Short chapter, as most will probably be. This time around we'll get a sense of our main character's personality...I have to admit, she's pretty fun to write.

chapter one: an idiot abroad

"90 million Berries?" Holding up the respective pirate's wanted poster, I click my tongue. "Looks like you almost made the cut, but not quite, huh buddy?"

A narrow eye twitches, the burly man in front of me resting his hand on the hilt of his sword. We're in the lawless zone of the Sabaody Archipelago, and I'm about to make me some extra spending money.

"I mean," I egg him on, "If you'd earned just a little bit more, they would have considered you a super rookie. Y'know?"

"Are you trying to pick a fight, little lady?"

Picking my nose with my pinky finger, I flick a booger to the side. "That depends. If you're less than a hundred are you even capable of putting up a fight, old man?"

.

.

.

Rear Admiral Perry shoots me a deadpanned look.

"What the hell is this?"

I grin. "A pirate."

He pauses.

Clearing his throat, he continues. "And why did you just slam this pirate's bloodied face into my desk?"

I pause.

He waits.

I huff. "Isn't it obvious?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. "I'm collecting his bounty."

The older man's face grows pale.

"Kaoru-taichou," he states.

"Yes, Rear Admiral?"

"How many times do I have to tell you…?" he seethes, "That's not how it works!"

And then, a fist slams into my skull.

.

.

.

Blood rushes to my head. I'm pretty sure that any moment now, I'm going to pass out.

"Let me guess," a heartless but familiar voice says. "You went to the Lawless Area. Beat up a pirate. And tried to get money for it. Again."

"That is correct," I quip, though my voice is strained. It's not easy to talk when you're hanging upside down from the ceiling. "Hey, will you help me down?"

Enzo sighs. At this angle, I can only see his feet, but I can imagine the "I'm so sick of your shit" look the master chief petty officer gives me on the daily. Well, you know what? He can suck my—

"Kaoru-taichou," he crouches down. And indeed, there is that look. "You're a captain. Of the Navy. You can't just go around trying to collect bounties off of rogues."

I roll my eyes dramatically.

"First of all, it's unprofessional. Second of all, when a person becomes a marine official, they also become ineligible for collecting individual bounties. It's in our contract." Matter-of-factly, he explains, "Also, since the navy's the one who pays bounties, and marines are the ones who arrest the most criminals, it makes sense that the navy won't pay their own officials for every single criminal that they catch, no?"

I click my tongue. "Whatever," I writhe, trying to get myself out of the ropes binding my body. "All I got from that is that the higher ups are cheapos."

Enzo stares at me blankly.

Standing up, he places a hand at my side. Gasping, I look at the man hopefully. "Are you going to help me down?" I ask excitedly.

He smiles. "Sure," he says—and at that moment, I know that he's lying because Enzo only smiles for two reasons. The first, when he's torturing somebody. The second, when he's thinking about torturing somebody.

Grabbing onto a length of rope, he pulls, then starts walking around me in circles.

"Hey, wait—what do you think you're doing?" I squirm—but alas, it is to no avail.

I can feel my blood oppose gravity as my complexion blanches. Nothing can help me now. I'm doomed. After a final turn, Enzo lets go of the rope and I start spinning. Maybe it would've been kind of fun if I hadn't eaten that burrito earlier, and if I wasn't upside down.

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About two years ago, I fell through a worm hole into a universe that I'd previously believed to be fictional. It was a land of pirates and devil fruits that should have only existed in a popular animated series—but there I was, on some island called Floris, in the middle of the motherfuckin' East Blue.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered that, no. I wasn't dead.

No. I wasn't suffering from the hallucinogenic side effects of a certain mutated guava.

And yes. This was real.

Nineteen years old at the time, I'd been a university student on summer break, with nothing to my name except a backpack full of used napkins and a nearly-exhausted supply of oreos. Never mind the dead cell phone and the couple hundred bucks I'd had for traveling—all of that was useless now. To my dismay, dollars weren't convertible to berries.

It was a humbling experience, to say the least. But at the same time, it was also liberating. Knowing that my unfinished college degree wouldn't support me in this world (not that I'm entirely convinced that a completed one could've supported me in the "real" world, either), I was quick to exploit my other skills to survive.

And upon discovering that, as a matter of fact, I had no other skills—I sulked in the corner of an alleyway as I stress-ate the rest of my oreos.

There wasn't much I could do at this point. Seeing that in this world, education tended to be something reserved for the rich, I had to abandon all hopes of pursuing a traditional education. I'd been a pre-medical student under the guidance of professors before everything happened, but now I'd have to rely on independent study and research if I ever wanted to become a doctor. Unfortunately, reading books all day wouldn't fill the vacuum cleaner that was my stomach.

What I did have, however, were the newfound powers from something called the Sense Sense Fruit. As the name suggested, it offered the user the ability to manipulate senses—not that I had any clue how to use it at the time. That ruled out my idea of becoming a pirate. I wouldn't survive on the seas without someone to rescue me when I was about to drown, or basic combat skills for that matter.

The only reasonable option I could think of was to join the Navy. They would give me food and shelter, I'd pick up some combat skills, and all I had to do was more or less sell my soul! Then, in the future, if I wanted to become a pirate or something, I'd just leave. It couldn't get much simpler than that—and truth be told, it's been working pretty well so far.

Thus, I worked my way up to captain, and recently, I was transferred to the Sabaody Archipelago. These days, you can find me at either one of two places: Sabaody Park or the Lawless Zone.

Presently, I'm in the former.

"Ossan," I say, mouth stuffed with food, "These buns are really good. I'm going to blame you if I gain any weight."

The amusement park vendor chuckles. "You say that every time, Kaoru-san, but you've still been coming here at least four times a week.

I shrug, grinning.

Just then, the transponder snail in my pocket makes its characteristic ringing noise. I let it go for a while to see if the person on the other end would hang up, but when they don't, I groan.

"What is it?" I ask, munching on another bun.

"…Where are you?"

Enzo's voice is icy. I cringe.

"Um. I'm in my office," I lie, wary that my subordinate would raise hell if he found out I snuck out during my break.

"No you're not. I'm in your office right now."

There's an awkward silence. I never was very good at lying.

"You're at Sabaody Park, aren't you?"

It's probably best not to answer.

"Well, it doesn't matter," Enzo states calmly. I sigh in relief. "You need to get back to the base. Admiral Kizaru is on his way to Sabaody because some pirates took a few World Nobles hostage at the Auction House. We've been told to contain them until he arrives."

"Oh."

It takes a few moments before I really understand what he's saying.

Then, my jaw unhinges.

"Oh."