*Warning: Course Language
The Fox Thief
By: Vicis Est Eternus
His ass was fucking sore. He couldn't move, or, he couldn't without threat of Haku's genjutsu falling under and breaking. 'Don't move, Naruto, once I place it on you. Otherwise it will break, and those ninja will see you.'
Stupid Haku.
Stupid ass whose blood circulation was so poor at the moment it became numb as fuck and it took all that was within him to not shift. He could move his features, he knew, and breath – but as to weather or not he could get up, change positions, and sit back down again? Probably not.
His throat was getting dry, too, dammit.
The steady expulsion of its chakra seemed to do that do him, it raised his body temperature until he felt like he had a fever, and that his eyes were going to burn out of his skull, and then he started to feel dehydrated too. It was a horrible experience, but the longer he used it, he found, the less the effects were.
Why, the first time he called on its power, when he was eight, he had nearly died from the fever that continued afterwards. He told Haku about it – in vague terms, of course – that when he tried to use a lot of chakra (just to see how much he had) he passed out and went into a fever-induced coma for months.
Horrible experience, that was.
And then Haku's explanation? Yeah, 'your body is not trained as a ninja's would be, Naruto: its not prepared to manipulate chakra.'
Stupid, stupid Haku.
Naruto's wicked grin widened, until his pointed canines peaked out along his lower lip. He showed Haku, didn't he? Not only could he manipulate and expel this much of the creature's chakra, but he could do so in over a kilometre radius. Oh yeah, he was too cool.
From his spot, perched on the cliff, he could see his target below, but the distance was too great to make out anything but faceless figures. Ah well, he was in luck either way – a genin team: awesome! Only one good shinobi and a bunch of crap ones even he could take on, much less Haku.
'Naruto, you shouldn't underestimate genin so much; their talent is greater than yours, even if you don't admit it' – Dammit! His voice kept popping up, and ruining all of his fun. Stupid Haku, stupid Haku. He needed to learn to get out of people's thought processes. Honestly.
When he had unleashed the full extent of the creature's chakra – raw, angry and unrestrained – Naruto had watched in glee as all of them froze with fear. Yes, it was nice to be feared, rather than laughed at. He may be reasonably tall for his age, but that didn't mean he didn't have the body of a thirteen-year-old. Old geezers. Don't they realise that their old bones creak so much they might as well unhinge?
Getting off topic, Naruto!
Unfortunately, the one who took his prize was the big one with grey hair. Oh, why the hell did the jonin sensei have to be the one? If it were any of the genins – no problem; they'd fall into every and any trap that he had set out. The teacher would be cleverer, even with Haku's genjutsu hiding them and his massive malice-filled chakra spread out unevenly, masking any trace of a genjutsu.
Ah whatever.
A low chuckle left Naruto's lips: the harder, the more fun, he always said.
Chapter Two: Naruto's Snare
Sakura ran through the woods blindly, her heart beating so quickly that she feared it would jump through her throat at a moments notice. Logically, she knew it couldn't, but logic couldn't explain this… inhuman chakra that weaved itself through the air like a virus through a body. It was coiling, it was blistering, it was freezing, and it was gripping. It was everything at once that Sakura could swear the environment had taken a red tint to it.
It was impossible.
But there it was, heavy and bearing down on her and her Sasuke was nowhere to be found; he had taken off in another direction, or rather, he had taken off, and Sakura had tried to follow, but lost him as soon as he reached the tree-line.
Sai was gone too. He disappeared even faster than Sasuke, and faster too. If any part of her had been more in control, she would have been irritated with indignation that Sai had outdone her Sasuke, but as it stood, she only wished one of them had taken her with them. Even Sai. Even perverted, awkward Sai.
She saw a flash of silver in her peripheral vision, before it disappeared, and she halted. That had been her sensei's old man hair. She was sure of it. It had to be. Blindly, she took off in the same direction, tears budding in her eyes and streaming down her face. Kakashi-sensei would help her, he would let her follow him to Yuuta-
She nearly burst into tears.
She had no idea where Yuuta was now. It was ahead, along the road they had been on, but now… now she had no conception of which direction that was. She had taken blindly, and now she felt like she was lost and alone.
So… alone.
Her running fell into an uneven pace, her crying uncontrollable as she hiccupped and sobbed. Her feet stepped on a branch, and it snapped, and then, before she knew it, she was falling, the world around her blurring, and when she hit the cold ground underneath her she was barely able to make out the strange, reflecting substance that covered the light, and enshrouded her in darkness.
Above, sitting silently and elegantly on a tree, sat Haku. He lowered his hand from the sign, and stared through his mirror in sadness. The girl had been so distraught, so weak and helpless, and he could have stopped her from going and stepping on the crude – but as it turned out, effective – trap that Naruto had set. It had been disguised and hidden beneath Naruto's…. chakra – he would ask about it later – and his genjutsu, but even if it hadn't, she wouldn't have been able to see it.
