A droid carrier thing lands in a field. A commander droid receives a transmission from Viceroy.

Viceroy: "The Jedi have escaped. I believe they have stowed away in one of your ships. Find them and kill them."

Droid: "Roger, roger!"

Viceroy: "Who the hell is Roger?"

Droid: "Uhhh...no one."

Viceroy: "Then why the cluck would you say 'Roger, Roger?'"

Droid: "I meant 'OK, orders received.'"

Viceroy: "I still don't believe you." (turns around, looking for Roger) "SHOW YOURSELF, ROGER! HOW DARE YOU COMMAND MY DROIDS!"

Droid: "Sh-t! I'm losing your signal! I'm cutting out!"

Droid cuts transmission and turns to other droid.

Droid: "And he says we're the dumbasses."

Droid 2: "I know, right! Do we still have to find and kill the Jedi?"

Droid: "Hell, no! They'll cut us to pieces! But if you run into them somehow, try eliminating them."

Droid 2: "But we'll surely get destroyed."

Droid: "Yeah, but we have to obey our orders. We're programmed that way."

Droid 2: "Life sucks."

Droid: "At least we don't have stormtrooper aim."

Droid 2: "True dat."

Qui-Gon is running from a droid carrier thing when he sees a Gungan about to get run over by another one.

The Force: "Save him, Qui-Gon!"

Qui-Gon saves the Gungan, who starts following him around.

Qui-Gon: "Stop following me."

Gungan: "Nosa! Yousa saves my lifesa!"

Qui-Gon: "That doesn't mean you have to follow me around. Why don't you make like a tree, and get out of here."

Gungan: "No! Mesa called Jar-Jar Binks! Mesa comic relief! Mesa have to follow you aroundsa!"

Qui-Gon (buries face in hands): "What did I do to deserve this?"

Obi-Wan runs toward the two, being chased by a droid on a flying banana.

Obi-Wan: "GET TO THE CHOPPA!"

Qui-Gon deflects laser bolts back at droid and blows the sh-t out of it.

Obi-Wan: "Nice work, Master. Who's this?"

Qui-Gon: "Some inconsiderate a-hole who keeps on following me around. He thinks he's comic relief."

Jar-Jar: "Mesa supersa usefulsa! Mesa shows yousa mesa secretsa citysa!"

Qui-Gon (sighing): Fine, lead the way.

Jar-Jar starts walking.

Qui-Gon (whispering to Obi-Wan): "I say we get out our lightsabers and..."

Qui-Gon makes stabbing motions with his hand.

Obi-Wan: "Agreed."

They sneak up on Jar-Jar and ignite their lightsabers.

Jar-Jar: "Whatsa yous..."

The Jedi swing their lightsabers downwards, but are pushed back by an old fat dude who appears out of nowhere.

Qui-Gon: "Hey bro, what the cluck?"

Old guy: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS...until you explain why the hell you were trying to kill poor Jar-Jar here."

Obi-Wan: "Who are you, and why in the name of salsa do you like Jar-Jar?"

Old guy: "B-tch, please. I'm GEORGE LUCAS! Now explain why you were trying to kill my seriously hilarious main-secondary character!"

Qui-Gon: "Because he's more annoying than those government bastards who come to my house and demand I pay them money or some sh-t like that."

George Lucas (eyes widen): "You mean tax collectors? What do you do to them?"

Qui-Gon: "I cut their weenies off with my lightsaber. But that's irrelevant."

Lucas: "It's totally relevant! Kids watch this you know."

Obi-Wan: "Exactly why we should kill Jar-Jar. The children will be scarred for like if they see this annoying as Barney nitwit. It is a crime against the Force"

Lucas: "I INVENTED THE FORCE, B-TCH! IT BELONGS TO ME! AND I SAY IT'S NOT A CRIME, SO IT'S NOT A CRIME. NOW SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO YOUR GOD!"

Obi-Wan: "God of senility, maybe."

Lucas (calming down) : "You can't kill Jar-Jar."

Qui-Gon: "Don't make me cut off your weenie, too."

Lucas: "You can't touch me. I'm your creator. Now shut up and follow Jar-Jar."

Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon both give Lucas the bird. Lucas moons them and disappears in a puff of magical fairy dust. Qui-Gon turns to the cowering Jar-Jar.

Qui-Gon: "All right you mother Hubbard, show us the way to your boy band."

Jar-Jar takes them all the way to a lake and jumps in.

Obi-Wan: "Dammit, we have to swim there, don't we. I just had my, robe dry cleaned."

Qui-Gon: "I feel your pain, bro. Those dry-cleaners rip you off."

They put on breathing thingamajiggers and swim underwater all the way to the city, which is lit up. The go inside one of the pods. A guard stops Jar-Jar.

Guard: "Jar-Jar, gosa cluck yourselfsa."

Jar-Jar: "Nosa! Mesa gosa tosa the bossa.

Guard: "Finesa, but yousa deadsa."

The guard leads them to the boss's jello thing.

Obi-Wan: "Why do the gungans hate you?"

Qui-Gon snorts.

Jar-Jar: "Uhhh, last time mesa here, uhhh, mesa kind of, uhh, relieve mesaself in public."

Qui-Gon: "You sick beast! Have you no shame!"

Guard: "And then hesa takesa all of his clothesa off and run around while saying 'MESA FREESA!'"

Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon step away from Jar-Jar. They enter the boss's chamber.

Boss: "Whatsa yousa wantsa?"

Obi-Wan: "We need to hitch a ride, dawg."

Boss: "Okaysa, mesa give yousa bongo..."

Qui-Gon: "Thanks, homie."

The Jedi turn to leave.

Obi-Wan (making peace sign): "Peace out, b-tches!"

Boss: "...On the condition that yousa takesa Jar-Jar with yousa."

They stop in their tracks.

Qui-Gon: "No way are we taking that piece of Bantha dung."

Boss: "Sorry, no Jar-Jar, no deal."

Qui-Gon lets out a string of explicative language that would make a sailor turn to a priest.

Boss: "Yousa really thinksa that mesa put upsa with this annoyingsa dimfuss? No bettersa, yousa takes himsa and getsa supersa annoysa."

Qui-Gon starts to sob in his hands.

Obi-Wan (staring daggers): "Fine, we'll take him, you green turd."

They take Jar-Jar and walk out.

Obi-Wan: "Oh, and SCREW YOU!"

That's it for now. Reviews are appreciated, will try to update soon. Thanks for reading!

Review responses:

StarWarsFreakyGeek- Thanks for the warning! Added quotation marks and a thing at the beginning of chapter one.