DISCLAIMER:THIS STORY IS HEREBY DECLARED A "FANFICTION." AS SUCH, WE TWO AUTHORS HAVE NO RIGHTS TO OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB OR THE SEVERAL MEDIA REFERENCES MADE FORTHWITH, AND INSTEAD STATE THEY ARE COPYRIGHT BISCO HATORI, FUNIMATION, AND ALL OTHER SUBSIDIES RESPECTFULLY.
Authors Notes:
"Guess what all our adoring fans…we're back!" *throws confetti* "Sorry about the delays, our personal lives have just so utterly hectic! Well I hope you all enjoy!" *waves with Kaya-chan*
"Indeed! With baited breath, crossed fingers, toes, arms, and eyes, we await your reviews! (See that button at the end of the fic? PRESS LIKE THE WIND, BULLSEYE!) ."
Until next time!
(BREAK)
Chapter Two
Project Twincest!
Although he'd been born into a preeminent, prestigious, practical family, there were days when Kyouya would suddenly receive a feeling or a warning that mentally hollered "DANGER, DANGER, HIGH VOLTAGE!" Hearing Tamaki and the Twins gushing over their latest idea was one such event. Feeling his neck hairs raise and fighting off the urge to smooth them down, Kyouya shook his head and resumed his typing on his laptop, opening up a new file entitled "Sibling Stupidity Supremacy Event." As Kyoya typed away as usual on his laptop in silence, Tamaki cleared his throat and waltzed up to his companion, his hand set on the shoulder of the scholarly mastermind.
"We shall stage a plan to capture this new duo! We will need costumes, disguises, and quick wit!" He listed, knowing that his trusty vice-president was taking note. "Any ideas?"
"Maybe a Host Club demonstration, Tono?" Hikaru purred as he pulled a suddenly reluctant Kaoru into an intimate embrace.
"Oh, Hikaru, treat me gently!"
"Why should I, Kaoru, when I know you like it rough?"
"Oh HIKARU!"
From his corner of the room, Kyouya felt a twitch develop under his left eye as the planning begun.
"That idea," Tamaki began, having fallen silent for some time while the two had bantered on in their usual escapade. Everyone had turned to him, even Kyouya who would normally ignore the effervescent blonde. "Is simply BRILLIANT! We can have a contest on which two are the masters of the forbidden lovers act!"
He beamed proudly of the new found plan. "We can have someone lure them to our trap! But how shall we test such art?" He sighed dramatically and Hunny thought for a bit as he munched on his piece of cake while seated with his cousin.
"Why don't we fake that there is an audition for a school play? Or a presentation the Host Club is going to present to the women, ne?" Hunny chirped.
"I'm not sure that would work, Hunny-sempai," Haruhi frowned as she placed her teacup back on the coffee table in front of her and Mori. "Kaien is not much of a theater buff, and Keiko isn't much of one either, I think. Although," she said thoughtfully, "if we promise prizes for such a competition that are worth it to them, they may participate."
Kyouya froze momentarily in his typing of the plans.
Oh Haruhi, he thought to himself, you traitor.
In his mind, the image of the Twins and Tamaki wearing Sith robes and brandishing cookies filled his mind.
"Come to the Dark side, young Padawan," they challenged the Jedi-dressed Haruhi.
"We have cookies—"
"And cake!" a mysteriously appearing Hunny-sempai cheered, brandishing a plate of his much beloved strawberry short cake.
Shaking his head, he returned to listening in on the conversation.
"Baiting them hmm? My, my, we've really rubbed off on you." Hikaru cooed to her as he slung his arm about her shoulders and leaned lightly on her.
Tamaki scowled at the fiery twin mentally though he was mainly concerned with the ploy. Hunny sniffled when his idea was shot down and Mori merely handed him more cake, which instantly cheered the sweet monster instantly.
"She has a point though. We must find what interests them and like cute little mice, we lure them into our trap with the sweet treat." He mused aloud and turned to his right hand man. "Kyouya, you can do that right?" He asked smiling, but there was more of a statement tone than a question.
Kyouya pursed his lips and merely lifted his head to regard his foolish friend with a droll look. "As they are companions of Haruhi's youth as well as her father's friend's children, I made it my business to know who they were. According to their records, Kaien is fond of karate, sports, playing drums, sleeping, teasing his sister, and playing video games." He stated as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and titled his head back. Oh rapture, another otaku, he thought sarcastically but pushed forth. "As for his sister," he said, changing the page on his laptop. "She is in to similar things; difference is she is more into art, reading, music, cooking, anime, and manga." What is the big deal with this pop culture phenomenon? He though dryly, but looked to the others. "Other information is of their physical, health, and personal subject preferences," he sighed.
"Hmm," Tamaki mumbled as he stroked his chin, pacing in front of the windows lining the west wall. "Perhaps if we offer a rare collection of novels and DVDs? Ah, but no, if we want this to seem genuine, we will need something to tempt not only commoners, but our wealthy participants as well! What about...ah ha! The latest edition of a video game yet to be published! Kyouya, quickly! Which games spark their interest?" He blonde demanded passionately.
