As they sat in relatively awkward silence, everyone miraculously needing to peruse their phones at the same time, Killian debated the merits of immediate versus delayed, when she least expects it payback. He was a patient man, he'd waited literal decades for revenge before, but for some reason he found himself needing that immediate satisfaction of besting his wife.

He would never truly classify what he was about to do as revenge, that word entailed malice and forethought, this was merely a game between husband and wife. He and Emma had an ongoing competition, little ways in which they bested the other, it had just never reached this height. This was a whole new level.

He chanced a glance at David who was still stone faced, then Snow who was trying her best to look as though it was any old bright and sunny day. When he looked to Emma, still wearing a self satisfied smirk on her face, she darted her eyes to his and winked. That's my move, he simmered. Just as quickly, she went back to scrolling through her phone.

Brooding as he waited for breakfast to arrive he focused his attention back on his phone, careful not to open the text feed between him and his wife; he'd finally settled down, he didn't need another peep show to get him riled up. Killian opened his photos, it was a favorite pastime of his to look at his frozen moments. He was fascinated by being able to capture a picture forever with the press of his thumb. There, first in the queue was Emma's bloody toe, in the most literal of terms. She'd been gardening the day before and tripped over one of the bricks she was using to line the rose garden. He'd been at work and she'd sent him the picture with the caption, "There goes my fucking pedicure." Indeed she had kicked her big toe so hard, her nail had fallen victim, bloodied and swollen. The picture had made him cringe, but the caption had him chuckling, and he'd saved it to his camera roll as just another Emma memory.

Suddenly, as he stared at the picture an idea came to Killian. A wonderfully awful idea, just like that little, grumpy, green fellow in that Christmas cartoon they'd watched with Henry over the holidays. Ah yes, The Grinch, he remembered, and Killian felt as though the hair atop his head was unfurling just as the Grinch's had when he'd gotten his wonderfully awful idea, though he suppressed the Grinchy smile that wanted to break across his face.

"Say Dave, did I tell you what Emma did?"

All heads turned toward Killian as he smiled innocently at his father-in-law.

"Do I want to know what Emma did?" David grumbled.

"Well, I'm afraid she sent me this picture and I am not sure if she should be going on patrol this afternoon, or if she should stay home so I can take care of her." He turned to Emma and quirked his eyebrow. Biting his lip gently just out of the view of her parents, he watched her visibly squirm in her seat.

"I'm sure I am just fine to work, babe," Emma answered.

"I don't know, I think maybe we should have your father be the judge of that."

"What happened?" Snow asked worriedly.

"Nothing happened, Mom. Killian's just being dramatic."

"Dramatic am I? I'd say this photo would paint quite a different idea." Killian held the phone slightly aloft, as if to pass it to his father-in-law. Looking at his wife in challenge, he waited for her next move.

"Killian," Emma warned. "Don't do something we'll both regret."

"Regret?" David asked in confusion. "Just give me the damn phone." He reached across the table and snatched the phone from Killian's hand before Emma could.

"No!" Emma shouted, lunging across the table but missing the phone as David cradled it to his chest.

"Just what the hell has gotten into you two this morning!" David growled.

"Give me the phone, Dad!"

"No. If you're hurt, Killian is just trying to keep you from hurting yourself more."

"I see I'm back to Killian, mate. Glad to have you back!"

David turned to glare at Killian as if to say, shut up, Hook, but returned his attention to his daughter.

"But, I'm not hurt," Emma whined.

"I'll be the judge of that," Snow said, snatching the phone from her husband. At first her nose wrinkled and her lips turned down in disgust.

Emma shrunk back into her seat, folded her arms against the table and buried her head in them, like a five year old having a fit.

"Emma, that's horrible," Snow said. "You might want to see a doctor."

Emma let out a mortified groan. Her mom was actually lecturing her about naked selfies as if she had some sort of affliction. What insane realm had she entered?

David drew in a sharp breath, "Emma! That's disgusting!"

Killian sat back and enjoyed his handy work. This could not have played out better than if he was pulling puppet strings.

Emma's head shot up and she stared bug eyed at her mother. "Mom! You showed it to dad? I don't even… what the… why would you show dad a naked selfie of me? And you!" She shoved a finger into Killian's chest, "You are gonna pay, pirate."

David shoved the phone toward Killian as if a naked photo of his daughter might suddenly leap onto the screen.

"I've done nothing, love!" he proclaimed.

"A naked selfie?" Snow asked, confusion evident in her voice.

"Oh, whatever, a naked picture," she emphasized in case they were having a realm colloquialism issue. "Don't act like you've never sent dad a sexy picture." Emma shuddered at the uncomfortable thought, they may have been close enough friends to share such information at one point, but Snow was definitely more her mom than her friend in this situation.

David bowed his head into his hands.

"See!" Emma gloated, "that reaction right there says you've definitely sent him a boob shot or two."

Snow just sat there with the good sense to keep her mouth shut as she blushed to the same color of the apple that had almost stopped her from being here to endure this moment.

"Don't judge me for sending nudes to my husband, I'm an adult, the same as you and dad," Emma hissed across the table for privacy's sake, sounding every bit the caught teen she was acting like.

"Fix this, Hook!" David growled through his hands.

Killian put his arm around his wife's shoulder, which she started to slap away.

"Don't try and sweet talk me, this is your fault. If you hadn't been so damn cocky about why we were late this morning I wouldn't have been forced to take you down a peg."

"Emma, love," Killian started innocently.

Emma narrowed her eyes at his expression of contrite apology. It was false, of that she was sure.

"I merely hoped to keep you from injuring yourself worse." He paused to show Emma the photo of her bloodied toe. "You are the one who told your parents you went into the restroom of this fine establishment and sent sultry nudes to your husband whilst he sat ready to break his fast with his lovely in laws."

Emma's jaw dropped almost to the table as she stared at Killian, and then her parents. "I can explain. I mean you already know why we were late, and he was just being so smug and piratey-"

"Piratey?" Killian laughed.

Emma shot him a look and continued, "He was being so smug and piratey about it that I wanted him to be a little humble, so I decided to-"

"We already know that part, too," her father exasperated. "I think you two need to find a new game."

"I don't know Dave, I like this game, I mean, I did win after all," Killian preened.

Snow laughed at Emma's huffing and puffing, they really were a cute couple.

"You did not win."

"Yes I did."

"Did not!" Emma argued, glaring at him as Granny came over to drop off their breakfast.

"Enjoy folks."

A chorus of thanks went around the table as Granny walked back to her counter.

"How do you figure I didn't win, love?" Killian asked as they continued to have a standoff while sitting in a booth.

Smiling sweetly at him, Emma kissed him on the cheek, and then turned back to face her parents. "Killian had a boner when I came back to the table." She picked up a sausage from her plate, bit it, then turned to her husband. "That's how."

"Granny!" David shouted, continuing before the old lady could even address him, "I need a to go box!"

End