"Quoted Italics" is the Elvish language

Regular Italics is Amr's thoughts

I own nothing.. I'm broke as fudge

Chapter Two

A month has already passed by now and I've established a fairly good routine here. Eat, Sleep, Don't Go Crazy, Repeat. Arwen finally gave in and helped me make my own clothes since the last time she tried to force a dress on me I ended up running around Rivendell in nothing but my underwear. Go me! Basically my new clothes are just duplicates of my shorts and t shirt since the weather has been pretty much the same everyday. She helped me change the variety in the lengths of the shorts and attempted to make the shirts more interesting by adding silky graphic stuff. Perfect. Making hats like my baseball cap was a flat out failure. I think the missing element is plastic but I didn't want to waste energy trying to explain THAT to them. (Do not bring up "cutting down trees" in front of Elves. EVER) Now to get them to make me some sandals or something. I do not want to wear boots or go barefoot everywhere. I will settle for slippers even, please no little pebbles sticking to under my feet or thick callouses on my soles, it's my worst pet peeves!

About the 'having to explain things' bit, I already have to explain certain slang I used to use back home all the time. That gets old really quick. I think I'm sounding more and more Shakespearian over time. Okay, maybe medieval is a better word for it. I tried talking using thou, doth, thine, and the like in my speech for a day to see if I would sound fancier. I got a successful Elven facepalm from Lord Elrond himself! High praise indeed.

Another thing no one mentions about Rivendell, in which I will never take for granted again, is the lack of bad weather, as funny as that sounds. Change in the weather actually makes things so much more interesting! Here, it's just always so muggy and sunny with a slight breeze. Every. Day. Blah. I could never stand Florida-like climates, how can I stand it here? I say Florida-like only because I've never been there, of course. If you like surfing then hopefully you will never get stuck here, like me. No one plays in the waves like the people on Earth.

One day I was feeling particularly bored I decided to take a walk to the fountain that I was first discovered 'sleeping' on when I had arrived to Middle Earth. What I saw made me gape beyond belief.

"They.. they're naked!" I said in quiet shock to no one in particular.

A whole bunch of little naked men sitting on each other's shoulders, wrestling, snapping towels at each other, and performing little fat men cannon balls right in that very fountain I liked to look into!

"What the f-"

"Ah, Amrylea, you're here. I haven't introduced to two, yet. He may be able to assist in your dilemma.." Elrond slowly cut off, his mouth staying open after the "a" as he took in the scene we were all entranced by now.

"A-HEMMM" Gandalf caught our attention, snapping our heads in his direction. Elrond's face was expertly composed, and somewhat annoyed, while mine was guiltily blushing with pinched lips and trying not to squeal at what innocence I had just lost. My eyes were helplessly popped open until my mind sunk in the fact that Gandalf the Gray was actually standing right in front of me. The one person I have been waiting for months to show up! Hurrah!

"Gandalf!" I proclaimed enthusiastically. His eyebrows raised at my exclamation then he looked to Elrond who hardly shook his head with a mock frown as if to say, "I didn't tell her your name, don't look at me!" And his questioning stare turned back to me.

"I see you know who I am, but I have yet to learn your name, miss-" UGH, not this again. Does everyone run off the same dialogue in Middle Earth, or what?

"Just Amy.. or Amrylea if you want to be formal. Have you brought Frodo with you?"

"Amy is a lovely name, even as it is short. Uh- I beg your pardon?" He seemed rather taken aback I mentioned the name Frodo but he thought better of it, "Perhaps, you have heard of this name elsewhere."

"No, silly, I mean Frodo Baggins! Is he here? How many other people actually name their kids Frodo around here, anyway?" Really, I can be quite dense. Would you be able to figure this out right away what was the correct year-age it was after seeing that at the fountain burned into your eyes forever while at the same time screw with the actual functionality of your brain?

