A Heart's Strangled Cry
DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own InuYasha (Sadly)! He belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, enjoy!
SUMMARY: She couldn't believe it…after all of the promises…after all of the determination…after all of the five hundred years of being mated…he had actually done it…Sesshomaru had actually betrayed her.
NOTE: This is somewhat alternate universe yet sticks to the storyline. This takes place after Naraku, the Shikon shards, and the whole shebang; it is now five hundred years in the present.
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Chapter 1: Didn't Come Home
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Ugh…my head is pounding…
Cracking an eye open, Kagome stared at the comforting crème under bed sheets. Frowning to herself, she slowly and steadily lifted herself into a position so that she was sitting on her side. She had enough experience from late night drinking dates to know to take it easy the next morning. With her hair and clothes all messed up, Kagome looked around the room with a dazed look in her eyes. Looking beside her on Sesshomaru's side she noticed that the covers were messed up, but that was because she had been sleeping in the middle last night…Closing her eyes tiredly when feeling the familiar searing sensation of tears pricking her eyes, she allowed herself to fall face forward and on the pillows where she gave a silent scream.
Gripping the pillow with her hands, she pressed the pillow's soft feathery fabric to her face and screamed again, only harder and longer as she could. When she was done, she turned her head aside so that she could breathe openly, her chest ballooning.
He didn't come home.
The thought brought tears to her drained, cat-like eyes. She didn't even feel them fall down the side of her face as she just laid there across their pillows on their bed contemplating. With her long hair fanned around her and her only in a simple pink blouse and a pair of black jeans, she looked far younger than she was…something she wasn't so sure if she should be grateful or not.
Giving a sigh, she got up from the large circular bed and walked across the marble floor bare foot, ignoring the cold shocks running up her spine with her warm skin against cold stone. She walked across the room and stood in front of the tall mirror and stared at herself.
She never knew why, but for some reason she always felt comfort when she was in her human form, rather than her demon form (Even if she did miss her tail at times). Kagome fingered some of the onyx strands near her face. She wasn't bad looking in human standards, but not model material. She had long beautiful onyx hair that reached to the small of her back. Her skin was a healthy peach color (amazingly) and her eyes were the same as ever: a striking blue that seemed to pierce through any darkness. Her height wasn't too bad at around five feet and seven inches. She knew she wasn't bad on the eyes, but somehow, someone else was able to capture HER Sesshomaru's attention. Her eyes narrowed as the tears somehow naturally continued to flow.
But who is she? WHO?
Eyes flashing crimson, Kagome wasn't able to control the youkai within her as she saw her fist slam into the mirror causing blood and glass to go in all directions. Closing her eyes tightly, Kagome gritted her teeth and fought back control. When she opened her eyes once again, she hissed at the annoying tingle that laced her knuckles.
What a perfect way to start the day. She thought bitterly. And it isn't even seven yet. Which reminds me…
Groaning at the thought of having to leave the mansion all ready in the morning, Kagome couldn't control the growl that both her and her youkai wanted to let out. Sharply turning away from the mess, she walked into their enlarged bathroom and searched for the first aid kit with almost shaking hands.
As she meticulously picked out the shards of glass out of her skin with a pair of tweezers, Kagome worried over her youkai. It was so much harder to control her youkai that it was almost frightening! Without warning, her youkai seemed to gain control and let out some intense emotions, whether they were alone, with one of the servants (Mainly Jaken), with Asahi, or in public – her youkai always took some kind of chance to show how distressed and depressed she was. She could still remember only a month ago while she was in their bed alone, just like last night, she had transformed into her true form on their large bed (A/N: Their bed was made for both of their true forms together to lay on) and whined softly to herself in remorse as she nuzzled Sesshomaru's pillow with her snout.
Putting down the tweezers, Kagome took out a dark-brown bottle of disinfectant and dabbing it on a cotton ball. Not to mention handling her youkai's intense feelings of depression, she had to worry about her rage as well. She came so close to destroying their bedroom and even going on a killing rampage of servants; it had deftly scared her to death. Over the five hundred years of being a youkai, she had never experienced such a rage before, not even when she caught Yume (1) hitting on Sesshomaru four hundred years ago. Sure she got mad and had attacked Yume, but she had attacked only Yume, no one else did she have them get involved.
So scared, she even went to Jaken for some answers and yet the faithful toad was unable to answer them, him himself being not too experienced with such a delicate situation as this couldn't fathom this strange behavior of her youkai.
