AN: Thanks for the reviews! They've been encouraging! Hopefully I'll be able to get more done!

Just got myself a brand new Core i7 processor and appropriate other CPU components. What is a Core i7 processor? It's a quad core processor with hyperthreading. Which basically means that technically, it has EIGHT cores, and plays Fallout 3 as smoothly as a whistle. How sweet is that? *cough* Anyway, that, at least, has distracted me somewhat from the depression of having read that spoiler which inspired me to write this. For the record, it's the one where Meduka kills Voldemort (no, not really). Nevertheless, all said and done, the suffering must go on!

By the way, I haven't read past Kazumi 3, and I haven't touched Oriko. So I have no idea how this relates to either of them. Chances are, I'll probably end up ignoring their timeline, much as I don't like the idea.

Disclaimer: Meduka Meguca is the property of Gen Urobuchi, the Lord of Suffering. And Coobie is his enthusiastic harbinger.

II. WHEN EXPOSED TO SPOILERS, DO NOT PANIC!

I blinked.

Was I hearing right? Did the little white rabbicat… cat-rabbit… cabbit… did that thing just say that I could get a wish in exchange for forming a contract with it and becoming a Magical Girl?

"Say what?"

"What else is there to say?" it answered, still with that unchanging face. "It's a straightforward enough proposition. I give you a wish, and in return, you must render your services as a Magical Girl."

Something tells me it has only one default expression. My arms remained crossed. "Well, it's more quid pro quo than most shows I've seen. So what kinds of monsters do I have to banish back to the netherworld or whatever?"

It nodded to itself, as if understanding something new. "Your familiarity with the subject, and directness are both appreciated. Suzumiya Haruka, your task as a Magical Girl will be to kill malevolent entities known as Witches."

The more I listened to it speak… or telepath, rather… the more this sounded like a very cliché story. "And I'm guessing they're the cause of all those recent news reports about gas leaks and people getting hurt."

"Perhaps."

Is that all you're going to say?

"They feed on the wishes of people and turn them into despair. But the most direct harm they usually do is give their victims a cursed kiss."

"Right, I'll take that as a yes." And the gas leaks, are of course, just some cover story to hide the fact that they don't quite know why those people got hurt. Or something.

"So, have I answered enough questions?"

You seem rather in a hurry. Is there a Witch attack going on right now, and you're desperate to get someone to save the city? "So that's any wish."

"Any wish. From the biggest dreams, to the smallest flights of fancy."

Its confidence was, suffice to say, impressive. This could only mean one of two things: it was bluffing… or, it really could grant any little wish you make. "Can you bring back the dead?"

"Absolutely." Not even a flinch.

"Turn back time?"

"That could be one method for accomplishing the former." With such casual ease.

Well, if you could turn back time, and bring back the dead, I suppose it would be a cinch to grant the only real wish I had in mind at the moment. I didn't need anything like money, or fame, or whatever. Those things, I believed to be in my reach, if I played my cards right, aced the football team, and went pro. And I certainly didn't have any dead loved ones I'd want brought back. No, it had to be something that was impossible to do no matter how hard you tried, something that could only happen under very dangerous circumstances.

I wanted to forget. And the only other way that would happen was if I hit my head hard enough and got amnesia-causing brain damage. Which would of course give me more than just amnesia. And even if it was just amnesia, it would be amnesia of everything in general. And who wants that?

It continued to stare at me with its vacant smile. "Don't worry, Haruka. Take all the time you need. After all, you only get one wish."

"So that's another catch, eh? When does the contract expire?"

"After all the Witches are gone. Or something happens to you."

What a way to put it. So of course, this being real life, I'm not some Chosen One (I think) who has protection from a writer who needs to make sure I live for at least half a season. "And how many Witches are there?"

"A lot."

"Okay, what about… the ones in this town?" I set my bag down and go back to reclining against the rails.

"Around twenty, or so."

"Or so?"

"They've been growing in number, as of late. As a result, I've had to increase my efforts in finding volunteers to form contracts and fight them. I don't have to tell you what will happen if we are overwhelmed by Witches, do I?"

So I'm not the only one, either. I looked down at the creature. "But you're saying I can take my sweet time."

"Only because I understand that it is a very important decision. As I said, it is only one wish, in exchange for a foreseeably long period of service." It looked out towards the city, tail lazily waving in the afternoon breeze. "As you humans say, 'Be careful what you wish for'. It would also be a shame if you regret your wish afterwards."

