Disclaimer: I don't own the boys, their music, or The Maine's music, thank you.

Chapter 1; Staring into the Sun

Kendall's POV

"'Cause the world stops

When I put my arms around you, around you, oh, woah

And nothing even matters, nothing even matters

And nothing even matters, baby

They can all talk

Say what they want about us, about us, oh, woah

And nothing even matters, woah

And nothing even matters"

A shy smile crept across my face as I looked to the source of my heart ache across the stage. These lyrics are like my heart just pouring out every detail of how it feels to want him. How much I just want to hold him. It's like if he was mine, I would no longer have a care in the world. But the fact is he doesn't want me, at least, not like I want him…

I still think about the night we arrived in Hollywood. After settling into our apartment at the Palm Woods we were all headed to the pool but not before I dragged James away to tell him something that had been eating away at me. After he rejected me I swore I would get over that beautiful boy but I was never able to and now two years later I'm more in love with him then I ever thought I could be.

It's hard to think that no matter how hard I try there's no way of getting out. That every step I take forward, I always end up taking two steps back. And that no matter how much I love James, he will never love me back.

I shook my head, slightly disoriented, as I hesitantly knocked on the dressing room door. I hadn't even noticed what I was actually doing till now but now there wasn't really any way for me to turn back, especially after hearing a muffled "come in". I took a deep breath and twisted the nob, letting myself in.

"Hey." James said from lying on the floor, Carlos was about to walk on his back.

Confusion washed over me and I could hear Logan chuckling and Carlos and James arguing about how he was supposed walk on him.

I shook my head, "Hey…?"

Logan smiled at me from across the room, "Hey man, James' back started hurting after the show." He gestured to our other two band mates.

I nodded quizzically and I watched as Carlos almost fell over trying to get a good foot placement on James' back.

James sighed and shoed Carlos away, "Its fine, I'll just go get a massage or something…" He looked towards me.

"James, no." I shook my head as he gave me puppy dog eyes, surely something he picked up from Carlos.

He pouted, "Come ooooooonnn Kendalllll, pwease?"

I could tell he thought he was going to win. Well, he was certainly right. I looked around at our other two band members, giving each one a pleading look.

"Hey sorry dude but I went before Carlos, he wouldn't let me adjust his back though, and you seen him reject Carlos." Logan said.

I slouched feeling defeated, looking back to the pouting boy in front of me, I sighed nodding.

"Yay! Thank you sooooo much Ken!" His excited form engulfed my own tense one in a huge, jumpy hug.

"Yah, yah, you just better be thankful and remember I'm doing this so you aren't hurting anymore." I added with a glare.

He smiled, pulling me down behind him on the couch and pointing to a spot near the middle of his lower back, "Right there, pleaseee."

I nodded, though he couldn't see, taking a silent deep breath I gently pushed a few fingers against the spot he'd pointed to.

"Yeah, ugh, oww, that's it.." His voice showed that there was a good amount of pain there.

"Sorry… ummm" I tried softly moving both of my hands in inward circles near and on the spot, "hows that?" I asked a bit hopeful.

He moaned pleased, "good, just…keep that up…" His head rolled back onto my shoulder and I could see his eyes slip shut.

I heard someone clear their throat and looked over to see Logan raising his eyebrow, making me blush and look away as I continued to rub James' back.

"Feel better?" I asked hopeful, taking my hands away.

His eyes snapped open and he looked to me accusingly, "No." There was a light smirk on his lips.

"Oh.." I started rubbing again, a small, unnoticeable smile on my lips.

His mouth popped open, making a small popping noise to animate the action, and a small whimper slipped past his soft looking, pink lips.

After a few minutes passed I couldn't stand the anxiety that was taking over, James didn't seem to be caring how loud he was getting, or how bad this was starting to sound. Logan kept looking at me so skeptically and I could tell even Carlos was starting to feel uncomfortable, which is extremely rare.

"Ummmm, I think you feel better now." I said, quickly slipping out from behind the brunette.

I could guess he looked extremely confused but I didn't dare stick around to see, with the problem that had begun to form in my pants I was lucky I was able to stand. And because of that problem I was out the door and down the hall in seconds, rounding the corner to the bathroom.

I walked back into the room ten minutes later and everyone's eyes were on me.

"What? I had to pee." I lied.

Carlos turned back to the TV, fine with the answer I gave. Logan and James however stared me down.

"You jumped up and ran out like wild banshee and were gone for about twenty minutes, freaking everyone out, because you had to pee?" Logan questioned, eyebrows raised and James mirroring his expression.

I shook my head, "Okay, first off, it was about 10 minutes and second I really had to freaking pee, kay? So you can chill." I averted my gaze from theirs and I walked over and plopped down on the beanbag next to James' head.

