Chapter 2: I've heard of playing cat and mouse but cat and epileptic now you're just talking fish.
Disclaimer: I forgot to put this in chapter 1 I own nothing this is a work of fiction and I claim no rights to any of the characters or locations or anything else.
Isshin turned the block and saw the clinic he and Masaki made, the clinic where his 3 children Ichigo, Karin, and Yuzu were born in yes there were many happy memories at this clinic that he owned.
Isshin walked in the front door and took off his shoes and put on slippers "I'm home everyone!!" He shouted.
"Welcome home," yelled Yuzu from the kitchen "Dinner will be ready in 20 minutes"
"Okay Yuzu my wonderful daughter where are my other children by the way?" Isshin said as he entered the kitchen.
"Karin is playing soccer and Ichigo is out on a date with Rukia," replied Yuzu cheerfully.
"A date my ass those two are off fighting hollows somewhere like Ichigo could ever get a date with a girl from one of the four noble families" thought Isshin as he went to the bathroom and washed his face "and who was that girl that could see me I lowered my spirit down to a minuscule amount I need to lay low then," he thought as he dried his face off and went to the dining room and read the newspaper.
"Dad why don't you read it online it's free and easier to use," said Yuzu as she added some spices to the big cooking pot.
"Because I always read the newspaper my father read the newspaper and his
Father, well he couldn't read but if he could he would've read the newspaper too," said Isshin as he turned to the entertainment section.
Isshin heard a faint rustling coming from his room "I guess he woke up when I went into my shinigami form" Isshin thought as he headed up to his room and slid open the door, he walked in and turned towards the closet he opened it up and looked down there on the ground was a wooden box covered in seals that was shaking around. He picked up the box and opened it, inside the box there were even more seals and a wooden sword "Hello my old friend," said Isshin "did I wake you?"
The sword started to shimmer and a faint wispy shadow rose up "Isshin why the fuck did you wake me up? I was having such a wonderful dream." It said in a slithery tone.
"Sorry there I was having the gigai checked up and I needed to revert back to my old self," said Isshin as hey chuckled and scratched the back of his head.
"Well I'm hungry it's been over 20 years since you fed me Isshin," said the sword.
"20 years already eh?" said Isshin sarcastically "well I guess I should feed you tonight after dinner" as he took the sword out and swung it in the air a few times. "Lets get the cobwebs off shall we?"
"Yes let's," said the Sword.
Soi Fon reached the door to the shinigami safe house and opened it. The place was dark and dusty; Soi Fon turned on the light and looked around the room. There was a fridge in the corner in it was some moldy bread and some milk which looked more like yogurt than milk "I need to go food shopping" thought Soi Fon. In the other corner there was a metal cot with a pillow and white sheets there was a desk next to it with a Victorian style lamp and a halogen bulb in it, in the opposite corner there was a rusty green range oven combo with a sign on it that read -- out of order – "great I need to fix that as well, I guess a woman's work is never done sigh" she muttered. In the last corner she saw a door that led to a bathroom and shower stall on the left and a communications room on the right. "Waah, no bath tub?" thought Soi Fon "I guess I'll be visiting the Bathhouses more often."
"Bring bring, bring bring" went the Communications screen; Soi Fon went in there and turn the communicator on "Soi Fon here," she said.
Captain Yamamoto appeared on the screen "greetings Soi Fon," he said with his squinty eyes "I have come with your orders regarding the shinigami and haori you discovered earlier today"
"Yes sir," said Soi Fon as she assumed the "at attention" pose awkwardly with her new unfamiliar gigai.
"First of all the name of the shinigami is Isshin Shiba of the Shiba clan" said Yamamoto "he is a SS class criminal and is not to be taken lightly Soi Fon I suggest you ask Kisuke Urahara or Yoruichi Shihoin."
"I think I can handle him on my own," said Soi Fon "so what are his crimes?"
"Isshin is accused of numerous crimes including but not limited to: desertion, stealing Soul Society secret documents, mass murder, inebriated while on duty, conspiracy, instigating a riot, attacking civilians unprovoked, possession of illegal substances, jay walking," said Yamamoto reading off a list.
"What about the haori?" said Soi Fon even more interested now.
"He has one because of his former position and his noble heritage."
"And his former position was?" she said impatiently and tapping her foot.
"Isshin Kurosaki's former position was captain of squad zero."
Squad zero also known as the royal families bodyguards and chosen from the captains the number of them or who they are is unknown to most people. A single one of them could take on a Vastrode lorde on and barely break a sweat, to be the captain of them you would have to be one of the most powerful shinigami in existence all of this flashed through Soi Fon's mind in an instant; but she wasn't scared because she loved a challenge if she captured him her status would greatly increase and the perks that would come along with it. "You can count on me sir," she said.
"One more thing Soi Fon, Isshin can make the source of his reiatsu in multiple places making him hard to track down so I had squad twelve make this special tracker that will accurately find and trace Isshin's reiatsu," he said holding a device with a radar on it "you can pick it up at Kisuke's shop tomorrow."