"No, my dear, he is just a young little lad still dreaming of venturing beyond the lands bordering the Shire!" He gave a good laugh before regaining his sense of morality and waved over my shoulder. The green vines and shrubs jumped to life as if to grow together to form a wall behind us, effectively blocking out the distracting view of the naked male-stuff splashing about.

"Come along, let us walk while we discuss this young lady's startling predicament." Elrond graciously waved us away from the offending perimeter of the fountain lounging area.

Soon I heard a squabble of noise on the other side of the makeshift wall of shrubbery in what appeared to sound like yells, fist thumps, and breaking vines and branches. I quickly decided to catch up to Gandalf and Lord Elrond and also decided to grudgingly forever avoid going to the fountain as a resting spot from now on. Maybe I will make up some signs at the entrance (when the coast is clear) stating, "Fountain is off limits due to exposure of excessive male nakedness, from now until further notice." I'm sure the elves will be very grateful for my warnings. I swear, I will never look at that fountain the same again.

They still felt weary of my unexpected arrival, not knowing who I was, and how I somehow managed to find this place and pass through undetected by their border patrol. I mean they did find me laying down on the edge their fountain, of all places I had to choose from to take a 'nap' at. Never again. I shuddered.

The talk with Elrond and Gandalf seemed somewhat pointless. I mean, I did learn to an extent that Frodo is still young, so that's something, at least. I was just trying to figure out what in Middle Earth is going on.. literally! If I'm stuck between periods I have to admit I will be somewhat disappointed. Not that Rivendell and all it's handsome/beautiful Elvishness isn't so wonderfully splendid all the time, every single freaking day.

I'm bored.

Really bored..

Arwen is convinced I have a lapse of memory from a nonexistent head injury (somehow explaining my constant current physical ailments) and doesn't remember how I "sneaked in here," which they actually all believe. You would think someone would believe me here but no, I'm just a crazy human girl with all these silly notions. Saruman is evil? No freaking way! Frodo, a tiny hobbit kid from the Shire, is going to save Middle Earth? Yeah, right! Don't even mention Thorin, he kind of freaked out at that one. I'm not sure why. He's being all secretive and it's really putting me off. I thought Gandalf was supposed to be all wise, not just some old goof ball who gambles with peoples lives. Okay, so my opinion has gone down the drain thanks to certain interactions with all these newbs. Don't believe my warnings and predictions? Fine! Go let the wall at Helm's Deep blown up, see if I care! This is exactly why I hate people.

Borderline dangerous bored.

I went to my room, permanently mine I guess since I'm not fit to travel and no one has kicked me out yet, and got my guitar. Before I could settle down to play there was a knock at my door.

"Miss Amy," Arwen again. It's the third time today, gimme a break lady! "We have some unexpected visitors today and would like to extend an invitation for you to come join us, we are having a small feast in their honor." She pleaded with her pure heart. Dear god not another feast! We have one pretty much every other day! And it's just vegetables and fruit and bread most of the time anyway. I actually make Arwen go hunting for me because my diet does not like anything that's not cooked or has too little protein in it. You would think I was part dwarf! I would feel bad for Arwen, the poor gentle soul, but she is uncharacteristically good at killing cute little animals where I'm really bad at it. Fancy that.

"NO, Arwen. You know I don't like making friends with people who will just leave within a fortnight anyway! It's too tiring!"

"Amy, my friend. Everything makes you too tired. Please come and bid hello to our guests, I heard there is royalty!"

I mulled this over for a minute. It was tempting but then again my stomach wasn't in such good shape today and my heart seemed to want to skip beats. If it weren't for my horribly bad health I would have run away a long time ago from this borish nightmare. I have something I always say to people: Never ever live in a vacation location. NEVER. It get really old really quick and then where do you go to have fun? Nowhere. You're numb to it. At least that's my personal philosophy.