She was both a horrible ninja and a distraught girl.
So, with a slight wince at the coming glare he knew he was about to receive, Haku leapt down from his perch, released his ice jutsu, jumped down into the pit, and scooped the girl up. In a flash, he disappeared, and in another flash, he appeared beside Naruto.
The boy jumped.
Haku smiled in amusement.
Naruto whirled, a determined and angry look upon his face, before it fell open in surprise and shock at seeing that no, it was not an enemy that had just snuck up behind him. "Haku!" He called, before his eyebrows furrowed in distaste at the sight of the pink companion. "What the fuck?"
"Language, Naruto."
"Why'd you bring her here? Are you stupid?" Naruto jabbed in right away, jabbing a finger towards the girl. An odd look came over his face, as he took in her tears, before his hand lowered. He huffed, and turned away, crossing his arms. "Stupid ninja: they aren't supposed to cry."
"I'm just going to leave her here with you, then." Haku told his friend pleasantly, before gently setting the genin down on the ground beside Naruto.
"Wha? What the hell? Don't do-" Haku nodded a farewell, before performing a sign, and flashing away.
Naruto stared in shock, before he set his teeth, grinded them together for a little bit, and then chanced a glance that the unconscious girl. She was young, around his age, with pretty, simple features and a larger forehead. Her hair was a soft pink, and her red dress was dirty and torn – most likely from falling. Before Naruto even registered it, his face softened, and he reached out to brush a strand of hair away-
Before realising what a stupid reaction that was, scowling, and looking away.
Stupid Haku.
With that thought, Naruto stood up, dusted himself off, and, glad that Haku was no where near to see the stupid stunt he was about to do… jumped off the cliff.
As Kakashi ran through the forest with his old charge on his back, he couldn't help but curse. Trap after trap, and they were all rather simple. Each one was hidden, and with the oppressing chakra splitting through the air, normally he wouldn't have been able to spot through them.
Thankfully, he had a sharingan.
He jumped long over another pit trap, dodged a set of flying knives – knives, like the enemy didn't have kunai. It was probably a thief, or a rather smart bandit who had a knack for traps but no ninja training to refine them. Everything was laughably silly, and when he reached one trap where a bag of feathers exploded on him, he knew it really was a joke.
That is, of course, until ice began to build its way around him, locking him into a dome of ice while his sharingan was too busy focusing on the wide array of feathers that decorated his vision. He paused, and so did the old woman, who until now had been breathing heavily.
"Ah," She said, relaxing.
Kakashi was about to ask what she was going on about, as he stepped forward to examine the ice-dome, to determine what kind of barrier it was, when a booming voice of laughter rang out in glee.
"Now, Kakashi, I implore you not to do a rash thing." The woman huffed behind him. "That boy there laughing like a lunatic with a high-pitched voice is very dear to me. I picked him up and have raised him for awhile, but he's so wild he usually just comes over to eat, the fat-ass." She huffed again, before clearing her breath. "He's still going on about it. Anyway – please don't break through – I know you can, Kakashi; I've heard rumours of what you can do, but don't break it."
"Why not?"
"Because he's going to mope if you do and I want to teach him a lesson about stealing." The old woman hissed, before retracting from his ear, back into her spot before. Kakashi gave a slight nod, and waited for the boy to start.
"Good job, Haku!" He heard the laugher call out. "What are you talking about? We did good!" The speaker paused. "Shut up! I'm not underestimating him!"
Behind him Mami chuckled.
"Eh! You in there!" The speaker called out. "You wanna know who I am?"
"Not in particular." Kakashi muttered under his breath, and the old woman barked out a laugh.
"Naruto of Yuuta. Demon of Yuuta. Preyer of merchants. Which do you think? Huh? Ninja person? Cause I just caught you, and I ain't from a ninja village, and I don't know much of being a ninja, but look at that. You got caught in my trap!"
"Preyer isn't a word, Naruto." Mami muttered under her breath, sounding disappointed. Kakashi smiled in amusement underneath his mask. This boy was good: he was both talented and cocky – and stupid and foolish.
However, Kakashi did not lower his guard.
That chakra, filled with malice and hate, was real, and it could only belong to one person. Perhaps it wasn't this boy, but that person was still out there.
Another fact stopped his thought process, as a long forgotten memory dug itself back up to the surface.
Naruto.
The name of his sensei's son. Kakashi felt uneasy, unsure of whether or not he should hope, or be annoyed at the resemblance. His thoughts slowed, for a moment, and he deactivated his sharingan.
"Do you not have a surname?" He called to the kid, brat that he was – and Mami seemed to think so too, despite the obvious close relation. He waited for Sato, but none came, and only the silence of the forest continued.
"No." Came the faint reply. "I don't. I am Naruto of Yuuta- What the fuck are you laughing at, Haku?" The boy cut off to yell at his partner. "What do you mean he's humoring me? He's caught, isn't he?"
