the sheet tighter around herself, as though it would cut off any memory of last night. Of the night that never should have happened.
Before Alice could even think about how to handle this situation, Jasper's phone started ringing. Alice sat there shaking, her guilt making her sick. She glanced around, afraid someone was going to pop out and scream "Whore!" It's what she felt like; she was the worst friend ever.
Jasper groaned and fumbled around for his phone. "Hello?" Hi sighed as he listened to the person on the other line. He rolled onto his back, throwing an arm over his eyes.
Alice sat there, her legs curled to her chest. She assumed it was Rosalie and her guilt became even worse. She's probably worried about him because he didn't go home last night. Because he was with me. Alice groaned and rested her head on her knees. Slut. Whore. Bitch. Her mind was screaming at her.
"You're the one who told me not to come home, Rosalie. Remember that? Or were you too drunk to remember?" Jasper yelled into the phone. He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated with her. He didn't mean to be so harsh with her, but she was driving him insane. She'd say one thing and mean another. He wasn't a mind reader.
He listened to her rant, not really paying attention. He just wanted to curl up with Alice and forget about everything else for a while. "I'll be home later and we can talk about it then. I have nothing to say to you right now." He clicked his phone shut and turned to face Alice. "Good morning," he said quietly.
Alice had gotten up during their conversation and wrapped a robe around herself. She couldn't be sitting there, naked, next to him when he addressed her. This…separation made it seem less real. She was covered now; almost as though the act of covering herself covered her sin.
She didn't meet Jasper's eyes. "Morning." She started picking up their clothes. She placed hers in a pile and gently folded his clothes, setting them on the edge of her bed. She couldn't look at him, her guilt too much. But her hands yearned to secure themselves around him. She wanted him to hold her close, tell her everything would be alright. But he wasn't hers to have, to hold; he was hers—Rosalie's.
Jasper watched her, feeling his heart break at the distance. He knew she was trying to be normal—as normal as she could given the current situation. Last night was the closest they'd ever been. Even just talking at her party, was the closest they'd been in a long time. He hated not being close to her anymore; she was his best friend. He hated knowing that he was the reason for everything: her distance, unhappiness, and loneliness. And now, she was going to distance herself even more form him.
"You should get going; Rosalie's waiting for you," Alice whispered out as she handed him his clothes. "You can get ready in the bathroom." Her eyes filled with tears as she thought of him going back to Rosalie, but she refused to show him that. She was careful not to make any contact with his skin. She wasn't sure she could handle that.
Jasper heard the tears in her voice; tears she was crying because of him. He grabbed her wrist. "Ali…are we going to talk about this?" His tone forced her eyes to meet his. His eyes begged her to talk to him, let him in.
Alice pulled her arm from his grasp and he knew it was hopeless. "There's nothing to talk about. We made a mistake…a horrible mistake. We just have to forget about it and move on." Alice watched as Jasper's eyes flashed with pain.
"A mistake? Is that all you can think of it?" he asked angrily. He hadn't thought of it as a mistake. He loved being able to truly be with Alice. He'd wanted that since the first moment he saw her. He wanted her more after he'd gotten to know her. And not just for the sex; he'd always loved Alice. He did wish the circumstances were different, but that couldn't be helped.
Alice simply nodded. "Yes, Jasper, a mistake. You're engaged and to my best friend! I shouldn't have lost my mind," she said quietly as her heart cracked. She was well aware of her actions last night. It was true that she did drink a lot, but she was nowhere near wasted. She couldn't admit to Jasper how much she had wanted that to happen. It wasn't right.
Jasper snatched his clothes from Alice and walked into the bathroom, not even saying a word to her. Jasper dressed as he struggled to force his anger down. I thought last night meant something. I thought she wanted it as much as I had, he thought sadly. He hastily tucked his shirt into his trousers, running his hands through his hair in a half-hearted attempt to calm it.
He glanced around her bathroom, for the first time fully aware that he'd never been to her apartment. It was just like her. A robin's egg blue tiled the floor with a matching molding at the top, where the walls meet the ceiling. Light, bright yellow accents made this room so much brighter, bubblier. Just like Alice. Well…how she used to be, he thought sadly.
He took a deep breath, forcing his hurt and anger away. He could deal with all that later. He calmly walked out of the bathroom and towards the door. "Happy birthday, Alice. I'm sorry I ruined it for you." He briskly walked out the door, shutting it behind him.
