Chapter Two
"That's all I can ask for…" Steffy says as she lets out a large sigh.
"A few weeks ago, when I was having a check-up, the Doctor noticed some unexpected changes in my body, changes that didn't match up with how far along I am. Initially, the doctor thought that since I have previously been pregnant my body might be changing quicker this time around as it already has an idea of what to do. Doctor Phillips wasn't convinced that this was the case so to be on the safe side she decided to run some more tests." Steffy starts to explain.
"Well, what did the results say?" Liam inquired, getting more anxious by the second.
"I am getting there, I promise! This isn't easy for me to talk about. I feel like the second I say it out loud, its true and that a really scary thought, okay!" sighed Steffy. "After a heap of tests, scans, ultrasounds, more bloodwork and a few more intense scans they discovered that the reason for my expanding chest, well, my left boob, wasn't due to the early production of milk… Liam, they found a mass." Steffy finally admitted out loud with tears streaming down her face.
"What do you mean they found a mass? Are your milk glands infected or something?"
In a hushed whisper, she says the words that Liam was dreading… "Liam, I have breast cancer…"
"CANCER…! No, no, no you can't have cancer, nope, not happening Steffy, the doctors are wrong! Baby, please tell me the doctors are wrong!" Liam rants while pacing the room with his head in his hands. Mentally flashing back to his mother's cancer treatments before he moved to LA. Quietly under his breathe he mutters 'not again!'
"And here is the real kicker! I am too pregnant for it to be safe for the doctors to operate, but I am not pregnant enough to be induced for delivery!"
"Liam" Steffy cries "They wanted me to terminate our baby and start treatment straight away, but I can't. I can't do that, I can't lose another baby. I wouldn't survive that, I wouldn't want to survive that. I know, I have this feeling, deep down inside of me that this, this precious little baby, is my only chance of becoming a mum. I honestly don't think I will ever be pregnant again after this little one, and that thought kills me. More than anyone will ever know!"
"Oh, my love, come here." Liam pleads with open arms, pulling his wife into his side, suddenly even more relieved that Steffy's stubborn streak had prevented her from signing the annulment papers.
"I couldn't talk another child away from you, no matter what it costs me!" Steffy continues.
"Oh, my love, you have been dealing with this on your own all this time! All the while I have been so angry at you when in hindsight I have instilled the very same pain onto you in the past. We were married, and I was flitting between you and Hope. Baby, I am so sorry…I" Steffy suddenly interrupts.
"Liam! Right now, this isn't about us, I am not telling you all this to guilt you into coming back home, nor to make you feel obliged to be with me. I just… I needed you to know. I need for us, as our baby's parents, to be on the same page. I needed you to be here when Carter arrives, I needed you to not be blindsided when I start to get my affairs in order."
"Steffy don't you dare talk like that!" Liam growls. "The Steffy I know, my beautiful, loving, caring selfless wife is a fighter and she IS capable of doing anything and she IS going to deliver a healthy baby and then she IS going to kick this cancers BUTT! Do you understand me? So, don't you give up on me now! Now is the time for you to be a stubborn as hell, for those Douglas genes to come out strong. Now is the time for you to fight like you have never fought before because as angry as I have been with this situation, I can not do this whole daddy thing if you aren't here to be mommy. I can't, I just can't." Liam pleads through his tears.
"Liam, I promise you I am not giving up! I'm not, god there is nothing I want more than to grow old with you and our baby; but I am scared. I am so scared that for a brief moment I am going to have everything I have ever wanted in this world, my husband by my side and our baby in my arms. I am scared that all that is going to be ripped away by this illness. But Liam for as scared as I am I need to be smart, I need to have everything prepared for the worst-case scenario…"
"I don't even want to contemplate 'worst case scenario'" Liam sighs.
"I know, neither do I, but I need to be smart and be prepared for everything to turn for the worst… for you and most importantly for our baby! In that moment the last thing I need to be thinking about is my affairs and last wishes." Steffy states.
"At my last appointment, the Doctors were telling me about what is going to happen… how this will all play out. At the moment I am being given a steroid cocktail that is designed to help the babies lungs to develop quickly so that he or she is more prepared for when they come into the world. Right now, we are aiming to make it to 30 weeks but that could change at any moment, the later the better."