Kagome picked up a roll of bandages and lightly laced them on around her knuckles and around each elegant finger for movement. When done doing so, Kagome had been able to wash her hair and walked back into the bedroom to find a servant cleaning the mess. She smiled softly in guilt. The maid before her was new, in the job and being acknowledged as an adult in youkai society and had unfortunately been one of the servants she had almost beheaded within her rage when finding proof that Sesshomaru was indeed with another woman.
She's always so hard working…
The young female neko youkai was too busy paying attention to the mess that she didn't sense Kagome walk toward her until Kagome's human hands accompanied her own in picking up the bloodied shards. Gasping in fear and embarrassment, the maid stuttered as she quickly took the shards from her Lady's hands and started to almost messily clean up the mess,
"My L-Lady! I am so sorry f-f-for disturbing you! I-I should have waited. I knew I s-s-should have…I'm so sorry, please for-g-give me!"
Kagome stared sadly at her as the maid never once looked up from her bent over position as a signal of submission as she cleaned the mess she made. Glancing at the slender neck she had gripped with only one hand only a few days ago, she winced at the harsh redness and the deep, purple welts that were left behind.
"Gomen nasai…Onegai, aisumimasen."
Her soft, guilt-ridden voice startled once again the frazzle-nerved maid. After calming down her increased heart rate, something Kagome had quickly sensed, the maid looked up with her sleek fuchsia-purple eyes.
"W-What? Your majesty?"
She quickly added, her cheeks involuntarily flaming once again with foolishness. Kagome hid the small smile of understanding; she had been exactly like that…five hundred years ago.
"I said," Kagome repeated with much patience, something she had acquired as well through the ages, "That I am sorry, please forgive me. Even if I had a reason to be upset, it did not however, give me a reason to attack the assistants within this mansion and for that…I can't help but to be ashamed for the pain I caused you and some others."
Kagome watched the emotions flying through the young girl's eyes. First was fear, something she hated to see – something she hated to created, then came along amazement, wonder, curiosity, and finally…acceptance.
"There is nothing for you to apologize, milady."
The maid bowed appreciatively and set back to work with more ease than before. After helping a few more times with the mess, Kagome went into the closet and reappeared not too long with a pair of comfortable light tan corduroys, a light baby blue button up shirt, and had her hair braided and thrown over one shoulder, ending to her mid stomach.
Kagome was surprised to find the maid already done and at the doorway. She seemed however, to be reluctant to leave the room. Sensing her struggle within herself, Kagome cleared her throat, causing the maid to turn to her with hopeful and respect-filled eyes.
"Is there something else you needed?"
The maid looked at her with a wonder-filled gaze,
"May I ask you a few questions, milady, as long as I am not intruding on anything personal?"
Kagome bit her lip with uncertainty and looked at the maid over, using her senses. The maid held a touch of naiveté and much loyalty and innocence, she knew instantly that she could be trusted.
"Yes, you may."
"Did you truly love him? The master, I mean."
Kagome gave a weak smile, tears silently protruding once again into her endless orbs.
"I stood beside him for five hundred years, young one." It felt so strange yet so right to say that phrase, it was uncomfortable. "I had never once regretted my decision of becoming his mate. Because of that decision, I have many prosperous and loving children, even if only one is still with me. It is the knowledge that Sesshomaru and I have made them has made me so proud in my decision as a woman, a grown up, had decided. To answer your question, yes, I loved him…with all of my heart."
The maid looked at her sadly, not in sympathy thank god, but of a kind of sadness as if a child had been denied a happy ending.
"And do you still love him? Even if he were to do the unthinkable, even after all he's putting you through – do you still love him?"
Kagome stared at her, her eyes watering shamelessly as her heart continued to creak and moan as the bindings that had once prepared themselves those five hundred years began to stretch,
"Yes. I will, there is no doubt about it. I had told him once that he has my love and forever he shall have it. I told myself that when I made the decision of becoming his mate that I was throwing in all the cards…double or nothing. I know the consequences of what may come, what obstacles that were to fall ahead of us. I just hope we'll be able to pull through."
The two stood in silence, a silence that Kagome wished that she could just scream and cry until her heart was content and numb, but the silence broke when the maid opened the door and said softly,
"Can I make one last bold statement, milady, before you leave with Lady Asahi and take her to school?"