Alice watched him walk out the door and out of her life. She hoped it wouldn't be forever, but she figured he would want nothing to do with the whore who could have possibly ruined his engagement. As much as she wanted to be with him, she knew she couldn't. Even if he wanted her. She wiped the few tears from her eyes as she made her way to the bathroom.
She stripped off her robe and jumped into the shower. As soon as the water hit her, her heart broke open, bleeding all over the shower floor. Her tears mixed with the water as she let herself fall apart. She crumbled to the floor, curling into herself as she let open wounds she never truly opened up before. She cried for herself and the lost chance at love she had. She cried about the life she wished she had instead of the life she has now. She cried for Jasper and how she wished he could see the real Rosalie. She even shed a few tears for Rosalie because she felt guilty about betraying her.
She wished that peace and calm would come from her tears, but she received none of that. She just felt shaky, sick, and tired. She sat on the shower floor, the water pouring over her like a judgmental rain.
When the water started getting cold, she decided it was time to get out. She was already shaking, getting sick on top of all this would wear her down even more.
She dried off and dressed in her comfiest sweat pants and threw on an old t-shirt. She curled up in bed and tried to ignore the scent that Jasper left behind as she cried herself to sleep, thinking of a life that might have been had she been braver way back when.
*********
Jasper was so angry he decided to walk the twenty blocks to his apartment. More like Rosalie's apartment, since she got rid of anything I liked.
Jasper angrily kicked a pebble and watched as it bounced across the sidewalk. He was angry and hurt because of what Alice had said. She had called him a mistake. A mistake! He knew the way and circumstances were not ideal, but how could she think of him as a mistake.
It killed him to know that she felt that way about him now. He hated that she was ashamed of what they did. He knew that he should feel guilty or sorry, but he just couldn't find it in himself to regret it.
He had loved Alice for as long as he could remember. He remembered hearing her beautiful laugh that first day of classes. Her breathtaking smile, gorgeous green eyes, and pixie like features. She was the most beautiful woman in the world to him. As a male, his fantasies ran away with this girl, but then he started getting to know her and his feelings changed. He began to care about her—love her.
He enjoyed spending every spare minute with her. He tried numerous times to get the courage to ask her out, but he couldn't. He didn't see what a girl like her would want with a guy like him. She came from a pretty wealthy family from back in Seattle; they wouldn't approve of some hick from Texas. Even if he had resided in New York for more than ten years. Besides, she didn't seem to be all that interested in guys; she was extremely focused on her studies.
He did try to slip hints around, though. He'd let her sleep against him and then not leave her. They spent many nights together back in college. He was always asking her to places, romantic places, but she hardly ever would go. But he asked like a friend would. He never asked her to go out on a date.
He remembers the one night that had almost changed everything. He had walked her back to her dorm after a party. She said he didn't have to; he told her that he wouldn't be a gentleman if he let her walk home alone. The truth was he just didn't want to leave her side. He walked her back and gave her a hug.
Jasper felt Alice's body pressed gently against his and he tightened his grip. He never wanted to let her go. He loved the feeling of having her so close to him. He sighed into her hair, wishing this moment would never end.
Alice started to pull away and he kept his arms around her. He looked deep into her eyes, amazed at the depth and beauty they held. He brought a hand to her face, his thumb tracing her cheek. "You are so beautiful, Alice," he whispered.
Alice smile but paled. She was clearly nervous about something.
Jasper started leaning down, craving the feeling of her lips against his, when she pulled away from him suddenly.
"It's late and I should be going," she said quietly, not meeting his eyes.
Jasper sighed. "Alright. Have a good night, Alice." He watched her walk into the building, carrying his heart with her.
Jasper sighed, ridding himself of that memory. That's the night he knew Alice didn't feel anything for him other than friendship. He wished everything had turned out differently, but it didn't and there's nothing he can do now.
He's with Rosalie.
He's not entirely sure how he feels about that. She's fun, sometimes, and can be nice when she absolutely needs to be. But is he happy? No, not really. He hasn't been truly happy in…well, last night, but before that he can't remember.
He can't even remember why he's with her anymore, other than it's routine.
He takes a breath before walking into his building, preparing himself for the awaiting storm.
Rosalie was pacing when he walked through the front door. "Where the hell have you been? You didn't come home last night and are just showing up, now, at nine in the morning?"
Jasper took off his jacket, hanging it up before he turned to look at her. "You told me not to come home last night, Rosalie, because you were pissed off that I made you leave the party. If I would have come home, you would have just kicked me right out."
