Chapter Summary: After waking L up from what was clearly a bad dream, Light observes him acting strangely the next day. Light tries to get him to open up, and eventually manages to get him to talk about the dream. Unfortunately, it's a little more than Light can handle.
Objectionable Material: References to sexual topics, no actual sex. T+.
Disclaimer: Death Note and affiliated characters are owned and created by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.
II.
The next day L seemed unfocused. His eyes glazed over as he tried to work, and unusually, he didn't seem interested in snacking on sweets. Light couldn't tell if he was daydreaming or falling asleep. By the time evening came, he was gazing blankly at the screen.
"Don't tell me you're becoming depressed again," Light said, breaking the silence. He recalled the fistfight they had gotten into over L's sulking.
L snapped out of his preoccupation, and looked at Light. "Perhaps," he said. "But that is not the reason my productivity has been suffering."
Light stood up, and tugged at the chain. "Come on," he said. "Time for bed."
L hesitated, then sighed and climbed off his chair. As Light lead the way up the stairs, he said, "It's true that we've had some set backs in the case. But I wouldn't become too discouraged if I were you. You've solved all your cases, haven't you? I have no doubt you'll solve this one as well."
"I know that I talk in my sleep," L said.
Light glanced at him, unsure what to make of the response. It seemed unsolicited based on what Light had just said. But that was how L behaved; he failed to see how what made sense to him might leave gaps in other people's minds.
"I know I talk in my sleep," L continued. "And I apologize. It must be very disruptive for you."
L didn't just talk in his sleep. Light had awoken several times to find him tossing and turning. Sometimes he mumbled, or whimpered, other times he spoke, saying things like "Don't," and "Please." It always escalated, L getting more and more worked up, and it always ended with crying- sometimes silently, other times loudly in choking sobs.
How much did L know about his nocturnal outbursts? It was quite clear to any observer that something was disturbing him, but perhaps he convinced himself that it wasn't as obvious as that.
"There's no need to apologize," Light said, as they continued down the hall towards their bedroom. He looked straight ahead, thinking to himself. "Have you always talked in your sleep?" He wondered if he had gone too far, and whether L would simply clam up again.
"No, not that I'm aware of. Perhaps there have been a few other incidents, at times in my life where I was under an unusual amount of stress. It's certainly related to stress." L brought his thumb to his mouth and traced over his lower lip. "I'm not sure if you can tell, but this case has been particularly stressful for me."
"I see," Light said. "Me as well."
"And though I do enjoy your company, being chained to another person constantly has started taking its toll."
Light paused and looked at him. "Oh… in what way?"
L shrugged. "In the usual way. It's obvious that a person isn't meant to be around someone else every moment of every day."
"Oh. Right. Of course," Light said. "I just thought… Since you were the one who proposed it, I always assumed that the obvious reason didn't bother you. I thought perhaps it was something else."
"No," L said matter-of-factly.
They entered their room and L sat down on the bed. Not in his usual position- just sitting down, like a normal person. He was gazing glumly at the floor. It was strange seeing him so worn down.
Light placed his hand on his shoulder, and L looked up. He quickly withdrew it, seeing the questioning look in L's eyes.
"Ryuzaki, I need to take a shower."
L nodded. "I don't have the energy for that… I suppose it wouldn't be a problem to unchain you just for a little while. I'll call Watari in."
Light frowned. "Are you sure? I don't want you accusing me of murdering people while I'm in the bathroom."
"It doesn't matter. The camera's will still be running, so if you do anything suspicious, it will be caught on tape."
While Light was soaping up his hair, under the warm spray of the shower, he couldn't take his mind off of L. So the world's greatest detective had been stressed at other points in his life? What would such a person be stressed about? Family? He didn't have any family, as far as Light could tell. He had been raised in some sort of orphanage. Falling-outs with friends? Girls? Light tried to picture L going through some other phase of life, but the man's history was so mysterious. He couldn't imagine him any other way besides how he was presently.
Light shut off the water and wrapped a towel around his waist. As he exited the bathroom, a cloud of steam billowed out before him, dissipating in the coldness of the room.
L lay curled on the bed, his face fixed in an expression of distress. He seemed to have drifted off by accident, without undressing or getting under the covers. As Light got closer, he could see tears dripping over the bridge of his nose and trailing down the other side of his face before soaking into the sheets.
He reached out and gently wiped one away.
L flinched slightly and gave a barely audible whimper.
Light observed him sleeping for a moment, then traced his fingers down the side of his face. L didn't stir. It occurred to Light that he should probably wake him up.
"Ryuzaki," he said quietly.
L shifted.
"Hey, Ryuzaki." Light shook him gently by the shoulder.
L shifted again and opened his eyes. He looked around, then quickly wiped the tears off his face.
"You fell asleep again," Light said. "I think you were having that dream."
L had never confirmed that it was a recurring nightmare that was causing him such distress, but Light had deduced that for himself. He wasn't sure what the dream was exactly. He knew it had something to do with failing to solve the Kira case, but he wasn't sure why L would become so disturbed by the thought. Did L always have nightmares about failing on his cases?
"I'm sorry," L said.
Light sat on the bed, his hair dripping wet, still with only a towel around his waist.
"Why don't you tell me what the dream is?" Light asked. "I've had to put up with it for weeks now. It might help you get over it if you tell someone about it."
L sat up. He bit his thumb pensively. "Well… I don't mind discussing it, but it might make you uncomfortable."
"I'm sure it wont. It's only a dream."
L nodded. "Well, it's usually a fairly similar sequence of events. When it starts out, I'm blindfolded in a cage with tape over my mouth. You see, Kira has gained control of the world, and kept me alive to witness his victory… among other things. Oh, usually I also have on a straight jacket." L thought for a moment. "Then, he takes me out of the cage and I realize that I'm on a stage in front of thousands of his followers… sometimes I already know where I am, before he takes me out of the cage. Anyway, I'm in some kind of huge temple, up on a stage, and he announces that I've been defeated, and that I have to repent, and everyone cheers. And he starts tearing off my clothes, and forces me to perform oral sex on him, telling me it's the best way to admit my defeat."
Light held his breath. This was certainly not what he'd been expecting to hear.
"And its terrible, and he mocks me- usually I'm afraid that he's going to kill me afterwards. But not before he does something else. He tells me that something else is coming, and I realize that he intends to anally rape me. And this part is always fairly consistent. He makes me get on my hands and knees and he starts massaging me with his fingers. At first it feels good, but it's notable that he doesn't penetrate me with his fingers. Nothing enters me until I feel the tip of his erection pressed against me, and then, all at once, he forces it inside. There's no lubrication and- well I've never done that, so I can't imagine what it would feel like, but in the dream it's very painful. I beg him to stop, but I know he wont, so I just have to kneel there and take it- Raito?" L asked, gazing at him. "Is this dream… sexually interesting to you?"
Light looked down at his lap, where L was staring, and involuntarily gasped, when he realized what had caught L's attention. He quickly snatched a pillow from the top of the bed and held it over himself, covering the place where his erection was causing a noticeable tent in the towel around his waist.
"That- that doesn't mean anything!" Light yelled, his face burning with shame. "It's just a reaction to hearing about something sexual."
L raised an eyebrow. "I haven't even told you the most interesting part yet. In my dream, Kira is… well he looks like you."
"I… that- ARGH!" Light wasn't sure whether to be embarrassed or offended. "I'm not hoping you get raped! That would be terrible! This dream isn't arousing, its just violent and- "
"It's okay if it arouses you," L pointed out.
"It doesn't!"
"It's okay. It just looked like-"
"IT DOESN'T."
L shrugged and rolled over.