"Arwen.. Come here." I waved her to come closer as I set my guitar down on my bed. "I really appreciate all that you do for me. You're the quickest friend I've ever made, which is saying a lot, and I love all the effort you put into helping me get better but that's just the thing, hun. I'm not getting better. I never will. I don't know how long I've got before the shit hits the fan and poof, I'm gone!" She cringed at my curse word and use of visual explanations but she reacts a lot better now than she used to. Better, because I'm not going to be anyone but myself here, if I'm going to stay sane. Or at least what I consider to be sane.. heh.

"Also, I'm having a bad energy day. I don't know if it's something I ate or did. I know I didn't sleep well last night, maybe that's my problem? So you see, it's not that I don't want to go it's that I'm not feeling well enough to keep up this facade of feeling well."

"Amy, you need to not isolate yourself! I do understand your body needs to rest but sometimes that's all you do and I feel your mind needs to be refreshed. Could you not attempt to listen to them talk of the coming and goings of Middle Earth? Perhaps it will help you remember-"

"Don't. Please. It's not anything to do with my memory. I'm not crazy!" For some reason denying craziness makes me tear up in frustration every time, totally contradicting said state of mental health. Go me!

"Rest now and think on it, Amrylea. I cannot go for I promised my brothers I would give them my presence today, but do not let that stop you from going. If you cannot go for yourself then go for me."

I huffed and rolled my eyes, "Ohh, you know I can't say no to that face." Her eyes lit up and a small smile lifted the corner of her mouth.

"You'll enjoy yourself, I promise my friend." And with that said she left.

Blasted elves and their ways to manipulate you into enjoying the day when you planned to have a perfectly good brooding session by yourself. You might have noticed the elves don't speak their language around me or even use their terms of endearments in Sindarin. It's my own doing. I just found it.. really.. corny. It's something I read in every single fanfiction back then when I had access to a computer. And the internet. Oh God, I miss that beyond everything that's good. Don't think about it. If you think about it you will want it.

–

I didn't bother picking up my guitar after she had left. Something she said made the gears in my mind reverse, change gear, and start up again. Royalty? There was something in the back of my mind begging to be released but I couldn't grasp it. Oh I really hated my condition that messes with me in every single way it can!

And then I saw it. Another dress, hanging on my door. Poor stubborn Arwen either doesn't know what androgynous means or simply refuses to accept that some women and men alike deliberately choose to dress like that, myself included. I picked up the dress and looked at it closely. It was really pretty. I bet she would look a hundred times more stunning than plain old me. It would be wasted on me

I carefully put the dress away in my closet and sat at my desk with the mirror on it. There was a small array of scented oils you could use for your hair and skin, some perfumed, others just a nice natural fragrance. Being a sucker for flowers I only kept very light scents of the flora Middle Earth is more commonly known to have. If Elves did anything right it was in their perfumes and soaps.

Scrutinizing my messy hair, I used some water from the little basin on the desk and mixed a little scented oil to make my curls shine. They didn't grow very much this past month, but that didn't bother me. I liked having short hair. Heck I still liked everything about me, it makes me separate and unique from the Elves and that makes me special. I love that in myself. I know some feel they need to change to compete with the other races of Middle Earth in terms of looks but I only ever saw that as shallow and off-putting. You can't really love yourself if you're so stuck on trying to be anything but yourself!

I got my hair all fixed up and threw on the original outfit I arrived in Middle Earth in,! still in good shape, and still my favorite outfit. Maybe because it reminds me of home. With that done, I threw on my cap and decided it would be good to grab some food before the guests hogged it all anyway. Just not in the way Arwen would have preferred. Stealth mode!

With the Mission Impossible theme song playing in my head, I stepped out of my quarters and looked around the halls, making sure the coast was clear. It would be pretty easy to do this barefoot but we recently had a breakthrough in some cute gladiator tie-wrap sandals in light brown leather and I only wear that now, much like I wear my cap. Everyday and I love it.

I tip-toed down the open aired hall and listened carefully for any talk or sounds of walking coming and going. Noting the coast was clear I made it to another building, peeking around corners. I repeated the process until I finally made it to the kitchens. Mission Success.

