The next day, a lethargic Lorelai and Rory sluggishly leave the house, walking into town on foot for a change. Lorelai is dressed in her cowgirl outfit that she wore during Rory's first day at the elite prep school, Chilton; it's her last clean set of clothes in light of the vomiting incident. Rory has been forced to wear her Chilton uniform out of desperation as well. As an afterthought, Rory takes their mail from a box at the end of their driveway.

"Ugh, how could this happen?" Lorelai asks incredulous.

"Well, we weren't exactly careful…" Rory posits.

"How could I make the same mistake twice? Do I ever learn?" Lorelai wonders.

"I resent that, my name is Rory, not mistake and apparently you don't." Rory answers.

"Hey, you're not exactly miss chastity either! You're pregnant too!" Lorelai retorts.

"Well, I said I wanted to be just like you in my valedictory speech and I guess it came true, I should be more careful with what I wish for." Rory concedes.

"I need coffee like I've never needed it before in my life," Lorelai moans.

"Me too. Let's just stay calm, get some coffee, then we'll try and sort this out," Rory plans.

As they walk to their all-time favorite coffee joint and hang out spot, "Luke's Diner," they pass the town troubadour who is uncharacteristically belting out, "Kill the Police" by GG Allin.

"KILL THE POLICE/KILL THE WHOLE FORCE/SMASH THE SYSTEM/DESTROY THE COURTS!" the young man yells into his collar mounted microphone while madly strumming away on his beat up old acoustic guitar. He's rocking out pretty hard for someone wearing a brown corduroy suit.

As Lorelai and Rory walk into Luke's Diner they are shocked to see Kirk running the show from behind the counter, Luke being mysteriously absent.

Kirk is a young man in his twenties who is tall, slim, and rather odd looking. He lives with his mother who retains an iron grip over his life and is known for having a new job every week. He's been an exterminator, a mailman, a cosmetics salesman, and an amateur filmmaker, among other things.

"Kirk? What are you doing running Luke's Diner? Where's Luke?" Lorelai asks, already outraged.

Kirk gives an order to the cook before addressing Lorelai.

"He left me in charge of the diner in his absence, haven't heard from him in a few weeks, guess that cruise he went on with that lady lawyer went well…..that or they got lost in the Bermuda Triangle," Kirk deadpans in his usual monotone.

"Uh, Kirk they went on an Alaskan cruise," Rory reminds him.

"Haven't you tried to get in touch with him?" Lorelai asks, quite hurt at Luke's disappearance.

"He didn't leave any contact information, seemed like he couldn't wait to leave," Kirk replies calmly.

"This is so not like him! How could he do this to me…uh, I mean us!" Lorelai rages, slipping up revealing her omnipresent mutually unrequited crush on Luke.

"Have you heard from anyone else?" Rory asks, acting as the voice of reason.

"Just Jess," Kirk answers as he pours a cup of coffee.

"JESS! What about Jess?" Rory perks up at the mention of her former bad boy love interest who looks like Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev and recently dropped out of high school and ran away from home.

"Well, I didn't really hear from him, more about him. Seems he drove his father's car into a crowd of tourists on a California boardwalk while yelling Allahu Akbar," Kirk reports.

Rory and Lorelai both blush furiously at mention of the phrase "Allahu Akbar," because it reminds them of their trip to Europe. They look at the floor and rub their arms trying to seem nonchalant.

"I always knew that boy was accident prone," Lorelai spits.

"It wasn't an accident, people died," Kirk drolls.

"Guess he really liked that book I got him in Marseilles…." Rory trails off.

"Kirk, just get us two coffees, we'll be in our usual spot," Lorelai informs him, as she pulls Rory to a nearby table where they both take their usual seats.

"Great, can't wait to see what else has changed since we left. Maybe my mother finally got a soul and became an affable person," Lorelai grunts.

Kirk arrives with the coffee, and they both sit there sipping in silent contemplation.

As she sips, Rory reads through the mail she pulled from the box earlier. She comes across a postcard addressed to her from her best friend, Lane Kim, who took a trip to Korea that summer with her extremely strict Christian fundamentalist mother. Lane always begrudgingly deferred to her mother, but being a punk rock music enthusiast, she perpetually dreamt of the freedom to do what she wanted, indulge in Western delights, and live a life without curfews, restrictions, and her mother's xenophobic view of non-Koreans.