"Understood sir," said Soi Fon as she saluted her big breast jiggled up and down,
"And Soi Fon," he said.
"Yes sir?"
"Be careful," he said in a caring voice.
"I always am sir," Soi Fon said turning off the communicator "Now to go food shopping."
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After dinner, which consisted of chicken curry, rice, and sake; Isshin headed up to his room and cast a kidou spell that made it seem like he was in the room and even gave off his unique reiatsu signature, then he took out his sword and said "ready partner?"
"Always," replied his sword eagerly awaiting its meal with much enthusiasm.
"Alrighty then," said Isshin as he silently opened the window and stepped out.
Isshin closed the window quietly and jumped of the roof and flew into the air. Once he was high enough in the air he stopped and stood up their "now to make sure Ichigo and Rukia don't even go out tonight," he said as he cast another kidou spell that blocked all reiatsu signals from penetrating his house "there now on to tonight's festivities," as he rubbed his hands together; then he flashed to the city.
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Soi Fon decided to walk back to the safe house from the gas station to enjoy the scenery. "This city is nice," she said to herself as she held a bag of food in her right arm.
Suddenly she picked up a faint shinigami reiatsu "that feels like Isshin's reiatsu," she said as she flashed to the safe house and deposited the food in the fridge and headed out towards Isshin, she licked her lips in anticipation for her new prey.
She traced the reiatsu to a love hotel in the red light district. She looked in one of the windows inside there was an Asian male fucking a skinny busty blonde from Europe. Soi Fon's faced turned a bright red, she should be looking for Isshin not looking at this smut but something about it just drew her attention as she turned back and continued to watch.
"Oh Maede, Maede," Screamed the blonde as she had an orgasm while riding the man's penis.
"Fuck yeah Kristine," the man yelled as he came in her "Let's do it again."
By this point Soi Fon's left hand had made its way into Soi Fon's pant and moved her panties aside to slowly start moving in and out of her vagina. Soi Fon moaned out loud and thought "This gigai has a mind of it's own."
The two people in the room stopped fucking and looked out the window "Oh, fuck we've been made," said the man as he jumped out of the bed.
"You can take her without my help," the woman said as she laid back on the bad and started to play with her pussy "I'll be waiting for you tiger," then she moaned and winked at the man.
"I know you will be," the naked man started walking towards the pile of clothes and put on some boxers then he nonchalantly made his way towards the window.
"Oh shit do they see me," thought Soi Fon as she quickly took her hand out of her pants and backed jumped up onto the roof and took a fighting position.
"Why do they always run?" said the man as he opened the window and looked up. "That's about a 15m jump," he thought as the man jumped onto the roof as well.
"Who are you?" said Soi Fon "because you're clearly not an ordinary human."
"True but neither are you Mrs. Shinigami," he said in a laid back manner.
"Identify yourself or else," said Soi Fon as she raised her voice.
"Make me," he said as a grin formed on his face.
Soi Fon rushed at hi and attempted to punch him in the face, he pivoted on his left foot and it missed. Then she kicked him with her left foot, he caught her foot then pulled her over his body and slammed her onto the roof tiling. Soi Fon got up and quickly jumped back. Then she said "Captain Soi Fon requesting permission to remove limiter"
"Processing," said a voice into Soi Fon's ear. "Great now I just need to stall," she thought as she rushed towards him again with a barrage of punches.
"Stalling for time eh?" the man said as he dodged all the punches gracefully and returned them with his own barrage of punches.
Soi Fon dodged most of them but was hit a few times in non vital places and did a back flip away from the man and returned to a fighting pose "come on, come on" she said impatiently.
"At least make this fun for me" said the man as he shunpoed behind her and quickly groped her boobs "mmmm these are 36 EE's if I'm not mistaken"
Soi Fon tried to elbow him but he shunpoed back into his original position, that's when Soi Fon realized besides when he groped her he hadn't moved from his original position since they started fighting. "Is he mocking me?" thought Soi Fon angered and humiliated, "that bastard I'll tear out his entrails and make them into macaroni art then I'll make him watch as I feed the leftovers to under privileged youths who might become gang members on Detroit's south side." Just then she heard a voice in her ear "Soi Fon limit removal has been approved"
"Perfect," she thought as she said "release the Limit!" then a bright light enveloped her for a second as her limiter was removed. Immediately she flashed towards behind him and threw a punch square at his neck, it connected and the man collapsed.
Soi Fon turned around and started to walk away when not even a few paces into her stride she heard "ouch that hurts!" She turned around and saw a shinigami coming out of the unconscious man "I guess a normal human body can't react to those speeds," he said as he rubbed the back of his neck.
Soi Fon looked at the man's face; it was Isshin Shiba. "Isshin Shiba you are hereby under arrest and are to be held in my custody until such time as you can be transferred to the Soul Society for a trial with central 46," Soi Fon said in an authoritative tone.