"How considerate." The sarcasm in my voice was pretty obvious. I didn't know if I should be glad it was giving me time to decide, or annoyed at how lightly it seemed to be taking the situation. Were things as bad as it was saying, I would've pushed people into contracts rather than sit around waiting for them to give me an answer. "So, Kyubey, was it?"

"Yes?"

"I'll think this over. Any way I can call you once I've decided?"

"Just call for me," it answered, once again in that matter-of-factly tone. "I'll find you, just like I did a while ago."

"Right, right." I nodded, and started for the door, raising a hand to wave. "Guess I'll see you around, huh?"

"I'm sure we'll meet again."

What a self-assured answer.

"Just remember, Haruka. We're in need of more Magical Girls to fight the good fight."

I turned around to say something, just so I could have the last word. By the time I faced the rails, however, it was gone.

So, was it also related to Batman? Appearing and disappearing whenever you weren't looking? I snorted as I headed downstairs and left the campus.

It wasn't a particularly long way back home. Even if it was, I simply wasn't in any rush to get there. After all, it was still relatively early, and I always thought things over better whenever I was at a relaxed pace. Never mind the apparent urgency of the situation. What was important was what wish I was going to make.

To most people, it would seem trivial. But there was no question about it. There was only one real gripe I had in my life. All the usual problems other girls my age had were things I could deal with. Bullies? I beat them up. Bad grades? I learned long ago that you could go from the bottom of the class to the top if you studied hard enough. Annoying guys? Well, that wasn't really a problem I had. Boys tended to avoid me unless necessary, probably afraid I'd beat them up like those bullies if they even looked at me funny. And boy crushes? Even after two years, Fumina and Hayase still couldn't believe I didn't have any. I'd tell them, "Why bother? Romance is the result of a chemical imbalance." If I do end up falling for someone, it would because I'm malnourished or something. Chemical imbalance.

No, my problem in life wasn't any of that typical drivel. My problem started way back when I was in preschool, when my parents were building up their DVD collection with classic movies. I loved that collection. Still do. But my idiot big brother had to ruin our second viewing session when he blabbered off, at the very start of the movie, that "Hey yeah, this is where we find out the bad guy is the good guy's father!"

My initial reaction throughout the film was the same as the hero's, actually. Well, not as dramatic as his, but as I quietly watched the scene, I kept thinking to myself, "He's lying, this is obviously a trick," until finally, in the following movie, the ghost of the old guy confirmed it was true.

The rest of it felt dull after that. That day, I experienced firsthand the effects of the spoiler. And yes, I admit that most people think that this almost pathological hatred I have for the spoiler is a trivial thing. I suppose it could be. But the spoiler is an evil that sucks the life out of any good work of fiction. It robs the audience of the thrill, the suspense, and the shock of a great twist or revelation. Ultimately, it robs the audience of the enjoyment of watching or reading a story; of letting it unfold at its own pace. The story becomes grey and meaningless. And today, I feel even worse whenever I get spoiled. It's not just because someone spoiled me, but because of the fact that I got spoiled despite the fact that I constantly work so hard to dodge them.

Justicia was my favourite show. Ironically enough, it was the first thing that had ever been spoiled for me in years. If I'd met whoever that stupid girl was… whoever posted that idiotic comment… I'd beat her up so bad she'd wish for Kyubey to make it so that she never posted that comment!

Her username, at least, was goldencirls_495. I'd never forget that… not until I found out who she really was and pummeled her into a messy pulp.

Of course, it didn't have to be that way. Because as seemed to be the case, I'd now found a true solution. All I had to do was make a little wish, and I would never be spoiled again. I could watch Justicia again, and the colour would be there for the final confrontation, because I would have forgotten that spoiler. And I would forget every spoiler. Yes, that was how things were going to be. It was settled.

Now… maybe I'd taken a wrong turn. It wasn't surprising, considering how deep in thought I was at the time. But surely, there was a better explanation for the reason why my surroundings now looked like one of those bizarre music videos that occasionally show up.

What could only be described as man-sized five-legged meatballs danced about a surreal kitchen landscape laden with gigantic caricatures of all sorts of what should have been gorgeous Italian cuisine. Otherworldly symbols – words? – littered the scenery; on fancy giant menus, on vaudeville restaurant signboards, and on a platter of a grotesque prawn salad of some sort. The notes of cacophonous string instruments filled the air with a broken rendition of that stereotypical Italian tune, while the stench of last week's kitchen garbage hung muskily in the air. If I had to make a bad joke, it would have to be that I had somehow wandered onto the set of Hell's Kitchen. And that wasn't the worst part about this. No, the worst part was how those meatballs were now starting to dance in my direction.

