Chloe has no idea how many people she's crushed on. It feels like a lot. It is a lot.
There are both boys and girls in elementary school. Eric Sutherland, D'Shawn Johnson, Tyler Robinsdale, Chi Lor. Kayla Henn, Veronica Applegate, Meghan Corothers. She remembers each of them; holding hands with the boys, even "dating" D'Shawn for a while in the second grade. She mostly admired the girls from a distance, but she knows what she felt for them.
She tells her parents and her older brother, Chris, about each and every one of them, which makes them laugh and smile. Her dad calls her a "heartbreaker" even at that young age. She doesn't quite know what that means, but he smiles when he says it, so she knows it can't be a bad thing.
Middle school passes much the same way. Ryan Gabour, Eric Sutherland (again), Jerome Zettler. Kylie Brenna, Courtney Johnson, Kendra Fink, Cady Morgan. Each hold a special place in her heart. She has classes with Ryan, Jerome, Kylie, and Courtney; she joins volleyball with Kendra and Cady. Everything is very simple.
She doesn't care that she has feelings for both boys and girls. For her, that's how it's always been. She sometimes wonders why she never hears other girls talking about their crushes on girls, or why she doesn't see it in movies or on TV, but she doesn't let it bother her. All Chloe knows is that she likes both boys and girls, and that's okay. She figures that she'll fall in love with a person's mind, personality, and soul, rather than the body they happen to come in.
She says this – that she'll love a person, not their body – to her parents and Chris one night at dinner. A small pause comes over the table, during which her parents exchange the briefest of glances. The moment passes quickly, though, and her mom nods like she's said something glaringly obvious (which, maybe she has). Her dad smiles at her crookedly and tells her that's a wonderful way to fall in love. Chris, ever the teenager, continues eating his peas, utterly indifferent to his little sister's proclamation.
She's pretty sheltered, so it's not until she's almost a teenager that the word "gay" even enters her vocabulary. When it does, it's jeered by Vincent Stridenger at two boys hugging in the hallway. It makes everyone around them turn and look, laughing and jeering. The boys break apart, red-faced and awkward.
Chloe asks Chris about it after school that night, figuring that at 16, he'd understand. His face twists when she asks, transforming into a mask of distaste she's rarely seen before. He tells her what it means, but she still doesn't understand why someone would use that term as an insult meant to embarrass others. Chris only pulls her close (she's amazed; hugs from her teenage brother are becoming few and far in between) and tells her, "It's okay that you don't understand why. It just means you wouldn't do something like that."
Chloe's first kiss happens when she's 13, with Danny Nuck at the local burger place. He'd asked her there on a date and she'd happily agreed. It had gone well; they had a lot of shared interests in books, music, and movies. He even paid for their dinner, then had walked her outside. Because they were both too young to drive, their moms sat in their respective cars in the lot to pick them up.
Before Chloe goes to her mom's car, though, Danny nervously asks if he can kiss her. Butterflies (the good kind) erupt in Chloe's stomach and she nods. Danny closes the space between them and places a very small, quick peck on her lips. It's nothing groundbreaking, but she likes how warm and happy it makes her feel.
Her second kiss is with Emily Kosma. She's 14 and at her first high school party with actual alcohol. She doesn't drink very much, only two cups of UV Blue mixed with lemonade, but it's enough to fill her with a happy buzz.
Emily Kosma is in choir with her and she's very pretty. She winks at Chloe from across the room as Chloe refills her second cup, and it draws Chloe over to her like a magnet. They talk for a bit about classes, then music, then books they both like. Chloe notices that Emily doesn't mention boys, which is a good thing; it seems like all the other girls their age talk nonstop about boys, and that gets boring.
They end up dancing together when the music starts. It's all innocent, until suddenly Emily's face is close to hers – so close, that she can feel warm puffs of air against her lips. That, Emily's looks, and the second cup of alcohol spurs Chloe to lean in and kiss Emily on the lips. She thinks about how soft Emily's mouth is against her own, and how nice her shampoo smells.
They break apart to wolf-whistles and cheers from their tipsy peers. Chloe ignores them in favor of looking into Emily's eyes, making sure she hadn't embarrassed her. As it turns out, she doesn't need to worry; Emily grins at her before reaching to pull her into their second kiss, and their last.