The cook was there, whatever her name was (I know, I'm horrible but I'm bad with names and I frankly don't give a shit, I only go there for the food) and asked happily, "Heyy, youu! Any food for me?" I'm so bad at playing nice without sounding fake. It's my biggest flaw I will never shake.

In the middle of prep she put her knife down firmly and turned to me, "My name is Llnarwanryll! If you want to pilfer food off me directly every time, the least you could do is to remember my name!" Do you see what I put up with?

"Hah! You know I would try to remember your name if I could even say it right! Can I please please just call you Wally? Or Lawny? Something easy that won't make me sound stupid trying to pronounce it? You know I can't even say thank you in Sindarin without insulting someone by accident!"

"I would consider it an insult if you didn't call me by my birth name, no matter how difficult it is!"

"Ugh! I give up! Please give me some food before I faint!" I plead dramatically. This always does the trick.

"Oh, alright child, hold your tears and come help me finish up the feast I'm preparing for our guests!" I scowled at her for calling me a child, I'm nearly 30! With a huff I walked over and grabbed my own knife to get to work on cutting up the greens and veggies. I could hardly contain my laughter as I saw there would be more guests subjected to this raw organic and cruel diet. Hope they don't eat meat! I inwardly laughed with evil mirth.

"Do help me to serve it, could you? I have enough to deal with as it is!" She said with a hopeful expression.

I looked down on myself, "In this? Are you sure?"

She inspected my shorts with a funny look and tsk'd, "I don't see why you don't wear a dress, girl. Arwen goes through so much trouble to make you new ones she thinks would suit your tastes well. I've seen a few, they would take the breath away of any lad who comes calling!" I nodded, not wanting to start another argument over the merits of being androgynous. These people cannot be swayed and neither can I.

We finally compromised with a loose fitting skirt to hang over my shorts, much like a wrap dress or a wide apron that overlaps to cover everything as a long skirt would. It was fairly comfortable, I'll give them props. Just for now. Just to help this once. I did feel guilty for not helping around more even though no one seemed to mind. They probably pitied my mysterious ailment that made me faint at least three times a week.

We finished cutting and gathering ingredients into the bowls. Lalwalla lady put some nice spices for the salads into a couple ornate shakers made of tall narrow glass and silver. They were always used for the feasts and were quite ancient, from the looks of it. I grabbed a few bowls and followed my 'food friend' from the kitchen towards the feasting room place and noticed no one had arrived, yet. Maybe the visitors weren't done resting up?

Never minding their whereabouts, I headed back to the kitchens. Once there I grabbed some silver cutlery and a few gold candle stick holders, god knows why we needed them, it was still light out. I got a kick out of how they said "Made in Rivendell" stamped on the bottom. One time I put a lot of effort into making my own labels "Made in China" and stuck those on the bottom of a few wine gobblets the last feast I participated in. It took quite a lot of effort to not burst out laughing when one of the guests finally noticed. I will never forget the look on their face when it scrunched up and they read aloud, "Made in Cheena..?" Everyone talked about 'Cheena' for at least an hour trying to figure out what or where that was. Well, all except for Elrond. His glare was harsher than an orcs scowl aimed at none other than yours truly. Sigh, good times.

I got back to the feast room (well more of an area with creepy statues and odd new short tables that were added in lieu with the royal dining table and chairs) and placed a few more of the items down wondering what it was that was setting off a little alarm in the back of my mind. My answer was suddenly thrust upon me when I turned around to be faced with a good view of a row of our oncoming guests.

Dwarves.

AN: woot woot, chapter two up and thinking of chapter 3. I already know what I want to happen and simply cannot type fast enough or stay up late enough :( It's tough because the entire store came to me in one freaking day. Fun fact: Amy's clothes when she first came to ME is actually exactly what I'm wearing right now, hehe.. he... ':D