After Kagome's nod, the maid's parting words made her heart weep all the more,
"The master truly does not understand what he has. I guess the saying is true…you never know what you've got until you've lost it."
You can never be more right…
Choking back the tears, Kagome made way to the closed French doors and opened them to smell the delicious aroma of pancakes and blue berry muffins. Yet for some reason, the smell couldn't enlighten her mood as it used to.
Oh, Sesshomaru…She thought in mourning as she casually strolled down the grand staircase. What are you doing? What did I do wrong? Did I do something? Say something? What caused you to go astray from my side? Was I not beautiful enough? Did I not love you enough? Was I boring? Please, just tell me so I can correct it and we can be happy like we used to. Please…
"Morning, Mommy!"
Breaking out of her depressed thoughts, Kagome looked down to smile warmly at the small form that threw herself at her own slim form. Holding onto her child tightly, Kagome held her in her arms as she buried her nose into her feather-light hair that smelled of vanilla and strawberries.
Giggling, Asahi snuggled deeper into her mother's embrace, her somewhat chubby arms wrapping themselves around Kagome's neck. Asahi took a deep breath and immediately felt her body relax against the soothing aroma of mommy. Things had been so stressed lately, she didn't know why or how, but things and everyone in the mansion seemed to be on edge – especially around her mother. Maybe it was because daddy hadn't been home lately? But, that never seemed to bother her before…Throwing away the confusing thoughts out of her young, but intelligent mind, the small inuyoukai latched herself onto the comforting smell of delicate lilies and blueberries. This was what she missed the most for these past few weeks, her mother's warmth and the tension-free atmosphere around them. She jumped startled when Kagome asked conversably as she walked them both to the kitchens where Jaken would be most probably be waiting for them along with the cook.
"Ready for school, honey?"
Smiling a million-watt smile, Asahi nodded her head energetically. Unable to contain the giggle, Kagome smiled at Asahi's cute antiques as she sat her in her appropriate chair at the large table in the extravagant dining room which made Kagome want to cringe at the site. The style…it was all his, and only a touch of hers and the children. Didn't it mean anything to him anymore?
Shaking her head, Kagome willed herself to pay attention to her youngest daughter. She smiled as Asahi continued to chatter her little mouth away.
If only you could see what you're missing…
As Asahi talked about school and trying to eat her pancakes at the same time, Kagome chuckled and helped clean the slight mess she caused and told her to either eat or talk one at a time, never at once. Nodding, Asahi started to eat her pancakes – the hunger within her small stomach conquering over her obsession to rattle like most girls and boys her age.
How can you let me raise our child alone? She needs her father here…she needs you, Sesshomaru.
Kagome turned to her plate and eyed the food on her plate. The pancakes were light and fluffy and had her favorite cinnamon syrup and delicious butter on top, not to mention her favorite fruit on the side: cherries. Yet she couldn't bring herself to eat. Another thing she found to her concern; it was like her and her youkai couldn't decide on the right foods to eat while they used to decide on the same thing. Her youkai wanted raw meat, she wanted chocolate to soothe the depression. She wanted to drink her cola yet her youkai wanted to drink freshly spilt blood – something she hadn't had since forever, ever since the incident where back a few hundred years ago with her Asahi's third elder brother and a youkai had harmed him.
Taking in a shuddering breath, Kagome closed her eyes and tried to clamp hard down on the emotions her youkai was sending through her, reminding her that they were hurting.
As if she could ever forget.
"Kagome-sama."
Opening her eyes and casually looking to the side, she gave the person who had said her name a warm smile,
"Onegai, Jaken-kun, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Kagome? You do not need to use formalities with me, you're practically my uncle."
The toad-like imp uncharacteristically smiled at her, causing the wrinkles on his darkening skin to become more apparent. Kagome looked over the old retainer with a saddened and sulking feeling. The retainer that remained loyal and by their side for centuries, was finally being caught up with time and age was abruptly showing now. Jaken's small, but yet firm body was now still small yet, now it was somewhat fragile – he could no longer take the casual beatings of Sesshomaru whenever he accidentally got out of line. His wide yellow eyes seemed wider and he had the habit to now use the staff as somewhat of a walking stick rather than a dangerous and formidable weapon. He no longer shouted unless he got ticked or annoyed to far beyond, it was as if his lungs had finally suffered from his constant shouting back in the past, back when there were constant and dangerous enemies to be done with.