She doesn't really keep track of who she kisses after that. A few different people, both boys and girls, like always. She's not overzealous with it; she knows what high schoolers say about girls who kiss (and more than kiss) too many people. But whenever Chloe likes someone, she makes a point to kiss them, as long as they want to kiss her, too.
At 15, she realizes she should probably formally come out to her parents and to Chris. She waits until Thanksgiving, so that Chris is home from college. She's only a little nervous to tell them because she knows they'll love her no matter what, but she also doesn't want them to treat her any differently because of who she dates.
She eventually squeaks it out over the dinner table in a voice that only quivers just the slightest bit. As soon as the words are out, her mom's brow furrows. Chloe's stomach drops, only for her mom to ask, confused, "Didn't you already tell us that?"
Her dad shakes his head and answers for her, "Kinda, but this is the real deal, Cheryl."
"Oh. Okay," her mom answers, then adds, "We're thrilled for you, honey. We want you to be happy. Right, Eric?"
"Of course," Chloe's dad smiles at her.
It's that simple. Chloe grins her thanks and returns to her dinner. She's lighter than air, filled with love for the people she cares for most in the world and their unerring acceptance of who she is.
As always, Chris continues eating, totally unfazed.
Chloe's grandparents on her dad's side both pass away when she's 16. Her grandma from cancer, and her grandpa three days later from a broken heart (at least, that's what her dad says). Chloe struggles with it; she'd loved her grandparents very much, having been especially close to her grandmother.
Their funeral is hard, and it's the first time she can remember feeling so miserable that it actually makes her chest ache. It's utterly appalling to her, that she can feel something like that.
She talks to her dad about it, though, and that helps. He wipes her tears and tells her that's what love feels like, and that she's lucky to be able to feel so deeply. Her mom and Chris help too; they hug her, hold her, bring her Kleenexes when she cries. With every day that passes after that, she can feel the ache in her chest lessening. She knows it'll never go away completely, but she believes that it makes her a stronger, better person.
She finishes high school ranked 3rd in her class, proud of her accomplishments and full of excitement for her future. She'll miss her friends desperately, but she already can't wait for what Barden University will have in store for her.
Moving out is hard, but her parents and Chris (though he's going to be a senior at his own university) help her get settled into Baker Hall. She meets her random roommate, Rachel, who seems nice, even if she is a math major (Chloe doesn't trust people who like math that much). Chloe's family part after countless hugs and what feels like a gallon of tears, but Chloe can't remember ever feeling so happy and excited for the future.
Joining the Barden Bellas is the best decision she's ever made, she's sure of it. Well, she's sure about her passion for singing and team bonding. She's less sure about joining a group whose sophomore leader – Alice – is constantly rude to her and the other freshman member, Aubrey Posen.
Chloe is desperate to get to know Aubrey. The blonde is quiet, closed off, and serious in demeanor, but the occasional smile she sends Chloe's way makes her think she's not all stone. Still, it's not until almost a month into Bellas rehearsals that she finally breaks through that hard exterior.
Feeling encouraged by an unusually good rehearsal, Chloe cracks her favorite joke for the group at large.
"Hey, guys," she starts, getting their attention. "What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?"
She's met with several blank stares. Alice looks like she's chewing the inside of her lip to keep from saying anything.
"Supplies!" Chloe cries happily, raising her arms for emphasis. "Get it?"
Only one person laughs: Aubrey. Chloe latches onto that instantly, sending her a beaming smile that Aubrey tentatively returns. She ignores the indifferent looks Alice and the other Bellas send her way in favor of moving to stand next to Aubrey while she gathers her things. They walk out of the auditorium together and Chloe practically forces her phone number into Aubrey's reluctant hand because, damn it, she wants at least one friend among the Bellas.
Aubrey texts her that night to set up a time to hang out outside of rehearsal. In her dorm room, Chloe breaks into her happy dance in full sight of Rachel.
Alice's rudeness turns out to be a blessing in disguise. She and Aubrey bond over it, though Aubrey has a hard time speaking against Alice's authority at first. Chloe learns that Aubrey comes from a military family that is filled with both love and discipline. She learns that Aubrey is capable of feeling just as much as she is, but isn't always able to express it.
They spend many nights talking over large cheese pizzas they have delivered either to Aubrey's room in Kennedy Hall or to Chloe's in Baker. Friendship has always come easily to Chloe, and what she has with Aubrey is no different. It's not long until, during a goodbye hug after one of their pizza nights, Aubrey whispers in her ear, "You're my best friend."