"Oh, Mrs. High and mighty over here thinks she can take me in," he said in a haughty voice and struck an Ee ji kim yiu ma stance.
"You know Hung kar?" said Soi Fon as she moved into the beginning pose of the Chinto kata.
"Oh, you're using Isshin-Ryu be still my heart," he said in a sarcastic tone.
"Just shut up and come with me peacefully," she said as she flashed behind him again and performed a low sweeping kick to the ankles.
Isshin jumped up and did a back kick at her face "Make me," he said and then stuck his tongue out at her.
Before his kick could connect Soi Fon flashed back to a safe distance and took her zanpakuto out (Lucky for her Kisuke made some adjustments so that she could use her zanpakuto in this gigai) and said, "Sting all Enemies to death Suzumebachi" and released her shikai.
"Oh you're bringing out your shikai I'm flattered," Isshin said as took a step back "then perhaps I should fight with a zanpakuto. You can come up here now!!" He yelled.
"What? But there's no one else but us here," said Soi Fon when she saw the nude blonde jump up onto the rooftop "The slutty dumb blond is your zanpakuto?"
"Not exactly," said Isshin "You can come out now I'm gonna fight with you."
"Oh poo, and I was liking this body all nice and warm inside," said the blond as a wooden sword hilt emerged from her abdomen.
Isshin put his right hand on the top of the hilt and pulled it out. As soon as the sword was all the way out the blond regained consciousness "What? Where am I…." she said as Isshin hit her in the neck and knocked her out then laid her gently on the rooftop, then turned towards Soi Fon and did the kendo stance.
The two stood there for a while the mental battle between them had already begun. "If he comes from the left I'll use shunpo, if he comes from behind I'll use an instep on him," thought Soi Fon.
"If I get beef on the way home Yuzu will make chili and then I'll have to monopolize the toilet, but if I bring shrimp home she'll make shrimp curry and I'll have to monopolize the sink hmm. I got it I'll bring home chicken that way she'll make buffalo wings and I'll have to monopolize the napkins," thought Isshin as he smiled and licked his lips.
"Are you thinking about how deliciously disgusting prison food is in the Soul Society maximum security prison?" Soi Fon said slyly.
"No, I was thinking about how good it would be to motorboat your breasts," said Isshin as he made a squeezing motion with his left hand.
"You mother fucking pervert!" Yelled Soi Fon "and where do you get off using living peoples bodies for sex with your fucking sword that's just plain wrong."
"My sword needs to feed on the sexual energy released during the female orgasm every so many years; it's not that big a deal and the humans never know about it they ust think it was a wild dream they had, see no harm no foul. However that guy," he said as he pointed to the man he was previously possessing "is gonna be really sore in the morning thanks to you."
"That's just fucked up man what kind of zanpakuto needs sexual energy, I mean I bet your shikai is tentacles that secrete sex hormones and rapes hot girls in dark alleyways," Soi Fon said half jokingly and half disgusted.
"I wish my shikai was like that," exclaimed Isshin "that would be the best zanpakuto ever," he said like a little boy dreaming of the perfect toy he wanted.
Soi Fon had had enough of this she started to lunge at him when the sun started to rise "Oh that's my cue to leave" said Isshin as he flashed behind her and sensually groped her one more time "Let's do this again some time," he whispered into her ear and flashed away.
Soi Fon tried to sense where he was but was too startled from the groping to properly concentrate "Damn him and damn these big breast they've been nothing but a burden," said Soi Fon as she stomped her foot on the ground and scrunched her nose up. Then she heard a grumbling from her stomach and realized she hadn't eaten in over 16 hours "I guess I better head back to the safe house now," Soi Fon said to herself being very upset that her hunt would have to wait.
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When Soi Fon flashed back to the safe house the door was slightly ajar. Soi Fon entered with caution knowing someone had broken in, the lights were off so Soi Fon reached slowly for the light switch on the left and turned it to the on position. The lights in the whole safe house turned on and Soi Fon quickly scanned the place for the intruder, but they had already left then she noticed the cardboard box on the table with a sticky note on it. She walked over to the table and took the note of the box and read it.
It said "To my lovely big breasted captain, though you may not know where I am I'll always know where you are with my new pickle powered tracking device I got at Urohara's shop earlier and know it's unique so you can't find me :P. also I left some goodies to keep you occupied in all the spare time, which you'll have lots of trust me cause Ichigo kills all the hollows here and so there's nothing to do. –Isshin" as Soi Fon read the note she started to open the package then she stopped and turned red "That man has some fucking nerve sending me a vibrator," she said infuriatingly and went to the fridge to make Breakfast.
End of chapter Disclaimer: Also I claim no rights to Hung kar or Isshin-Ryu yes they really do exist and if you wanna know more about them you can look them up online.
also Please R&R it's always fun to see what people think of what you write.