"Oh god!" Liam whispers.
"Now once the baby arrives, he or she, is going to need you more than ever. Our tiny baby is going to be in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and they are going to need daddy to be strong for them. They are going to need their daddy to be there for them because their mommy can't…"
"My love, what is going to happen with you, how are they going to …"
"Once I deliver I will be having surgery to remove the mass and then starting an intensive chemo after that, but your focus needs to be on our baby, not me, please promise me our baby will be your focus, not me."
"My love, don't make me promise you that…"
"Liam, please!" she pleads. "Carter will be here soon, and I need to get this all out! I need to know that if anything goes wrong, this little one will be okay, I want to have made all the difficult decisions now so that you and my family don't have to if it comes to that. I hate to think that it isn't going to go in my favor, but I need to be prepared. I need everything organized, so you don't have to worry about anything except our precious baby."
"Oh babe, god I am so sorry! I should have been here, I should have noticed the desperation in your voice in the messages you left me. I should have known that something was wrong, that something bigger than just our relationship was in turmoil. I should have been here with you. I shouldn't have let you go through this alone. GOD, I should have been here! I let my anger cast a shadow over my love for you. So many people kept telling me to just come home and talk to you, to forgive you, hell even Hope was in your corner!"
"WHAT!" Exclaimed Steffy.
"I know, that surprised me just as much as it just surprised you! I think she even had words to Sally, telling her to stay away. Letting her know that she too has been on this merry-go-round before and telling her how it ends…"
"Why am I not surprised that Sally was sniffing around. Did she even wait a day before she tried to make a move… wait, I don't actually think I want or need to know the answer to that! That woman doesn't deserve the energy it takes to be angry!"
"You know who was your biggest champion though. The person who was adamant that I needed to look beyond what had happened, that I needed to remember out past, to think about all the pain that I put you through every time I played the back and forth game with you and Hope. The person who made me think about what you must have felt when you found Hope and I rolling around on our bed…"
"Who Liam?"
"Katie, gosh it all makes sense now. The way she was throwing Hope and my relationships back in my face, the acknowledgment of all the pain that relationship caused you over the years. It all makes sense to me now, Katie knows, doesn't she? She knows you're sick, she knows about the cancer…" Liam continues starting to become angry.
Thinking that Liam's anger is directed at her and the fact that Katie knew how complicated this pregnancy truly was Steffy starts getting defensive.
"Liam, I don't have the energy right now to grow a baby, stay stress-free and have an argument with you regarding who knew and who didn't know I was sick. I'm sorry but I just don't. I am so tired all the time, when our baby isn't taking what little energy I have left I don't want to waste that time fighting… okay. I love you too much to spend this time fighting with you over who I have sworn to secrecy. I just don't have the energy to fight people anymore! I have had to fight with my doctors to keep our baby! I then had to fight with them to keep our baby inside until 30 weeks. I am fighting to keep this all out of the media. I just don't have it in me to fight with you anymore." Steffy sobs.
"Okay, so no more fighting, I am calling a truce, an armistice, a ceasefire if that's what you want to call it. There is only one fight I want you to focus on and that is kicking this cancers butt! Baby, I have never known you to step away from a fight so now is not the time to start, okay! I need you to do 3 things for me …"
"The first thing I need you to do is fight. Fight like hell for our baby, so our son or daughter can have the best chance in life." Liam sighs.
"The second is Kick this cancers butt, it chose the wrong woman and family to mess with! And thirdly, I need you to grow old with me and our child. I need you to do all these things for me, okay my love. I need you to fight! But right now, baby, I need you to rest. I need you to curl up in my arms and rest. I promise to be here, where I belong when you wake." Liam explains to Steffy through his tears.
"Promise?" a sleepy Steffy questions.
"Promise, my love!"
As Steffy drifts off to sleep Liam pulls out his phone and begins to message Katie, looking down he notices that Steffy is already asleep, he quickly snaps a photo of Steffy curled up in his lap and captions it with a note of thanks for kicking his butt!