I knew James would be trying to get comfortable in a few minutes and I, sitting so close and looking so comfy, knew his head would end up in my lap, like it always does. I smiled at the thought.

Sure enough, as if like clockwork he slowly, in a good amount of shifts and minutes, made him way into leaning into me, head just a bit above my knees.

"S'okay if I lay here Kendall?" He yawned.

'How cute' I thought and smiled yawning as well, "Course." I unconsciously was already running my fingers threw his hair, which he surprisingly didn't mind.

Right now I didn't care if Logan was looking at me accusingly. Or even if Carlos felt uncomfortable. Right now all I cared about was the beautiful boy in my lap. All I wanted to do was stay in this moment forever, burning it into my brain like you do when you stare at the sun for too long. I wanted the image of his face to stay imprinted in my sight, even when I closed my eyes.

James nuzzled into my lap more and I could see he was slowly drifting off. Looking at how adorable he is I couldn't help but smile. Just the way his mouth opens only the slightest and the way all his features look so calm and how he doesn't care one bit about his hair being all messy…All that stuff, I think, is what makes him perfect. He could be 90 years old, grey hair and balding, no more muscles, and no longer "the face", and he will still be beautiful to me.

There was a hard rapping at the door, which unfortunately woke James, and Gustavo pushed the door open, without our compliance, and he walked in, Kelly following quickly behind.

"Dogs get up, were leaving." He barked, and if I do say so myself he's more like a dog then any of us…

But we all listened, so.. I think I was wrong then, or just slightly off, maybe he's our alpha. The thought made me feel sick. I'm the alpha.

James crawled out of my lap and we helped each other up. There was definitely an empty feeling when he moved away from me, across the room to grab his hoddie. I soo wanted for him to come rushing back over and right into my arms, where he definitely belonged.

I sighed as that dream didn't come true.

We gathered all our stuff and Carlos and James raced as we all headed out to the limo. James won with a bit of an advantage because of his long legs, but not by much. Carlos was hot on his tail, being pretty speedy quick on his own much shorter legs. I laughed at the duo, they were such opposites when it came to looks but so similar in their actions.

We all climbed in, Gustavo and Kelly behind the driver, Logan and I across from James and Carlos who sat next to the mini- fridge, digging into rest of ice cream.

After ten minutes the ice cream was gone and two sticky, ice cream covered boys were sprawled across the floor. The rest of us normal people in the limo were used to this by now, which implied that we probably weren't that normal. But as soon as we got back home, I slung James over my shoulder and Logan took Carlos and we walked back up to our apartment. The two sugar junkies hanging over our shoulders didn't even flinch as we plopped them onto the couch next to each other, just fell over, falling off the couch and onto one another.

"Wooow…." Logan said from beside me.

I just nodded.

"Do you think that's even comfortable?" He inquired.

"Doubt it." I stated, shaking my head.

"Huh." He mumbled obviously confused.

"Yeah.." I nodded in agreement.

Slowly we departed as we looked to our other two band mates who were surely going to wake up with awful head aches and probably some awkwardness to go along.

I shook my head, fighting the urge to turn back and go pick James up and bring him to his bed. But I controlled myself as I opened the door to James' and my room.

If I let James stay out there tonight, acting like I didn't care that he would be hurting tomorrow, or that he may catch something sleeping without covers, or that he's be so uncomfortable being such a sticky mess.. If I let all that happen then maybe I could get over James.

I thought all this over as I walked back out into the living room, pulling James back over my shoulder and walking back into our room.

Lying him down on his bed I washed his face off and everywhere else he got the stupid stickiness then I took his shoes off and dressed him in his pjs, without taking his boxers off you pervs. After finishing that I gently tucked him under his covers and softly kissed his forehead, "Night beautiful." I cooed as I shut off the light.

And so as not to be heartless I put Carlos back on the couch, cleaned him off, and put a blanket over his slightly shaking frame. The two careless boys were so much like little kids. What surprised me the most perhaps was that Logan and I weren't in a mental hospital by now.

Quietly, I crept back into our room, as not to wake an already soundly sleeping James.

"Kendall?" A small voice sounded.

"Shit!" I whispered under my breath.

"Kendall? Is that you?" He added again sounding a bit scared this time.

"Yeah James, it's me, go back to bed." I grumbled trying to find my dresser in the darkness.

"Kendall what are you doing?" James' sleepy voice echoed in the silent room.

I shuffled around, now noticing I was making quite a bit of noise. "I'm just trying to get my pajama bottoms but I can't find the stupid dresser." I huffed aggravated.

I heard his soft sigh and suddenly the room was flooded with a dim light, turning around I seen the cause was a rather irritated James pulling down on the lamp's chain. "Better?" He asked sounding annoyed.

"You didn't have to…" I trailed off, feeling a bit bad for waking the pretty boy from his beauty sleep.