Rosalie glared at him. "How dare you yell at me after the hell you put me through!"
Jasper laughed. "You didn't even know I was gone until this morning when you called me. The call I answered right away, mind you." He sighed. "I don't want to argue. I'm tired and not feeling well. If you have anything more to say to me, tell me later." He walked to the bedroom and shut the door behind him. He just wanted to escape his realities for a while before actually facing them.
Rosalie watched Jasper walk away from her with her mouth open. How dare he? She grabbed her cell and dialed her best friend's number.
"Hello?" Alice groggily called into the phone. The ringing of the phone had woken her up. Her cheeks were sticky from the dried tears. She didn't care enough to wipe it off.
"Alice, it's Rosalie. I need to talk to you." She sighed dramatically. "Jasper didn't come home last night and now he's mad at me because I'm upset about it! What the hell is with him? I was worried sick about him all last night and when he finally decides to mosey on home, he's got a stick up his ass. I mean, seriously, what the hell?" She used a tearful voice, even though she already knew Alice would be on her side.
Alice groaned, not wanting to listen to a Rosalie pity party. She was tired, sick, and missing Jasper—something she didn't even want to admit to herself. "I don't know what to tell you Rosalie." Alice yawned and rolled over so the phone was resting on her ear. She felt completely numb now. There were no more tears left to cry.
Rosalie groaned theatrically. "Alice, you always tell me how to handle things and what to do about them! You have to help me here!" She was screeching at the end of her sentence.
Alice rolled her eyes. She was not in the mood to have Rosalie get all dramatic and theatrical, playing the injured or wronged fiancé—she's played that far more times that Alice could count. "Okay, Rosalie, here's what you do. Leave him alone. You told him not to come home last night and he listened. You don't have a right to be upset with him right now because he did what you asked." She said it a little harsher than she intended, but damn it, she was going through something here. She had a right to be a little snippy. Then she remembered who she was talking to—the fiancé of the man she'd slept with last night.
Rosalie was silent for a minute; Alice had never talked to her like that before. Alice always listened to her and told her exactly what to do. Alice always knew the right thing to do. Rosalie realized Alice was right. "Okay, Alice. You're right. Maybe I am overreacting a little bit."
"No, Rosalie, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. You're obviously upset. I'm sorry. I'm just tired and have a really bad headache." She didn't want to hear about Rosalie's perfect life and everything she has that Alice doesn't. She especially doesn't want to hear about Rosalie trashing Jasper, the very person Alice was longing for at that moment. But she can't forget the person she just betrayed.
Rosalie was angry that Alice didn't have anything more to say about her problem, but decided to let it slide. Just this once. "Thanks Alice, although normally you have more to say." She laughed. "You're probably just hung over from that awesome party last night. That was such a blast! Wasn't it just the best party ever?"
Alice nodded, even though Rosalie couldn't see it. "Yeah, it was memorable." However, Alice was thinking about her night with Jasper, not on Rosalie's party. "Rosalie, I'm really tired so I'm going to let you go."
"Okay. Bye, Alice." Rosalie clicked off the phone and walked to the bedroom. She knocked on the door and received no answer. "Jasper? Jasper I'm sorry about before. I hope you won't be too upset with me for much longer. I hate it when you're mad at me."
Inside the room, Jasper rolled his eyes. Even her apologies were about her. There were no apologies, just hopes that he wouldn't be upset with her because she gets upset when he's upset with her. He didn't acknowledge her. He closed his eyes once again, and longed for the comfort of his fantasies.
***
Alice lay awake that night for a long time, her restless mind not allowing her any peace.
Her mind kept returning to Jasper. How Jasper's lips felt upon hers. How his body fit with hers; it was almost like they were made for each other. Being with him, despite how wrong the circumstances were, it felt so right. Righter than anything else had ever felt before.
But she can't think like that. He doesn't belong to her. He belongs to Rosalie.
And then she remembers Rosalie and the guilt picks right on up again. She feels like the worst friend in the history of everything because as guilty as she feels, she doesn't really regret last night. She feels guilty that she betrayed her friend, but she would probably do it again if she had to do it all over again.
She was a sick woman. She knew that. Whore. Bitch. Slut. And you call yourself her best friend.
Alice rolled over to the side of the bed that he slept on. She inhaled his lingering scent, wishing he were really here, in the flesh, to hold her throughout the night. He always had that ability to make it seem like the rest of the world just fades away.
She fell asleep crying, thinking once again of the life that could have been.
A/N: Please review and tell me what you think! :)