So anyway, you're all little crazies and I'm pretty keen to keep writing if that's what everyone wants? And by everyone I mean all 4 of you ;) Bear in mind that I'm new to FF so I have no idea what I'm doing :/
Also, just gonna say it now, I'M SUPER BUSY WITH UNI AND HOCKEY AND COACHING AND STUFF... sheeiiiiit son! So updates can be few and far between but like I said, I'm down.
Also, also, in light of recent events (aka THE MONTH OF DOOM) I just wanna say, LIVE LONG AND SHIP ON, Brittana- Jammers! Don't stop believin' and all of that... I want to believe that good things come to those who wait.
Basically, this is a lil summin' to say that I've been heaps busy of late but yes, I am willing to continue with this, all I ask is for your patience and kindness :)
xx CJ
Lips Of An Angel
"Because, I'm still in love with you, San."
X
It's been a week since that phone call.
1 week
7 days
168 hours
10080 minutes
604800 seconds
You count the seconds, and the minutes and the hours and the days and you realise that the time that passes doesn't take away the buzzing in your brain, the swoon of your heart and the painful ache that tremors your body because…
Because…
"Because, I'm still in love with you, San."
You're mad, and you're so elated, and you're desolate, and you're not sure if you should climb upon the rooftops with some exaggerated declaration of happiness or cry yourself into oblivion.
Because you don't love her anymore.
No. That's not right at all.
Because if you're being honest with yourself you'd admit that you will always love her. You will always be in love with her too.
Fact of the matter is though; you don't want to love her anymore and that kills you. You don't know if you can handle that kind of emotional turmoil. Because your heart…
Your heart, it's fragile at best and you've fought with everything you are to be here right now...
And now you're in a relationship. And it's a relationship that isn't her.
But she's…. She's….
She's Brittany.
And when you're faced with the facts, you know you will always, always be in love with…
1 week
7 days
168 hours
10080 minutes
604800 seconds
And counting… No more.
No more, because it's that ringtone.
'Britt 3'
Just like déjà vu, you second guess it. You're torn between answering as fast as you can and throwing your phone at the wall, especially when you see the screen.
A brunette and a blonde, and they look so happy and so, so in love.
So in love.
A brunette and a blonde, with lips curled into a smile pressed to that dimple that's set deep in tan cheeks.
Happy. In love.
You and Brittany.
And she's calling you again, right now. You're hesitant. You don't know if this is a good idea, her calling you. Because…
"Because, I'm still in love with you, San."
And it's not fair. It's just not fair. You worked hard to get where you are. You worked hard to get over her, to get over that part of your life. You did so well to move on, from the pain, the hurt, the rejection and Lima. 2 years of hard work, of lost friends and strained family and finally you find yourself in a relationship and a life that you're comfortable with.
And it's not fair. It's not fair that you worked that hard and you lost what you lost and you stopped loving her to move on completely and now,
"…I'm still in love with you, San."
And you hate with everything that you are, that she says that, and that you believe it, and that your heart simultaneously breaks and skips a beat. You blame her for that, and you hate yourself for blaming her, and you hate yourself for even thinking that,
Because she's Brittany.
And when it's Brittany, everything is...
Your throat feels thick, your hands clammy. And when you take a deep breath it's shaky.
You raise a trembling hand to your forehead and squeeze your eyes shut.
Because when you speak, your voice is watery and full of tears and,
"Britt-Britt?" You whimper.
Cheers, big ears.