Continue? Sure, why not. Not like I don't have other, bigger projects that I should be working on instead. Enjoy; don't forget to not take this seriously.
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Tazuna was worried.
It wasn't just the fact that his home was being held under the tyrannical foot of Gato, or that a failure to complete the bridge from the Wave Country to the mainland would spell certain doom for his family and everyone else, or even that there was a high possibility that he could be assassinated at any given moment for foolishly seeking outside aid from Konohagakure.
No, what really worried Tazuna was the company he was currently keeping. That company being the aforementioned aid he'd gotten from Konoha.
He hadn't been expecting much; due to his lack of funds he'd had to lie about the severity of his situation because there was no way he'd be able to afford a team to defend him from deadly assassins. Hiring a team to escort him home, however, was surprisingly cheap, though he'd been told that the team he'd be getting would be inexperienced.
Unfortunately, the Hokage failed to mention that the team would also be composed of freaks and weirdos.
The old man looked ahead, where the red-wearing girl with the picnic basket (and he still hadn't gotten a straight answer concerning that, just a massive convulsing shudder from Kakashi) was skipping about merrily, humming a cheerful tune and conversing with the little woodland critters that approached her on the road. Tazuna couldn't explain why, but he was almost expecting for the girl to rip the head off of the next chipmunk that came along.
He looked behind him, where the blonde boy in the druid robe was straggling several yards behind, dragging his feet with a lit lantern held out in front of him (hadn't gotten an explanation for that, either). He was rather torn: If the boy would pick up the pace a bit, they could have reached the docks an hour ago. But nobody else was complaining about their slow progress and, to be perfectly honest, the boy really creeped him out with his complete lack of expression and refusal to speak even when spoken to, so the more distance between them, the better.
He looked to his right, where the other boy was greedily gnawing on the remains of a chipmunk that he'd flash-fried with his hands after the girl had shooed it away. He didn't think he really needed an explanation for this one, especially after hearing Kakashi mutter the words 'poor Tora' under his breath.
And finally to his left, where Kakashi himself walked beside him. Aside from having three-quarters of his face covered, he at least acted normal. Well, he did give off the vibe that he hadn't slept a peaceful night's sleep in a couple weeks, and he seemed a little twitchy. But hey, shinobi life was probably pretty hectic, so maybe that wasn't so unusual.
Needless to say, Tazuna wasn't feeling quite as safe as he would have liked, but held out hope that if anyone did come after him, they too would be frightened off by this disturbing group of ninja.
Hey, hope was one of the few things the poor guy had left these days.
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The Demon Brothers, Gozu and Mezu, laid patiently in wait from the cover of their unassuming little puddle. Or rather, it would be unassuming if it had rained any in the last three days. Fortunately, Tazuna was a well-known drunk and the ninja with him didn't look all that intelligent or threatening. This would be an easy kill; Zabuza wouldn't even have to get involved.
They watched through the surface as the little girl approached, skipping past only to double back and stare at the puddle in confusion.
"A puddle? How strange," she muttered to herself. She reached out and poked the water with her finger, causing a small ripple. "I wonder how deep it is. Maybe I can go fishing?"
Gozu shot his brother a look that, even with his mask on, easily translated to 'How stupid can she be?' Mezu just shrugged, not really caring how addle-minded the girl was. They just had to wait a few more seconds for Tazuna to move closer and they could strike. She would just be the first one to-
Something heavy fell into the pool, causing both brothers to push away as far as possible, which was only about a foot from the object; any further would damage the structure of the jutsu.
The brothers stared at the object in wonder. It was oddly cylindrical and metallic, like a really small oil drum. But where had it come from? The girl hadn't been carrying it, and it would have been too big to fit in that basket of hers... More importantly, what exactly was-
"FIRE IN THE HOLE!"
Their contemplation, and their lives, was abruptly ended as the miniature depth charge detonated.
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Being a sensei to the 'Devil Trio' as he so lovingly referred to them (though not out loud, of course), and especially to Haruno Sakura in particular, Kakashi's paranoia levels had skyrocketed. If he hadn't been born with gray hair, he'd be sporting lots of them by now. He felt as though he were walking across a field of caltrops all the time, not wanting to draw the ire of his students. One near-death experience at the hands of three fresh-faced genin was plenty, thank you.
He didn't think he would ever be able to forgive Sarutobi for not letting him send them back to the academy. Some nonsensical bullshit about 'Well, if they were good enough to beat you, then they must be more than ready'. The old bastard wouldn't even let him transfer the demons to a different jounin. It's like he was being punished for something.
So, for now at least, he was stuck with them. And so, like any good ninja, Kakashi took the time to study his students, in order to decipher different actions they displayed that would warn him when it was time to get the Hell out of dodge. For the most part it was fairly simple to pick up on:
If Naruto pulled out his knife and started approaching you, get the Hell out of dodge.
If Sasuke started laughing and nothing funny was going on, get the Hell out of dodge.
And if Sakura started reaching into her basket, or failed at getting Sasuke to flirt with her, or thought you were looking at her funny, or was bored, you get the Holy Hell out of dodge.
Thanks to this knowledge, Kakashi had already tucked Tazuna under one arm and Sasuke under the other and hightailed it back in Naruto's direction before Sakura even gave her warning cry. The shockwave coursing through the ground still made him stumble.
"What the blazing blue Hell was that!" Tazuna demanded once the tremors stopped.
"I will filet the charred remains of flesh from your bones with my bare hands if you don't get off me," Sasuke growled from beneath him, his hands already glowing with eerie blue flame. Tazuna was up and moving so fast he accidentally knocked Naruto over, who perceived it as an attack and reached into his robe for his stabbin' knife.
In an attempt to protect his mission objective and get away from his students, Kakashi again grabbed Tazuna and Shunshin'ed out of their reach.
"Could you stop doing that?" Tazuna requested. "You're makin' me nauseous."
"Would you rather I leave you with them?" Kakashi countered before (very) reluctantly walking off to see what Sakura was up to.
When he reached her, he saw that she was crouched down and staring into the crater she had just made. She also looked perfectly fine, despite being at ground zero of her own explosion. He couldn't bring himself to question that, already certain that the answer would give him a headache.
Taking a tentative look over her shoulder, he spied a large pool of blood, with bits and pieces of what used to be some form of living creature floating in it.
"Sakura-chan...what exactly did you do?" he asked as casually as he could.
"Just went fishing, sensei," Sakura innocently responded, though the wide, toothy smile and maniacal glint in her eyes suggested a far more devious motive to her madness. Or maybe that was just one of her normal expressions.
Kakashi decided not to bother pressing the issue. Maybe if he convinced himself that whatever Sakura had blown to kingdom come had really been some kind of threat to their mission, it would help hold on to his own sanity while dealing with his student's homicidal antics.
He slowly reached out and patted the madwoman on the head. "Good girl."
"Tee-hee-hee," Sakura giggled happily. Kakashi chuckled back weakly, mentally cursing Sarutobi to a fate worse than death for what must have been the thousandth time in less than a month. He then went to make sure neither of his other students had managed to kill Tazuna in his absence.
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Next Time: More people are also about to have a bad day. Hopefully none of you are.
LL