"Naruto, you shithead, shut your trap before you blurt out more nonsense and end up making even more of an ass of yourself!" Mami shouted, catching the boy's attention. Kakashi imagined a wince, and then the posture of a child being reprimanded, and annoyingly enough the child had bright blonde hair, just as his sensei.
This Naruto was not the same. He was just a silly brat who didn't want to admit his last name was Sato, because then he would be traced back to his grandmother or aunt, or whoever Mami was to him and get punished for stealing – or mugging, as that was what it was.
"Mami?" The boy called, hesitantly. "Ah, fucking shit!" He screamed out. "What a fucking waste of time – Mami go screw yourself back at home!"
To say Kakashi was shocked was an understatement, to say he was bewildered when Mami replied, was, again, an understatement. In shorter terms, when the two began to banter, all thought left Kakashi's mind, leaving a rather appropriate what? floating around.
"You ungrateful little shit! I have hookers for that!"
"Yeah, and you keep stealing the shit I steal to pay for them, you old hag!" The boy screamed back. Kakashi took this time to lower Mami to the ground. "And for all your ugly make-up and then take all the jewelry stuff I steal and wear it all!"
"I have class, Naruto – I steal from the rotten and give to myself!" The old woman huffed, crossing her arms. As she did so, the ice dome disappeared, revealing a boy, just slightly shorter than Sasuke, lithe and seemingly very light on his feet, with a shock of bright yellow hair that fell messily over his head and into his eyes.
"You Walker!"
The old woman gasped, before laughing uproariously at whatever slang term Naruto used. "A Walker! Ha! Naruto, Naruto, you have been hanging around the wrong people lately – I didn't know that you made yourself home at brothels." The boy turned bright red, before scowling fiercely and looking up into a tree, which Kakashi now looked to.
So that was what the other person looked like – small and delicate with long black hair. The boy turned back, and glared at the old woman. "If I did, I'd see you there, wouldn't I, Walker – have fun conning drunk men into giving you everything of value they have?"
"Ah, I use discretion, you little Soap."
"I'm not a fucking soap, Mami!" He yelled out, his face still red, but this time from anger. Even Kakashi, who had no idea what a soap was, laughed at the sight of the indignant child. He was so old and yet so young at the same time – it was timelessly amusing.
"Oh, are you sure, Soap?" The old woman called out with a chuckle.
"Soap?" Kakashi muttered quietly to her. The woman turned, her expression open, before she smiled devilishly.
"Ah, the jonin here doesn't know what Soap means, Naruto, would you like to explain it?"
"Fuck no!" And then, just like that, the boy stomped off. "I'm gonna get Emi to make ramen! Ha! You old hag! You're not even good enough to be a Walker! Too ugly and bitchy!"
The old woman laughed at that, and the boy cursed in response, waving for his friend to come and join him. What an… odd family dynamic.
"Soap is short for Dirty Soap. It means, Kakashi, that he's… a slut, but nowadays it also means… hmm… how to put in a kind way – homosexual. Somehow it got started that being a clean soap meant you were straight, and a dirty soap meant you were gay, even though the original term meant you were a slut."
"How does that work out?"
"Oh, I don't know. Too many drunken usages. Though I do know Dirty Soap meant you have to wash yourself clean of all the sex so often your soap got dirty – which takes many times, so, a slut!" The woman chuckled at the word, and her tinkling laughter made even Kakashi grin.
"And Walker?"
"Oh, this one is a hoot. It's newer than Soap, and I only know of it because Emi told me. Basically it's an elderly hooker – though they take it a step further with the definition and say that its an elderly hooker who takes everything as payment. I don't know of any real Walkers, though. It's probably just an insult term."
"That's quite interesting." Kakashi murmured, filing away the two words for future visits to Yuuta.
"Yes, it is. To use both in a sentence would be like this: That Soap with the pole up his ass must have definitely had a Walker in his family."
Kakashi merely smiled in amusement, before sighing in slight annoyance. "Well, Mami, before he head to Yuuta, we're going to go and find my team." He raised a thumb to his mouth, bit down on it, performed the specified hand-signs and placed in on the ground, yelling out the command.
A poof of smoke later, and a small, merry band of dogs sat by his feet.
A/N: Okay, next day update? Why? Uh... well, no particular reason. I usually update on whim - within reasonable time, however - so, here's the second chapter! Hope you like it! (Try to remember, Naruto is something of a man in a child's body, but is still prone to childish tendencies. He living situation will be explained next chapter. Thank you EVERYONE who reviewed! I will thank you personally in due time, oh, and a little reminder - Review? Please? (As a side note to one of my reviewers: I do write this for myself, or rather, or wrote the first chapter for myself. I don't, however, make it a habit to write full stories that aren't even mine just for myself. It's a waste of time. I eventually write for the enjoyment of my readers: and I believe that a little feedback on what I write is always appreciative and rewards me for writing. I do stop if I believe that no one is interested; I can just as easily play out this story's plot in my head and daydream as I can writing it down (easier, even).