Chloe dates in college, though not often seriously, as her classes and her Bellas schedule keeps her busier than she'd like. She goes on dates with both men and women, which seems to bother Alice. Chloe doesn't see why it should bother anyone; it's her life, she should be able to be happy with whomever she wants. Alice doesn't get that message, though, and near the end of Chloe's freshman year, she tries to kick Chloe out of the Bellas. They're all sitting down in the auditorium, Alice standing at her whiteboards when she says crudely and in front of everyone, "Chloe, if you're going to be such a fucking slutbag, you can leave the Bellas."
When that happens, Aubrey immediately stands up for her – literally. She rises from her chair and gets right in Alice's face, actually forcing her back a step. Chloe can only stare in shock and awe as Aubrey snarls, "Don't you dare say that to her. It's none of your business if she dates girls. And you can't kick her out. That's discrimination, and I. Will. Tear. You. Down."
Alice glares back but doesn't say anything. Chloe's not sure whether she should cry or cheer; Alice's words had cut deep (she's never been called a slut before) but Aubrey's support of her means the world.
With one final huff in Alice's direction, Aubrey moves stiffly back to her chair next to Chloe. Chloe glances over to say thanks, but Aubrey seems too angry to notice. Her hands are shaking pretty badly, with one resting on her stomach and the other gripping the side of the seat of her chair.
They never really talk about it beyond Chloe's whispered, "Thank you," following the rehearsal. Aubrey acknowledges it with a nod, and that's that. Alice doesn't bring it up again, but Chloe notices that Alice doesn't make eye contact with her anymore after that.
Chloe falls in love with Tom Martineau at the start of her junior year. They've been dating for almost six months by that point, so she's not surprised when she realizes she loves him. He's kind to people and animals, loves music, books, and travel. He holds doors for her and always walks between her and the road. He's considerate and good in bed (not that she has anyone to compare him to) and he loves it when she sings to him.
She loves him. That's why it's hard to acknowledge that their time together is drawing to a close. He's set to graduate, while she has one year left at Barden. Even though he promises to visit during her senior year, she knows things won't really be the same. More than that, they want different things out of life. Chloe isn't really sure what she's doing after college, but Tom has his next 20 years planned out. He's planning on joining the Peace Corps and will probably spend the next five years across the world helping underprivileged kids. After that, he wants to work toward an environmental law degree, then settle down and have four kids of his own. While that all sounds amazing for him, Chloe doesn't see herself in that picture.
They mutually break up about a week before the Bellas finals at the end of that year. Chloe needs to focus on their performance; Tom on graduation. They both cry when it ends, but they agree it's for the best.
Chloe's more upset than she lets on; again, she feels more than she maybe should. Tom is the first person she's been in love with, and while they part on good terms, it still stings to know she won't wake up with his arms around her anymore. She calls her mom that night and cries into the phone. From the next room, Aubrey hears her and brings her a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream to make her feel better.
Chloe feels so, so loved that night.
The finals are a disaster. They lost the Bella win, but more than that, it feels like she's lost her best friend. Aubrey is inconsolable, even though it isn't really her fault. Chloe spends almost a week after the incident smoothing her hand between Aubrey's shoulder blades as she dry-heaves into a toilet from the stress.
It's easier once Alice moves out of the Bella house, leaving them with the keys and a cruel, "You two slutbags can't fuck things up more than you already have, so you're captains now."
Chloe isn't sorry to see the last of her.
Unfortunately, Aubrey takes Alice's parting message to heart. She stops heaving only long enough to look up and say, "We need to win next year. We have to." Chloe tries not to let it bother her, tries to remember that that's Aubrey trapped in the body of some possessed, angry, and ashamed girl. She hopes the summer helps.
It doesn't. If anything, Aubrey's thrown herself into co-captaincy with a renewed vengeance. It's a little scary.
Chloe knows her senior year is going to be a hard one. With the combined stresses of her classes, finding and training new Bellas, making sure Aubrey doesn't lose her lunch, and her still relatively recently-ended relationship (though Tom still says he'd like to visit for the occasional hook-up), Chloe decides not to date anyone for a little while. Maybe even for the rest of her college career.
Then, at 21, against Aubrey's will and recovering from a Bellas failure, Chloe meets Beca Mitchell.