"It doesn't say here," He said as his fingers skillfully worked over the keyboard that clacked continually. The others just sat and watched the master typist and information hub work his magic before finally stopping and looking at Tamaki. "They are big on what seems to be a famous RPG from a series known as 'Final Fantasy', the latest and yet to come out being XIII-2 for the PS3 gaming console. Aside from that, there is the American Halo, Kingdom Hearts, Devil May Cry series, and various others from handheld to full consoles." He stated.
I'd ask how he got that information but I'm still afraid to find out, Haruhi thought as she sipped her tea.
"Kingdom Hearts," Mori spoke up from beside Haruhi, attracting the entire Host Club's attention. He stared at them unflinchingly. "Kaien joined Kendo today at a few of his peers' insistence. He likes Roxas," he added helpfully, picking up a cookie.
For a moment, no one in the Host Club moved. Seconds later, the twins were hanging from Mori's neck cheering loudly that their "Dark Horse" wild type had sussed out their answer without knowing it, thus enabling their plan's success.
"This is it, Hikaru," Kaoru spoke in a high mocking voice to his brother. "Indeed, Kaoru," Hikaru replied in the same manner. "HITACHIN TWINS SHALL REIN SUPREME!"
"We will have to find out which of the games they have from this series, there are a few installments as well as special editions of a few and a remake of the handheld game for the PS2 console." Kyoya stated as bluntly as ever and Tamaki nodded his head lightly.
"He has the first, second, none of the special editions, the handheld one, and wants to get the rest. Which I believe is 'Birth By Sleep' he stated." Mori answered yet again, having spoken to Kaien in length since he was a skilled fighter.
"Well then, we shall see what we can get a hold of. Maybe make it a prize bundle? Big enough bait for an instant yes?" Tamaki suggested. "Or should it be more round by round?"
"Judging by prices, the special ones should be for the winners. But I doubt the twins would want such a game." Kyoya said as he glanced at the mediocre prices in his opinion. "A bundle would be an easy way to go."
"Ohh! Could we make the prizes different types? Like cake?" Hunny fantasized; his eyes bright with fervor.
Kyouya stroked his chin. "That might be a good idea, sempai. Haruhi, do you know some of their favorite foods?"
Haruhi scrunched her brow in thought. "Umm, Kaien likes soba dishes and Keiko has a weakness for almond crunch Pocky. Maybe...food coupons?"
"Ahh! To the finest restaurants in the city! Oooh, Kyouya, write that down! We should have a butler/maid competition act! Just think of it, Haruhi could participate too, in a frilly French maiden's costume!" Tamaki gushed wildly.
Within the impossible depths of his mind, the image of Haruhi in a French maid's uniform complete with curly pigtails emerged. "Master Tamaki," she cooed in his native French, "I will do ANYTHING to serve you, my master. ANYTHING!"
Kyouya rolled his eyes, knowing what Tamaki was thinking the moment the idea had come up but typed it in the list of skits they would have them do.
"Oh, oh! How about a race and we can have Keiko trip! See if Kaien catches her and carries her!" Hunny bubbled out, trying to be a romantic. Kyoya thought of it for a second and wondered if that would hurt them if done.
Mori shook his head lightly at the idea. "It isn't safe if we accidentally really do hurt her." He said kindly and Hunny nodded when that realization hit.
"We need to disguise the tests!" Tamaki stated, snapping out of his revere of romance with Haruhi.
"How about a bully scene? We can surely find someone to bully one of the two copycats." Hikaru stated dully, uninterested in the other two.
"That could work, get someone riled up and jealous if the two progress and have them pick on the girl." Kyoya stated, none too thrilled of this idea over all. There was no sight of profit for the club anywhere if the twins did, in fact, beat the Hitachiins.
"Tama-chan, Tama-chan, what if we asked Renge-chan to help us with the scripts?" Hunny asked, pulling on his kohai's trousers. "She's really good at coming up with ideas. Remember the bully scene she wanted me to do with Haru-chan?" he asked, shuddering for a minute when he remembered how the Otaku had made him act toward his cute female friend.
Tamaki's eyes lit up once again while the Twins backed away from him, clutching each other frantically. "HELL no, Tono!" they chorused, "If you even think-"
"-Of letting that crazy Otaku-"
"-Near us-"
"-WE WILL DEFENESTRATE YOU!" They thundered, making Tamaki squeak and hide in his mushroom mountain of solitude.
"Renge might be slightly overbearing," Haruhi agreed, "but she IS a well known crowd pleaser; lots of the girls enjoy her cosplay parties."
Kyoya thought for a bit about the light haired brunette and her antics. They could be helpful... He thought but then memories of the movie flashed in his mind and he stiffened greatly. "She's not going to be in the planning so there is no point for her to really be taken into consideration." He said bluntly, typing away at his laptop.
"I suppose," Haruhi grumbled; had Renge been allowed in, at least she would have gotten out of planning and had more time to study.
"Don't think you'll be getting out of this so easily, Haruhi," Tamaki said sternly, hands on hips as he stared down at her, "Don't think your Daddy doesn't know what you're trying to do! You WILL participate, or have you forgotten the little matter of your debt?"