The postcard reads:

"Dear Yankee Scum Rory Gilmore,

This is the last you will ever hear from me. I have defected to North Korea and am happier than ever serving his greatness Kim Jong Un. Thankfully while on this trip to Korea with my evil mother, we were walking along the DMZ (demilitarized zone) and she stepped on a landmine left over from the Fatherland Liberation War. My North Korean saviors immediately swooped in to rescue me as I lay injured and trapped in the minefield. They are my family now. I will die for them! I've realized how stupid all music is except for North Korean final victory songs and I am no longer interested in Christianity. Christ is fake; his majesty Kim Jong Un is REAL. Anyway, in conclusion, I would like to say death to America and may your skin melt from your face in great gobs during the coming nuclear war, thanks for nothing.

Lane Kim"

Rory spits out her coffee in shock and disgust, showering it all over Lorelai.

"Yaahhhh!" Lorelai jumps up from the table screeching, swatting at the rapidly forming stains on her pink shirt.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, but Lane has defected to North Korea! And her mother got killed by a landmine!" Rory yelps, wiping her brow in worriment.

Angrily, Lorelai wipes herself off with a napkin and takes her seat again, propping her head up with her hands.

"Eh, North Korea, Christian college….same thing," Lorelai gripes, still kind of out of it due to Luke's disappearance. Anytime she had a problem, no matter what it was, Luke always helped her out, now what's she gonna do?

"That means I officially have no friends again," Rory complains, smacking a hand against the table.

"Hey, I thought I was your best friend!" Lorelai protests.

"You certainly were a good girlfriend in Vienna, holding my hair back after I had too many schnapps," Rory gushes, remembering the incident.

"Ah Vienna, good times…." Lorelai reminisces as she leans back in her chair.

The next postcard Rory inspects is from her frienemy and former Chilton classmate, Paris Gellar. She still can't believe Paris's obsessive, borderline insane dedication to school work and volunteer work didn't net her a spot at Harvard, you know, despite her rampant, unmitigated megalomania. She also can't get over that Paris actually had sex with Jamie, but then again, she shouldn't talk, not now, in the post-Magdeburg world she's living in.

At any rate, the postcard reads:

"Dear Rory,

Hey, it's Paris! Hope you're having fun in Europe. You know, I'm starting to think it's good I didn't get into Harvard. I've gotten into another arena where a hyper intelligent, strong, empowered young woman like myself can make six figures right off the bat and reach a large audience. I'm working in the adult film industry. My director says I've got natural talent. Fucking is pretty standard fare. Most guys sound like total bitches when they cum. Sucking cock really isn't a big deal, I sometimes struggle with the double penetration scenes, but….."

Rory tears herself away from the postcard, unable to read another word, profoundly shocked by this, perhaps even more-so than her and Lorelai's dual pregnancies or Lane's defection to North Korea.

"Ps I still hate you." She catches as she glances back at the postcard.

"I can't believe this! Paris became a porn star!" she screeches in utter disbelief, so loud the entirety of Luke's Diner turns and stares at her.

Kirk thinks for a moment, then nods to himself, upon remembering seeing Paris on a website he frequents.

"Hey don't judge her! You could pass for one yourself!" Lorelai reminds her.

"Real mature, and you couldn't?" Rory fires back.

"Well, at least I know that's one thing you inherited from me!" Lorelai answers.

They both fall silent and stare down at the table, Lorelai imagining where Luke could possibly be, Rory wondering how a girl who was chosen along with her to intern for Congress in Washington D.C. is now earning her living get ram jammed in the back of a moving passenger van for the entire world to see.

"Who do you think the fathers are?" Rory asks breaking the silence.

"Hmmm, I think one of them was named Mohammad, but I don't know it was hard to hear with all the screaming going on," Lorelai responds, rubbing her chin in thought.

"Mohammad? Great! That's only the most common name on the planet!" Rory whines loudly, again drawing many stares from around the restaurant.

"Shhh, honey it's okay, let's not worry about that now. We're pregnant and as long as you don't go all Andrea Yates on me, things will be fine. We should talk to someone who has done this before," Lorelai lectures.

"How about you? This is your second time around, right?" Rory posits, pointing a finger at her.

"Honey, I was sixteen the first time around, and I didn't have any support….though the circumstances of conception were similar…" Lorelai explains.

"Not exactly immaculate," Rory snarks.

"Yeah, like yours is a virginal pregnancy, Mary," Lorelai stings, using Rory's nickname when she first started at Chilton.

The snark off over, they get down to business.

"So Sookie then?" Rory asks.

"Yeah, great idea honey. She's a responsible person, who got pregnant under normal circumstances, she'll have some ideas for sure," Lorelai agrees.

"It's settled then, off to Sookie's," Rory announces.

They both get up and leave the diner without paying, Kirk would call them out on it, but he is in the backroom watching an online video featuring Paris.