His expression softened as a small smile broke out onto his face. "Its fine, now grab you pants and get in bed. This face doesn't just happen y'know." He crossed his arms from emphasis but really, it just made me chuckle.

"Alrighty then." I quickly found my dresser, pulling out the first pair I laid my hands on. I slipped the drawer shut and walked over to my bed. Quickly pulling my belt off.

"Did you even look?" He asked, causing me to choke on air as I was pulling my pants off.

"Did I even look at what?" I asked feeling slightly mortified, a small blush forming on my cheeks.

He looked at me confused and slightly harshly, "At what you grabbed of course. How did you know if your pants would even match your shirt?" He asked less harsh and more quizzically.

I just looked at him dumbfounded, "Your kidding me right?"

He shook his head, serious this time. "Kendall I don't joke about style."

I raised my eyebrow but said nothing in return, climbing into my comfy bed and sighing in contentment.

"So your not gonna answer me then?" His bitchy tone probably mirrored his expression but I was far too tired to care.

"Night James."

"No, Kendall! You better answer me!"

"Snore."

"Kendall!"

I quickly turned over to face him. "Shushhhhhhh!" I gave him a 'what the hell' look. "Are you crazy? There are people trying to sleep!" I whisper yelled, as opposed to his actual yelling.

His eyes shot dangers at me, "I hate you." And like that he turned over.

I looked at him in disbelief. "Seriously?"

No response.

"Kay, be a baby, I don't care."

No response.

Fine if he wants to ignore me I'll do the same to him. Hmph, teach him to mess with me.

A few minutes passed by and I was on the verge on sleep, even with the lights on, and I heard an almost silent sniffle.

James?

I waited a few more seconds, maybe ten, and then I heard another small sniffle and then an even quieter whimper.

No! No, no, no, no, no, no. Fucking shit. I made him cry.

"James?" I asked almost silently.

"What?" Snapped his harsh tone.

I recoiled at his brashness, feeling even worse for making him feel this bad. "I'm sorry…"

I could practically hear the glare in his words, "I'm so sure Kendall, I'm sure that some macho thug like you feels back for hurting a little cry baby like me's feelings."

I felt awful, but at the same time I couldn't hold back a laugh as I turned to face him. Me a thug?

And at that response he turned to face me aswell, pointing a finger directly between my eyebrows.

"See! You freaking laughed, your so cruel Kendall Knight!" Tears were falling down his check like a waterfall now.

"Aw James…" I felt so bad, my hand instinctively reached out to touch his glistening cheek but he instantly drew back.

"Don't touch me." He glared.

I fumed, I seriously didn't know what to do now. "I didn't mean to laugh. I was laughing that you called me a thug."

He looked at me curiously, "Why?"

I looked at him strangely, "Cus I'm not?

It was his turn to laugh now, "Aha, yeah, I guess not…" He stuck his tongue out at me.

I shook my head, he was so childish.

"I really am sorry though, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." I frowned as I took in the hurt look on his face remembering what I had said.

But after a few minutes of no response when I looked up I seen he was smiling.

"What's up?" I asked utterly confused.

His smile never faltered. "Nothing, just, you care about me, a lot." He stuck his tongue out at me again and I launched myself at him, tickling his sides like a wide man.

His eyes grew wide as I attacked his sides with my fingers. "K-k-kendall! S-sto- ahahaha-stop!"

He tried getting out of my grip but I just sat on his waist, preventing any way of him pushing me off.

I stopped, noticing he was almost out of breath, smiling cheekily as I did so.

He fake glared at me, spitting out threw huffy breaths a sour, "You bastard."

I just smirked, ruffling his hair as I climbed off him.

"My hair!" He whined, "Kendallllll."

I could hear the pout in his voice but it just made me laugh.

I climbed back in bed and pulled the cord for the lamp.

"Meanie face."

"Nice insult."

"Whatever franken-eyebrows."

"Seriously James, you need to get some better insults."

"You can't see me right now, but I'm sticking my tongue out at you."

"While you're talking? That's a nice trick."

"Ugh, your sooooo….."

"Irresistibly hot?"

"Ew no. I was going to say immature."

"Me? Immature? I think you got that backwards buddy."

"Nahhh, I think I got it exactly the way it should be."

"James, just got to bed."

"Fine. But only because I need my beauty rest. NOT because you told me to."

"Whatever."

Silence.

"…Night Ken."

"Goodnight Jamie."

And as I closed my eyes I thought of his face, like it was burned in my mind. You know like the sun sometimes does when you stare at it for a while…

"Here's to staring into the sun, when you used to close your eyes." –The Maine, Untangle Me

Very humorous chapter so I changed the summary on this story to humor & friendship, its just not very angst-y anyway. … anyway, thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed. :]