Failtasmic! Chapter 2-Hissy Fits
AN: Guess what? Tokyo Disneyland is working on their own version of Fantasmic! (So let's hope that they take longer than I do so that I don't have to rewrite this.) Now then, it's disclaimer time! Disney owns this stuff, got it? Good. Now you can get on with your reading.
I apologize in advance for the copious use of italics.
Throw a bunch of villains together, put them in the same room, and then try to get them to work together and agree on things.
You can see why these people are defeated by the heroes now, can't you?
First, we have Scar, Hook, and Cruella...
"...And I say that your plan is completely idiotic!"
"Of course you would say that, after all, it takes one to know one!"
"You're both idiots! Now shut up and listen to me!"
And then Hades, Jafar, and Frollo...
"...That is possibly the worst plan I have ever heard."
"Oh, please. I doubt you could come up with better."
"Ha! I accept your challenge! Just give me a minute..."
"...Oh Lord, why me? Why them?"
And of course, Grimhilde, Chernabog, and Ratcliffe.
"Really? That's your 'brilliant' plan?"
"It nearly worked the last time!"
"Well, 'nearly' isn't good enough, is it?"
"You know, I have this great idea that's completely foolproof... But of course nobody listens to me."*
"Would everybody just shut up!" Ursula stood fuming in the doorway, arms crossed. Maleficent stood behind her, looking equally annoyed.
The villains did the smart thing (for once), and stopped arguing to look at the cecaelian and fairy.
"Fi-nally. Now, before any of you say anything about your 'amazing' plan to defeat Mickey, Maleficent and I have something to say."
"In other words, we have a plan and it's far better than any of yours." The dark fairy said, smirking.
Ursula, with a smirk of her own, began to speak.
"So here's how it's gonna go down...
We start with Grimhilde, like last time. She calls me, Cruella, Frollo, and Scar, and we all gang up on the mouse. Then we get Jafar in snake form to attack...
Ok, so we haven't exactly figured out this next part, but eventually, somehow, Jafar will call up Hades and Chernabog and triple-team the lil' rodent. Then, we get Maleficent in dragon form to deal the final blow, and we're free to take on Mickey in the real world. Any questions?"
To a villain, the phrase 'Any questions?' is an invitation to complain and whine and ask really stupid questions.
"When are we doing this again?"
"This is a pathetic excuse for a plan! What we should do is..."
"Wait, so we're inside Mickey's head? Are we inside his head right now?"
However, once in a while, someone manages to be sensible.
Today, that someone was Hades. "What about Ratcliffe and Hook? What are they doing?" The two aforementioned villains, hearing their names, finally realized that they had not been mentioned in Ursula's plan.
"This is an outrage!" Hook shouted, bristling with indignity. "I am leaving!"
And so he did. The villains stared at Ratcliffe expectantly.
"Oh, please. You expect me to throw a temper tantrum over this one little thing? I'm sure we can think of something to solve this problem." He said calmly.
"I must admit, Governor, I'm impressed that you're taking it so well. If only others could be so gracious." Maleficent said with a smile that almost seemed genuine.
But only almost, because the Mistress of All Evil can't really smile.
Meanwhile, Ursula was struggling to come up with another plan, which was a rarity for her.
"Maleficent, can you help me out here?"
Maleficent grinned widely. They may be allies now, but the green woman had always had something of a rivalry with Ursula, and seeing her at a loss for words now was extremely gratifying.
"Having troubles, are we? Very well. Perhaps we could send the Governor in first, apart from the rest of us, to distract and disorient the little rodent."
"It would be my pleasure." Ratcliffe said confidently.
Maleficent nodded cooly. "Good, because refusal was not an option." (She was nicknamed 'the dragon-lady' for a reason, you know...)
"And you understand that if this falls through, you are now our scapegoat."
Ratcliffe gulped nervously. Several villains exchanged evil grins.
"...Very well..."
"Excellent. We will strike in two nights' time. I will give you the hour and place where we shall meet next shortly. Now get out of my sight, all of you!" Maleficent ordered.
All those present obeyed quickly. Villains may not be as smart as they'd have you believe, but they do still posess some intelligence...
But only some.
*I have this theory that Chernabog actually does talk (and probably has really good stuff to say), but nobody hears him, so most of the time he just doesn't say anything.