I twisted my head around, frantically searching for a way out of this nightmare. My first move was to run for a nearby plate of spaghetti, and try to climb my way to the top… against my better judgement and the fact that spaghetti obviously came with meatballs.

True enough, by the time I realized this mistake, the meatballs in the spaghetti itself were already starting to sprout legs. These had six legs, and slowly rose out of the rancid pasta like some kind of bad zombie movie. I turned left, bolting for a green bottle of wine which, for some reason, had a dead fish's head on the label. Turns out it was standing on the edge of a kitchen counter, at the bottom of which appeared to be some sort of rotting tomato stew…

A quick glance behind me revealed that the meatballs were hot on my trail. So, to swim in rotting tomato stew, or to be – possibly – trampled to death by dancing multi-legged meatballs? The choice seemed obvious enough… except that was when the tomato stew bubbled, and what looked like a reanimated fried octopus bobbed up onto the surface, tentacles wiggling about.

Suddenly, I found myself in between a rock and a hard place. Maybe I should have made my wish up there on the roof with that cabbit Kyubey and its vacant smile. That way, I would have gotten magical powers, and so I'd be killing all these monstrosities with impunity right about now.

Ah, the regrets of life. And of course, no doubt, I would be written off as the casualty of a gas leak after this… somehow.

I cracked my knuckles, and picked up the nearest implement, a giant toothpick, before screaming at the top of my lungs as I made my final valiant charge at the crowd of angry dancing meatballs.

As I took my first swing, however, something amazing happened. A golden bolt of light shot down from above and obliterated the nearest meatball. A second one followed, blasting the one next to it. Then there was a third… and then suddenly, it was raining with these bolts. In almost no time flat, the entire army of meatballs had been destroyed, and a blonde girl dressed in… a vaguely German costume of some sort… landed in front of me with what seemed like a little flourish.

Her smile was warm… quite friendly, actually, yet elegant at the same time. "Are you alright?" She stretched out a hand to me, as if to help me up… and really, that was the only time I realized that I had actually fallen down on my butt during the shootout.

"Y… yeah." I took her hand, and she helped me back to my feet.

"That was very brave of you," she said, as I dusted myself.

Sensing a pause in her voice, I decided to just throw out the other half of the cliché I expected to hear. "But also foolish, right? Yeah, I guess. But if I was gonna die anyway, I'd rather do it guns blazing than hiding in a corner, you know?"

The girl giggled. "Well, that's true. You were fortunate that I found you in time. Otherwise…" she trailed off, looking aside.

"Thanks." That got her attention back on me. "I'd rather not think about otherwise, so I'll just up and say thanks." I hold out my hand for a shake. "I owe you big time."

"You're welcome." We shook hands. "My name is Tomoe Mami," she said with a curtsy.

"Tomoe-san," I nodded. "I'm Suzumiya Haruka."

"A pleasure." I just didn't get it that much, but there was a certain eloquence with the way she said things… one might even call it a refined manner.

"So you're one of Kyubey's Magical Girls, I take it?"

"That's right." There was just the smallest hint of surprise in her voice. "So does this mean that he has already approached you?"

Right. So it's a he. I'll have to make note of that for future reference. "Just a while ago, yeah. I'm still thinking about my wish…"

Tomoe-san's expression grew stern. "Just remember. A wish is a very big decision. So please, choose carefully."

"Yes, I understand." It's not like the little cabbit hadn't stressed out the importance of that enough times already. "Actually, I've already decided."

"Oh?" Her eyebrow rose in curiosity.

"Yes." If there was anything I was going to wish for, it would be this. "I wish to forget any spoiler that I ever have, or ever will, encounter."

END II.

AN: On the subject of stupid wishes, I just realized that this isn't the stupidest wish ever. For the stupidest wish I've ever seen, I invite you to watch Madoka Abridged and enjoy the plethora of idiotic wishes our girls make for the sake of funny (Mami's is pretty easy to guess). Speaking of which, yes. Mami still hasn't flipped her lid here. Will we have more Mami? Maybe. I hope so. Will we have the other girls? I hope so too. Will we have more Coobie? ABSOLUTELY!