"He's right, Haruhi," Hikaru purred as he and Kaoru enveloped her neck and shoulders from behind, "You're in this just like every other time!"
"But they're my friends!" she protested irritably, "and getting them to do this would be like putting fresh meat on their shoulders and telling them "Oh yeah, there're no lions in the Serengeti this time of year. A walk through there should e perfectly safe!'"
"We're fresh meat?" Hunny inquired innocently of Mori.
"Noooo, YOU are the lions!" Haruhi corrected.
"We're the lions? I don't like meat though." Hunny furrowed his eyebrows a bit as he concentrated on his half eaten piece of cake. "It's not as good as cake." Mori ruffled his hair lightly and handed him his bunny to cheer him up.
"She did not mean it literally." He stated.
Haruhi sighed heavily as the twins are swept up into the flurry of all that was being planned. Kyoya kept clacking away at the keys, Hunny munched on cake, and suddenly Tamaki took his throne and crossed his legs as a look of serious determination crossed his face.
"So, it is settled! Hikaru, Kaoru," he gestured grandly, "contact the hair dressers and the make-up departments of your mother's photography business at once! Mori, contact the costuming department, and Hunny, er...just, be you. Haruhi, go and convince our newbies! IT IS ON LIKE DONKEY KONG!"
Kyoya typed away the instructions for record but suddenly stopped and turned to their fearless and mostly shameless leader. On like what?
Hunny pouted in the corner but when more sweets were given, he did not mind half as much though. Mori nodded his head lightly, ran out of the room at break neck dark horse speed as the twins flipped open their cells, and contacted their mother.
"Don't you think this is a bit much, for something minor? I mean even for the Host Club standards?" Haruhi asked dryly, looking to Tamaki who looked like an actual king right now. She could not help but think the 'King of Stupidity' since that was when his regal attributes showed most.
The same time Haruhi cursed Tamaki for being the King of Thick town, Thickania, Kaien's iPod, set to shuffle mode, suddenly switched to the "Topsy Turvey" soundtrack, his favorite song from his secret favorite Disney movie from his childhood.
"And now it's time to crown the kiiinnnggg offfff foollllssss," he sang under his breath as he headed for the front doors.
Keiko had stopped at the words muttered by her brother, turning to him with a raised brow but an evil smirk on her lips.
"Are you listening to something special Kaien?" She cooed as she stepped closer to her brother.
Kyoya peered out the window at this moment as he pinched the bridge of his nose, glasses in his other hand. Why do I put up with this? He thought to himself. This fascination with commeners is quite vexing at times. He sighed but stopped as he peered through the window to see the new twins for the first time.
Dark eyes narrowed as he noticed the female half of the twins had her arm around her brother's neck and shoulders, and was rubbing her free hand quite roughly over his disheveled hair. Oh sweet Lord, he thought in dawning horror, she's another Fuyumi!
If there had been an official Otori Danger Meter in existence right there and then, it would have risen to the point where "Abandon all who enter here" had been tacked on to the top at the breaking point.
Watching them fool around and enjoy each other's company, despite ribbing, Kyouya studied them thoughtfully. It seemed Hikaru and Kaoru did have a reason to fear them; in a world where sibling rivalry was natural, seeing even a glimpse of such fondness and love would be enough to attract even he, the coldest of the rich.
Keiko looked up suddenly, having felt a pair of cold eyes on her from above. One of her brows rose gently as she looked to the handsome dark haired male in the window as he bestowed his glasses back on to his face.
"Kaien...we have a viewer." She said casually. "Should we make faces and see how he reacts?" She asks, smiling sweetly.
"Hmmm, for a nosey rich bastard like him, why not?" Kian agreed, sharing a conspiratorial grin with her.
From above, Kyouya nearly reeled back in shock when they began to make obscene gestures and other nefarious gestures with their hands and bodies at him.
JUST LIKE THOSE DAMN HITACHINS! He roared inwardly, shuddering in fear; one set of Hitachins was one thing, but TWO?
It was official; the world had been turned on its axis.
His father was going to join a Hippie enclave in the Americas, his brothers were going to star in musicals, and Fuyumi was going to become a serious-minded businesswoman.
Moreover, he? He had a headache.
Keiko laughed as she saw the boy reel back at their sudden outbreak, a few of the walking by students gawking as well. Kaien merely grinned at them and the girls swooned.
"Oh he's so cool and carefree!" one had squealed in delight as Keiko kept her eyes locked with Kyoya. Something about him just had her and she could not pin it.
I feel like I'm not gonna like seeing him again...
It was official; Kismet had struck once again, and the lines had been drawn in the sand.
It was go time.
Kaien looked up as well and nudged Keiko.
"Why do you keep staring at him? You like him or something?"
"No...I have a bad gut feeling about him is all." She mumbles, holding her long hair back as a strong wind blew past them. She grinned at him though, confident with a 'bring it pretty boy' look on her face.
It would be brought, all right; especially if another set of mischievous twins had anything to say baout it...