Catching the way her mood changed, he reached up and patted the top of her hand to soothe her distress. He looked at her and said at an attempt to joke,
"Do not worry, Kagome-chan; I still have at least a century left in me; maybe two if I can get a break from all the brats." Kagome couldn't stop the small smile.
Yes, it would always seem that whenever there was a newborn, Jaken became the ever-so popular toy and favored baby sitter. But now, who would take his job after he passed onto the after life? Even at the mentioning of him surviving another century with them couldn't seem to lift up her spirits, it had the complete opposite effect – they made her sadder. In youkai terms, just a century could seem to be only twenty years in human standards and Jaken…he looked so frail.
"I shall try not to, Jaken-kun. Now, what was it that you had to speak to me about?"
Jaken's expression made her gut clench terribly. Casting her head away, she ignored the confused look that Asahi was starting to give them. Jaken said,
"Master Sesshomaru had called earlier while you were upstairs," He eyed the bandaged knuckle with glaring eyes, "getting ready and said that he was sorry that he was unable to come home last night. He said that business was indeed chaotic and says good morning to you both. He says to maybe expect him later in the day before dinner."
Biting her lip for a few seconds to control the trembling of her lips, Kagome stiffly replied as she stood up form the table and away from her untouched meal,
"Arigatou, Jaken-kun. You may go now, I need to take Asahi to school now; expect me home soon."
Jaken stared at her with sad, sympathetic eyes. Bowing low to his mistress, Jaken replied,
"Yes milady, I shall. Is there anything you need for me to do?"
"No, I think I can manage."
Jaken and the still confused Asahi watched as Kagome exited the room, her shiny onyx hair glistening for a moment when the light caught the strands before disappearing into the somewhat shadowed hallway and towards the garage.
Turning to Jaken, her eyes wide and worried,
"Jaken-sama, what it wrong with mommy? Why is mommy so sad?"
Jaken stared at her for a few moments, contemplating before saying quietly,
"I think your mother is just under a little stress."
Looking down at her empty plate, Asahi fumbled with her small hands and said quietly,
"Is it because daddy is spending so much time at the office, Jaken-sama?"
Gathering the plates from the breakfast table, he gave an inward sigh as he carefully picked up Kagome's plate. She didn't eat…again. Why is she doing this to herself? Is she trying to kill herself on purpose? Not forgetting about Asahi and her question, Jaken strolled across the room and whispered softly, even though he knew Asahi heard him loud and clear,
"Something like that, Asahi…something like that."
He disappeared into the large kitchen, leaving Asahi alone in the dining room worried. Hopping down from her comfy chair, she walked to the hutch where the glass doors held many classic and personal values that she knew meant the world to her mother. Grabbing onto the edge, she stood up on her tippy toes and looked at the nearest photo.
The photo had once been taken a few years ago when she turned four; she stared at the picture with a fixated stare. Mommy and Daddy had her wrapped in their arms playfully and smiling at the camera with all of her sisters, brothers, and cousins in the background along with Jaken trying to run away from Uncle Inu's youngest children (Baby twins).
Asahi has never realized how long ago it was since Asahi has last seen Daddy. Why does Daddy not come home at night like he used to? Why is Mommy so sad? Is there something that Asahi does not know?
Kagome's voice pierced through her cloud-filled mind, along with her staring at the photo as she turned to the direction of Kagome's voice,
"Hurry up, honey! Or you'll be late for first grade!"
Squeaking, Asahi ran to the garage to find her mother all ready sitting in the black Impala, the windows down.
"Coming, Mommy!"
She forgot all about her questions and the wondering of why she felt as if Daddy was slowly drifting away from them…
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Hey, everyone! Thanks you guys for all the kind reviews! The second I had updated this I thought I was heading for Flame Central. (Lets out a relieved sigh) Thanks again you guys! I hope you all liked this one! (I thought I did kinda bad, but I'll let you decide…)
Motto: Readers know best:P
-Miss Artemis
P.S. – REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!
P.S.S. – Just incase anyone is going to point this out, yes, Jaken is a little OOC, but that is the way I need him in this story so I can make this work. :D
Japanese terms:
Gomen nasai – I'm sorry/I'm very sorry
Aisumimasen – Forgive me (very formal)
Onegai – Please
Arigatou – Thank you
'-kun' – male friend or companion
'-chan' – a female friend or someone you're close to