The knocking would not stop.

"Julian! Julian!" It was Cisco. Julian groaned and looked around his apartment. He had slept on the couch and the table in front of him was covered in bottles and empty glasses. All around him things were scattered on the floor and tables. Music blared from his computer. He hoped the noise would distract him but it didn't work, just like everything else he had tried. His normally neat and organized life had gone to hell along with his brain.

He hadn't been sleeping well. Nothing would silence the questions that kept turning over and over in his head and then there was that all-nighter he had pulled night before last night when he had snuck into the CSI lab to run tests on himself. The results did nothing to improve his mood.

It took great effort to walk across the room. He opened the door, greeting Cisco's hand in the air in mid-knock and his mouth formed ready to speak.

"Julian? It's been two days. You weren't answering our calls or texts-and what the hell happened here?" Without waiting to be invited he walked in the room, not noticing how Julian made a small step to the side to avoid bumping into him.

"Wow. Caitlin's leaving really hit you hard!" He picked up an empty bottle. "You know man, she wouldn't want you to do this. She would want you back at the lab because right now we could really use your help. Harry and Jay think we might have an idea on how to get Barry back." Julian shut the door, crossing the room to turn off his computer, hoping Cisco hadn't noticed the picture of Caitlin and the information contained on the screen.

"I'm sorry Cisco. The days just sort of…melding together. I didn't realize how much…time had passed. Getting Barry back, that's good news."

"So why don't you put yourself together and come back with me. I've got a great hangover cure." Cisco's voice was bordering on the chirpy. The old Julian would have snapped at him but now he didn't have the mental or physical energy to respond. Cisco noticed. Any other time his colleague would have rambled on but today he was being unusually perceptive. Cisco came closer, staring into his eyes, making Julian uncomfortable.

"Something else is wrong, Julian. This isn't just about missing Caitlin is it?" He reached out to touch Julian's arm.

Julian immediately pulled back. "Don't touch me!" His tone was as strong as he could make it without actually yelling. "What is it with you bloody Yanks, always touching people!"

Cisco dropped his hand to his side. "Now I know there's something wrong. What is it? You're not having blackouts again are you?"

"I wish." Julian sat on his couch in resignation.

"Talk to me. What's going on?" Cisco asked sitting down beside him. Julian's started to fall back into his old habit of pushing people away, to deny everything but that was before Caitlin.

Caitlin.

He waved a dismissive hand in the air. "What the hell. Keeping secrets hasn't gotten any of us anywhere and self-medicating isn't helping. You're not going to like what I have to say." He took a few moments before continuing. "When I touch people, or they touch me, I can see their memories and I... feel their emotions."

Cisco's eyes widened, his mouth dropped open. It took a long time for his face to unfreeze from that expression. "Whoa…that's…serious. So you think you're a Meta? I know we're not among your favorite people-"

"I'm not a Meta and that's not just denial speaking. I did manage to sneak out of here, in the middle of the night, and go to the lab at CCPD and run a few tests on myself. I wasn't here for particle accelerator explosion and there is nothing in my work up similar to any of Savitar's Metas. I'm still fully human, just a… a freak of some kind."

"You're not a freak. If I were to guess I'd say it had to do with Savitar using your brave waves as a walkie talkie. He might have done some redecorating while he was in there. We have to get you down to Star Labs, like right now!"

"But wouldn't it have shown up before now?"

Cisco shrugged his shoulders. "Sometimes it doesn't happen right away. It didn't with me or Jessie. Come on, let's get you taken care of!" He got up but turned around sharply as if something had just occurred to him.

"You can sense people's memories and emotions. Who's exactly?" Julian knew what he was asking and dreaded having to tell him.

"Some random people on the street and Iris…and you." He considered keeping that last part secret but he was done with secrets.

"Me? What…exactly…did…you…see?" Cisco enunciated each word slowly, his mouth in an exaggerated fake smile. Any other time or place it would have been funny. Now it was painful.

"Cisco, stop. I'm not doing it on purpose and I don't like feeling like a voyeur. In fact, I hate this. I hate everything about it and I want it to go away."

"Just for the record, can you share something from me…something not too embarrassing, just to see if it's what you think it is."

"Are you sure you want me to do this?" The two men exchanged a look of mutual apprehension.

"Not really but we sort of have to. What did you see?"

Julian sighed and looked over at his window. This is what he would do. Look away when he had to reveal to people what he knew about them.

"One Christmas you and Dante stayed up late, sharing a bottle of whiskey…"

"Catlin could have told you about that…" Cisco's skepticism was showing itself in his voice and Julian couldn't blame him.

"Catlin didn't tell me. Your elderly aunt came in the room and threatened to wake everyone up if you didn't let her have a shot."

"Damn!" The force behind that single word was enough to force Julian to look back at him. His friend's eyes were wide, staring at nothing, his mouth hanging open. Laughter started to bubble up inside Julian at Cisco's reaction. "Damn! Damn!" Cisco said again, slumping back down on the couch so hard Julian was afraid his colleague might have hurt himself. "I've never told anyone about that. Aunt Serena swore us to secrecy!" His eyes zoomed from his memory back to the present, fixing his eyes on Julian with such intensity making him want to hide away again.

"Are you convinced?" Julian asked. Cisco wouldn't stop staring. "And I'm sorry. I didn't want to intrude, I just can't seem to help it."

"Of course you didn't," Cisco replied but his mind was clearly elsewhere. "It's not your fault. Let's go." He started to reach down to help Julian up but stopped himself in mid grasp, pulling his hand back, a look of apprehension on "It's a good thing you're British," he said.

"Why?"

"It'll make this whole no touching thing a lot easier."